₦airaland Forum

Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Kcash200:
➜I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.
I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.
Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.
I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone. Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

A biological father who sent money for your upkeep and has children who are aware of your existence, whom you kept in touch with, and have not made any noise about it? This story sounds a little too fantastical for something that came out of a place like Aba and not somewhere in Council Bluffs, IA. 🥱🥱🥱

I suggest the first thing you do is seek professional mental health therapy so you can at least unburden yourself before moving forward with any decision in life. Therapy will also help you untie knots that have troubled you for so long and help you better realize that whatever happened was not your making and so not your responsibility to carry. Your mother knew why she did what she did, and only she knows why she decided to let you in on that information at the age of 12. 🥱

If possible, you and your mother should both attend at least one therapy session together where you can both unburden to each other, and maybe that might get her to finally reveal more of what transpired between her and your adopted father(assuming we can call him that since you seem to be suggesting that he may not be aware of it all), and let things go from their. 🥱

Kobojunkie:
A biological father who sent money for your upkeep and has children who are aware of your existence, whom you kept in touch with, and have not made any noise about it? This story sounds a little too fantastical for something that came out of a place like Aba and not somewhere in Council Bluffs, IA. 🥱🥱🥱

I suggest the first thing you do is seek professional mental health therapy so you can at least unburden yourself before moving forward with any decision in life. Therapy will also help you untie knots that have troubled you for so long and help you better realize that whatever happened was not your making and so not your responsibility to carry. Your mother knew why she did what she did, and only she knows why she decided to let you in on that information at the age of 12. 🥱

If possible, you and your mother should both attend at least one therapy session together where you can both unburden to each other, and maybe that might get her to finally reveal more of what transpired between her and your adopted father(assuming we can call him that since you seem to be suggesting that he may not be aware of it all), and let things go from their. 🥱

i took out my location to avoid distractions but thanks. i have been considering therapy but i know the conversation with my mum will be weird. I can't see the remorse in her and she is very manipulative. i can talk to her but i dont think i can stan a therapy with her.

It might come as a shock to you to find out that your father [not biological] knew all along [or at least suspected], but decided to stay silent about it, for reasons best known to him.

Some things cannot just be hidden for long [especially from those it concerns].

My advice to you is, keep being the good son that you have always been to the father that raised you.

As for your mum...

By the way, are you the first child of the father that raised you?

Kcash200:
➜ i took out my location to avoid distractions but thanks. i have been considering therapy but i know the conversation with my mum will be weird.
➜ I can't see the remorse in her and she is very manipulative. i can talk to her but i dont think i can stan a therapy with her.

You need therapy first. After you have gotten yourself comfortably sorted, you can engage your mother in getting therapy for herself or together with you. But right now, you should do you first. 🥱🥱

2. Only talk to her when you are ready. Don't bother engaging her before then. 🥱🥱

Also, note that the society or tradition sort of dictates that all children born into a marriage belong to the man the woman is currently married to. So, in a sense, she is not entirely wrong in what she did since traditions technically dictate right and wrong for people who subscribe to such ideas. So, unless you are ready to totally consider all of tradition for the bullsheet that it really is, you may not be in the right to condemn her for her actions. 🥱🥱

So, get yourself therapy first, and prepare yourself well. 🥱🥱

This story is not complete. Are you the first child of your mother's husband?

immortalcrown:
This story is not complete. Are you the first child of your mother's husband?

no, i am not the first. Meaning it happened while she was married and she dated my biological dad before she married.

Mariangeles:
It might come as a shock to you to find out that your father [not biological] knew all along [or at least suspected], but decided to stay silent about it, for reasons best known to him.

Some things cannot just be hidden for long [especially from those it concerns].

My advice to you is, keep being the good son that you have always been to the father that raised you.

As for your mum...

By the way, are you the first child of the father that raised you?

I know he would have suspected her ways because looking back, she was rude to him and never listened but it would really shock me if he knew but i dont think i want to find out. Seems the current arrangement is working for everyone at the moment.

No i am not the first. it happened while my mum was married already.

As a woman, do you think i should tell a girl i have been talking to for 7months? she told her parents about me and they are from a good home. I do not know what the reaction would be because she asked me if i had any childhood trauma and i said no.

Kcash200:
I know he would have suspected her ways because looking back, she was rude to him and never listened but it would really shock me if he knew but i dont think i want to find out. Seems the current arrangement is working for everyone at the moment.

No i am not the first. it happened while my mum was married already.

As a woman, do you think i should tell a girl i have been talking to for 7months? she told her parents about me and they are from a good home. I do not know what the reaction would be because she asked me if i had any childhood trauma and i said no.

No.
As far as you're concerned, your parents are your parents.
You know nothing else.

It is not your burden to carry.
I wonder why your mum told you that in the first place.
If everything will unfold eventually, let it not be from you.

You’re only as sick as the secrets you keep.

Your mother was not the best wife or mother, and the fault lands squarely at her feet. You and your dad are the victims of her selfish actions. What was done to you was abusive. You were a child and had no business holding that kind of burden.

As for your gf, I don’t think you need tell any woman about your personal trauma. Maybe you’re not ready for marriage just yet because whether you accept it or not you’re traumatised. Maybe, look into getting therapy before you consider marriage because this pain will bleed into your relationships with women.

You may even attract a woman who has your mother’s characteristics. You really need to unpack this FOR YOURSELF and once you make peace with it then you can work from a place of healing. Right now; IMHO, getting married and bringing children into the mix is a risky decision.

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Firstly, just grow up!
You literally got stuck at 12 years old and you should grow past that man!

You have two dads when some don't even know one! Heck,man you are damn lucky!

Just make a decision to either break the information to everyone (don't everyone already know in the first place) or forever remain silent!


What exactly are you worried about? Whose surname you bear? Or who is your real dad? Or are you having an *"identity crisis"*



I would advice you to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist and they would help you work/walk over this 1. Identity crisis 2. Being stuck at your 12years age 3. Help you to reach a firm decision.


Lastly, just know that *"all these wouldn't matter"*
What really matters is that you are ALIVE,COMPLETE,WHOLE,HAPPY and a NIGERIAN!



Imagine, if you were an American with such identity crisis. Lol.




Seek help
Get well
All the best!
You can also Whatsapp me for more psychological talks

How una dey take read all these long write-ups?

Your mom is the kind of wife that men do fasting and prayers for to avoid getting married to such women. She was obviously benefiting from both men and was scared of revealing the issue so that her benefits won't stop. She did all these for financial and promiscuous reasons. You are now an adult and instead of still telling the man, no matter the consequences, you still want to continue in that lie. I pray the man has other children that are his, you and your mom are already a loss to him. Some women are just so evil

meobizy:
How una dey take read all these long write-ups?

Our attention span is still intact because we don't tiktok

Double0h7:
You’re only as sick as the secrets you keep.

Your mother was not the best wife or mother, and the fault lands squarely at her feet. You and your dad are the victims of her selfish actions. What was done to you was abusive. You were a child and had no business holding that kind of burden.

As for your gf, I don’t think you need tell any woman about your personal trauma. Maybe you’re not ready for marriage just yet because whether you accept it or not you’re traumatised. Maybe, look into getting therapy before you consider marriage because this pain will bleed into your relationships with women.

You may even attract a woman who has your mother’s characteristics. You really need to unpack this FOR YOURSELF and once you make peace with it then you can work from a place of healing. Right now; IMHO, getting married and bringing children into the mix is a risky decision.

Thanks i will look into the therapy as i really want to be with someone and build a family for myself too.

Kcash200:
Thanks i will look into the therapy as i really want to be with someone and build a family for myself too.

You’ll benefit greatly! I wish you peace and joy 🫶

oz4real83:
Your mom is the kind of wife that men do fasting and prayers for to avoid getting married to such women. She was obviously benefiting from both men and was scared of revealing the issue so that her benefits won't stop. She did all these for financial and promiscuous reasons. You are now an adult and instead of still telling the man, no matter the consequences, you still want to continue in that lie. I pray the man has other children that are his, you and your mom are already a loss to him. Some women are just so evil

I understand your perspective but this thing is not as easy as you put it for me to tell him.

A Father is not just the one who is biologically related to a son.

A father is the one who brings the child up, loves the child, teaches the child how to become an adult, prays for the child and is in that child's life constantly.

Kcash200, you have a father, he loves you.

That other man is at best, a relative. Because sending cash from time to time doesn't make one a Parent.

It's why there is a saying "When there is a Divorce, children lose a Father and gain an Uncle". Because a lot of Fathers prioritise their new life over their old life.

Back to your story: you have a father. That other man hasn't made an effort to be a Father. So leave him and face the man who loved you. That's your father.

And as for your mother, well, you know that she can be very selfish. Forgive her and give her some distance, be cordial but decide if you want to have a close relationship with her (she shouldn't have told a 12 yr old boy such a big secret).

Kcash200:
I understand your perspective but this thing is not as easy as you put it for me to tell him.

as painful as it seems, your father deserves to know the truth. The relationship you have built with him over the years will sustain you both. He will only count his losses and move on with his life.

oz4real83:
as painful as it seems, your father deserves to know the truth. The relationship you have built with him over the years will sustain you both. He will only count his losses and move on with his life.

Know which truth? Abeg he should not break the good mans heart but to keep loving him for being a standup father. And the biological father who comfortably knocked up another mans wife to create this trauma...distance him. The man who raised you in this case is your father.

fyneboi79:
Know which truth? Abeg he should not break the good mans heart but to keep loving him for being a standup father. And the biological father who comfortably knocked up another mans wife to create this trauma...distance him. The man who raised you in this case is your father.

I wasn't referring to his biological father, that one already knows. It is the father that raised him that I said deserves to know the whole truth. He will only feel disappointed that the child he thought was his has known over the years without bothering to tell him, that is where the main pain lies.

Onegai:
A Father is not just the one who is biologically related to a son.

A father is the one who brings the child up, loves the child, teaches the child how to become an adult, prays for the child and is in that child's life constantly.

Kcash200, you have a father, he loves you.

That other man is at best, a relative. Because sending cash from time to time doesn't make one a Parent.

It's why there is a saying "When there is a Divorce, children lose a Father and gain an Uncle". Because a lot of Fathers prioritise their new life over their old life.

Back to your story: you have a father. That other man hasn't made an effort to be a Father. So leave him and face the man who loved you. That's your father.

And as for your mother, well, you know that she can be very selfish. Forgive her and give her some distance, be cordial but decide if you want to have a close relationship with her (she shouldn't have told a 12 yr old boy such a big secret).

Mary Poppins for the win!

oz4real83:
I wasn't referring to his biological father, that one already knows. It is the father that raised him that I said deserves to know the whole truth. He will only feel disappointed that the child he thought was his has known over the years without bothering to tell him, that is where the main pain lies.

He deserves the truth but remember that truth hurts...

Kcash200

So sorry you have been burdened with this dark secret but, trust me, as you grow older you are going to make peace with it. It gets easier to come to terms with most of the family drama we have to put up with in one form or another as time goes by. At some point, it won’t even matter.

If I were you, I’d also protect the father who raised me. They say, the truth will set you free but ignorance is also bliss. Allow him to enjoy old age in peace.

When it comes to relationships and marriage, you can actually make your dilemma work to your advantage. The moment you find the girl you feel you can confide in, who you can trust will keep your secret and protect your heart, is the right one.

Maeve7:
Kcash200

So sorry you have been burdened with this dark secret but, trust me, as you grow older you are going to make peace with it. It gets easier to come to terms with most of the family drama we have to put up with in one form or another as time goes by. At some point, it won’t even matter.

If I were you, I’d also protect the father who raised me. They say, the truth will set you free but ignorance is also bliss. Allow him to enjoy old age in peace.

When it comes to relationships and marriage, you can actually make your dilemma work to your advantage. The moment you find the girl you feel you can confide in, who you can trust will keep your secret and protect your heart, is the right one.

Thanks so much. I will keep to this actually.

Your father knows...
He just doesn't want to break the bond....
Well if e doesn't know..
Once you say that secret be prepared for any results..

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

This case requires a lot of wisdom and very complicated.
It has to do with your happiness, conscience, Surrogate father whom you love, mother who you also care about since she's your mother. In your shoes this what I will do.
First thing first. If your surrogate father hasn't heard it from you, then no woman in the guise of girlfriend, wife, or her family deserve to hear. So the question of telling your girlfriend without your surrogate father first knowing is a big disrespect to him. If you can't tell him then keep shut from telling anyone close to him who can use it against him or you.
Keep it to yourself and be a man. You dint die all this while. How can you even ever thought of divulging your most sensitive secret to a woman. You have to be wise. Every family has secret.

As regard your mom, if she's happy and the family is happy. Don't be the one to ruin her or her family. She already regrets it
.
Just pray the secret doesn't get let out while the man is alive. You have to live with it cos it's too complicated. But you have to use this pain and information to treat this man in a more loving and caring manner that he will feel grateful you are a good son. So be more loving to him as your father. And it's good for you to distant yourself from ur biological father since he doesn't really have connection or stake in your life. In fact, the more distant u are to him for now, the better for your mental health. Cos any stunt from him can ruin you.
Now, imagine if this man wasn't alive to care for you, do you think your biological father would have cared and nurtured you the way this man did? So let him have his bliss and be good son.
But if he finds out. Go to him, cry, beg him, tell him you want to remain his son, that you have no father you know. make him know you are with him and against the evil of your mother.
.
For now stop accepting gifts from your biological father he's only using that to soften your heart and confuse your identity.
..
So be a man, if u didn't know this secret you won't worry, and since u know, use it to be a man, and also always use it against your mom so that she fears you and know her boundaries for the pain she caused you. So you can use the information to your advantage. It's time to be a man
As regard your girlfriend. Go on with her, love her, do your marriage. Keep it secret. In fact live your life as though you dint know this secret cos u are not even supposed to know. It's your secret and pain, bear it, and be strong. Child who has no memory or knowledge of their father and mother gets married, why not you. You have not committed any crime. The problem is you thinks life should be perfect. No you can't determine how life will relate with you. So be grateful for your life and be strong. Message me if you want further advice.
.
I repeat, never you tell your girlfriend because she will use it against you, and she will never respect your mother, let alone her family respectin ur mother. They don't deserve to know that part of you. They don't. Give your head sense, respect urself, ur in-laws shouldnt know everything about u

FreeSpirited:
This case requires a lot of wisdom and very complicated.
It has to do with your happiness, conscience, Surrogate father whom you love, mother who you also care about since she's your mother. In your shoes this what I will do.
First thing first. If your surrogate father hasn't heard it from you, then no woman in the guise of girlfriend, wife, or her family deserve to hear. So the question of telling your girlfriend without your surrogate father first knowing is a big disrespect to him. If you can't tell him then keep shut from telling anyone close to him who can use it against him or you.
Keep it to yourself and be a man. You dint die all this while. How can you even ever thought of divulging your most sensitive secret to a woman. You have to be wise. Every family has secret.

As regard your mom, if she's happy and the family is happy. Don't be the one to ruin her or her family. She already regrets it
.
Just pray the secret doesn't get let out while the man is alive. You have to live with it cos it's too complicated. But you have to use this pain and information to treat this man in a more loving and caring manner that he will feel grateful you are a good son. So be more loving to him as your father. And it's good for you to distant yourself from ur biological father since he doesn't really have connection or stake in your life. In fact, the more distant u are to him for now, the better for your mental health. Cos any stunt from him can ruin you.
Now, imagine if this man wasn't alive to care for you, do you think your biological father would have cared and nurtured you the way this man did? So let him have his bliss and be good son.
But if he finds out. Go to him, cry, beg him, tell him you want to remain his son, that you have no father you know. make him know you are with him and against the evil of your mother.
.
For now stop accepting gifts from your biological father he's only using that to soften your heart and confuse your identity.
..
So be a man, if u didn't know this secret you won't worry, and since u know, use it to be a man, and also always use it against your mom so that she fears you and know her boundaries for the pain she caused you. So you can use the information to your advantage. It's time to be a man
As regard your girlfriend. Go on with her, love her, do your marriage. Keep it secret. In fact live your life as though you dint know this secret cos u are not even supposed to know. It's your secret and pain, bear it, and be strong. Child who has no memory or knowledge of their father and mother gets married, why not you. You have not committed any crime. The problem is you thinks life should be perfect. No you can't determine how life will relate with you. So be grateful for your life and be strong. Message me if you want further advice.
.
I repeat, never you tell your girlfriend because she will use it against you, and she will never respect your mother, let alone her family respectin ur mother. They don't deserve to know that part of you. They don't. Give your head sense, respect urself, ur in-laws shouldnt know everything about u

Nice one 👏

Onegai:
Nice one 👏

The boy is still seeing life in linear fashion. He has to realise life is not always a straight line. Imagine Judah in the Bible ending up having sex with his sons wife after the death of his son, unknowing to him. Because he committed the formication in secret but it still boomerang home. Yet this lineage still end up beggeting Jesus.

What of David, committing adultery, killing the husband as a secret affair, yet this same taboo led to the lineage of Jesus.
His problem is that he doesn't know life can be lived even with its complication. He only needs to reconcile with himself.
The man doesn't deserve all the pain he wants to bring to him at old age because of his childishness and fragile heart.
He should use the information to take control of the house in a positive leadership sense

1. Being more loving to the man, calling him more, asking him more personal question about his own life, health, experience, sending him money and gift often and when he least expect, like being a good son. That's the least he can do. Even if he gets to know before his death, so that he can be happy to accept him as his son
2. He should use the information to always put her mom in her place. If na me, I will make my mom fear me, and I will use it to modify her behavior such that she won't have the choice to treat the man like an angel. I won't condone any disrespect or bad treatment by her to the man. I will never tolerate it
3. That biological father, I will give him strong warning to respect himself and keep his distance. I will stand up to his fake gift. And tell him you don't need it that you are fine. Tell him to his face you don't consider him a good moral man he wants to be for the fact that he had the conscience to hurt another man by impregnating his wife.
The boy should not condone that behavior and not even allow him in his wedding, if he like his mental health and wants to be in control of this whole mess.
He needs to take charge with that info and not take nonsense, as well as take care of the other children her mom birthed and be a good responsible leader and example to them morally, spiritually, and financially.
Getting more close to the man making him his good friend and buddy is very crucial here cos most men always feel neglected when old

FreeSpirited:
This case requires a lot of wisdom and very complicated.
It has to do with your happiness, conscience, Surrogate father whom you love, mother who you also care about since she's your mother. In your shoes this what I will do.
First thing first. If your surrogate father hasn't heard it from you, then no woman in the guise of girlfriend, wife, or her family deserve to hear. So the question of telling your girlfriend without your surrogate father first knowing is a big disrespect to him. If you can't tell him then keep shut from telling anyone close to him who can use it against him or you.
Keep it to yourself and be a man. You dint die all this while. How can you even ever thought of divulging your most sensitive secret to a woman. You have to be wise. Every family has secret.

As regard your mom, if she's happy and the family is happy. Don't be the one to ruin her or her family. She already regrets it
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Just pray the secret doesn't get let out while the man is alive. You have to live with it cos it's too complicated. But you have to use this pain and information to treat this man in a more loving and caring manner that he will feel grateful you are a good son. So be more loving to him as your father. And it's good for you to distant yourself from ur biological father since he doesn't really have connection or stake in your life. In fact, the more distant u are to him for now, the better for your mental health. Cos any stunt from him can ruin you.
Now, imagine if this man wasn't alive to care for you, do you think your biological father would have cared and nurtured you the way this man did? So let him have his bliss and be good son.
But if he finds out. Go to him, cry, beg him, tell him you want to remain his son, that you have no father you know. make him know you are with him and against the evil of your mother.
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For now stop accepting gifts from your biological father he's only using that to soften your heart and confuse your identity.
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So be a man, if u didn't know this secret you won't worry, and since u know, use it to be a man, and also always use it against your mom so that she fears you and know her boundaries for the pain she caused you. So you can use the information to your advantage. It's time to be a man
As regard your girlfriend. Go on with her, love her, do your marriage. Keep it secret. In fact live your life as though you dint know this secret cos u are not even supposed to know. It's your secret and pain, bear it, and be strong. Child who has no memory or knowledge of their father and mother gets married, why not you. You have not committed any crime. The problem is you thinks life should be perfect. No you can't determine how life will relate with you. So be grateful for your life and be strong. Message me if you want further advice.
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I repeat, never you tell your girlfriend because she will use it against you, and she will never respect your mother, let alone her family respectin ur mother. They don't deserve to know that part of you. They don't. Give your head sense, respect urself, ur in-laws shouldnt know everything about u

This is well detailed. thanks so much. i was a little worried about what would happen in the future if my wife and kids find out or how to explain it but thanks, i will take this your advise.

Kcash200:
➜This is well detailed. thanks so much. i was a little worried about what would happen in the future if my wife and kids find out or how to explain it but thanks, i will take this your advise.

Stop feeling responsible for a choice that your mother made. You do not represent her and are not here to live according to her mistakes. Please go get therapy immediately and move on with your life.