₦airaland Forum

Can everyone have a chill pill.this is fabricated story..I just don't know why people have fun doing this.
You story is so full of lies for a discerning minds and even from the quotes you answered back you destroyed you storyline.make una stop to dey lie lie ..no money for there ......

Family secret
Supporting a father that fed you and took care of you till you were an adult it's only if he was abusive to you or he knew you were not his sone.
You even had siblings.
So your mother can't tell anyone you not your father's kid she told you when you were 12.
Still allowed you to even be speaking to him from 12 where the other man was spending money on a non biological son and you gladly received it .

Lets assume this story is even true ..you can be forgiven at 12 .

But if you don't tell that man at this your adult age it's very sad ..the man deserves to know the truth...your mom is your mom no matter anyone says about her but your true father is the one that raised u.

But still believe this story is crap

People mistake family for someone you share blood with, family isn't always blood, as long as the father you've always lived with has been a father to you, he has been everything a father should be bro let sleeping dogs lie, some people have real dads who are deadbeats so much they pray for adoption, this man isn't your dad by blood but he has been your dad by deeds, why pay him back by breaking his heart and rewriting how he has viewed you since your childhood? Pretend you don't know, or better still adopt him as your foster dad as long as that helps you sleep better, it's not your fault and you had no control over it, your mum is the culprit here, she has no reason to tell you, now you share a secret that isn't really necessary, you're now carrying guilt that should be hers, discard the thought and pretend you don't know, no need uprooting your life when there's nothing wrong with it.

You sound like a weak man. Have you made money? If not make money and make yourself comfortable. Your situation is pathetic but then it’s gone, be a man. Get a good partner don’t tell her, make the feast private and low key and move on with your life. Many are fatherless while others have irresponsible fathers. Get on with your life, life on earth is too short

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

I do not know what you are confused about. Do you want to go to your biological father? In nigeria the contemporary law now is that any child born in a marriage whether fathered by the hubby or not belongs to the hubby of the marriage.

So live your life as if you never heard that information from your mother. Face your real father who is the husband to your mother.

Just take this as some secret you'll go with to your grave.

oz4real83:
as painful as it seems, your father deserves to know the truth. The relationship you have built with him over the years will sustain you both. He will only count his losses and move on with his life.

Which truth? Truth that can kill him or make the remaining years of his life miserable?

Abeg some truths are best left in the darkness of blissful ignorance. Let the old man enjoy his twilight years in peace.

I'm

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

You and your ' father ' have been deceived by two dishonest adulterous people. You later grew from innocence to an accomplice. In the court of law, you are not likely to be freed from the wrath of law after accepting money and fatherly role from another father. The others are not remorseful. One thing you have not told us is if your mother has other children with your supposed father and why she betrayed the man's trust.

You are now at a fix between your conscience and public opinion.
Practical solution:
1. Wait till one of them dies or two of them - your mummy and your foster daddy or all. Then dissociate yourself from both families and have a change of name to anything you like, even outside your tribe. It is legal.

2. Never in your life tell any girl or wife such story. It is a secret that must die with you except the truth comes out naturally.

3. Even if comes out, you an adult. You are free to choose a life to live. You can even refuse DNA test.

4. If you have a feeling for your ' father' choose him. Tell the other intruder who could not acquire your mother as a wife.

5. Free yourself from your mother's sentiment and live the life you loved to live.

6. Conclusion:
Consider yourself as a lucky child picked up from a dunghill by wicked parents but providencee decides to spare.
This is a selfish world. The others - your mother and her second husband - are enjoying the game. You are only traumatized in this matter and even if you are married to an angel, you are not likely to trust her. This is the resultant effect of this game on you.
Take a bold step.

Your mum did you dirty, and put you in this mess just because your real father might have threatened her if he has no access to you those days, he will split the milk

Pls, expose this truth, and be free, you're not meant to suffer another person's sin, let the family know what your mum told you when you were 12, if possible let there be open DNA so you know the real truth since she's married before having you for another man.

As for your girl, if you both are serious with your relationship, why not tell her what you're going through, such history is not meant to be hidden cos it will not be hidden forever, and it's not your fault, you're just a victim!
Pls talk and be free, like someone else said, your mother's husband might be aware sef, you dey there they die in silence

AS E BE SO NA FOR YOU TO CARRY THIS YOUR FAMILY SECRET GO MEET VDM SO OOOO

One thing I notice is that, people who are comfortable in life have unnecessary things around them as issues, things that doesn't matter to we the struggling ones.....for example, what do you mean by not telling or telling the lady you want to marry about this an issue...?

Una wey be big men too get wahala I beg,.e get wetin eye dey see wey go comot blood?......if you tell her and the family refuse she should not marry you because of it, no be to carry your marriage proposal go to the next girl?...shebi you say you get them plenty?

Merry Christmas OP and to everyone.

Jesus Christ is the reason for this season. He was born a star,light and saviour in order to bring out the star in every man's life.

When you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour by believing that he was born and he died - surrendered his life and shed his blood to make me/you free from the curse and oppression of our sins and the sins of others - you can now ask God to give you His Spirit - the Holy Spirit who will come and dwell in you connecting your born again spirit to that of God.

A beautiful relationship begins with you and God the Father. You stay in Him and He stays in you as you communicate and become more intimate. Every secret and solutions are yours when you relate freely with God as your Father. He is the King of Peace.

Matthew 11:28-30 NLT
Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.

[29] Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

[30] For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light."

OP, for now, get closer to God and find grace to be patient with God as He will help you to unknot this situation disturbing your mind. You need peace and Jesus Christ is the Prince of Peace. Don't rush anything and don't rush into anything seeking for that peace or what people call closure.

There is a spiritual dimension to life and it is best seen through marriage which is an institution founded by God. Mistakes have been made by your parents - 3 of them which you need the help and wisdom of God to come out of because of your own future home building.

Be patient. Be prayerful. Get closer to God. Avoid bitterness.

It shall be well.

Let me share a true life story about a family I know very well. It happened decades ago.

There was the vibrant youth music minister doing well. He happened to be the elder brother to a friend and classmate of mine then. He got married and for years he was believing God for children to come.

One day, he was in a place to pray and a revelation came that he should go ask his mother some questions as the delay to children coming was tied to a secret only the mother could tell. The primary question was who is his father? He felt surprised at such a revelation because he is the eldest son of his father.

He went to his mother and put this question to her. Initially, she resisted but he became aggressive and the mother opened up that the man he knows as his father is not his biological father. She brought his pregnancy into the marriage and only the mother knew this secret. It was a painful revelation to the family.

The mother gave him details about his biological father and he traced him to his hometown but sadly the man was late. But he reconnected to that family. Of course, he still maintained his relationship with the man who brought him up.

Eventually, his wife conceived and children started coming.

It was clear that the biological father was aware that his girlfriend was carrying a pregnancy from him into the marriage she was going into and he made utterances that came back to trouble the son until he returned to his root.

LIFE IS SPIRITUAL. PRAYER IS KEY TO NAVIGATING THIS SPIRITUAL TERRAIN. GOD BLESS YOU.

Dear op, if your story is true, talk to your mother first and let her explain to you how it happened especially since some other family members know. Then let her know you need to connect to your dad, and that you will still relate with your stepfather.

I'm sorry for the trauma brr, I really understand what you mean had a campus friend with similar case. The guy called everybody together and they all sorted for solutions and still found a solution to contain the situation.
Bro, get a therapy session to fix yourself before taking any decision.
But I want you to know that, you can't continue to hide truths and it would be abominable if you don't reveal the truth till your supposed dad dies.

Bros, man up ooo, invite everybody secretly especially now you wish to marry, reveal the truth make everybody know what's up.
If anyone dies due to heart attack it's more honourable dying with the truth than staying alive on a foundation of lies and deceits.

Don't marry without sorting out this issue first, it will keep on accumulating for you.

xxxx999jon:
Can everyone have a chill pill.this is fabricated story..I just don't know why people have fun doing this.
You story is so full of lies for a discerning minds and even from the quotes you answered back you destroyed you storyline.make una stop to dey lie lie ..no money for there ......

Family secret
Supporting a father that fed you and took care of you till you were an adult it's only if he was abusive to you or he knew you were not his sone.
You even had siblings.
So your mother can't tell anyone you not your father's kid she told you when you were 12.
Still allowed you to even be speaking to him from 12 where the other man was spending money on a non biological son and you gladly received it .

Lets assume this story is even true ..you can be forgiven at 12 .

But if you don't tell that man at this your adult age it's very sad ..the man deserves to know the truth...your mom is your mom no matter anyone says about her but your true father is the one that raised u.

But still believe this story is crap

I also think it's fabricated, but I have seen cases like this I know of one my close friend back then in campus.
Similar case.
By nature the man who raised him is his dad but by tradition his biological father is his father.
Things like this might be fictitious but it still doesn't neglect the idea of the post.
I already told him to expose everything before getting married because he's now a man. The man that raised him must be aware I'm %65 sure he must be aware but one thing my mom told me is that women are not fools.
They might get pregnant for Mr A and allow Mr B who they believe can be a better dad to their kids.
If I wake up tomorrow and hear that the man who raised me is not my biological father, I will still regard him as my father and also regard my biological father as a father too based on tradition regardless of how the situation occured.
You can't neglect tradition my brother, no matter what.

SIRKAY98:
dont bother telling your girl friend it will get complicated and they may turn out not marrying you, just do your thing with that man that raised you. karma is real. And he deserves to know this. Tell him, he wount die .

Since he said some of his mom's family are aware, you can be sure that the man already knows

On a related note I once dated a girl and we were quite close, after a while she told me that she had found a man she wanted to marry (we kept fvck!ng nonetheless ). All of a sudden she told me preparations were suspended. I said why? The man she wanted to marry had confided in her that he didn't know his father...so she told him to go find the man. My point here is that if he tells that fiancee she'll most probably refuse to marry him

Women are strange creatures

Kcash200:
I know he would have suspected her ways because looking back, she was rude to him and never listened but it would really shock me if he knew but i dont think i want to find out. Seems the current arrangement is working for everyone at the moment.

No i am not the first. it happened while my mum was married already.

As a woman, do you think i should tell a girl i have been talking to for 7months? she told her parents about me and they are from a good home. I do not know what the reaction would be because she asked me if i had any childhood trauma and i said no.

If I should judge the situation fairly, I will put majority of the blame on you for keeping the secrete for too long

You don't need to burst the bubble again, just contact your biological father and call him the name he is. He is such a terrible person that you should not be dealing with, at least for now. I understand you might be too young back then to know the gravity of his abominable act by secretly taking care of you under your parents roof. Tell him you acknowledge him as your real father but the person you know since you were born will always represent you in life.

Warn your mother too, let her know that you can only acknowledge him as father but you have no business with his existence as regards to your life. You are now an adult with independent mind, and you should not let these two evil people drag you in the mud.

Sirianese:
Since he said some of his mom's family are aware, you can be sure that the man already knows

I'm %70- %780 sure the man is already aware, coupled with what people say. Infact I'm sure the man will be afraid to loose him and hence never wanted to expose the secret...... but owning up as man to discus it out with everyone involved will definitely go a long way for him and relieve the trauma. If he keeps silent the trauma will keep accumulating and one day it will get tensed to settle later in the future.
Cases like this are not easy to tackle.

yemmit90:
If I should judge the situation fairly, I will put majority of the blame on you for keeping the secrete for too long

You don't need to burst the bubble again, just contact your biological father and call him the name he is. He is such a terrible person that you should not be dealing with, at least for now. I understand you might be too young back then to know the gravity of his abominable act by secretly taking care of you under your parents roof. Tell him you acknowledge him as your real father but the person you know since you were born will always represent you in life.

Warn your mother too, let her know that you can only acknowledge him as father but you have no business with his existence as regards to your life. You are now an adult with independent mind, and you should not let these two evil people drag you in the mud.

I understand you, I would exactly do the same tey tey, but the sad truth is, he can't stop relating with his biological father who didn't raise him.
By tradition, the tradition don't care who raised him, it cares more about whose blood he was made.
He just have to accept it and go with the both as his fathers. Infact I think bearing the names of the man who raised him up is enough to pay respects to the man who raised him , but he can't neglect his biological father based on tradition.

Women creating problems from the day of creation........
God sef dey avoid them
See as person Mama dey spoil him life for him korokoro eyes.
I feel for you brother.....
Na your mama dey cause you all this pain oooo
God go heal you and help you direct your life........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don’t listen to what most people are saying here. No amount of therapy can solve or clear this in your head. You are not Oyibo o.

Face the problem, squarely. Call first meeting with your mum and your biological father. Let them explain why things happened that way and who is at fault for delaying you from being given to your biological father. Ask so many logical questions from both of them, since you are now an adult. Answering these questions will give you more clarity and perspectives to the matter. Their answers will lead you to how to address the issue at hand.

If they can’t agree or give you clear answers or reasons why it happened, schedule another meeting with them for another day.

Request a DNA with your biological father. If the results come out positive, you have scaled the first hurdle of truly knowing your biological father.

If the result comes out to be negative, conduct a secret DNA of your ‘surrogate’ father. If the result comes out negative, you are now in another dilemma but all-in-all, na who raise you be your father o.

Still love your mom because you too could have made the same mistake when young, except if she hasn’t changed her behavior after what happened when she was young.

Love your surrogate father and take proper care of him. He may only not like you again, if he gets to know you already know this. Be ready to deal with the situation, maturely, any day your surrogate father gets to know. Let him know you love him and can’t trade him for an absentee father.
If your surrogate father chooses to trigger your release clause, your biological father should be ready to pay all your father and mother have spent on you, while he was away.

I could see that your biological father isn’t serious about you. If he is serious, he shouldn’t have allowed your mom to give you to another man. Even after 12 years, he still allowed you to continue living with your surrogate dad till you are now an adult. That’s a sign to tell you that he doesn’t need you. He too may be hiding you from his wife at home.

I am sure your father knows or somehow suspected,I don’t see the reason why you should tell any lady you want to Marry until the whole secret is out
Beside what is the business of the lady you want to marry as long as you are doing well for yourself ?
One thing is certain your head will never clear until all the secret is out so the earlier you call a meeting to expose your mother,the better for you
And the worse is you know your real father but still you are deceiving the one that brought you up

VanuatuWycombe:
Don’t listen to what most people are saying here. No amount of therapy can solve or clear this in your head. You are not Oyibo o.

Face the problem, squarely. Call first meeting with your mum and your biological father. Let them explain why things happened that way and who is at fault for delaying you from being given to your biological father. Ask so many logical questions from both of them, since you are now an adult. Answering these questions will give you more clarity and perspectives to the matter. Their answers will lead you to how to address the issue at hand.

If they can’t agree or give you clear answers or reasons why it happened, schedule another meeting with them for another day.

Request a DNA with your biological father. If the results come out positive, you have scaled the first hurdle of truly knowing your biological father.

If the result comes out to be negative, conduct a secret DNA of your ‘surrogate’ father. If the result comes out negative, you are now in another dilemma but all-in-all, na who raise you be your father o.

Still love your mom because you too could have made the same mistake when young, except if she hasn’t changed her behavior after what happened when she was young.

Love your surrogate father and take proper care of him. He may only not like you again, if he gets to know you already know this. Be ready to deal with the situation, maturely, any day your surrogate father gets to know. Let him know you love him and can’t trade him for an absentee father.
If your surrogate father chooses to trigger your release clause, your biological father should be ready to pay all your father and mother have spent on you, while he was away.

I could see that your biological father isn’t serious about you. If he is serious, he shouldn’t have allowed your mom to give you to another man. Even after 12 years, he still allowed you to continue living with your surrogate dad till you are now an adult. That’s a sign to tell you that he doesn’t need you. He too may be hiding you from his wife at home.

Or maybe his biological father was not found worthy by his mom to raise her kids, women choose who raises their kids. Although we shouldn't stick to blames but look for solutions.
His biological father can't fight to have him back, he's now a man and must decide for himself, I think bearing the names of the man who raised him up is enough to pay respects to him and show loyalty.
Having two fathers isn't bad because most traditions don't care about who raised you up but by whose blood and DNA you are made of.

the story isn't adding up, sound too fake. how old is the writer to start with?

[quote author=Kcash200 post=137878606]Hi guys,

You be agba betrayer oo

VanuatuWycombe:
Don’t listen to what most people are saying here. No amount of therapy can solve or clear this in your head. You are not Oyibo o.

Face the problem, squarely. Call first meeting with your mum and your biological father. Let them explain why things happened that way and who is at fault for delaying you from being given to your biological father. Ask so many logical questions from both of them, since you are now an adult. Answering these questions will give you more clarity and perspectives to the matter. Their answers will lead you to how to address the issue at hand.

If they can’t agree or give you clear answers or reasons why it happened, schedule another meeting with them for another day.

Request a DNA with your biological father. If the results come out positive, you have scaled the first hurdle of truly knowing your biological father.

If the result comes out to be negative, conduct a secret DNA of your ‘surrogate’ father. If the result comes out negative, you are now in another dilemma but all-in-all, na who raise you be your father o.

Still love your mom because you too could have made the same mistake when young, except if she hasn’t changed her behavior after what happened when she was young.

Love your surrogate father and take proper care of him. He may only not like you again, if he gets to know you already know this. Be ready to deal with the situation, maturely, any day your surrogate father gets to know. Let him know you love him and can’t trade him for an absentee father.
If your surrogate father chooses to trigger your release clause, your biological father should be ready to pay all your father and mother have spent on you, while he was away.

I could see that your biological father isn’t serious about you. If he is serious, he shouldn’t have allowed your mom to give you to another man. Even after 12 years, he still allowed you to continue living with your surrogate dad till you are now an adult. That’s a sign to tell you that he doesn’t need you. He too may be hiding you from his wife at home.

You are kind of living in an unreal world. He should call his elders, including a treacherous biological father for a meeting? Have you considered he does not know the history between the two men?
This could mean war that can end the life of one or two of the men, wreak his family totally asunder.
If you are Igbo, do not dare call your father for a meeting with a stranger you think is your real father, the outcome will likely be very very negative. The most you might do is discuss it with him in secret, but even that is very abnormal.

The other guy up there is writing about traditions being that your biological father is your right father. Am sure that must be yoruba culture. In Igbo culture, your father is the man married to your mother. You will not be the first or the last, and truly nobody cares if your father is your biological father, because it not your place to determine who your father is.

GerogeI:
You are kind of living in an unreal world. He should call his elders, including a treacherous biological father for a meeting? Have you considered he does not know the history between the two men?
This could mean war that can end the life of one or two of the men, wreak his family totally asunder.
If you are Igbo, do not dare call your father for a meeting with a stranger you think is your real father, the outcome will likely be very very negative. The most you might do is discuss it with him in secret, but even that is very abnormal.

The other guy up there is writing about traditions being that your biological father is your right father. Am sure that must be yoruba culture. In Igbo culture, your father is the man married to your mother. You will not be the first or the last, and truly nobody cares if your father is your biological father, because it not your place to determine who your father is.

💯

At least you've learned a lesson about trusting a woman as the most dangerous thing.

With that lesson, you want to tell those girls you met? They'll say to themselves, "If his mom could cheat in marriage, I'll cheat too." If you get mad when she cheats and call her uncanny names, she'll remind you of your mom and you'll start crying.

If she finds out on her own, she'll start crying. Anyway, one of you will cry in the end.

Look at what your mom has caused you. Women! They don't really care about anything except their pleasure and emotions.

Irresponsible men are the happiest men.

GerogeI:
You are kind of living in an unreal world. He should call his elders, including a treacherous biological father for a meeting? Have you considered he does not know the history between the two men?
This could mean war that can end the life of one or two of the men, wreak his family totally asunder.
If you are Igbo, do not dare call your father for a meeting with a stranger you think is your real father, the outcome will likely be very very negative. The most you might do is discuss it with him in secret, but even that is very abnormal.

The other guy up there is writing about traditions being that your biological father is your right father. Am sure that must be yoruba culture. In Igbo culture, your father is the man married to your mother. You will not be the first or the last, and truly nobody cares if your father is your biological father, because it not your place to determine who your father is.

Read my comment. Not a meeting with those fathers. A meeting with his biological father and mother.

Read with your mind open but not with emotions.

You have poor sense of comprehension sion.

Which yeye tradition? I have said it that who raised him is his father but to clear his doubt and free his mind, he needs to get to the root of the matter.
One or both of his biological father or mother may be at fault. He needs to know.

Forget about yeye tradition. No be for the same igbo tradition the Iroko Tv owner was going around begging his son to come back and advertising in daily newspapers?
OP has said he is an adult and well to do, no be wetin some parents dey respect be dat? Assuming OP is an agbero now, may be his father can say by tradition, no child can call him into a meeting.

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Who will be your Father of the day,on your marriage day?? Please still use the one who raised you up.

Kcash200:
Hi guys,

I have a problem i have been dealing with since i was 12. I am from a large family and when i was 12, my mum told me my Dad is not my biological father and for me to make it a secret. I did not know what to do with such an information at that age but i knew it was wrong but i couldnt talk so i am not the one who destroys the family. Everyone lives in peace but i always wonder what will happen if only they know the truth. My biological father has other children and some of them know me that i am outside. He was involved in my life financially from 12years as far as i am aware of. He sent me money then and i kept quiet too and also supported me financially a couple of times though we have no personal relationship asides 2-3mins phone calls here and there and it is been like that for years.

I know my biological father and we kept in touch while i was in secondary school. Now that i am an adult now, i feel really sad about the whole thing and sometimes i even cry on my bed. I have been living in secret and a double life and fearing i might be outed one day. Some people in my mother's family are aware which is very strange and i find it shameful as a man now but i did not choose my fate. I have always tried to forget it and just leave my life but it is always just there especially when i think about starting my own family. I am striving hard for it not to define the way i see marriage and life as i am trying to write a different story for myself.

I grew up with my father who is not my biological father and i have been a good son to him as well and still taking care of him but it bothers that my whole life is a lie and it is hard knowing what i know and i can't say anything as that will scatter the family. I met some girls from a very good home who i can marry but i am scared if i tell her or other girls, that her parent will not let me marry her with that secret.

I am scared of getting married publicly as someone can take the news to my biological father as i do not intend to invite him as my biological father but i always feel heavy anytime i think about it. I want to start a new life for myself but i don't know how to handle this. I do not plan to tell my father as he is getting old and this can kill him at his old age as he has been through a lot in life. He is finally enjoying and i am taking care of him very well and he prays for me all the time.

I am building a good life for myself as a professional and have a lot of girls around me but i don't know what to do. Should i keep quiet and tell the girl i marry after marriage ? Isn't that me building my marriage on deceit. It is a shameful thing to talk about if you look at it.

Sometimes, i feel like they caused me trauma putting me in this position but i am an adult now and will bear responsibility for how i live my life and cant continue to blame any trauma or anyone. I am the one who has to keep quiet for peace to reign in the family.

I don't want to wait too long just incase it is a dealbreaker for someone but i also don't want to be disclosing to anyone.

Aside from marriage, i still do not know what to do with that information.

Leave your father bro,stick with the one that raised you all through...

Be in his shoes,how will you feel if years of training your son to adulthood for him to leave you and start life with another man you don't know...


Well,I blame your mother for that....


She's deceitful and full of wickedness to hide such from the man(your non biological father)

VanuatuWycombe:
Read my comment. Not a meeting with those fathers. A meeting with his biological father and mother.

Read with your mind open but not with emotions.

You have poor sense of comprehension sion.

Which yeye tradition? I have said it that who raised him is his father but to clear his doubt and free his mind, he needs to get to the root of the matter.
One or both of his biological father or mother may be at fault. He needs to know.

Forget about yeye tradition. No be for the same igbo tradition the Iroko Tv owner was going around begging his son to come back and advertising in daily newspapers?
OP has said he is an adult and well to do, no be wetin some parents dey respect be dat? Assuming OP is an agbero now, may be his father can say by tradition, no child can call him into a meeting.

You keep getting lower. So he should meet up with his mother and a strange supposed father, infact both adulterers together. That's called ganging up against his father. Get real.

Let me give you some facts about traditions. You must have heard about Osu's in Igbo culture. In the Anambra and Enugu axis of Igbo land. Osu caste did not originate out of slavery or dehumanisation. They originated from the gods and their priests. Sometimes, after consultations, the Dibia or priest declares that the gods demand a wife. The community will come together to marry a wife the so called god, which is symbolised in a tree, river, cave - mostly rivers. The woman will arrive and take up residence in the lands of the shrines of the gods. And soon starts having children. Definitely we all know the rivers or trees are not the one impregnating her, but the community men. Those children grow up, and bear the name of the god married to their mother. The myth is that people concluded that it was too dangerous to interact or even let your children play with children of the gods, because even if you hurt then unintentionally you would have angered their father who is a god, with deadly retributions. That's how such offsprings became avoided and untouchable, and Osu caste was born out of fear.
Am not trying to entertain you, but to illustrate to you how serious paternity by marriage is in Igbo culture. Its not a triffle, and its not something you should try to muscle through based on your personal conviction because you will find yourself alone and isolated.

Igbos do not live entirely in Lagos or any city. Each one of us is closely tied to a village, a particular kindred and often to land owned and farmed by our ancestors in which we must be buried on death. That is the root of our identity, and mass return to villages at Christmas.

DeepSight:
+
Bad advice.

Toor. Let him hold on to the secret then. When the oldies finally depart, he will continue to live with the regret and pain, since he's already facing it. He can continue to chest it. Infact, no need to bring it up if it's not an issue for him.

The question is why did he bring it up for advise if he doesn't want to be lightened up and free from the burning pain?

I've been in almost similar situation. And I can tell you, elders, especially responsible parents will rather jump infront of a moving train for their children and loved ones.

He can decide to keep the problem for his generation or let the departing generations go with the problems they created. The choice is absolutely his.