₦airaland Forum

physics12:
Get busy, and you not even notice who desire you and who don't.

It's lazy, dreamless people that desire affection like this. Get to work

Bold of you to believe a version of me you created in your head

QuinQQ:
We made it - Frontpage!
Sexyrosey you only have 13 posts and already on Frontpage with your first topic😅
While people like my buddy here have millions of posts and topics and never smell Frontpage!😂

I really appreciate your support, thanks so much.

Love800:
I nor fit stay with two(2) wives.
Instead i will just have a girlfriend outside.

I appreciate.

Alright na. Then do.

ikennaoma:
Although single, overtime we have been advised by experts that communication is key to a successful marriage. I'm of a strong opinion that you settle for a partner that is emotionally intelligent and ready to adjust to the reality of marriage. Sometimes isn't all about looks and financial prowess. Consider other unseen qualities before you say "YES" or Consider the chosen one. Mental health is underrated.

You are right, but some guys pretend and love bomb you into marriage only to withdraw and move on the next

Teymanhenry:
Loneliness in marriage often comes from silence, not absence. Pride, ego, and poor communication make us withdraw instead of speaking up. We expect perfection from our partners, forget they’re human, and slowly create distance through unmet expectations.
Other causes include unresolved conflicts, emotional neglect, lack of appreciation, poor listening, busy schedules, and constant comparisons.
The solution is simple: choose humility over pride, communicate clearly, ask instead of assuming, appreciate small efforts, make time to connect, and resolve issues early.
Marriage thrives not on perfection, but on understanding and intentional effort.

I really appreciate your input, thank you

JoeEeL:
Smile and pretend outside. Wear matching farher xmas clothing on xmas day and share on social media to "pepper dem"

Then when alone in d house, 2 of u sit far apart. U eat alone, u wonder wetin make u marry am. When she open clothe, u think of her past body count. U wonder if she been don do hookup before u marry am. She bills u for nepa money, scl fees, rent, money for inlaws, feeding... then u privately wonder whether ure not being used as a slave and marriage is one well disguised setup against men.

To make matters worse, high bp go wan kill u when u begin suspect say another man dey climb ur woman. U go see signs enh, trust issues go wan kpaai u 😃

Wow…

aswani:
Sorry to read this but based on experience, there are two sides to a story especially when it comes to marriage lamentations.

Start to derive your happiness from self and not others. Until you do that, you will never leave this horrible state you are in.

The romance books, glossy celebrity magazines, Nollywood movie, to name a few, are all fake and don't give a good or true reflection of life and relationships.

Also, ignore every single thing you read from Kobojunkie, she doesn't know Jack or has experienced anything, yet she will be the loudest (Anti male) noise in your thread. Misery loves company indeed.

I hope you can turn things round though it does read like the egg had cracked.

Also reflect on the part you have played, if any, to bring you to this point.

You go dey ok las las.

I really appreciate this, thank you

Ishilove:
The ones who cannot even keep ordinary relationships are here giving advice on how to sustain a marriage, making baseless assumptions and infusing their bitterness into their answers. Even the ones who married rubbish and are regretting it also came to drop their "2 cents." By their fruits you shall know them.

Op SexyRosey, pray for the spirit of discernment to be able to separate the chaff from the wheat when the world is giving you their so called advice. It is only those who have walked in your shoes that can truly understand what you are going through.

Hmmmm, so many advice and hate comments, but I appreciate everyone that gave me solid advice from their heart. It is well

Tenrack:
who be your child?

My apologies...

Rest Tenrack...
Happy Sunday

justloo:
Dear Rosey,

It’s very evident you love your husband and want him to reciprocate. I am a man of similar mode although I am emotionally present, her feelings matter so much to me, I care so much about her, 100% provider, hands on with house chores but my only problem - I am not romantic (well according to her)

She loves lovey-dovey-touchy and holding hands when we walk on the road but I am not like that. But ever since she brought it to my attention, I do hit and miss and she sees the effort I make. Her happiness means the world to me and I will even sacrifice my life for her to be happy.

Most men like me grew up in loving families but we didn’t see our fathers or the environment we grew up in show this PDA or romance. We grew up way to masculine and learn romance as much as we can but placing greater emphasis on providing for the family.

I suggest you write him a love letter detailing everything you feel and how much you long for him to be there. I want to believe that the thought of not knowing that he has been hurting you all these years and the fear of loosing you will make him to start putting the effort.

It’s a gradual process and you have to play a significant role in it to draw him out. He will respond to your stimuli albeit on a hit and miss basis until he catches up.

Please always communicate your needs and how you feel and watch how you will gradually get the love of your life back

I will surely try this. Thank you so much

QuinQQ:
We made it - Frontpage!
Sexyrosey you only have 13 posts and already on Frontpage with your first topic😅
While people like my buddy here have millions of posts and topics and never smell Frontpage!😂

what was sexyrosey given after she made frontpage?

Did she even get a thank you from the mods or even the admin?

UnknownQueen:
My apologies...

Rest Tenrack...
Happy Sunday

happy Sunday to you too.

Okay.

JoeEeL:
Alright na. Then do.

Dtruthspeaker:
If you see all the threads on relationships and marriage, you would see everything is in a defined and predictable box, having the eternal opening question of "did you not see all these things before you entered it?

Marriage and relationships ain't that complicated however, it is clear that they go twisted because some has 4ukd up the system.

Try not to attribute every pain to failure. We don't know her story or how she met her husband. All we know is that a concerned woman is sharing her experience on nairaland, a faceless forum. It is not like she is posting her husband's pictures or saying ridiculous things about him. She brought up a very valid concern. A lot of married people; not just women, are going through this. Some people stop investing once the relationship is lock in.

Don't deceive yourself: marriage is very complicated. As much as I consider myself wise, I know that if I had married earlier, I could have made a serious mistake. We are human; anything can cloud our judgment, and sometimes the signs might not even be there.

There have been times when I assumed people were good, only to discover with time that they were not. There was a particular guy I could have married in less than three months if I hadn't decided to take my time. I was over the moon for him. The first six months of knowing him felt like heaven on earth. I had fallen for him so deeply that even when he later started acting up, I kept making excuses for him in my head.

But there are certain behaviours I don't excuse, even if they happen just once. My belief is that if a man tries to hit you or actually hits you, he is toxic and is only kind of holding himself back until the relationship is locked in. It took me almost a year to realize his true character.

I don't think many women would knowingly date a man who is emotionally unavailable, unkind, or already behaving badly toward them.

Sometimes, people's true character is not very visible except with time. An uncaring person can easily pretend to be caring for a while, and emotional withdrawal can take time to reveal itself.

Many people marry within just six to eight months of courting, and I don't think one can fully understand someone's character within such a short period. Some relationships are simply based on luck.

joseph1832:
what was sexyrosey given after she made frontpage?

Did she even get a thank you from the mods or even the admin?

Well, what did you get after Senegal won? Therein lies your answer.
Plus she got a whole bunch of advice.
And her husband now probably knows (he'll put 2 and 2 together - and her name is right there, Rose!). Probably why she's disappeared since (see below).

QuinQQ:
Well said Kobo.
Though some people ENJOY being lonely and crying about it, and telling everybody how lonely they are!

Sexyrosey:
Wow…

Ehen

Teymanhenry:
Loneliness in marriage often comes from silence, not absence. Pride, ego, and poor communication make us withdraw instead of speaking up. We expect perfection from our partners, forget they’re human, and slowly create distance through unmet expectations.
Other causes include unresolved conflicts, emotional neglect, lack of appreciation, poor listening, busy schedules, and constant comparisons.
The solution is simple: choose humility over pride, communicate clearly, ask instead of assuming, appreciate small efforts, make time to connect, and resolve issues early.
Marriage thrives not on perfection, but on understanding and intentional effort.

Depends on who you're dealing with. There is power dynamic in marriage. Some spouses will gleefully use that humility against you (mama Nkechi is suddenly humble )

bibiking7:



If it was all good before then became stale. The time spent in writing this post could also have been spent talking to your spouse to find out whats really going on.
You know your spouse well. The internet in-laws dont know your spouse as much as you do. Some people mirror affection and attitude.
If you are telling us how lonely you feel, why not tell your spouse too. Make an effort. The write up sounds like you have found someone else and just looking for justification.

Communication is very very important

I don't think the "found someone" part is right. See her very first post on NL (she only has 13) - she was looking for friend

RosyIsBlessed:
That means one party has left the marriage already. Just the body remain inside the marriage

Many marriages are exactly like this. But they persist and accomplish what marriages are for - raise children!

Kobojunkie:
if you were to find yourself with a woman who left you lonely like OP is now...say 5 years from now you find that you, like OP have been pouring water into an empty basket.. would you also buy into this Jesus and the power of his name will make it all magically ok somehow suggestion you may have the Op? 🥱🥱🥱

Actually Lord Jesus does exactly that. Don't downlook what you haven't tried

Freshandfitpod:
marry two more wives.

And who'll finance that?

QuinQ:
And who'll finance that?

the guy that wants two wives

sonofthunder:
1. Try and love yourself. Have your own fun and activities that are for you. I'm not saying you should redirect your focus or efforts cause that will year your marriage apart.

2. Try and initiate things with your husband. Outings, visits, dates, etc.

3. Discuss what you want with your husband. Anything you haven't constructively tried to trash out with him at least 3 times should not be heard by an outsider.

Suppose he's in love with someone. Did you consider that?

Merry100:
Try not to attribute every pain to failure. We don't know her story or how she met her husband...

When things that previously were going well go wrong, it always means something has failed. And so, the first place to check is what did she do?

QuinQ:
Well, what did you get after Senegal won? Therein lies your answer.
Plus she got a whole bunch of advice.
And her husband now probably knows (he'll put 2 and 2 together - and her name is right there, Rose!). Probably why she's disappeared since (see below).

Duh. Im a nigerian. Wbats my business if Senegal won Americam presidency? Your statement is non sequitor.

"Her husband probably knows". Thats a whole lot of probably. The best way for her to communicate her lonliness to him, is via social media? On the pages of Nairaland?

Also, she is the only Woman name Rose in Nairaland, right? The way you jump and make assumptions, hope you didnt break a knee when making it?

Ketamine9000mg:
A lot of people have said many things. I hoped someone would share something like this. My message right now feels like a needle in a haystack. It is possible this happened to me or to a friend, or that AI helped in making it up—it doesn’t matter.

So, let’s go.

My wife is a very beautiful woman. She has her flaws. After we got married, all I could see were her flaws. We grew apart. We barely acted like a couple. We could go for weeks without having any physical contact. At some point, I started having an affair.

I read a lot—relevant and irrelevant stuff. Let’s just say I have a mind that wants to know. I once read a book. It had nothing to do with relationships, marriage, or romance. It was a book that described habits and how to master and change them if you want to. However, the book used an illustration: if you want to be rich, behave in small, daily ways exactly like rich people do. If you want to be a good husband, behave daily the way good husbands behave. Over time, this becomes a habit.

So I started.

I started kissing my wife when she opened the door for me after work. I started spanking her behind when I saw her cooking in the kitchen. I started assisting her around the house. When we sat late at night in the living room, I started resting her head on my lap (we used to sit on different chairs). This triggered something in her, and she started making her own effort to meet me halfway.
When I first started, it was awkward. I kissed her and she gave an expression like, “Which day did this one start?” But over time, it became natural to us, and we started looking forward to it.

Right now, all I talk about is my loving wife. I am now a faithful, loving and happy husband.

Trust me—before marriage, you and your partner had deep love or at least physical desire for each other, and it’s probably just hidden right now. You can ignite it again by doing small romantic things regularly.

John F. Kennedy’ said and I quote “Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country.”

So I rephrase, ask not what your man can do for you—ask what can you do for your partner.

This might not work, but what else do you have to lose?

Depends on the kind of person the spouse is. Always does.

Very good, insightful write-up tho

Whois:
Happiness is an individual thing. Nuff said

How about loneliness?
This is about lonliness

yemmit90:
Lolz, you never had encounter with a terrible partner, reason you think you can motivate them to love you. Let me tell you this, a bad person is always a bad person irrespective of the gender they belong. And why do you think people settled for divorce? Couples opted for divorce when one of them must have exhausted every peaceful step and love to make it work.

No mind am. The advanceDNA of a guy has serious problems

supereagle:
Many homes are like that.

Exactly. Many more than people realize

advanceDNA:
Lol….. show me what exactly she did from what she wrote…..baba… thats how pple that do next to nothing sound.. Vague!!!
She ddnt say anything specific about how she poured love into the relationship and thats why i was specific with those question…and her response to me was still vague..

If there’s only one thing ive come to know about that gender is that they overestimate their worth in your life.… ordinary to visit you Is seen as huge favour for many of them as they expect you repay by paying their transport to and fro..

They will say they suffered with you & made you who u are when the real picture is she ddnt really have any planB and all the while during ur struggling days you were using your small salary to take care of them and pay all the bills & rent alone….buy land alone, build house alone..etc..

Is it not the same gender that will visit you and be giving you green light with, “i will soon be going oooo”


Baba.. many of them are used to expecting men to keep the spark alive from dating stage…because they already believe they are doing you greater favour by agreeing to date you or have consensual sex…

if u want to find out just how little women do to keep the romantic spark alive...do a survey here and you will hear what most men will say… only few guys will tell you their wives or babe make the first romantic, nice gestures regularly…..they believe sex is ultimate, which they never see as mutual and thats why you will hear them talk about sex as something they “give” you

Your reasoning is clouded by your hatred for the fairer sex. If you read between the lines this is a TIRED woman. You don't become tired from doing nothing

streetsoldier1:
I

Lets talk privately.... I got tips for u

OP be careful
I didn't say anything o