₦airaland Forum

The issue here isn't marriage itself—it's the four kids, plain and simple. I'm telling you, if you had stuck to one or two and your wife was also in, the stress wouldn't be hitting you this hard. As a young guy starting out, there’s zero shame in having just one kid and then waiting and planning properly before you have the next, the age gap doesn't matter.

The biggest killer in Nigeria is bad management. People choose 'runs-girl' beauty over brains, they don't plan how many kids they want, and they refuse to start a side hustle like POS or trading. Even worse, they spend money they don't have just to impress the society.

Forget all that competition. Aside from food, school fees, and rent, nothing else is worth stressing over. Poorly management of money is what truly makes marriage look like a burden. If you know the difference between what your family needs and what they want, a man should be fine. So the problem wasn't getting married; it was you having four children—even though they might eventually turn out to be your advantage.

ibechris:
There is absolutely sense in what u have said...but the real issue here is this,theory and practical aren't the same.

U see,it is very easy to theorise this matter and after that,it looks cool and perfect but in reality,it is not.

I am a father of four,my salary does not last me more than two days to be honest with u. I got married when I had a reserved of about 4.5million to 7million in 2015.

That money is what is saving me till date and not my salary. It is always good for man and woman to see marriage first as a team and when that is done,everything would fall in place. Gradual building is good but it must be set as a goal.

One reason why I don't like people raising children in poverty is because it deprives the child of good things of this life and I was in that shoe and wouldn't want same for my children or even my neighbours child.

Thanks for ur insightful contribution.

8

SpencerForbes:
The issue here isn't marriage itself—it's the four kids, plain and simple. I'm telling you, if you had stuck to one or two and your wife was also in, the stress wouldn't be hitting you this hard. As a young guy starting out, there’s zero shame in having just one kid and then waiting and planning properly before you have the next, the age gap doesn't matter.

The biggest killer in Nigeria is bad management. People choose 'runs-girl' beauty over brains, they don't plan how many kids they want, and they refuse to start a side hustle like POS or trading. Even worse, they spend money they don't have just to impress the society.

Forget all that competition. Aside from food, school fees, and rent, nothing else is worth stressing over. Poorly management of money is what truly makes marriage look like a burden. If you know the difference between what your family needs and what they want, a man should be fine. So the problem wasn't getting married; it was you having four children—even though they might eventually turn out to be your advantage.

Four kids aren't my problem...instead bad governmental policies that affected everything. So because I gave birth to four then I should kill them to assuage my burden.

I am a high earner and it wouldn't be nice if I use my self to give a clearer example here because few folks are in my shoes.

My expense is correspondingly high as well...I didn't tell u that I am suffering I am only saying no one should enter marriage with 200k u recommended here...

ibechris:
8


Four kids aren't my problem...instead bad governmental policies that affected everything. So because I gave birth to four then I should kill them to assuage my burden.

I am a high earner and it wouldn't be nice if I use my self to give a clearer example here because few folks are in my shoes.

My expense is correspondingly high as well...I didn't tell u that I am suffering I am only saying no one should enter marriage with 200k u recommended here...

I find it amusing, this desire to dump every personal financial mismanagement onto the 'government' but the successful people you see training their kids in the best schools thrive under the exact same bad government—and many of them deliberately limited their family size to one or two.

You clearly stated your salary doesn't last. But tell me, are we expecting the government to personally manage your monthly budget?

Let’s talk simple arithmetic, please. If your household of six finishes a bag of rice in two months, how many extra months would that same bag last for a family of three? The difference is massive, and it applies to every single expense, from rent to school fees.

You might feel having four kids is 'okay' for you, but let’s imagine a scenario where you exercised proper family planning and stopped at two. Wouldn't that instantly give a major boost to your current salary and dramatically improve the livelihood and quality of life for those two children?

There are mistakes we should own ourselves and not necessarily push the blame onto ‘Aso rock’. Another thing I noticed: you never mentioned spousal support. You sound like the sole provider running the whole family. It’s a burden you chose to carry, not one imposed by the government.

Kobojunkie:
By that, is marriage/having children a need or a want?

My analogy is base on the 100k you earn per month but yet it not enough for you talk less of marrying with such... Having a Marriage or children is decision... But owning a gadget that will not get you additional money just because your friends have such is tag as what you Want because what you need is some thing that can still do the work of that big price gadget without breaking your account.... Imagine Someone earning 100k now paying a house rent of 450k per annum is that not too much

SpencerForbes:
That doesn’t answer any of my question
Cos I didn’t see any point in the text.

It [my text] pretty much sums everything up.

Myrrhis:
It [my text] pretty much sums everything up.

Some of you just love seeking attention unnecessarily. Chief, desist from quoting me if you have nothing to say. I ain’t gonna play word games with you. Run along kid!

harjay1986:
✓ My analogy is base on the 100k you earn per month but yet it not enough for you talk less of marrying with such... Having a Marriage or children is decision... But owning a gadget that will not get you additional money just because your friends have such is tag as what you Want because what you need is some thing that can still do the work of that big price gadget without breaking your account.... Imagine Someone earning 100k now paying a house rent of 450k per annum is that not too much

Buying a gadget is also a decision. So, is marriage/having of children a want or a need?

Why would someone earning N100k be thinking of marriage. Even if both of them are earning N100k, they can't give themselves and the kids quality life. GET IT!

Sign a player within your budget....

Cos even clubs with low budget till have players playing for them...

even if you earning 100k,,,there are 100 of girls who will still line up to marry you....since there will always be a woman for your budget....

The only challenge is they might not be your taste/spec....so then..if you really do want your spec then work hard towards raising your budget..

MONEY247:
Nice points...
Combined income of 200k and diversifying streams of income...
Would go a long way

Lmaoooo

always247:
I swear to God if i get stable and secure form of income that will fetch me 70k monthly na only death go stop me from getting married

You wan carry person pikin enter poverty n life of misery. Good luck to the in-laws that see u worthy with ur 70k earning to allow their daughter enter ditch.

SpencerForbes:
I’ve got some questions:

— What if both of them are earning #100,000 ?🤔

— If you’re able to save 30k monthly, what’s stopping any of them from starting a side hustle like POS or provision sales?

— Let’s imagine the lady is industrious and has a skill (hairdressing or make up skills) what’s stopping you from marrying her?

— If you’re above forty but you have a house and everything is put in place, why shouldn’t you get married?

— If the family is supportive and don’t need an elaborate wedding for now till you’re okay, should you still boycott marriage?

You antagonise yourself, everything cannot and will not be in place with a 100k family income.

Babatundehy:
You antagonise yourself, everything cannot and will not be in place with a 100k family income.

Does having millions in your account guarantee you’ll raise good kids and be a good husband?

MONEY247:
The marriage would end up a mirrage...
#100,000 is not feasible financially for a man or woman who wants to marry and live comfortably with their spouse....
Imagine the kids
Imagine the food expense...
Transportation...
Other financial obligations and commitments

You gonna be choked......

The system need general re-evaluation , Nigerians aren’t telling themselves the truth

Marriage be by force but if you want to get married with 100k income,then you free to go ahead..

SpencerForbes:
Our issue is that we love copying others without looking at our own pockets. You don't have to use premium brands just because society dictates it. Babies have been raised successfully without breaking the bank for generations.

Let’s be realistic: if we wait until every man has millions in savings before procreating, the population would crash. A struggling young man and a hardworking partner can build from scratch. There are affordable apartments in decent areas—you don't need luxury to be a good parent.

The blueprint is simple: Start small, stabilize, and then expand. The only major issue is rent and the initial infant stages when the child needs premium food and care . Honestly, if a man earning ₦200k plans well and cuts his coat according to his cloth, coupled with a sensible wife (not all this urban Gen Z) he can raise a small family while working on increasing his income. We need to stop discouraging people with unrealistic standards. How many men do you think will end up with more than 10 million naira savings in Nigeria?

If you are earning 200k as a man, if you have to transport , feed, pay rent, buy cloth, pay utility out of that money, then, you have no business bringing a child into this world until you are in a better financial position. Marry yes, kids can wait till both parties have get some financial stability.

SpencerForbes:
Our issue is that we love copying others without looking at our own pockets. You don't have to use premium brands just because society dictates it. Babies have been raised successfully without breaking the bank for generations.

Let’s be realistic: if we wait until every man has millions in savings before procreating, the population would crash. A struggling young man and a hardworking partner can build from scratch. There are affordable apartments in decent areas—you don't need luxury to be a good parent.

The blueprint is simple: Start small, stabilize, and then expand. The only major issue is rent and the initial infant stages when the child needs premium food and care . Honestly, if a man earning ₦200k plans well and cuts his coat according to his cloth, coupled with a sensible wife (not all this urban Gen Z) he can raise a small family while working on increasing his income. We need to stop discouraging people with unrealistic standards. How many men do you think will end up with more than 10 million naira savings in Nigeria?

If you are earning 200k as a man, if you have to transport , feed, pay rent, buy cloth, pay utility out of that money, then, you have no business bringing a child into this world until you are in a better financial position. Marry yes, kids can wait till both parties have get some financial stability.

Marriage na who God wan push and help.. It's not all about the money all the time but both companions understanding themselves then God shocking them with children and survival

MONEY247:
The marriage would end up a mirrage...
#100,000 is not feasible financially for a man or woman who wants to marry and live comfortably with their spouse....
Imagine the kids
Imagine the food expense...
Transportation...
Other financial obligations and commitments

You gonna be choked......

When some one earning 45k got a successful marriage and he's happy..

If you have not seen, I have.

A teacher with 35k salary as well planned his life and got married....

People should learn how to plan on their lane not on others lane..

Kobojunkie:
Buying a gadget is also a decision. So, is marriage/having of children a want or a need?

To me I will say getting new toys or gadgets fall under needs and wants not decision. Let me explain most of time we decide to get a new phone or gadget not that we don't see any that is of low price which can still serve us but just because of societal influence and need to feel among we tend to break the bank to have high ends one at the end of the day it only serve the basic needs and nothing more that a low price gadget would have deliver too..

The reason I say that having a family or Kids is base on decision is because not everyone of us want such but everyone want luxury and good lifestyle ..

always247:
I swear to God if i get stable and secure form of income that will fetch me 70k monthly na only death go stop me from getting married

Also add to the data boys salary, you're good to go, abi.

So a lot of your here don't even earn what I pay my laundry man, yet you'll come online to insult your f*ther.

I don't blame you guys.

SpencerForbes:
I’ve got some questions:

— What if both of them are earning #100,000 ?🤔

— If you’re able to save 30k monthly, what’s stopping any of them from starting a side hustle like POS or provision sales?

— Let’s imagine the lady is industrious and has a skill (hairdressing or make up skills) what’s stopping you from marrying her?

— If you’re above forty but you have a house and everything is put in place, why shouldn’t you get married?

— If the family is supportive and don’t need an elaborate wedding for now till you’re okay, should you still boycott marriage?

If both of them are willing to work, they can make the relationship work. But if it's only the man working, it's only a matter of short time before they get frustrated 🥴

ibechris:
Four kids aren't my problem...instead bad governmental policies that affected everything. So because I gave birth to four then I should kill them to assuage my burden.

^^^


E never reach like that na...

On a lighter note - why does the word 'kill' feature so prominently in our day to day lives in this country?

Other people have 'grilled or barbecued fish'. Nigerians have 'point and kill'.

Other people have 'riot police'. Nigerians have 'kill and go'. (Only older Nigerians will remember this)

Other people have 'rat poison'. Nigerians have 'kill and dry'.

And so on.

Why?

oluxy:
When some one earning 45k got a successful marriage and he's happy..

If you have not seen, I have.

A teacher with 35k salary as well planned his life and got married....

People should learn how to plan on their lane not on others lane..

Just leave these people bro, I got married in 2016 when my salary is just 45k, today I thank God because I earn more than times 10 of such, they want everything to be set before they will say yes..

You guys should shut up. Jobless men and women still get married every year.

MONEY247:
The marriage would end up a mirrage...
#100,000 is not feasible financially for a man or woman who wants to marry and live comfortably with their spouse....
Imagine the kids
Imagine the food expense...
Transportation...
Other financial obligations and commitments

You gonna be choked......

How about N120k?

MONEY247:
The marriage would end up a mirrage...
#100,000 is not feasible financially for a man or woman who wants to marry and live comfortably with their spouse....
Imagine the kids
Imagine the food expense...
Transportation...
Other financial obligations and commitments

You gonna be choked......

There is a guy on TiKTok who built N5,000 to N5m selling Okpa within 1 year in Abuja..

He documented his journey from Day 1 and gave weekly account of expenses and income.

Yes, he has bought a delivery bike recently and delivers in bulk to customers..

No money is small for business.

When hunger wire you, death sef go neglect you to rot in pain

always247:
I swear to God if i get stable and secure form of income that will fetch me 70k monthly na only death go stop me from getting married

Funny how this post is only directed at men

What if he/she is marrying a billionaire?

If people get sense even 50k can run a home in 1 month. The problem today is that men are clueless and women are usless

Anyone poor should not breathe without your permission