₦airaland Forum

Orlandoo:
Really? You think it is that easy when he has been caged? Anyway, He is my cousin and I pray he turn around for good.

No man is perpetually a lost soul, and to answer your question of being easy or difficult, I'll say you need the will to start and the wisdom to know how to go about it.

These types of battles are complex but not impossible, call everyone who wants to intervene in his case, establish relationships with him and never directly finger his wife or suggest anything about her in a negative way, remain consistent in reminding him of the importance of being one with his extended family and the future legacies/benefits his children will get and keep investing in his progress, economically, socially, psychologically and emotionally.

Never, I repeat, never attempt to attack his wife or accuse her of bewitching him against his family, one day, he'll come out of that mental shackles and emancipate himself from within.

Broveens42:
The idea of paying an amount (bride price) or whatever you call it, has already made that concept of marriage "abnormal".

Humans with good mental capacity should cohabit with whomever they cherish to have fun and bear children; going against this principle, is a proof of mental illness.

I mean, what do you call your inability to end up with the love of your life, just because he doesn't have the financial capacity to take care of you?

the best comment under this post👍

poweredcom:
Truth is Nigerian women of today are not marriage materials

Marriage is a good thing but our today ladies are lost and the men of today are proper mumu who don't know cultures and value only to simp

Look at today runs and hookup and feminism have finished many of them and you want to put these ones in a house ..na there you sign your grave

You wey dey spend all your money from operation for Ndokwa, Cynergy and Triple T Oluti OS, you better pass those girls? 🤔

Babatunjo:
So I was at dinner with a friend this week. Guy has been married for about 8 years now... married almost immediately after uni. Tall guy, always had fine girlfriends back in school. You’d think na him go dey hype marriage pass.

Out of nowhere, he just sighed and said he regrets marrying… apart from the kids.
His advice shocked me.

He said if he were single again in 2026 Nigeria, he would never marry. That I should just find a woman, have between 1 to 3 kids if I want, make her comfortable, take care of my responsibilities... but avoid marriage completely.

I laughed it off, but then it hit me:
My boss had told me something very similar some time ago.
Then I remembered a former neighbour... fine wife, two kids, lovely family pictures on social media... he also warned me not to rush into marriage.

These are not bitter, broke men o. These are men society would call “successful”.

So now I’m asking myself (and una): Wetin really dey happen?
Is marriage quietly becoming something different from what we were sold?

Mtcheeew

People just keep saying stay close to God *2 as if he will come down from heaven to chose wife for you .

The worse place to get married is even in church many retired olosho will just saw native gown and start going to church.

That how my guy think he will get a nice girl in church the lady told him direct “ I don’t have time for boyfriend , I charge money” .

Same church pastor are sleeping with young sisters and married woman.

Even choir Masters and youth leaders are not left out .

Kobojunkie:
Marriage, as many know it today, has always been a broken system that vastly favored men and not women until now. More and more women refuse to compromise, sacrifice like their mothers and grandmothers, while the man gets to live out his picket fence dreams without losing not even a drop of blood for the cause. So, yes, take his advice seriously. 🥱🥱

AI generated response spotted 👎

fyneboi79:
I had also been married for 10 years and I saw hell, before I regained my freedom out of sheer luck...if I ever hear marriage again ehh

Nb: For all those saying if you marry right abi you marry wrong.....there is nothing like marry wrong or right because for any marriage to survive then the man must always act the fool.

This is scary

Rexymania:
Believe me, marriage na scam. Your wife na complete orphan in marriage. Even when she has millions, your 200k will be shared amongst yourselves

What!!!!

Arabk25:
I'm married bros
I will also advise you to listen to your friend but if you have any atom of doubt go in and see for yourself.
If I have someone like your friend I will hold him very close to myself. Women are just liability nothing much even the once that are working

Why do you said so? If not for marriage you will be here?

ibechris:
And here I am saying, get married or continue to listen to them.

This year would make me 11yrs in marriage and I have no regret one bit.

U can choose to listen to those men and still regret not marrying as earlier planned.

Lastly,always check up the background of any woman u want to marry and u the woman,do same to ur said man...doing this would save ur life completely and u will never regret it any day.

Thanks

Moneyyman:
He would not say that if he married right. Most fine guys will end up marrying the wrong woman for several reasons.

Just pray, keep open eyes, and have a standard you don't negotiate.

If you like set ur standard to heaven- u must experience shocking things from those species called women

Ishilove:
Why won't they paint it bad when they chose the wrong partners and are now projecting the failure of their choices unto others.

Hi, I’ve sent you a mail request please

always247:
if you are not financially stable dont get married. im always Hot but i know marriage is not for me

Fact!

Sonnobax15:
Relax bro.

Like someone recently told me, that there's no manual to achieving a successful marriage.

Just like the op wrote,that those friends of his are all well-to-do men, but they're all still regretting why they got married in the first place.

Three days ago, fortunately I was opportuned to pay my would-be mother in-law an impromptu visit. What the woman told me is still very fresh on my mind and immediately I said to myself,na better mother in-law be this.

Bro,no let anybody pressure you into marriage. Cuz inside relationship self,we don pass through alot,how much more e go be for inside marriage.

Nuf said already 📌

So you don quickly conclude someone is better inlaw based on little discussion una had ?



Bros, there is more to marriage o. You will know whatsup after 5 - 7yrs.

fyneboi79:
I had also been married for 10 years and I saw hell, before I regained my freedom out of sheer luck...if I ever hear marriage again ehh

Nb: For all those saying if you marry right abi you marry wrong.....there is nothing like marry wrong or right because for any marriage to survive then the man must always act the fool.

Oh, thanks for your conclusion.

When it is said, you cant understand that gender many seems not to comprehend the phrase.

Hezzyluv:
Chai....

U guys have ruined my day.
U just make fear dey catch me so

No need to fear. Just know that you will have alot of patience and play like fools continually

If you're hot temper, your BP go dey fluctuate!

3kay945:
So you don quickly conclude someone is better inlaw based on little discussion una had ?



Bros, there is more to marriage o. You will know whatsup after 5 - 7yrs.

women when Sabi pretend very well. Him go learn with time.

3kay945:
Oh, thanks for your conclusion.

When it is said, you cant understand that gender many seems not to comprehend the phrase.

if you understand women,you cannot love them. If you love women,you cannot understand them.

A lot of those claiming marriage is bad and their wives are bad, if you live 1 week with them as a man you may kpai yourself. In fact you will find salary pay the wife for at least 5yrs after your experience.

A lot of them are the cause of the problems in their marriage. Since the wife refused to be used like rag, they turn around and say the marriage is bad. Like see that sidechick talking to someone’s wife the way she is in front page.

I can bet such husband will have the audacity to advise a single man that marriage is bad. When he is THE problem in the marriage and should be single.

Moneyyman:
He would not say that if he married right. Most fine guys will end up marrying the wrong woman for several reasons.

Just pray, keep open eyes, and have a standard you don't negotiate.

THIS IS A FACT

wallrichy:
Na God chose for you again? You want kee God? Everything God God. The several things he's doing for you never do? God has stopped picking wives for men since the time of Adam and Eve. Adam blamed God for giving him a wife after the wife brought gbege into their life. After that time, God vex and sworn never to give any man a wife again but if any man is ready for a wife, go out am look for a good wife of your own.......God don resigned that duty tey tey.........

I had to stop reading thru the thread cos of this comment😂 verily I say unto you, flesh and blood has not revealed this unto you. Very thoughtful contribution 👏

Moneyyman:
He would not say that if he married right. Most fine guys will end up marrying the wrong woman for several reasons.

Just pray, keep open eyes, and have a standard you don't negotiate.

Marry right? So you mean most failed marriages the husband did not marry right? Let me ask, are you married?

Pls make me to understand ur point.

LUAN1:
you are not married, your last topic tell it all

fyneboi79:
I had also been married for 10 years and I saw hell, before I regained my freedom out of sheer luck...if I ever hear marriage again ehh

Nb: For all those saying if you marry right abi you marry wrong.....there is nothing like marry wrong or right because for any marriage to survive then the man must always act the fool.

What about the loneliness that follows after?
It doesn't scare or bother you?

tonididdy:
What about the loneliness that follows after?
It doesn't scare or bother you?

Loneliness ke? I am just enjoying myself and my space....too unwilling to even date sef because if you see the quiet,"supposed" church girl i married you will imagine the silent trauma I went through for ten years.

The comments are crazy. Men are suffering. Someone said men benefit from marriage but we don't see men wearing wedding gowns and begging God for a husband or praying to marry a rich partner.

One of my sisters also ended up with a deadbeat bastard — we warned her but she probably thought she was wiser. He no longer asks about the kids or cares if they are still breathing.

These are the monsters that have ruined this beautiful institution.

Babatunjo:
So I was at dinner with a friend this week. Guy has been married for about 8 years now... married almost immediately after uni. Tall guy, always had fine girlfriends back in school. You’d think na him go dey hype marriage pass.

Out of nowhere, he just sighed and said he regrets marrying… apart from the kids.
His advice shocked me.

He said if he were single again in 2026 Nigeria, he would never marry. That I should just find a woman, have between 1 to 3 kids if I want, make her comfortable, take care of my responsibilities... but avoid marriage completely.

I laughed it off, but then it hit me:
My boss had told me something very similar some time ago.
Then I remembered a former neighbour... fine wife, two kids, lovely family pictures on social media... he also warned me not to rush into marriage.

These are not bitter, broke men o. These are men society would call “successful”.

So now I’m asking myself (and una): Wetin really dey happen?
Is marriage quietly becoming something different from what we were sold?

They told you not to marry, but they're still married. And you believe them? Really.

It's the way of people/ men to decry the very things they love. Maybe it's some form of chivalry. Or just for the hell of it. There was one here who pushed vasectomies and baby mamas. Guess who is sharpening his loins for his first child and the woman he is going to marry?

But the way nairaland boys keep bringing it up, you'd wonder who keeps marrying women everyday. Y'all will grow up one day.

franchasng:
Its subjective and based on individual experience.


Agreed, some ladies can make life a living hell for their partners while acting like all is well.


Many ladies enter into marriage empty handed and expecting their husband to become a commando and spider man Pope John Paul The Bill Gates at the same time, it can be frustrating if you are married to such women at the long run, reason many men regret getting married.


The truth is, in Nigerian setting, marriage seem to benefit women more than men, especially when the man is financially successful, the only thing he benefits is having children and heir in wedlock, outside that nothing else for most Nigerian married men and reason some see marriage as a waste of time.


I addressed some issues on a new thread on my profile for single ladies to learn.


Many well to do men are regretting getting married because they married valueless women whose only contribution is sex that many married men even get bored of over time due to over-familiarity and the natural male trait of desiring new experience at some point.


So to all single and married ladies reading, this is a wake up call for you all, try and become valuable woman that contributes immensely to the success and growth of the man and the overall family finance to avoid your man having this kind of regret of marrying you at the long run.


Marriage in this time and era is beyond providing sex and keeping the home, domestic staffs and side chicks can provide those, be more than just that, be a valuable woman, strive to be a contributor to your husband and family's financial growth and wellbeing, peace

TLDR
Men's standards in Nigeria have changed.

Women—men are ready to sponsor and beautify the lives of side chicks and anyone else they fancy without them doing more than you do. But if you marry them, they expect you to bring them money... and something ethereal they've decided on in recent years, something even they can't define but they refer to it as "value". And even that won't secure your position. You need to be a nun and adult actress, you need to be boss lady and house wife—all in one. If you strive hard enough and kill yourself pleasing this god, guess what? He'll just get with his side chick and make her his wife pillar fall guy wife. Very inventive, right? The cycle continues. Men will keep preaching their message so that they keep benefiting from the arrangement and getting potbellies after marriage. You'll never hear them talk about men who can't lead, men who aren't heads, men who have no value.

The message of women sells. And sells really fast in Nigeria.

poweredcom:
Truth is Nigerian women of today are not marriage materials

Marriage is a good thing but our today ladies are lost and the men of today are proper mumu who don't know cultures and value only to simp

Look at today runs and hookup and feminism have finished many of them and you want to put these ones in a house ..na there you sign your grave

There's nothing more demeaning for humans than tagging them "materials", understandably, since you purchased them (bride price).
It's simply legalized prostitution; later on in marriage, most women involuntarily practice this legalized prostitution by denying their husbands sex ...because he refused to fund her aso ebi or other ostentatious lifestyle

Babatunjo:
So I was at dinner with a friend this week. Guy has been married for about 8 years now... married almost immediately after uni. Tall guy, always had fine girlfriends back in school. You’d think na him go dey hype marriage pass.

Out of nowhere, he just sighed and said he regrets marrying… apart from the kids.
His advice shocked me.

He said if he were single again in 2026 Nigeria, he would never marry. That I should just find a woman, have between 1 to 3 kids if I want, make her comfortable, take care of my responsibilities... but avoid marriage completely.

I laughed it off, but then it hit me:
My boss had told me something very similar some time ago.
Then I remembered a former neighbour... fine wife, two kids, lovely family pictures on social media... he also warned me not to rush into marriage.

These are not bitter, broke men o. These are men society would call “successful”.

So now I’m asking myself (and una): Wetin really dey happen?
Is marriage quietly becoming something different from what we were sold?

Forget what they told you.
Marriage is a good thing.... if you find a good spouse!

CHoccolaTE:
To all the guys that are not planning to get married but want kids at the same time, better get professional surrogate mother's to carry the pregnancy and pay her afterwards.

Also get professional wet nurse to breastfeed your kids and pay her after she's done with breastfeeding.

Also get professional nanny to take care of your kids, bathe them, feed them, keep them safe from killing themselves while you go to work. Everyday.

DO NOT GET BABY MAMAS.

You people are looking for women to turn to single mothers and to destroy with your selfishness. You claim women don't contribute anything but you want to get baby mamas to bear your kids and take care of them free of charge. Una dey crase.

Stupid mad men.

Why do sound very angry? why do u want to burst a blood vessel over pple’s choices??

there are also women who dont want marriage drama and also want to be baby mamas…Look at toke makinwa, linda ikeji, etc,

Its always sounds bad until your gender is doing same.

always247:
if you are not financially stable dont get married. im always Hot but i know marriage is not for me

It will make you to hustle more o

O

Babatunjo:
So I was at dinner with a friend this week. Guy has been married for about 8 years now... married almost immediately after uni. Tall guy, always had fine girlfriends back in school. You’d think na him go dey hype marriage pass.

Out of nowhere, he just sighed and said he regrets marrying… apart from the kids.
His advice shocked me.

He said if he were single again in 2026 Nigeria, he would never marry. That I should just find a woman, have between 1 to 3 kids if I want, make her comfortable, take care of my responsibilities... but avoid marriage completely.

I laughed it off, but then it hit me:
My boss had told me something very similar some time ago.
Then I remembered a former neighbour... fine wife, two kids, lovely family pictures on social media... he also warned me not to rush into marriage.

These are not bitter, broke men o. These are men society would call “successful”.

So now I’m asking myself (and una): Wetin really dey happen?
Is marriage quietly becoming something different from what we were sold?

The sad reality is that some people are married, but they want to live as though they are single. No boundaries, freedom to cheat, zero commitment and so on. These, amongst other factors, are the reason for the high cases of separation in our society. People need to understand that a successful marriage takes hardwork to build and keep and this is not a sole responsibility of the woman or the man, but both parties...