₦airaland Forum

Seems i have configured my life to be single even tho i desire relationship
But it seems it impossible for me to have one

I lack basic skills of having a partner
Like communication skills
Leadership skills

I don’t even know how to woo a lady or talk to them

May be this is due to my childhood mindset that if don’t talk to girls I will make heaven now all my efforts on ladies dies on first trial

There’s a partner for everyone. When you meet your own you wouldn’t have to stress it. Just keep talking to as many as you can. Remove the pressure to win them over, just see it as fun. You’ll be amazed by the results you’ll get. Your problem is that you’re taking women too serious.

Rearealki:
➜Seems i have configured my life to be single even tho i desire relationship
But it seems it impossible for me to have one. I lack basic skills of having a partner. Like communication skills. Leadership skills. I don’t even know how to woo a lady or talk to them
May be this is due to my childhood mindset that if don’t talk to girls I will make heaven now all my efforts on ladies dies on first trial

It is OK to admit to yourself that you are lacking in emotional and social intelligence. Most people out there struggle in the same areas, but somehow think that by faking it, they can make it. Unfortunately, they are also the majority out there who end up embittered and miserable in a relationship. Being honest with yourself is the best way to go, and this is the first step towards obtaining the know-how/skills you need. 🥱🥱🥱

If you are not able to access YouTube channels to get the training in Emotional and Social Learning, you can download books on each of the subjects, using that as a guide to help you do the heavy inner work that you need to train your mind and brain to become a better human being overall. Consistency is the key, and self-discipline is needed to ensure success. 🥱🥱

P.S. -the same skills you need to make good male friends are pretty much the same skills you need to make good female friends, and eventually decide romantic partners.🥱🥱🥱

Abdul, get the rocks.
When you get the rocks, you get the flocks.

Good.

Mikocake:
➜There’s a partner for everyone.
➜ When you meet your own you wouldn’t have to stress it.
➜ Just keep talking to as many as you can. Remove the pressure to win them over, just see it as fun. You’ll be amazed by the results you’ll get. ➜ Your problem is that you’re taking women too serious.

1. Let's stop telling everyone this lie that was invented by your traditional/religious leaders to keep many subjugated and controlled under their banners. There is no partner for everyone out there. As a matter of fact, about 25% of the population in every generation go on to never experience marriage or a romantic relationship in their lifetime. Not through any fault of their own, but because life had many other equally important or meaningful plans for them. And that is the fact of this life we live in. 🥱🥱

2. Again, stop telling him this lie! No human out there has mind-reading abilities. That stress of having to communicate your feelings and plans is necessary regardless of who you meet. 🥱🥱

3. This is the worst advice that many out there ever received. It leads to burnout, bitterness(being rejected so many times tends to take a toll on the average emotionally deficient being out there), and disillusionment. Look at threads in the Romance section on Nairaland for the evidence of this. 🥱🥱

4. Wrong! His problem, as he honestly stated, is that he is still lacking in emotional and social intelligence. And the only way to properly resolve his issue is for him to take time out from the chase to work on these skills until he is at least at a point where he is comfortable enough to express himself to both men and women, and also knows how to handle rejection, not as an attack on himself, but a fact of life. 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
It is OK to admit to yourself that you are lacking in emotional and social intelligence. Most people out there struggle in the same areas, but somehow think that by faking it, they can make it. Unfortunately, they are also the majority out there who end up embittered and miserable in a relationship. Being honest with yourself is the best way to go, and this is the first step towards obtaining the know-how/skills you need. 🥱🥱🥱

If you are not able to access YouTube channels to get the training in Emotional and Social Learning, you can download books on each of the subjects, using that as a guide to help you do the heavy inner work that you need to train your mind and brain to become a better human being overall. Consistency is the key, and self-discipline is needed to ensure success. 🥱🥱

P.S. -the same skills you need to make good male friends are pretty much the same skills you need to make good female friends, and eventually decide romantic partners.🥱🥱🥱

See you are right

I have been watching videos since my 18th birthday it’s a decade + later now I have still not have a grasp of the least social and emotional skills

I don’t think I can ever

Rearealki:
➜See you are right. I have been watching videos since my 18th birthday it’s a decade + later now I have still not have a grasp of the least social and emotional skills.
➜I don’t think I can ever

It ain't about merely watching videos. Self-reflection work is needed, and this is something you will need to do throughout the rest of your life if you have come to understand the importance of such efforts towards ensuring your best outcome in life and also in your every relationship in life(not just romantic prospects).🥱🥱

The least social and emotional skills? You mean you have watched videos, and you are still unable to realize what boundaries are, their importance, and how to decide them for yourself and your relationships? 🥱🥱

2. Why have you reached this conclusion? Are you mentally unable to learn or something? What is the reason behind this conclusion of yours?🥱🥱

Congratulations on your way to financial breakthrough and emotional freedom

Rearealki:
Seems i have configured my life to be single even tho i desire relationship
But it seems it impossible for me to have one

I lack basic skills of having a partner
Like communication skills
Leadership skills

I don’t even know how to woo a lady or talk to them

May be this is due to my childhood mindset that if don’t talk to girls I will make heaven now all my efforts on ladies dies on first trial

bro, one advice. Bury your head into learning a skill. Thank me later. You no need foolish relationship to feel fulfilled

CHIEFCHICKEN:
Congratulations on your way to financial breakthrough and emotional freedom

that's just it. I wish I knew this earlier. I ran into a girl I used to know like about ten years ago, she was looking all nice, and she was staring at my face, I don't know if it's shock to see me looking fine and all, we conversed for like a few seconds. She was expecting me to ask for her number. For where? No be me.

She was kind of hesitating to leave. I guess she expected us to exchange numbers. I no get that energy anymore abeg. All my brain na money money and family. Females nowadays are worse than devil's. Trouble your mind and empty your wallet is what they are good at. Nothing more

Kobojunkie:
1. Let's stop telling everyone this lie that was invented by your traditional/religious leaders to keep many subjugated and controlled under their banners. There is no partner for everyone out there. As a matter of fact, about 25% of the population in every generation go on to never experience marriage or a romantic relationship in their lifetime. Not through any fault of their own, but because life had many other equally important or meaningful plans for them. And that is the fact of this life we live in. 🥱🥱

2. Again, stop telling him this lie! No human out there has mind-reading abilities. That stress of having to communicate your feelings and plans is necessary regardless of who you meet. 🥱🥱

3. This is the worst advice that many out there ever received. It leads to burnout, bitterness(being rejected so many times tends to take a toll on the average emotionally deficient being out there), and disillusionment. Look at threads in the Romance section on Nairaland for the evidence of this. 🥱🥱

4. Wrong! His problem, as he honestly stated, is that he is still lacking in emotional and social intelligence. And the only way to properly resolve his issue is for him to take time out from the chase to work on these skills until he is at least at a point where he is comfortable enough to express himself to both men and women, and also knows how to handle rejection, not as an attack on himself, but a fact of life. 🥱🥱

In as much as you made some valuable points in your write up, but there’s no almighty formula to things like this. All I’m trying to say is that he should keep on keeping on. There’s power in repetition. No one was born with emotional or social skills and you build it by interacting with others, knowing what works and what doesn’t. How would he improve if he doesn’t interact? You can read thousands of books or watch thousands of videos but if you don’t interact with people is of no use. I’m only encouraging the op to continue being social and open, and if desires to get a partner he’ll surely see someone who understands him, simple.
Op keep pushing my brother, nothing good comes easy. There are many people who are in such situations that still found a way to pull through.

Not every lion who chased a zebra caught it, but every lion who caught a zebra chased it.

Mikocake:
✓ In as much as you made some valuable points in your write up, but there’s no almighty formula to things like this. All I’m trying to say is that he should keep on keeping on. There’s power in repetition. No one was born with emotional or social skills and you build it by . interacting with others, knowing what works and what doesn’t. How would he improve if he doesn’t interact? You can read thousands of books or watch thousands of videos but if you don’t interact with people is of no use. I’m only encouraging the op to continue being social and open, and if desires to get a partner he’ll surely see someone who understands him, simple.
✓ Op keep pushing my brother, nothing good comes easy. There are many people who are in such situations that still found a way to pull through.
✓ Not every lion who chased a zebra caught it, but every lion who caught a zebra chased it.

1. The only power in repetition comes from repeating that which you have previously learned and come to know to be right. GIGO - Garbage-in-garbage-out.; if you repeat foolishness, you will only continue a cycle of foolishness. And we clearly see that is what most Nigerians like to do ... recyclinh foolishness in hopes that some way, some how it will magically transform itself to wisdom... something that clearly never happens. 🥱🥱

Repetition only works in your favor when you first learn the right way to do things and then go on to putting that into practice, sparing yourself any wasted foolishness, and meaninglessness by that. 🥱🥱🥱

2. Nothing good comes easy! All the more reason why he has to do the hard inner work necessary to equip him with the emotional and social intelligence -- the e best practice tools --- that is best able to aid him in obtaining that which he needs to find before venturing out there. 🥱🥱🥱

3. Blindly chasing after zebra does not get a lion fed. (Contrary to what you may have been told, lions dodo go hungry if their chase fails.) Knowing the particular zebra to go after and when is how a lion is best able to ensure he gets fed that day. 🥱🥱🥱

My major problem has always been communication

Rearealki:
My major problem has always been communication

. There is a reason behind your inability to communicate. Find out what it is, and you gain even more self-awareness. Go a bit further to love yourself and realize your anxieties and fears are unfounded, and you gain for yourself a measure of self-love that no broken heart or rejection can take away from you. 🥱🥱

Love finds you when your not looking for it though. So chase money and build up value , so that when it finds you it would make more sense and be a really sweet relationship.

And when I say build up value I'm not just referring to skills that make you money NO
I'm talking about building emotional intelligence, emotional maturity , working on your self (personal hygiene, fitness , style ) these things makes you a better partner.