₦airaland Forum

Coly2012:
using the word mule is just an irritating language to use for somebody's partner and help mate.

What you described is a mule, not a helpmate. It irritates you to use the actual word but not the description? That one is on you.

Kobojunkie:
What you described is a mule, not a helpmate. It irritates you to use the actual word but not the description? That one is on you.

what is your definition of a mule and help mate?

I did not force her. Just letting her to see things and how it ought to be solve. She will naturally involve herself if she feels like.

Kobojunkie:
Lecture someone you claim to love after you have signed a marriage agreement that clearly spells out how things ought to go? Na women wey dey endure people with this mindset I dey pity the most. 🥱🥱🥱

Love800:
I did not force her. Just letting her to see things and how it ought to be solve. She will naturally involve herself if she feels like.

Lectures are given to people you have rational authority over. You have no rational authority over a woman you are in relationship with that you would think to lecture her on what she should or should not do. She is perfectly fine sticking to the details of the contract that holds you both together. If you feel that she needs to do more then approach her with a reworked contract that sees to it that you give up privileges you formerly had if she would chose to agree to the new. Also be ready for her to present you with a prenuptial agreement in the case of such. 🥱🥱🥱

Amotolongbo:
Funny enough, people who create this kind of discussion aren’t married yet and do not have any clue of how it happens inside marriage.
A man of reason will think of how to seize the opportunity to improve himself, increase his value and revenue through the support of the wife having a financial advantage than him.

He who feed you control and detect for you just like the West detect for Africa .

Waaa gba yi .... this is what I've always been saying , once you notice your wife earn more than you , use the opportunity to elevate yourself, investment , business , borrow money from her to improve yourself, i don't want to hear that your wife built a house after you lost your job. How did it even happen , oga borrow me the land money or block money let me use it to do investment first, the return on the investment we can use it to build house then it will be tagged our house not your own house.

Once your wife gets richer than you for too long , you are already a slave in that marriage.

I don't even mind my wife being extremely rich but let it be like the case of Northwest Petroleum station and Providus bank , Na wife get northwest nation wide petro station , na husband get providus nation wide bank ....

If my wife gets extremely richer that i can't catch up or can get loan to boast myself or elevate myself, then i'm divorcing her ASAP, because it will eventually happen, look at the case of Alakija (the richest black woman) and the husband.

Amotolongbo:
Funny enough, people who create this kind of discussion aren’t married yet and do not have any clue of how it happens inside marriage.
A man of reason will think of how to seize the opportunity to improve himself, increase his value and revenue through the support of the wife having a financial advantage than him.

koladata:
Waaa gba yi .... this is what i've always been saying , once you notice your wife earn more than you , use the opportunity to elevate yourself, investment , business , borrow money from her, i don't want to hear that your wife built a house after you lost your job. How did it even happen , oga borrow me the land money or block money let me use it to do investment first, the return on the investment we can use it to build house then it will be tagged our house not your own house.
Once your wife gets richer than you for too long , you are already a slave in that marriage.

The traditional configuration of marriage basically has the woman as the slave in the marriage. But somehow you balk at the man occupying the same position he formerly meant for his wife. Why?

I don't understand you , but any marriage where the wife is richer than the husband doesn't usually last or the man will just keep enduring, look at alakija, that man couldn't take it any longer even at his old age

Kobojunkie:
The traditional configuration of marriage basically has the woman as the slave in the marriage. But somehow you balk at the man occupying the same position he formerly meant for his wife. Why?

koladata:
✓ I don't understand you , but any marriage where the wife is richer than the husband doesn't usually last or the man will just keep enduring, look at alakija, that man couldn't take it any longer even at his old age

That some of them don't last does not mean all of them don't last. I don't know who alakija is but I am sure you and I know Oprah Winfrey and her beau of over 35 years at this point in time. . So, you should be asking how can a marriage where the women makes more money be made to last despite the man not being the one on charge of decision making and controlling the money in the relationship.

such marriage can only work if the husband is naturally a low ambitious man, those kind of relax men that just want to Gym, womanize and enjoy life. But if you talk about the usual common African man, Oga the marriage will not last, if you ever see anyone that has lasted, the man is just enduring the marriage, and if you ever have the opportunity to sit with him one on one , you will cry for what he probably most have gone through. I hate it when people on this forum become so opinionated without wanting to check the available statistics and other peoples point.

You could have used Alakija as an example of marriages that works in this scenario if the husband hadn't divorced her. But the man left her even at old age!!!!!, that is to tell you how much the man has endured, it's hard to find a man divorcing his spouse at old age, but this man did.

If i check it now, you are probably not married.

Kobojunkie:
That some of them don't last does not mean all of them don't last. So, you should be asking how can a marriage where the women makes more money be made to last despite the man not being the one on charge of decision making and controlling the money in the relationship.

koladata:
✓ such marriage can only work if the husband is naturally a low ambitious man, those kind of relax men that just want to Gym, womanize and enjoy life.
✓ But if you talk about the usual common African man, Oga the marriage will not last, if you ever see anyone that has lasted, the man is just enduring the marriage, and if you ever have the opportunity to sit with him one on one , you will cry for what he probably most have gone through.
✓ I hate it when people on this forum become so opinionated without wanting to check the available statistics and other peoples point.
✓ You could have used Alakija as an example of marriages that works in this scenario if the husband hadn't divorced her. But the man left her even at old age!!!!!, that is to tell you how much the man has endured, it's hard to find a man divorcing his spouse at old age, but this man did. If i check it now, you are probably not married.

1. That seems to be your particular opinion but there are many examples of such relationships with men who are nothing like what you described there. Also, most African men are that low ambitious type you describe, so may what you are describing is the typical African man whose marriage won't even work even when he makes more than his wife.

2. Well, since most African women in marriages with African men who are the providers are also just enduring, Those marriages that last are built primarily on the endurance effort's of the wives in those marriage. So, I really can't fault you for thinking that an African man in a relationship where he ain't the provider would also just be enduring. 🥱🥱

3. I can't use her as an example because the much we have of her relationship is not well documented for me to claim to know for a fact that the relationship failed because she made more money than the man. I am of the mind that the man may have left before she came to money and they may have tried rekindling afterward the money came only for that to fail too.

That is why I chose to present an international case which we can both find detailed information on.

SpencerForbes:
*Picks up the mic*

Marriage is partnership not sponsorship. If she wants to be sponsored, let her stay with her father. Full stop.

*Drops mic*

Don't know why people don't see this, if you sponsor yourself all through with your wage and then you get married but now want to save all your wage then marriage isn't for you. Anyone who assist and start singing outside because she assisted her husband marriage isn't for her, most of these traits are given out while dating but many choose to ignore.

Love800:
You can lecture her about helping in less rigorous roles. Put it in detail so that she see reasons in dem. It will prompt her to assist.
Its all about planing, even if you earn more.

When you start lecturing an adult to assist in covering expenses she majorly brought up then that adult isn't really an adult but a child, such people shouldn't be some one a man should get married to.

If your woman earns more than you, I suggest you do a lot more around the house to make up for it.

Anything less and you as a man are asking for trouble.

The ones that don't earn as much as their husbands have little regard for them, talk less of you.

aswani:
If your woman earns more than you, I suggest you do a lot more around the house to make up for it.

Anything less and you as a man are asking for trouble.

The ones that don't earn as much as their husbands have little regard for them, talk less of you.

Any man who consciously tries to placate or please a woman by trying to handle domestic house chores out of fear of what a woman will say has failed himself and has even lost the respect he thinks the woman will accord him for helping her.
You are a king, you don't do shit to please a woman, do things because you feel u want to do it not because if u don't do it your woman will snap. If that's the case, the woman sees through you and know u are just a loser trying to cajole her with domestic work which has no value to a woman when a man does it to compensate. U just ridicule urself.

PeterObi4Presid:
Any man who consciously tries to placate or please a woman by trying to handle domestic house chores out of fear of what a woman will say has failed himself and has even lost the respect he thinks the woman will accord him for helping her.
You are a king, you don't do shit to please a woman, do things because you feel u want to do it not because if u don't do it your woman will snap. If that's the case, the woman sees through you and know u are just a loser trying to cajole her with domestic work which has no value to a woman when a man does it to compensate. U just ridicule urself.

Okay I am not sure if you meant to reply to me as you missed my point entirely if you did.

Two quick things, doing domestic chores is not an exclusive preserve of any gender neither is it to please anyone.

Secondly, marraige is not about anyone being a king, it is about the strengthening of a family with all parts pulling towards a common goal.

If the woman earns more than the man and puts a higher proportion than the man towards family expenses, you really think the male can still be walking around claiming King.

You are a generation or two late, marriage dynamics have changed albeit not necessarily for the better.

Smartguyboy:
He who feed you control and detect for you just like the West detect for Africa .

but I am not stupid and I’m allergic to stupidity.
Please keep off

aswani:
✓ If your woman earns more than you, I suggest you do a lot more around the house to make up for it.
Anything less and you as a man are asking for trouble.
The ones that don't earn as much as their husbands have little regard for them, talk less of you.

Common sense evades most Nigerian men as you can see they rather use ogboju access the woman money instead.🥱🥱

People wey wan claim "Head" over the woman and "Leader" of the family also want to claim say marriage na partnership. No be wayo dem dey call that? 🥱🥱

aswani:
✓ Okay I am not sure if you meant to reply to me as you missed my point entirely if you did.
Two quick things, doing domestic chores is not an exclusive preserve of any gender neither is it to please anyone.
Secondly, marraige is not about anyone being a king, it is about the strengthening of a family with all parts pulling towards a common goal.
✓ If the woman earns more than the man and puts a higher proportion than the man towards family expenses, you really think the male can still be walking around claiming King.
✓ You are a generation or two late, marriage dynamics have changed albeit not necessarily for the better.

1. To the African poor man, you will not make sense since chores are woman only duties and his place as "Head" over the woman he is married to is his right in life. You cannot take that from him. 🥱🥱🥱

2. These boys are literally telling you that is what they want. They want the woman to bring her money without them needing to give up any of the traditional benefits they were entitled to.

3. Women who find themselves entangled in the traditional configuration of marriages benefit nothing from making financial contributions to family purses. Even in the case of divorce, they still gain nothing. So, it is better such women use their money to help themselves take care of their duties in the marriage and for their upkeep(financial abuse is also likely unavoidable in such marriages).

Kobojunkie:
Common sense evades most men as you can see they rather use ogboju access the woman money instead.🥱🥱

People wey wan claim "Head" over the woman and "Leader" of the family also want to claim say marriage na partnership. No be wayo dem dey call that? 🥱🥱

Nah, not most men, that poster is a teenager that has never been in a relationship and has his heads in the clouds.

Kobojunkie:
1. To the African poor man, you will not make sense since chores are woman only duties and his place as "Head" over the woman he is married to is his right in life. You cannot take that from him. 🥱🥱🥱

2. These boys are literally telling you that is what they want. They want the woman to bring her money without them needing to give up any of the traditional benefits they were entitled to.

3. Women who find themselves entangled in the traditional configuration of marriages benefit nothing from making financial contributions to family purses. Even in the case of divorce, they still gain nothing. So, it is better such women use their money to help themselves take care of their duties in the marriage and for their upkeep(financial abuse is also likely unavoidable in such marriages).

Na small pikin dem bi, they want to turn their wives to their parents, it is a shame that the little boy expressed himself publicly.

I agree with you. Chai, Nairaland, una see una life. See as me and kobojunkie dey gree with wesef .

Anyway, in my opinion, the gap between women and men in marraige needs to be wider, say 10 years, as clearly men are becoming less prepared. Maybe men below 35 should be banned from marraige.

The posts on this thread better be tongue in cheek or it would be a scary world we are in.

aswani:
✓Na small pikin dem bi, they want to turn their wives to their parents, it is a shame that the little boy expressed himself publicly.
I agree with you. Chai, Nairaland, una see una life. See as me and kobojunkie dey gree with wesef .
Anyway, in my opinion, the gap between women and men in marraige needs to be wider, say 10 years, as clearly men are becoming less prepared. Maybe men below 35 should be banned from marraige.
The posts on this thread better be tongue in cheek or it would be a scary world we are in.

That makes it so much worse for the women now that we know that terrible pregnancies, miscarriages and stillbirths in women are more linked to the man's age than the woman. Women are better off with men who are younger than them in age, abeg.

A better option would be for the young men to freeze their sperms before age 30, and then proceed to procreate using those sperms only after they have attained the necessary level to financial security that would put them at advantage in having and raising said family.

Kobojunkie:
That makes it so much worse for the women now that we know that terrible pregnancies, miscarriages and stillbirths in women are more linked to the man's age than the woman. Women are better off with men who are younger than them in age, abeg.

A better option would be for the young men to freeze their sperms before age 30, and then proceed to procreate using those sperms only after they have attained the necessary level to financial security that would put them at advantage in having and raising said family.

Not financial security, both financial independence and emotional maturity.

aswani:
✓ Not financial security, both financial independence and emotional maturity.

Men who intend to be head or leaders over women need to be at least financially secure to do so; while women ought to be at least financially independent before and in marriage. 🤔

Financial security is a state of being financially stable and protected, characterized by having enough income to meet one's basic needs, manage unexpected expenses, and achieve personal financial goals. It provides peace of mind and the freedom to make life choices without being burdened by money worries, allowing you to confidently handle both regular and emergency expenses.

Kobojunkie:
Men who intend to be head or leaders over women need to be at least financially secure to do so; while women ought to be at least financially independent before and in marriage. 🤔

Some can be financial secure because mummy and daddy have money or because they hit it big gambling.

Financial maturity is a must.

Thanks for this good writeup.
Nice one.

Sorry for my late response.

Kobojunkie:
Lectures are given to people you have rational authority over. You have no rational authority over a woman you are in relationship with that you would think to lecture her on what she should or should not do. She is perfectly fine sticking to the details of the contract that holds you both together. If you feel that she needs to do more then approach her with a reworked contract that sees to it that you give up privileges you formerly had if she would chose to agree to the new. Also be ready for her to present you with a prenuptial agreement in the case of such. 🥱🥱🥱

Coly2012:
Funny enough my wife is a nurse and work in 2 different facilities, I trained her and paid all the bills while she was schooling without support from her family or mine and now she is working and financially doing ok more than me, so you are expecting me to still plan my family with only my income by the idea of this your post? ... The truth is that every family is unique and no family are the same, so what works for you might not work for me. To me this your post is a beautiful nonsense as far as my family is structured.

The fear is in this kind of scenario where the wife starts contributing financially, she stops seeing the husband as the head. The husband loses all forms of authority and she withdraws submission.

In my opinion, this fear is very valid as many women are like that.

Kobojunkie:
That makes it so much worse for the women now that we know that terrible pregnancies, miscarriages and stillbirths in women are more linked to the man's age than the woman. Women are better off with men who are younger than them in age, abeg.

A better option would be for the young men to freeze their sperms before age 30, and then proceed to procreate using those sperms only after they have attained the necessary level to financial security that would put them at advantage in having and raising said family.

Everything you said here has to be sarcastic if not, you’re grossly uninformed.

Of what use is freezing of sperm(only heard of freezing eggs) when a man’s body produces fresh sperm when needed?

Kobojunkie:
The traditional configuration of marriage basically has the woman as the slave in the marriage. But somehow you balk at the man occupying the same position he formerly meant for his wife. Why?

Has traditional marriage not made men slave too by working so hard for money they barely have to themselves?

Albertone:
➜Has traditional marriage not made men slave too by working so hard for money they barely have to themselves?

The free benefits that a man gains from being married. For the average married Nigerian man, marriage provides him with his personal housemaid/chef/nanny/sex-worker/laundry woman/therapist/assistant/house manager, etc.— all of this out of a woman desperate to cling to the Mrs badge from which she finds her worth — all at a cost that is next to free when compared to the market value. It is not easy to give all of that up, even when he has sidechicks who he knows can leave him at the drop of a kobo.

The traditional marriage contract is rather a slave contract by which low-level men enslave desperate women for their own benefit. The system forces financial abuse on these women by ensuring they are never adequately compensated for all of the invisible labor they put into maintaining and propping up those relationships.

Albertone:
➜Everything you said here has to be sarcastic if not, you’re grossly uninformed. Of what use is freezing of sperm(only heard of freezing eggs) when a man’s body produces fresh sperm when needed?

Beginning from as early as age 30, the male sperm DNA begins to degrade. Hence, the reason for suggesting that sperm be frozen early. If you are not informed as to the reason, I suggest you make Google your friend.

Albertone:
The fear is in this kind of scenario where the wife starts contributing financially, she stops seeing the husband as the head. The husband loses all forms of authority and she withdraws submission.

In my opinion, this fear is very valid as many women are like that.

I think it's valid when the man fails to stamp his authority as a man before hand, no woman takes over power from a conscious man with strong will and authority lace with appropriate leadership skills as women tends to obey and stay under a man they see as father figure and rule models.