₦airaland Forum

UniQue84:
➜Exactly you just aired my mind..she wants to sound so perfect in all her dealings. So woke, reason she will comment more than 20 times on a thread trying to push are narrative down the throat of everyone.
Hmmm God abeg free me from these set of people...they can be very toxic.

It is woke to inform a woman that she should choose herself over a man and a potentially toxic marriage. I don talk am say many of you actually hate women and should have no business dealing with them.

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

You can give the items to her and not collect them back again. Not everyone likes wearing something someone else has worn before. Please do this only if you know you really love the guy from the depth of your heart and you don't want to loose the relationship. If you don't really love the guy as such, you can call off the relationship.

Lekby25:
➜You can give the items to her and not collect them back again. Not everyone likes wearing something someone else has worn before. Please do this only if you know you really love the guy from the depth of your heart and you don't want to loose the relationship. If you don't really love the guy as such, you can call off the relationship.

What does she seek to gain from this love that is not reciprocated?

Kobojunkie:
Exception? He is an immature individual meaning he does not respect his fiance and does not know how to emotionally regulate as adults or even husbands are supposed to be. Why is an exception needed for you to admit this?

2. There are no perfect humans out there, and hence no perfect relationship. But does a relationship have to be perfect to be safe and healthy? Clearly, they don't. Why would you advise anyone to enter into a relationship where there is no peace or happiness to be had, only heartache, trauma, immature tantrums at every corner, while staying silent, or being a punching bag to keep the peace? Any relationship where one literally has to exist in survival mode is not a relationship but a literal war/trauma to one's body and mind.

And why is it so wrong for one to choose to remain single for life? Why is that not a better option than entering into unhealthy relationships where one will never find the connection, safety, or love that one truly desires to have?

3. You mean she should begin walking on shells, silence her emotions, and minimize herself, all so she can remain engaged to a man who is clearly immature and has shown her his true self by his actions? To what end?

You are overflogging this matter. My innocent advice is blown out of proportion. First off, she's not entering any new relationship. She's already in it to even talk of marriage. There's no evidence of domestic violence, it's all an interpolation. You cannot tell the face of a market by the small hours. That action by the fiance is not enough to fully calibrate that relationship. She needs further observations. I didnt say she go ahead. Give more time. And observe. Period.

Yankiss:
➜You are overflogging this matter. My innocent advice is blown out of proportion. First off, she's not entering any new relationship. She's already in it to even talk of marriage . There's no evidence of domestic violence, it's all an interpolation.
➜ You cannot tell the face of a market by the small hours. That action by the fiance is not enough to fully calibrate that relationship. She needs further observations.
➜ I didnt say she go ahead. Give more time. And observe. Period.

1. Why or when did domestic violence become the only reason for why a woman should want to leave a relationship?

2. Her so-called future husband and supposed leader in marriage resorted to keeping malice with her all because she refused to hand a wig and dress she bought for herself to his sister, and you think this isn't enough of a reason for her to run for her dear life? She should wait for him to do what else?

3. Give her more time for what? Her red flag radar is already going off — her senses are already tingling, warning her of the potential danger ahead of her — hence the reason she came here to ask us. Why must she wait and not follow her own instincts?

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

How long have u been dating? Cos if u have been seriously dating I don't think u will break up a serious relationship that was valuable to u over bone straight wig and a dress. material Things that they u will still change in future or that will perish.

He said share with my family or sister and u have read or interpreted that in the worst possible way. u also said he didn't get it for u so meaning u are low-key offended he didn't get it for u and would only be open to doing such if he got it for u?

Well my conclusion here is u do not trust this man judgement or ability to lead u correctly and therefore u cannot submit to this man so end the charade engagement b4 it turns to an war of egos and power struggle.

Marry a man u respect and trust his judgement and even tho u can disagree it won't get to the point u are considering ending a relationship or engagement overall disagreement.

Maybe that man and relationship has not added any value to u and u are just marrying him for marrying sake. Or u are the one adding value to him.

I don't see the biggie in certain issues unless there is a good explanation.

ideally the sister shouldn't ask u but if ur partner asked on her behalf yes I will do it for her.

it's like a girl asking her boyfriend/fiancee/husband
to lend his car to her brother. I would do it for her. No biggie. especially if its a one time thing or for something important.

jaxxy:
➜How long have u been dating? Cos if u have been seriously dating I don't think u will break up a serious relationship that was valuable to u over bone straight wig and a dress. material Things that they u will still change in future or that will perish.
He said share with my family or sister and u have read or interpreted that in the worst possible way. u also said he didn't get it for u so meaning u are low-key offended he didn't get it for u and would only be open to doing such if he got it for u?
Well my conclusion here is u do not trust this man judgement or ability to lead u correctly and therefore u cannot submit to this man so end the charade engagement b4 it turns to an war of egos and power struggle.
➜ Marry a man u respect and trust his judgement and even tho u can disagree it won't get to the point u are considering ending a relationship or engagement overall disagreement.

Do you trust just anyone you meet or date? Or does the person give you a reason for you to trust them in whatever way that you do?

If OP does not trust her man, it simply means that her fiance has not presented her with enough evidence for why he should be trusted by her in the area in question. Stop trying to shift blame onto OP for things like that.

2. As for submission, only damaged individuals submit to other humans. This is 2026, we are entering into, and we have seen how the people of the religion of submission(Christianity and Islam) have taught us all how submitting to the lead/doctrines spewed by other humans is detrimental to both the human mind and psyche. Nigeria, as a nation, is suffering right now with all of the brainwashed individuals unable to see the political dimension that their religions have come to occupy over their lives.

Kobojunkie:
Do you trust just anyone you meet or date? Or does the person give you a reason for you to trust them in whatever way that you do?

If OP does not trust her man, it simply means that her fiance has not presented her with enough evidence for why he should be trusted by her in the area in question. Stop trying to shift blame onto OP for things like that.

2. As for submission, only damaged individuals submit to other humans. This is 2026, we are entering into, and we have seen how the people of the religion of submission(Christianity and Islam) have taught us all how submitting to the lead/doctrines spewed by other humans is detrimental to both the human mind and psyche. Nigeria, as a nation, is suffering right now with all of the brainwashed individuals unable to see the political dimension that their religions have come to occupy over their lives.

if she doesn't trust him enough why is she marrying him in 4months? They should be at talking stage not engaged.

jaxxy:
➜if she doesn't trust him enough why is she marrying him in 4months? They should be at talking stage not engaged.

That is why she created this thread.

Kobojunkie:
That is why she created this thread.

No she created the thread because of bone straight and dress request. That is not the strongest way to judge trust. There are more serious than bone straight issues.

This man will direct the course of ur life to a large extent and u want to marry him without knowing him properly or knowing his core values?

It took bone straight to question who he is? That's funny

jaxxy:
➜No she created the thread because of bone straight and dress request. That is not the strongest way to judge trust. its more serious than bone straight issues. This man will direct the course of ur life to a large extent and u want to marry him without know him properly or knowing his core values? It took bone straight to question who he is? That's funny :-\

So, bone straight and dress is all you saw in that OP? Says so much! 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
So, bone straight and dress is all you saw in that OP? Says so much! 🥱🥱🥱

yes that's all she talked and complained about. The guy stopped talking to her because he's offended naturally and instead of her to explain the reasons for her rejection she wants to cancel the marriage and end the relationship over bone straight and her man getting upset about her rejection to his requests.

Shouldn't he be upset? it's left for her to communicate abd explain her position to him but she thinks is cool to end the relationship and start looking for a fresh one? 4months to her wedding?

That's why 1st thing i asked was how long is the relationship cos I hope it's only 4months relationship too not 4years.

It could get worse in marriage...
That's an inordinately selfish entitled man....
Kaii tell him to buy for her ...
If sister could influence him to that level it would get more worse with time

Sonnobax15:

Some men cha.

Where una take dey see these particular species of people to date self?

Next time, He'd ask you to borrow his sister your pant and bra

Well,you can as well explain this to any good tailor around...I believe he/she will definitely tell you those materials being displayed by your fiance are more than enough to sew a very big red flag

Anyways, congratulations 👏

You're super good 👌

This is not just a red flag, but a red signage.

Ignore it staff your peril.

Afriifa:
The question is if your Fiance has a car, and your brother asks you to help him ask your fiancé to borrow him his car for a similar event, if you guys refuses, the question now is that how would you handle it? Your answer to that question solves the problem.

God will continue to bless you with wisdom.

To even think of bringing this to Public, she's not qualified to be in a girlfriend not to talk of a time bomb ready to explode in four months

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

Do not help replicate the gene pool of poor quality men.... You women hold the key to this, but many ladies have traded this control for bragging rights of being married, material benefits, and toxic addiction to sexual pleasure and the lack of the ability to close their legs.

Now I can bet that there are other red flags you are ignoring, and you have stayed with him through them. NOTE that he will not change because of marriage.

People are already flaying you for bringing this matter here and not settling it with your fiancée. I will not because you are not married. The moment you get married, it becomes a matter of duty. Once you open your two ''koro-koro'' eyes to marry, then you have to accept the full package.

Ok na.

Borrowing clothings sounds odd to me, normally. Borrowing same from a prospective sister-in-law is even more absurd. Using your brother as the broker of the borrowing deal is yet another let down, in my view!

Why aren't people just contented with what they have?


I foresee lots of fights and quarrels in future in that family if the marriage does eventually hold.

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

E no make sense nah. That fit be a sign of fake life. Truth be say if you don't start am now, you go continue am. The one that worry me be refusing to talk to you over your own feeling.

He's an overgrown baby. You sure say you know am well?

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

get out of marriage because of material things ode what if it's a test, you're a very greedy person jst know that n knw peace

It's wrong for him to even open his mouth to make such requests from you,, it simply means the family may be living above their standards.
His sister should have built a kinda relationship with you, so it will be easy for her to borrow stuffs directly instead of her brother getting involved in this kind of petty stuffs, this is a red flag.

Secondly you saying "because he didn't buy it for you" is a very bright colored red flag, especially when he does other stuffs for you,, it simply shows you are stingy and won't be able to support your husband with your own money if anything goes wrong.
Instead you should have just explain to him that you can't share such personal used items, because of your skin allergies .

Both of you are red flags, sense man jam another sense man lolz

Afriifa:
The question is if your Fiance has a car, and your brother asks you to help him ask your fiancé to borrow him his car for a similar event, if you guys refuses, the question now is that how would you handle it? Your answer to that question solves the problem.

Dress and wig are too personal to be shared, particularly, ladies items.


She should avoid the |relationship otherwise she will be drained


That is if this fiction has a real life use case

Run.

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

I don't want you to see my comment as abuse or insult, but does it mean, when you guys marry what they don't have, they will ask him to tell you to borrow it to their family members

What kind of discussion even lead to him asking you to borrow something to his sister

What were both of them even discussing that lead to that request

Just tell him that whatever she can't afford, simply means that she doesn't need it

Take a your stand and let them know from day one that you don't do things to please people

Don't give out anything with the hope of getting it back, it normally causes problems

Your actions simply shows you don't love or trust the man and his family. So because he wasn't the one that bought it for you, he stands no chance. What is wig and cloth for relationship you are benefitting for the rest of your life...you start forming principles. I gave my wife's younger brother my car for an interstate journey for a whole week and he even damaged my bumber yet I went ahead with the marriage. That same younger brother now has 4 cars way richer than me and I have also benefited what is more than a car from him. Don't be stiff in a relationship free your mind.. simple.

Kobojunkie:
You dey fiance a immature poverty-stricken man in this economy? You no like yourself or your life at all. Hating yourself is a primary warning sign/red flag here.

Do you even realize the many things that could go wrong if you marry this man? He could have his family coming to your place to take as they please when you both become married, and there wouldn't be much you could do about it then. Do you realize that the man you plan to marry would likely fund his family during your marriage with money you both should have been using to build your futures? These are some of the things that you should hash out in a prenuptial agreement before marriage. Additionally, consider a prenuptial agreement requiring that if both of you contribute financially to the marriage, then not only would the marriage's communal wealth belong to you both — meaning you both divide property from the marriage equally— but that you both handle as partners all the responsibilities in a marriage — a partnership relationship in place of master-slave marriage.

This is 2025, and we are entering 2026. If you do this to yourself, you will have yourself to blame for the duration of the marriage for all that befalls you. Start loving yourself and don't even bother getting a man until you have completely centered yourself and your interests — acquire self-love. Better step back and focus on your financial security and getting you a man who can carry his own weight to marry, if at all.

This is a whole lot of nonsense you wrote here! You over under rate this family as if you knew everything about live which is not true.

If the guy is relying on the lady to sponsor the marriage I'm sure the lady would have mentioned it here, but she didn't. It means the guy is doing well, which also means the family is racing to success.

Family is not just mentioned by name or birth; it including helping each other to move to the next level, and everybody needs such in life.

If the younger sister of her fiancee happens to marry an ambassador of a country where this lady intended to visit would she need help from her fiancee sister? 😂 You can't predict live perfectly, it could go any way, though we pray positive side

U don’t even make sense, ur junior brother should ask your bf to borrow is car just for the weekend and truly your boyfriend is home for the weekend, he says no…how would you feel..tell me Wetin u wan carry go heaven in this life..I always say if 1 or 2 persons die in every household per day..people will realize life is nothing and simple

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

Please you can help her, if you so much like that particular wig, you can give her another better one.

In life we would need the help of one another in one way or the other.

In my tradition if you have used that wig or clothes to visit you ex, you can take it to your husband house and be wearing it, you would have to dash it out to people which she maybe one of the beneficiary. So, some of those things are vanity

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

I don't see any issue in this o.
You are getting marry to him in the next 4 months which simply mean you guys are becoming a family. Let it slide and give it to her but let you boyfriend know that his sister can't just becoming to you to borrow your things anytime she wants. Don't create unnecessary enemy before you get marry. Sis we sacrifice so many things in marriage o

Thls is not an issue pls,,, anything you do to your sister-in-law, you do to yourself. You all are now one family. . We are talkling about serious issues now... Like insecurity not this less important issue.

Na wa oooh for this ur man ooo.
Weytin concern him with wig and clothes. Na woman to woman matter na. Just get ready to collect shege from both ur husband and sister in law