₦airaland Forum

As a polygamist, I will not take too much of your time.

In African marriages, " Your money is her money and her money is her money".

All my children now dey boarding school and university but the feeding money wey I dey give when all my children dey house, na im I dey still give when them dey school.
If you say I be mugu, I go own am with my full chest.
Nothing pass peace of mind, double your hustle and you go enjoy your marriage.

Happy Sunday.

grandiose4ever:
Hello everyone,

I have begun to think about getting married.

But for some reason I don't fully understand what to expect or what is fully expected of me as a man in the area of finances.

So I'm asking the following questions to matured married men and women to get clarity?

In your own family

1. If the wife is working class, Is it expected that the man pays 100% of the rent?

2. If the wife is working class, is it expected she contributes towards children school fees or the man pays 100%?

3. If the wife contributes financially, is there an expectation that the man does chores? (Ps I don't want to do any chores in this life apart from occasional cooking lol).

4. If the wife contributes financially how does it affect the decision making in the family?

The last question is ONLY for married men who share bills?

5a. Do you feel respectedby your wife when you share bills with her?

*5b. If you don't share bills with your wife and she keeps 100% of her earnings to herself, what do you think is the purpose of a woman working?

I'd appreciate if the mods can help me get a wider audience by putting on front page. Thanks!

lishman1010:
My brother ive been married for 13 yrs and have 3 wonderful boys, but because of finance my wife left me . she says she is tired and wants out. All effort to make her see reason proved abortive; simply because she was promoted to a position of manager at a filling station who i later disvover was ...... Lord have mercy with her. so she left the house june 1st on a sunday morning while i went to church only to come and meet an empty house not even a tea spoon was left for me. So if u must marry sir ensure u have the highest stake for ur own sanity. Women of this generation lack that shorck absorber our mothers had back in the days.

shock absorber ke.

That shock absorber is called trauma and the little girls told themselves that affliction cannot rise a second time in their family.

Women today will not take the nonsense you give them simply because their mother tolerated it from their fathers

If you are not doing any chores you must pay 100% bills. No woman is happy paying bills, doing chores and taking care of the kids

ednut1:
If you are not doing any chores you must pay 100% bills. No woman is happy paying bills, doing chores and taking care of the kids

Thank you for this. Imagine saying he doesn't want to do any chores, but he wants to share bills. He is looking for good wife that he will kill.

I DONT SHARE BILLS WITH MY WIFE AND WILL NEVER DO SO EVEN THOUGH SHE WORKS WITH A MULTINATIONAL COMPANY AND EARNS QUITE A GOOD SALARY WITH A SUPER MARKET OWNER........ I PAY 100% BILL IN MY HOUSE. THAT ALONE COMMANDS RESPECT AND KEEPS YOU THE LEAD AS A MAN.

MEN PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND STOP EXPECTING YOUR WIFE TO SUPPORT, SHE IS ONLY ANN HELP MATE NOT BILL PAYER.

100:0
I am working and she is not
Full time house wives
I they pray to God to provide for me to help her strt up small things at home like 50k sef
She is really trying raising dose 3kids
Having multiple kids at same time takes a lot of time for the mother to be stable

Kobojunkie:
OP, just so you know, marriage is not by force. A good portion of individuals out there are not married and will never be, and that is OK. If you can find peace in your life as it is today, there is no need or reason for you to need to change it or feel burdened to add marriage(or even children) to the equation.

This your poor reasoning is why USA and some West citizen are complaining that immigrants are taking over their land

Marriage is a scam
Children are liability

Very soon Fulani will take over your land

Continue doing nonsense and be thinking you are wise 👍

Focusmind:
Please, if you are not ready to foot the family responsibilities, 100%, don't bother getting married. It is better you establish full control as a man and take full responsibility of raising your family, including bearing all the associated costs. Ignore whatever your wife or the would-be wife is earning and concentrate towards building your home. Your wife would see your hardwork, dedication and commitment to the well-being of the family. As your wife sees your efforts, you won't even need to ask her for any contribution before she starts, willingly doing lots without you asking for it or imposing the expenses on her.

You are there as the provider, protector and defender of your "territory ". As time progresses, willingly, without compulsion, your wife would start taking care of certain bills. Just pray that you continue to do well and make progress in your career and trade so that you continue to discharge your obligations to your wife and children. Your wife would always be moved to support you and this would earn you more respect and your dignity, intact.

Until he die ba, they are a team, so they shld together.

pocohantas:
Thank you for this. Imagine saying he doesn't want to do any chores, but he wants to share bills. He is looking for good wife that he will kill.

shame dey catch me for my gender sometimes. In the abroad this is what many Nigerian couples are going through. As there is no house maid like they had in Nigeria. Many of the men are not doing house chores and taking care of the kids. Meanwhile the wife is contributing 30-50% of the bills. Resentment builds up then boom divorce

No

Vinnie2000:
When I once said in this forum that Wives are not under any Obligation to contribute anything in a Home
Some Guys we're insulting me.

Truth is in our Nigerian Culture, there is NOTHING like Sharing of Bills.

The Wife can just decide to pay for some Bills if she likes.

You can only force ur Wife to Pay for Bills when she is an Ugly Atutupoyoyo who begged you to Marry her. If she is not ready to to anything, she would be kicked out. Not under my roof.

Too many weak men out there.

No

Vinnie2000:
When I once said in this forum that Wives are not under any Obligation to contribute anything in a Home
Some Guys we're insulting me.

Truth is in our Nigerian Culture, there is NOTHING like Sharing of Bills.

The Wife can just decide to pay for some Bills if she likes.

You can only force ur Wife to Pay for Bills when she is an Ugly Atutupoyoyo who begged you to Marry her.

If she is not ready to do anything, she will be kicked out.

Too many weak men out there.

Every adult should be profitably employed and take care of bills. Depending on your incomes, both should find a reasonable way to contribute to the family. For the man in marriage, yes, you have to help at home. Both of you have to come with your 100%; not 50-50.

bentenny:
Do not share bills with your wife no matter her financial muscle....esp house rent and children's school fees!
If she wants to assist,make sure it's voluntary and limited to house stuffs!

It's not as easy as you are saying it. Whether we like it or not, there will always be couples where the wife earns more than the husband, and in such situations the wife will have to cover more of the expenses, otherwise some problems would be left unsolved.

Been married for over 4 years now with a child... My wife and I have never sat down for once to share how we pay bills but to be honest, she is so supportive even right from boyfriend and girlfriend days... I wouldn't have gone ahead to marry her if she is the type of ladies that only bring sex to the table...we don't share bills but we both pay bills...the scope is, we both have a joint account apart from our individual acct (business and savings)... And that's for running our home... What we do is we both transfer money to the joint account from the profit we make every month.. we only spend based on the profit made and not to satisfy our needs... Our child comes first, then foodstuffs, house maintenance bills (electricity, Dstv payment and other miscellaneous), car maintenance and fuel, followed by individual REASONABLE needs...we hardly send money to extended family members except it is MOST IMPORTANT... even if my mother in law ask money from my wife, she would tell her to wait until month end and see what she can do... She will discuss it with me and we both make decisions...it's been God anyways

ednut1:
shame dey catch me for my gender sometimes. In the abroad this is what many Nigerian couples are going through. As there is no house maid like they had in Nigeria. Many of the men are not doing house chores and taking care of the kids. Meanwhile the wife is contributing 30-50% of the bills. Resentment builds up then boom divorce

Stop lying, resentment build in because they are exposed to a new feminist culture that believes woman deserves better than settling down in marriage even if the man is doing the chores, the same divorce happens, western men that have been sharing the bills and doing chores with their wives are experiencing 50% divorce rate, women are emboldened in such culture to shun family values and go after individual inclination, coupled with the biased family court laws, divorce laws

Abee79:
Share keh? If she MISTAKENLY spends her own money on the family, I know no peace till I refund in full 😆

Same here but it’s very unreasonable of women.

My woman will rather I go into debt than spend her own money. It’s ridiculous and making me lost every form of love.

MrPresident1:
Na mumu man dey share bill with him wife. How do you maintain control and demand submission when it matters? You can borrow, and you must repay back, but you should not be sharing bills

Or you can share bills to the extent of submission you want

Oga submission comes naturally, whether u have money or u don't have enough,

It's this mindset that put a lot of men in pressure.

Okortor:
I DONT SHARE BILLS WITH MY WIFE AND WILL NEVER DO SO EVEN THOUGH SHE WORKS WITH A MULTINATIONAL COMPANY AND EARNS QUITE A GOOD SALARY WITH A SUPER MARKET OWNER........ I PAY 100% BILL IN MY HOUSE. THAT ALONE COMMANDS RESPECT AND KEEPS YOU THE LEAD AS A MAN.

MEN PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY AND STOP EXPECTING YOUR WIFE TO SUPPORT, SHE IS ONLY ANN HELP MATE NOT BILL PAYER.

What does help mate mean. Cool and clean?

I won’t require her to share bills but there should be times to use her head. Not asking you for any single penny spent on the family. It’s crazy.

Cocolatti:
It's not as easy as you are saying it. Whether we like it or not, there will always be couples where the wife earns more than the husband, and in such situations the wife will have to cover more of the expenses, otherwise some problems would be left unsolved.

Such marriages are miserable and usually end up in divorce

ogbe88:
Oga submission comes naturally, whether u have money or u don't have enough,

It's this mindset that put a lot of men in pressure.

She would never submit to your authority if she's sharing bills with you and you stomach the insult and shame

Adesina18111:
Been married for over 4 years now with a child... My wife and I have never sat down for once to share how we pay bills but to be honest, she is so supportive even right from boyfriend and girlfriend days... I wouldn't have gone ahead to marry her if she is the type of ladies that only bring sex to the table...we don't share bills but we both pay bills...the scope is, we both have a joint account apart from our individual acct (business and savings)... And that's for running our home... What we do is we both transfer money to the joint account from the profit we make every month.. we only spend based on the profit made and not to satisfy our needs... Our child comes first, then foodstuffs, house maintenance bills (electricity, Dstv payment and other miscellaneous), car maintenance and fuel, followed by individual REASONABLE needs...we hardly send money to extended family members except it is MOST IMPORTANT... even if my mother in law ask money from my wife, she would tell her to wait until month end and see what she can do... She will discuss it with me and we both make decisions...it's been God anyways

You are lucky

Vinnie2000:
When I once said in this forum that Wives are not under any Obligation to contribute anything in a Home
Some Guys we're insulting me.

Truth is in our Nigerian Culture, there is NOTHING like Sharing of Bills.

The Wife can just decide to pay for some Bills if she likes.

You can only force ur Wife to Pay for Bills when she is an Ugly Atutupoyoyo who begged you to Marry her.

No decent man especially Igbo man will pray that a wife will share rent with him or pay school fees of the kids

grandiose4ever:
Hello everyone,

*5b. If you don't share bills with your wife and she keeps 100% of her earnings to herself, what do you think is the purpose of a woman working?

I'd appreciate if the mods can help me get a wider audience by putting on front page. Thanks!

lol



I am unmarried, but I understand the reason you asked, and the bolded part concerns me. If the man takes up the full financial responsibility of the family, what does the woman use her money for? Why work and earn when it is not spent on the family?

ariesbull:
No decent man especially Igbo man will pray that a wife will share rent with him or pay school fees of the kids

Why is this so? Times have changed. Women now work and earn as much as men. In some societies, market prices take this into consideration.

JESHAL007:
Such marriages are miserable and usually end up in divorce

Miserable? Yes, but its not all that end in divorce. Most women chose to rough it out because of their children and the need to be answering Mrs.

Ok

latiephwald:
You’ll truly understand the depth of marriage when you reach your sixties. I honestly don’t understand the mentality that many of the recent generations carry today. If your parents had chosen to remain single just to find peace, you wouldn’t be here today. Marriage is a blessing, and it is an institution ordained by God for humanity.
Let's change the narrative, let's rebuild marriages.

It's not by force, even in the sixties, there are other means to stay alive.

JESHAL007:
She would never submit to your authority if she's sharing bills with you and you stomach the insult and shame

No wahala, she will be kicked out.

No woman can completely hide her red flags during courtship; the signs are always there. The issue is that many men ignore them.
For example, if a woman jokingly tells you to buy a washing machine while you're still courting, understand that after marriage, you may end up doing your laundry yourself if you don't get it. It’s that simple.

Here are a few points to consider:

1. Don’t impose financial responsibilities on a woman. If she wants to contribute, let it come from her willingly, not forcefully.

2. Be mindful of major household assets. Allowing your wife to buy essential or small kitchen items is fine, but avoid situations where major properties in the house are purchased only by her.

3. If you marry a firstborn woman, manage your expectations. Their responsibilities and background may make them naturally less available for certain types of support.

To every single man in a relationship or planning to start one: Do not take your partner’s attitudes lightly; even the ones that seem like jokes. Every action or statement carries meaning, so pay attention

In the KINGDOM of God ,a woman owns Nothing outside her husband;in the KINGDOM of God.
"But if her husband disallowed her on the day that he heard it; then he shall make her vow which she vowed, and that which she uttered with her lips, wherewith she bound her soul, of none effect: and the LORD shall forgive her."-[Numbers 30:3-16"].
Wives SUBMIT to your own husbands in ALL things-[Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.-[Eph .5:24].

ednut1:
shame dey catch me for my gender sometimes. In the abroad this is what many Nigerian couples are going through. As there is no house maid like they had in Nigeria. Many of the men are not doing house chores and taking care of the kids. Meanwhile the wife is contributing 30-50% of the bills. Resentment builds up then boom divorce

He is not yet ready.
He is looking for the good wife that will do chores and childminding alone while sharing bills with him. Married single mother.

Blitzking:
I pay house rent 100%(own the house)
Nepa bills 100%
Cable subscription 100%
House cleaning 100%Kitchen equipment she bought all with her money after throwing away the ones I had saying she wanted new stuff
She pays the lawma billsShe cooks soup and stew with her money, buys plantain, potato
I buy a bag of rice regularly, paints of garri and beans and tubers of yam 10 litres of palm oil and groundnut oil, cartons of noodles and spag ,Mayonnaise.. gas ,butter...milk..ovaltine She buys spices..sausages
She buys crates of eggs
She buys tooth paste..detergents..disinfectants .tiles cleaner..mopping stick and tiles broom..bed sheets duvet..
I pay children school fees
She buys children dresses and shoes..occasionally ask I pay for some
We earn around the same and age mates

This is much better. Earlier ones made it look like the man just took a total role to contribute 100% in an age of gEnDeR eQuAlitY

But married men in Nigeria dey try o

Nigerian girlfriends/wives are not wired to share financial responsibilities