₦airaland Forum

Hi Nairalanders,

I am a Nigerian based in the US. I grew up in one of the southern states in Nigeria. I met my fiancee who is based in Nigeria, Lagos to be precised. I came down to Nigeria for the introduction and we intend to do a small bride price payment due to the type of relocation path I want to use to bring her to the US which doesn’t require us to be legally married or even traditionally married.

Due to the nature of the visa type which I want to use to bring my wife to the US, I suggested to my fiancee and her family to do the bride price and a small igbankwu ceremony in Lagos where her parents reside. I also pleaded to them that i was ready to pay any fine from their village (Anambra State). This is because I am trying to control the number of persons that have knowledge of the ceremony because if I dont her visa will be denied because she is married to me.

Another reason why I suggested we do all of this in her fathers house in Lagos was because of the insecurity in the eastern part as I do not want to be liable for anybody’s death or kidnap in the event that this happens because they are coming to celebrate with me.

Sadly, her parents have refused to bulge as they are insisting that this must be done in the east. I am really worried and confused on what to do.

1. Her visa will be denied because she's married to you.. explain this type of relocation path.... In trying to control the crowd reason you are suggesting Lagos... I Understand this sentence perfectly well...

Oga there is nothing to be confused 🤔 🤔 🤔

Like I have been saying any sane person knows that travelling upandan isn't safe... Insecurity and kidnappings are on the rampage... Her parents are just being selfish and want to feel among..

Apart from the fact that you are intending on taking her abroad to increase the chances of her being safe, access to good health care and better amenities.. it seems her family are the real village people about to hinder her...

Verdict
Please don't allow anyone use their own reggae to spoil your blues.. break up with her.. let her family go look for a groom that's willingly to risk his life to go all the way to her village to pay bride price and go back to his State of abode.. Go through all the risks just to do things traditionally in their village... Man dies only once...

Your to be inlaws are inconsiderate...

Lastly, There are many willing fishes of good nature from enlightened families who also stay in Lagos ... These fishes are also in the numerous oceans.. so please don't be downcast... Disappointment must come in life.. it's how you pick yourself up and face it that's the important thing..

No go follow love wey no get head o.... Reasoning is also important

Canada2021:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am a Nigerian based in the US. I grew up in one of the southern states in Nigeria. I met my fiancee who is based in Nigeria, Lagos to be precised. I came down to Nigeria for the introduction and we intend to do a small bride price payment due to the type of relocation path I want to use to bring her to the US which doesn’t require us to be legally married or even traditionally married.

Due to the nature of the visa type which I want to use to bring my wife to the US, I suggested to my fiancee and her family to do the bride price and a small igbankwu ceremony in Lagos where her parents reside. I also pleaded to them that i was ready to pay any fine from their village (Anambra State). This is because I am trying to control the number of persons that have knowledge of the ceremony because if I dont her visa will be denied because she is married to me.

Another reason why I suggested we do all of this in her fathers house in Lagos was because of the insecurity in the eastern part as I do not want to be liable for anybody’s death or kidnap in the event that this happens because they are coming to celebrate with me.

Sadly, her parents have refused to bulge as they are insisting that this must be done in the east. I am really worried and confused on what to do.

You are seeing big red flags now you no go run....you want to marry from an unreasonable family.

A complete and total red flag 🚩, just dey play don't man up and put it to them straight continue allowing people make decisions for you

Canada2021:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am a Nigerian based in the US. I grew up in one of the southern states in Nigeria. I met my fiancee who is based in Nigeria, Lagos to be precised. I came down to Nigeria for the introduction and we intend to do a small bride price payment due to the type of relocation path I want to use to bring her to the US which doesn’t require us to be legally married or even traditionally married.

Due to the nature of the visa type which I want to use to bring my wife to the US, I suggested to my fiancee and her family to do the bride price and a small igbankwu ceremony in Lagos where her parents reside. I also pleaded to them that i was ready to pay any fine from their village (Anambra State). This is because I am trying to control the number of persons that have knowledge of the ceremony because if I dont her visa will be denied because she is married to me.

Another reason why I suggested we do all of this in her fathers house in Lagos was because of the insecurity in the eastern part as I do not want to be liable for anybody’s death or kidnap in the event that this happens because they are coming to celebrate with me.

Sadly, her parents have refused to bulge as they are insisting that this must be done in the east. I am really worried and confused on what to do.

My brother, unfortunately, you will have to go to the village. That is the tradition.

You can't avoid it in a family that is very culturally rooted. I understand your concerns, but if she's worth it- do it for her!!!

NB: 'If and only If she's worth it'

You can only admonish the parents but not be rigid. It's every parents dream to celebrate their daughter's big day.

Dey play. US based man coming to a now dangerous region to marry. Na USD you go take pay your ransom. And believe me, your ransom go large.

I don't see where your fiancee parents being insensitive. Marriage is not only parents right, umunna, umuada and nnaochie na Nne ochie must be present during the ceremony to give it cultural and legal prism.

I will advice you to abide by them and my further suggestion is to let them control crowds - I mean they should invite only few people who will witness the ceremony and collect rites on behalf of their group.

Despite all the complains about how Nigeria women misbehave abroad ,this one still wants to carry woman go abroad ,with her character now did you see her as a supportive partner.

If it happened you will run come nairaland for advice.una no dey hear word

Never marry a spouse who doesn’t have a strong mind of their own. Traditions won’t stop you from paying ransom either.

Abort if they don’t want to be reasonable. You’re taking a big risk already

Leave her and move on

Don't mind him, this is a sign that the girl will cheat.

Saybal:
Despite all the complains about how Nigeria women misbehave abroad ,this one still wants to carry woman go abroad ,with her character now did you see her as a supportive partner.

If it happened you will run come nairaland for advice.una no dey hear word

People must realize that , whilst you have your plans for marriage based on your circumstance,

The parents and family have planned, talked about and dreamed of the marriage of those daughter since she was born,

You- you just came into her life less than 3 years ago and now want to change everything.

Just be more considerate sha

This guy could be married before and I feel he his trying to conceal this one perhaps, because of an unresolved divorce case hanging on his neck.


This could be the best theory to explain the above.

All your excuses for wanting to do Lagos marriage don’t hold water. You just want to embarrass the family and it will be disgraceful for a traditional family to accept this, so don’t be surprised if the family insist on doing things the right way.

How can you pay an Igbo woman’s bride price in Lagos? To whom would you pay it to? It’s not done that way.
What you’re proposing looks shady and suspicious, like you’re hiding something.

There are lots of ways to honor tradition without breaking much sweats. If you can’t go to her village due to insecurity, you could send representatives to her family and village so the needful be done for you.

Let the gathering be at her father’s living room with not more than 30 persons and things will be done properly.

There’s insecurity, there’s insecurity but people still travel to those places and even more people must go home for Christmas. Just do things as moderately as possible and hope for the best.

What's the fiancee's position in all these. She is in the best place to balance the diverse opinions concerning the wedding

zainabicy:
People must realize that , whilst you have your plans for marriage based on your circumstance,

The parents and family have planned, talked about and dreamed of the marriage of those daughter since she was born,

You- you just came into her life less than 3 years ago and now want to change everything.

Just be more considerate sha

He wants to change everything?
Na only venue the guy talk oooo for security reasons ....baba u sabi exaggerate

DBestDoc:
How can you pay an Igbo woman’s bride price in Lagos? To whom would you pay it to? It’s not done that way.
What you’re proposing looks shady and suspicious, like you’re hiding something.

Y'all just like sounding as if the family is doing the guy a one sided favour by marrying their daughter...
Father and mother are there in Lagos...
they agreed to a small wedding, yet, it must be thousands of miles away because bride price must be paid under a different cloud??

And yes it's shady....he already explained why

How can you pay an Igbo woman’s bride price in Lagos? ... yinmú!!

Na so....!! Did Davido move an inch from lagos.....when price is big enough y'all accept it even in absential......obviously baba must be acting desperate so her family just feels they have all leverage to push him around ...

advanceDNA:
Y'all just like sounding as if the family is doing the guy a one sided favour by marrying their daughter...
Father and mother are there in Lagos...
they agreed to a small wedding, yet, it must be thousands of miles away because bride price must be paid under a different cloud??

And yes it's shady....he already explained why

How can you pay an Igbo woman’s bride price in Lagos? ... yinmú!!

Na so....!! Did Davido move an inch from lagos.....when price is big enough y'all accept it even in absential......obviously baba must be acting desperate so her family just feels they have all leverage to push him around ...

lol
Davido paid Chioma bride price in imo state

https://www.nairaland.com/7511344/davido-reportedly-pays-chiomas-bride#119742832

Nemesis0147:
lol
Davido paid Chioma bride price in imo state

https://www.nairaland.com/7511344/davido-reportedly-pays-chiomas-bride#119742832

Me seff get Google oooo

advanceDNA:
Me seff get Google oooo

there is a difference between paying of bride price and traditional wedding
It was clearly stated here…the traditional rites required by the family happened in her hometown….you don’t need crowd to do this… just few people from the husband side and the lady’s family too

Canada2021:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am a Nigerian based in the US. I grew up in one of the southern states in Nigeria. I met my fiancee who is based in Nigeria, Lagos to be precised. I came down to Nigeria for the introduction and we intend to do a small bride price payment due to the type of relocation path I want to use to bring her to the US which doesn’t require us to be legally married or even traditionally married.

Due to the nature of the visa type which I want to use to bring my wife to the US, I suggested to my fiancee and her family to do the bride price and a small igbankwu ceremony in Lagos where her parents reside. I also pleaded to them that i was ready to pay any fine from their village (Anambra State). This is because I am trying to control the number of persons that have knowledge of the ceremony because if I dont her visa will be denied because she is married to me.

Another reason why I suggested we do all of this in her fathers house in Lagos was because of the insecurity in the eastern part as I do not want to be liable for anybody’s death or kidnap in the event that this happens because they are coming to celebrate with me.

Sadly, her parents have refused to bulge as they are insisting that this must be done in the east. I am really worried and confused on what to do.

There are many waving red flags in your story, from your end.

It is not a MUST to marry someone based in Nigeria, marry someone already there in the US who you don't have to sneak to marry and certain "visa type" to relocate to the US.

@ op

My brother, welcome back home (even if na temporary) 😂.
I feel ur pain, and I’ll give u the straight Naija-to-US advice wey dey work for 2025.

1. U are 100% correct about the visa risk

The visa type u’re eyeing (most likely K-1 fiancé visa or even CR-1 if u later marry) hates any evidence of traditional marriage or bride price paid.
USCIS officers dey hawk Anambra wedding pictures for Nairaland, Instagram, Facebook, even WhatsApp status like FBI.
One auntie wey post “My daughter’s igbankwu today” with plate number visible = automatic refusal + 10-year ban risk.
U nor dey play with that one.

2. Her parents insisting on village = tradition + pride + small “show-off”

To them, doing it in Lagos is like collecting Liverpool jersey but hiding am for drawer. Anambra people no dey joke with “going home to marry.” Na identity matter.

Here’s the practical moves wey dey work right now:

A. Offer serious “penalty money” with respect
Go back to them with ur people (at least one uncle wey sabi talk) and say:

“Daddy, Mummy, we love and respect our tradition pass anybody.
But this visa no be today matter. If we do full ceremony for village now, USCIS will see am and scatter everything. We fit lose years.

So we are begging: let us do small wine-carrying for Lagos, just immediate family (max 15 people), no asoebi, no IV, no Facebook live.

After she land America and we do court marriage, we will now come home with full force, rent the whole village square, kill 10 cows, block road for one week.

Any fine wey village go charge that time, we go pay double plus extra kegs of palm wine as apology.”

Sweeten am with immediate cash gift to her dad and mum “for the inconvenience” (₦500k-₦1m each no too much for this kind matter). Money dey cool hot temper fast.

B. Give them something to save face in the village
Tell them u will still send full bride price list money to the umuada and elders for village RIGHT NOW, plus extra “penalty” wey dem go share. Just the physical ceremony go shift to Lagos.
Many families don accept this arrangement since 2023 because visa wahala don too much.

C. Worst case – do the village one SUPER quiet
If dem no gree shift, then beg them make e be 15-20 people maximum, no professional photographer, no videographer, no asoebi, no IV, everybody must sign NDA (for real). Phones go dey collected at the gate. Then pray make nobody leak am. Risky, but some people still pull am.

D. Last card – change visa strategy small
If her parents too stubborn and village ceremony must happen loud, then forget K-1. Do legal court marriage for Ikoyi registry quiet-quiet, file CR-1/IR-1 spousal visa instead. E dey longer small, but once USCIS see legal marriage, traditional one nor dey too disturb them again.

Bottom line:
Beg, pay fine, shift ceremony to Lagos with heavy respect money, promise the mother of all igbankwu when she land.
90% of Anambra parents don bend once the cash and respect land well.

Make dem nor turn love matter to visa denial matter.

U go dey alright, odogwu! 💪

Any update, holla us.

Nairaland dey ur back.

Canada2021:
Hi Nairalanders,

I am a Nigerian based in the US. I grew up in one of the southern states in Nigeria. I met my fiancee who is based in Nigeria, Lagos to be precised. I came down to Nigeria for the introduction and we intend to do a small bride price payment due to the type of relocation path I want to use to bring her to the US which doesn’t require us to be legally married or even traditionally married.

Due to the nature of the visa type which I want to use to bring my wife to the US, I suggested to my fiancee and her family to do the bride price and a small igbankwu ceremony in Lagos where her parents reside. I also pleaded to them that i was ready to pay any fine from their village (Anambra State). This is because I am trying to control the number of persons that have knowledge of the ceremony because if I dont her visa will be denied because she is married to me.

Another reason why I suggested we do all of this in her fathers house in Lagos was because of the insecurity in the eastern part as I do not want to be liable for anybody’s death or kidnap in the event that this happens because they are coming to celebrate with me.

Sadly, her parents have refused to bulge as they are insisting that this must be done in the east. I am really worried and confused on what to do.

In 2025, you are still going to marry a stranger woman from Nigeria to take to America.

Red flags full that marriage already.

I pity you oooo.