₦airaland Forum

Fiscus105:
If man is selective, why woman has now become issue, if woman selective?


Meanwhile, how many men will go for jobless girl, no Matter how far is salary is?

You people should stop attacking woman, because they choose better man, it's common sense and rational for people to go for better option

Host78:
A man will go for beautiful.

Working class? It's except that man is in doubt of his ability to cater to the family alone.

If you put a very beautiful model who is jobless and an average working class woman, 90% of men would pick the pretty face with all things being equal.

Men would only consider a lady's job if he's convinced he can't take care of the new family alone.

Omoawoke:
This is sweet to say that young men prefer older women..

But face reality, this is not Bollywood , how many women have you ever seen marry downwards?

lol, are you dating a younger man you are richer than?

Don’t complicate things, how many of your friends or sisters or female cousins go to date a younger man that is even below them in education and career ? Tell me!

A man can complete his PhD and go and marry a girl doing nysc
Can you finish your PhD as a woman and go marry a man doing nysc?

Jman06:
Stop spreading falsehood here just to make yourself feel better. Old age has little to no effects on a man's fertility! A man should have reached the age of 70 and above before the supposed effects of age on sperm manifests and this effect does not even stop him from impregnating a fertile woman!

This is different from women whose fertility starts declining as early as 30yo in some cases.

At a time we are trying to discourage men from birthing too much children, this fallacy you feminists are spreading will only end up encouraging men to continue birthing even at old age in order to prove virility and this would definitely have negative effects on population!

Merry100:
Next time, don't justify ego with myths. Use data.

You are confusing "still capable of reproduction" with "fathering healthy children." Fertility isn't just about making a baby; it is about the probability of a healthy pregnancy and a healthy child.

Male fertility does decline with age. The idea that a man's fertility is unaffected until 70 is false. From 35-40 onward, sperm motility drops, DNA fragmentation rises, testosterone gradually declines, and time to conception lengthens. By the mid 40s and beyond, advanced paternal age is linked to higher risks of miscarriage and certain neurodevelopmental conditions in offspring, including autism and schizophrenia.

Yes, men can father children later in life; but that does not mean fertility is unchanged. A 25 year old and a 55 year old do not have equivalent sperm quality or reproductive risk profiles. Ability ≠ optimal reproductive health.

Biology is clear: aging affects reproduction in both sexes. Men produce sperm continuously, but continuous cell division increases mutation rates over decades. Yes, women experience earlier fertility decline because women are born with a finite number of eggs. The decline is gradual, not sudden, so most women conceive naturally well in their 30s.

Why not stop spreading weak sperm and putting innocent children at risk?

Jman06:
I'm sure that even you might have been given birth to when your dad was already above 50! My dad had 9 children and about 5 were given birth to when he was already 50! This is also obtainable in many homes! Some of our brightest siblings were born when our dads were in their late 50s to early 60s. In fact, it took the intervention of older siblings and other concerned relatives to prevail on many fathers to stop birthing children at their older ages. This fact disproves your claim that old age has significant effects on a man's fertility or on the health of his offsprings!

Jman06:
You're very correct!

Men prefer beauty, sexiness and youthfulness than a lady's money, education and connections! Only men who are looking for a lady to upgrade them go for a lady's money! Most made men don't care about a girl's wealth, education or social status provided he considers her beautiful and sexually attractive

Merry100:
You get. They can't stand successful women. You know what, they leave their environment, and run to the village to find a wife, or chase women selling fruits and peppers on the street. As long as she is successful, whether they are attracted to her or not, they take to their heels.

Jman06:
You just like spreading falsehood just to feel good! Men are not afraid of any so called successful women! They just go for what they find attractive! Before most ladies achieve success, they must have overgrown that age of youthfulness and sexiness. That is why most made men don't marry such ladies but would rather go for the younger girls with everything still intact.

Host78:
No one is saying the woman should not be selective.

What we are against is the "selective amnesia" where these women are single and blame men for being single.

A successful woman's singleness is hers and hers alone to bear the blame. Not men.

And this is what we cannot stand, when they come out and say either "men are intimidated by our success" which is totally untrue because the men those successful women want do not want them back.

So, no, no one is saying women should not be selective. Let them be selective and hold their shoulders up and accept the "real" reason why they cannot find husbands to marry.

You cannot be gunning for "rich" men to marry you and when such men don't want to marry you, you turn around and say "all" are intimidated by your success or "there are no real men" when you're old and no longer marriageable

Meanwhile the real reason is simply that the men they are hunting for are just not choosing them back.

Look at Tiwa savage. Plenty men are ready to marry her. I can tell you more than 1000 men must have begged to marry her in the past 1-2 years.

But she's probably hunting for men like dangote and such. Now those type of men don't want her because they have better options.

But instead of admitting what she's really hunting for, she wraps it up in "men are intimidated by my success" or "there are no real men anymore" and then sell this selective amnesia to young girls.

Yet, the same Tiwa wants to be 2nd or 3rd wife to a man so long as he is wealthy.

It's not her selectiveness that makes us angry. It's the pretense that she can't find any man or that men are no longer men while her only criteria is "have money more than me"

Host78:
Again, "success" or wealth is not the reason why any of these men married these women.

Most of them worked in close quarters and fell in love. Zuckerberg met Priscilla in school not when she was successful anything.

Both Brad Pitt and Angelina were successful, but he wouldn't dare her until they acted a romantic movie together. Again, working in close quarters.

Michelle was Obama's senior in office and he was assigned to her as a mentee.

Same with Bill and Melinda. These guys mostly worked in close quarters. None of these men married because any of their partners because of the success they achieved.

If you read just beyond the headline and see how this people met their partners and what the men saw in their women, you'll not find an iota of "success" in their narrative.

But keep piling up snows thinking you're making points.

Also, look at your environment. Everyday, rich men are getting married to broke girls even while constantly complaining about girls being broke.

But as soon as they make money, the run to their jobless girlfriends and get married to them.

If success is a consideration for men like most women, most women won't be married today.

No man cares about a woman's money when it comes to romantic relationship. Not a single man in this world.

Once a man makes money, that's all he needs to get married. In fact, the real reason a man works to become successful is primarily so that his wife doesn't work.

Look at your Achalugo and odogwu movies. How many times does the man ask the girl to leave her successful business?

Check all movies in such genres, you'll find this same patten in them where the successful man doesn't want his wife to work.

In fact, you as a woman having money disqualifies you for most men because any hardworking man with self respect wants to be the "man" of the home he's building.

He wants to buy the house you move in, he wants to buy you things and for his children. He wants to lead the home.

Forget this "team" and "partner" nōnsense. Every man desires to lead his family.

essentialone:
‎Bro, at 30, all your secondary school or high school famale class mates would almost be married, yet you'll still be aging gracefully.
‎Only a quarter of the male might be married.
‎
‎Don't rush. Otherwise, you may end up living with a dem0n for the rest of your awful life. Don't beg any girl to marry you or stay. You have enough time to decide.
‎
‎If you appear desperate, she'll make rules for you, she'll tell you "buy me shawarma, pizza, high hill, cars, take me to Dubai etc out of your will.
‎
‎She has the Clock, you have the time. Relax. Don't rush.
‎
‎If she wants to leave, let her leave, you can't bend to satisfy her selfish demands, rules, standards and regulations.
‎
‎Understand that w00men have a Biological clock. Men have a Financial Clock. Don't be a victim of her biological clock.
‎
‎She is on a rush to beat the clock. This is none of your business. Be the designer of your financial clock.
‎Do not waste her time, be direct, tell her what you want. She is racing against her biological clock.
‎
‎Girls born around 2006 will be 20 years this year. There's enough supply into the dating market yearly.
‎Buying flowers, pizza and chocolates to win her attention is a waste of her time.
‎
‎Never ever rush into a w00man’s biological clock.
‎At 30, her friends are pressurizing her to get married making her feel inadequate.
‎
‎She will give you ultimatums. You are not Jesus to save her.
‎
‎Don't be on a rescue mission. She can leave if she feels your commitment is slow.
‎
‎Do not be a Simp.
‎
‎Class dismissed.
‎Till I come your way again.
‎Keep following for more.

Merry100:
O thou saviour of single women, please come to our rescue. Don't leave us, don't leave us.

Pele o, the chosen saviour. Is it only that thing under your trouser that is making you feel like oxygen, or is there something else we don't know?

This recitation of yours is looking like a manual for insecure men. You better take it easy and don't be too hard on yourself.

Omoawoke:
I know this will pain you , lmao…

Feminists won’t like the truth..

Madam, you can never ever fight biology.. you ca cry as much as you wish, banter , argue to death but you can never ever fight the reality

In fact, once a woman crosses some certain age, it becomes very hard for them to find a successful biological mate.
Imagine toasting a woman of 35+… just too stressful, their minds have become iron mind 😂
Too much grammar and overwork…
When I can find a young sweet girl of 25+ that won’t stress me…

Host78:
you said this and then went ahead to tell him what men want.

Well I'm not a woman, so I'm not going to tell you what women want.

But as a man I can tell you this confidently:

Never since the history of this world has any man ever listed "successful, money and wealth" as a criteria when looking for the woman of his dream.

Let that sink in slowly.

No man has ever looked at a woman's collection of cars, her bank accounts or the position she occupied in her place of work and say that's the woman for me.

It has never come up any man's group discussion.

Men don't just rate women for money.

What a man ever want and I'll type this in order of importance:

1. Physical beauty
2. Youthfulness
3. Respectfulness and virginity

A man will fall in love with a woman's physical appearance first and approach her. Some men won't care about the virginity provided she's not the type that sleeps around but the respect is very important.

Take this to any man you know and they will agree with this. I mean ANY MAN YOU KNOW IN THIS WORLD.

You see anything about success and wealth there? Men don't care about that.

Omoawoke:
In response to this post. https://www.nairaland.com/8622686/why-many-30-40-something

Ladies may not like this truth

Women empowerment was sold as the ultimate path to freedom, fulfillment, and control over their lives.

Education. Career. Money. Independence.

It sounded perfect.

But nobody warned women about the trade-off.

Biology never changed.

Women still prefer men they respect.
And respect, whether people like it or not, is heavily tied to competence, stability, and economic strength.

Now here is the paradox modern society created:

As women climb higher economically, the number of men they consider equal or acceptable becomes smaller.

Not because men disappeared.

But because hypergamy never disappeared.

It simply collided with equality.

This is why you now see:

– More single, successful women than ever before
– More men opting out of relationships completely
– Marriage ages rising rapidly
– Fertility rates collapsing globally

Omoawoke:
In response to this post. https://www.nairaland.com/8622686/why-many-30-40-something

Ladies may not like this truth

Women empowerment was sold as the ultimate path to freedom, fulfillment, and control over their lives.

Education. Career. Money. Independence.

It sounded perfect.

But nobody warned women about the trade-off.

Biology never changed.

Women still prefer men they respect.
And respect, whether people like it or not, is heavily tied to competence, stability, and economic strength.

Now here is the paradox modern society created:

As women climb higher economically, the number of men they consider equal or acceptable becomes smaller.

Not because men disappeared.

But because hypergamy never disappeared.

It simply collided with equality.

This is why you now see:

– More single, successful women than ever before
– More men opting out of relationships completely
– Marriage ages rising rapidly
– Fertility rates collapsing globally

Fenrir:
Hypergamy isn't just a female trait, and I wish people would stop telling pork pies about it. Men are hypergamous too, fella, we just measure the stakes differently. Women historically selected up on resources and security fair play to 'em. But men? We select up on youth, fertility signals, and sexual availability. It's both hypergamy, innit, just tradin' in different currencies.
If any Nigerian man had the bottle to marry the nymphomaniac daughter of a bank owner, you know damn well he's saying "I do" before she's even finished the bleedin' sentence. The bank account handles his status hypergamy and the nymphomania handles his biological hypergamy in one go. He'd be on the dog and bone to his pastor for a blessing while she's still introducin' herself.
So when you try and pitch hypergamy as an exclusively female biological trait to prop up your argument, you've just accidentally admitted that male mate selection is equally biological, equally non negotiable, and equally inconvenient for your little thesis. Men don't escape biology either, mate. We're just hypergamous about different things, so stop acting like you've got the moral high ground when you're just as deep in the muck, grinning like a clueless muppet.

Omoawoke:
lol MATTEEee

I found it difficult to read this your long stuffs MATTTEEE. Hahahah

Mate, do you have the simplest understanding of what they call DATA and Statistics.??

You can be speaking so much and yet saying nothing…

Statistics deals with mean, median, mode, etc… and we know there are exceptions …lol mate, talk with facts and data and stop crying all over my thread… MATEEEE !

Fenrir:
Cheers for that, mate, genuinely. You’ve just admitted in front of the whole manor that you didn’t even bother to have a butcher's at the text, then you’ve got the brass neck to tell me I’m not using data properly. It’s a bit like some muppet falling asleep on the table during surgery and waking up to tell the doctor he’s holding the scalpel like a total amateur. It’s all a bit tiresome, really. You didn’t argue a single thing, fella, you just did all my work for me while I sat here bored out of my mind. Go ahead and cherry-pick your numbers until you're blue in the face, but the forest is still there and your thesis is sitting right in the middle of it like a drowned rat wondering how it got sopping wet. The rope was always yours, mate. I just watched you find it, tie the knot, and completely ignore the bloody instructions like a right doughnut.

A man arguing that women should prioritise finding a husband over getting a PhD just accidentally revealed you struggle with long text on an internet forum. Not a thesis. Not academic literature. A Nairaland post.

Omoawoke:
lol MATTEEee

I found it difficult to read this your long stuffs MATTTEEE. Hahahah

Mate, do you have the simplest understanding of what they call DATA and Statistics.??

You can be speaking so much and yet saying nothing…

Statistics deals with mean, median, mode, etc… and we know there are exceptions …lol mate, talk with facts and data and stop crying all over my thread… MATEEEE !

Omoawoke:
Hi mate, I’m sorry if I have it appears I argued that women should prioritize finding a biological mate over career…
My intention of this post is to point out one of the causes of late marriages and many single people over 30 in this generation… and I backed up my claims with data and peer reviewed researches..

You have the data, it’s left to you to do whatever you choose to do with it… but data is data and it the reality is there that women empowerment scheme is largely responsible for low marriages and fertility rates

Host78:
No one is saying the woman should not be selective.

What we are against is the "selective amnesia" where these women are single and blame men for being single.

A successful woman's singleness is hers and hers alone to bear the blame. Not men.

And this is what we cannot stand, when they come out and say either "men are intimidated by our success" which is totally untrue because the men those successful women want do not want them back.

So, no, no one is saying women should not be selective. Let them be selective and hold their shoulders up and accept the "real" reason why they cannot find husbands to marry.

You cannot be gunning for "rich" men to marry you and when such men don't want to marry you, you turn around and say "all" are intimidated by your success or "there are no real men" when you're old and no longer marriageable

Meanwhile the real reason is simply that the men they are hunting for are just not choosing them back.

Look at Tiwa savage. Plenty men are ready to marry her. I can tell you more than 1000 men must have begged to marry her in the past 1-2 years.

But she's probably hunting for men like dangote and such. Now those type of men don't want her because they have better options.

But instead of admitting what she's really hunting for, she wraps it up in "men are intimidated by my success" or "there are no real men anymore" and then sell this selective amnesia to young girls.

Yet, the same Tiwa wants to be 2nd or 3rd wife to a man so long as he is wealthy.

It's not her selectiveness that makes us angry. It's the pretense that she can't find any man or that men are no longer men while her only criteria is "have money more than me"

Fenrir:
Right, listen in close, china, 'cause we're 'avin' a proper butcher's at the state of play in Nigeria. It's a bit of a liberty, innit?
You've got the whole firm gathered, every elder and their uncle standin' up at the wedding, spoutin' off about tradition like it's the bleedin' Gospel. Bride price this, virginity customs that, the whole theatrical performance, costumes and all.
But 'ere's the rub: these same families sat there schtum, quiet as a mouse, while their daughters were hoppin' from pillar to post, bed to bed, man to man. Plenty of 'em gettin' a bun in the oven before anyone's even had a formal cup of tea or an introduction. And did the family say a dicky bird? Not a sausage. No correction, no look in, zero accountability. Just dead silence while the horse bolted.
Then, suddenly, the big day arrives and tradition resurrects itself like a ghost in a top hat, demandin' a payout for goods that left the warehouse years ago without so much as a "by your leave."
Now, Host78 isn't tellin' porkies when he says selective amnesia is rife. He's spot on that pretendin' men are just "intimidated" is a load of old cobblers. Fair play to him there.
But the irony he's missed, and it's a massive one mate, is that the blokes makin' that argument are from the exact same families doin' the same selective amnesia in reverse. Screamin' about sacred customs while they watched the very foundations of that tradition dissolve like a biscuit in a hot brew without utterin' a single word of protest.
You can't start wavin' the rulebook about sacred duties when you haven't done a day's work of the reciprocal traditional heavy liftin'. And you definitely can't lecture the ladies about bein' honest with their choices when your own family's sense of accountability went out for a pack of smokes around 1971 and never bothered comin' home.
Absolute merchant.

Fenrir:
Appreciated. But claiming it’s "largely responsible" is a causal statement your data doesn’t support. Correlation identifies contributing factors, you picked one. That’s not analysis, that’s preference masquerading as conclusion.

Omoawoke:
It is actually…

You can check out the most contributing factors that led to this…

Women empowerment scheme is by far a contributor

In fact, it’s a scheme that has proven to be the most effective to control population
And the reason is because once women chase advanced degrees and careers, they have less focus on marriage and child birth

I just typed this on google and see the result it brought out without even digging too deep

As the screenshot captures, women empowerment and economic opportunities for women is a long term strategy and that’s why our generation is beginning to see results of strategies that started some years back

Fenrir:
Listen, china, I appreciate you clearin’ that up, genuinely. But you’ve spent this entire little chinwag invokin’ "peer reviewed research" like a man knee deep in the British Library, only to confirm your actual method is typin' a sentence into Google and not diggin' too deep. Your words, mate. Not mine.
​That ain’t research, is it? That’s just havin' a little browse.
​If your evidentiary standard is whatever pops up on the first page of the search results, then you weren’t presentin’ data. You were just presentin’ whatever the algorithm served you up with your afternoon cuppa.
​Now, this population control angle that’s where it really gives the game away, innit? You’re callin’ women’s education a "scheme" because fertility drops when they get a bit of economic autonomy. But that outcome is consistent across every industrialised manor on the map, regardless of ideology. When infant mortality drops, when contraception is easy to come by, and when women can earn their own crust, birth rates go down. That’s demographic transition theory, mate. It’s not a secret cabal meetin’ in a back room; it’s basic development economics.
​A "scheme" implies somethin’ forced on 'em. "Autonomy" means somethin’ chosen by 'em. Those two are opposites, plain as the nose on your face. The fact you treat ‘em like they’re interchangeable says more about your framework than mine, you absolute merchant.
​And let’s be surgical here, yeah? Correlation: female education rises, fertility falls. True. Causation: women’s empowerment is responsible for marriage decline. Now, that leap requires a bit of proper legwork isolatin’ variables, controllin’ for urbanisation, the bleedin’ cost of livin’, labour markets, house prices, and male income stagnation. You haven’t done a lick of that. You just typed a sentence into Google and called it a day.
​So the scoreboard isn’t personal, it’s methodological. You didn’t read the other side, you didn't control for variables, and you reframed freedom as a conspiracy. Then you have the brass neck to call that "data."
​That’s not peer review, mate. That’s just confirmation bias with Wi-Fi. You're 'avin' a bubble.

Omoawoke:
Bros I believe you understand English?

And you should at least be educated…

What I shared was just a screenshot of an attempt to just google search it… I never said that was a peer review…
Don’t you have access to international journals to do your search?

I already shared some in this thread, Well check out some more below - and I’d appreciate if you can respond to the arguments backing it up with data and reputable sources

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8215231/

Omoawoke:
Bros I believe you understand English?

And you should at least be educated…

What I shared was just a screenshot of an attempt to just google search it… I never said that was a peer review…
Don’t you have access to international journals to do your search?

I already shared some in this thread, Well check out some more below - and I’d appreciate if you can respond to the arguments backing it up with data and reputable sources

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8215231/

Omoawoke:
Bros I believe you understand English?

And you should at least be educated…

What I shared was just a screenshot of an attempt to just google search it… I never said that was a peer review…
Don’t you have access to international journals to do your search?

I already shared some in this thread, Well check out some more below - and I’d appreciate if you can respond to the arguments backing it up with data and reputable sources

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8215231/

Fenrir:
Do you understand the pork pies and one side bias from the men in this country? This is how you do proper research and it applies to all of you men from all tribes, this is just an example of correct research.

THE TRUTH OF MODERN YORUBA WEDDINGS IN THE MAJORITY (NOT THE TRADITIONAL FANTASY)
For a people that claim to be proud of their history, proud Yoruba, proud of Yoruba culture, it’s strange how the majority seem to fib a lot when wedding talk starts. The main lies in the majority are always these two classics: “we don’t sell our daughters” and “we are humble and respectful people.” Okay. No problem. Let’s test those statements against the real modern pipeline, the one people do in Lagos and everywhere else while shouting “it is culture”.
I’m going to list every step and every payment and every item that gets demanded in the majority if you want to marry their daughter. After you read it, ask yourself two questions. After all this, why can’t such “humble and respectful” people respect another human being and accept NO MEANS NO to prostration? And after collecting millions in items and millions in money while saying “we don’t sell our daughters”, why do they still want a grown man on his stomach on the most important day of his life so they can laugh, point, and scream “beg harder”, sometimes even pushing him down, not caring about his religion, his personal beliefs, or his dignity?
Now tell me, is that humility? Is that respect? Or is it dominance theatre packaged as tradition?
Now the process.
PHASE 0: THE VETTING STAGE (BEFORE ANYTHING OFFICIAL)
This part most lists “forget” completely because it exposes the motive. Before you even reach introduction, many families now do a quiet financial assessment of the groom. They ask the woman questions about his job, his house, his car, his family background. It’s a credit check wearing gele and pretending it’s parental concern. Fail the vetting and magically the introduction date never comes. Culture suddenly has poor network.
PHASE 1: THE PRE-GAME (THE “FRAUD” STAGE)
The Intent: you tell the woman, she tells the gatekeepers.
The Pre-Intro: often a quiet meeting between groom and bride’s parents to test his financial capacity before the public show.
The Introduction: formal family meeting, with “respect”, and increasingly, a “mini-list” just to open the door of the process. Wine, small food items, and cash envelopes start appearing early because modern love must pay tax before it can breathe.
MISSING ITEM: THE PROPOSAL LETTER CASH PIPE
Before the ceremony even begins properly, the groom’s side presents a formal written proposal letter. Then somebody must be paid to READ the letter. Then somebody may be paid to write and deliver acceptance. And while the letter is being read, the reader keeps all money sprayed on them. That is not a rumour anymore, Alagas themselves are online bragging about it. Imagine your future marriage being sponsored by “pay-per-paragraph”.
PHASE 2: THE TOLL-GATE CEREMONY (THE CASH ENVELOPE PIPELINE)
Now the traditional day begins, and the ceremony turns into a toll road. You do not proceed until you pay. Each stage unlocks the next stage. It’s like DLC content in a video game, except your wallet is the controller.
7.1 Owó Ìkànlẹ̀kùn, Entrance/Knocking: ₦10,000 to ₦25,000
Pay to enter. Because love cannot walk in for free.
7.2 Owó Ìjókòó Àgbà, Elders’ Seat: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay so elders can sit. Gravity is expensive.
7.3 Owó Bàbá Gbó, Father’s Hearing: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay so father can hear you. Without payment the man is apparently deaf.
7.4 Owó Ìyá Gbó, Mother’s Hearing: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay so mother can hear too. Two ears, two invoices.
7.5 Owó Lẹ́tà Kíkà, Letter Reading: ₦5,000 to ₦15,000
Pay for the reading. Literacy is monetised.
7.6 Owó Ìṣígbẹ̀, Gift Inspection: ₦10,000 to ₦30,000
Pay before they open what you brought. Your gifts need a paid subscription to be seen.
7.7 Owó Ìpè Ìyàwó, Calling the Bride: ₦20,000 to ₦100,000
Pay to call the bride. She’s in the next room, but apparently she’s in Dubai until you pay.
7.8 Owó Ìṣíjú Ìyàwó, Unveiling the Face: ₦10,000 to ₦30,000
Pay to see your own bride. Face reveal is premium tier.
7.9 Owó Ọmọ-Osù / Ọmọ Ilé, Compound Women: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay the women of the compound. Community levy.
7.10 Owó Abúrò Ìyàwó, Younger Siblings: ₦10,000 to ₦25,000
Pay the younger ones. Even the small ones must eat from your pocket.
7.11 Owó Ìtẹ́lẹ̀, The Floor/Alaga’s Fee: ₦20,000 to ₦50,000
Pay the floor. Yes. The floor. The ground has become a landlord.
7.12 Owo Ori, The Official Bride Price: ₦5,000 symbolic
And here’s the comedy. After you’ve paid all the real money, the “official” bride price is ₦5,000 symbolic. Then they’ll look you in the eye and say “we don’t sell our daughters.” Oga, who is this performance for?
Now the “missing” tolls people always pretend don’t exist:
MISSING: Owo Aso Iyawo, Bride’s Flight Outfit Fee
The Alaga says the bride has been “travelling” and can’t arrive in her “flight clothes”, so you must pay for her arrival outfit. This is theatre. She is in the next room. But the joke still requires real cash. Nigeria is the only place where comedy is billed.
MISSING: Transportation Fare for the Bride
You pay a fee for her “transportation” from where she has been “waiting”. Again, scripted. Again, cash leaves your pocket.
MISSING: Children of the Compound Fee
Separate from Omo Ile. A collection for young kids. Small individually, big collectively, often collected by the Alaga who may or may not distribute it. You paid for “children” you did not create yet. Pre-order parenting.
MISSING: Owo Idobale, The Prostration Tax
Now we reach the part that exposes everything. The groom prostrates four times. Each prostration moment can trigger additional cash demands. Some Alagas treat each prostration as a separate billable event. So not only must you go on your stomach, you may also have to pay per stomach-drop. This is why people call it humiliation, not humility.
Modern Cash Additions:
Owó Alaga, The Compere Tax: ₦50,000 to ₦150,000 total
Because the program cannot “move” unless the Alaga is fed cash like fuel.
Owó Ìbòmbo, The Upbringing Fee: ₦50,000 to ₦200,000
A specific charge for “training the girl.” So raising your own child has now become a billable service payable by a stranger. Interesting business model.
Travel/Logistics Fee
If the family travelled from village, groom is billed hotel and transport. So you are sponsoring their movement to come and collect what you already brought. Efficient.
MISSING: Aso-Ebi Obligation: ₦50,000 to ₦200,000 for groom’s delegation alone
Not on many lists but functionally mandatory. Matching fabric at inflated prices chosen by bride’s family. Don’t buy it and you’re treated like rubbish. So it is “optional” the way breathing is optional.
MISSING: Engagement Cake
Now treated as compulsory in many ceremonies. An actual commissioned cake paid by groom’s side. Because love must be eaten in layers.
MISSING: Live Band or DJ: ₦100,000 to ₦500,000
You may be expected to fund entertainment or contribute heavily. So you pay to be mocked with better audio quality.
PHASE 3: ERU IYAWO, THE MATERIAL LIST
8.1 42 Big Tubers of Yam: ₦120,000 to ₦200,000
8.2 1 Full Bag of Rice (50kg): ₦85,000 to ₦105,000
8.3 1 Bag of Salt and 1 Bag of Sugar: ₦50,000 to ₦70,000
8.4 25L Veg Oil and 25L Palm Oil: ₦60,000 to ₦90,000
8.5 1 Live She-Goat: ₦60,000 to ₦100,000
8.6 Bulk Drinks (Malt, Soft Drinks, Water): ₦100,000 to ₦200,000
8.7 Apo Idiwo (lace, aso-oke, jewelry): ₦300,000 to ₦1,000,000+
Now the “missing” symbolic items most lists quietly pretend are negotiable:
Kola Nuts, Obi (obi abata, obi orogbo) + alligator pepper, atare
Honey, Oyin
Palm Wine, Emu
Schnapps / Orogbo Oti
Adire fabric
Bembe hand fan
Fruits, full basket
Aadun
Possibly a cow in some families to fund cooking for guests, meaning groom funds the food for the reception he is attending as a guest.
Modern Material Additions
Luxury perfume set (Tom Ford/Creed level)
Holy book and ring (Bible/Quran + 14k to 18k gold ring)
Designer umbrella
Eru Iyawo wrapping fee: ₦50,000+ just to arrange items with ribbons
PHASE 4: THE MODERN LIFESTYLE TECH LIST
9.1 Double-Door Refrigerator/Freezer: ₦450,000 to ₦850,000
9.2 4-Burner Gas Cooker with Oven: ₦150,000 to ₦350,000
9.3 Smart TV 42 to 55 inch: ₦200,000 to ₦450,000
9.4 Electric Yam Pounding Machine: ₦70,000 to ₦150,000
9.5 Generator 2.5KVA to 5KVA: ₦350,000 to ₦700,000
9.6 Microwave and High-Speed Blender: ₦80,000 to ₦150,000
9.7 Industrial Standing Fans (2 units): ₦100,000 to ₦180,000
2026 tech extras:
Inverter/Solar battery system: ₦400,000 to ₦900,000
Latest iPhone/iPad for the bride personally
Wristwatches for bride and sometimes parents
So now we’ve moved from “culture” to “home upgrade package.” That’s fine. Just say that. Don’t call it humility.
PHASE 5: PERFORMANCE OBLIGATIONS (NON-CASH BUT NON-OPTIONAL)
Now we reach the point where the “we are humble and respectful” claim dies in public.
Full idobale prostration, chest to the floor, four separate times, regardless of floor condition. Dirty, wet, tiled, sand, doesn’t matter. Groom’s friends also prostrate. Begging performance is scripted and public. Alaga openly mocks the groom’s delegation and they must smile. Groom must lift the bride to prove physical strength. Groom must “beg properly” to Alaga Ijoko satisfaction or the program stalls.
And here is the key contradiction:
After you collect all these items.
After you collect all these envelopes.
After you collect all this tech.
After you collect all these extras.
The groom still cannot say: “No, I will not prostrate.”
No means no, unless Yoruba wedding, then no means “beg harder and pay again.”
So again, question: is that humble? Is that respectful? Or is it just people enjoying power over someone they know cannot react because the entire crowd is watching?
PHASE 6: POST-WEDDING OBLIGATIONS (THE PART NEVER WRITTEN)
Almost never on any list. Rarely discussed openly. Commonly expected in the majority.
The groom becomes financially accessible to extended family. Birthdays, funerals, illnesses, school fees, repairs. Not written. Enforced through the wife. “Your family is my family now” often travels one direction financially. The bride’s family retains the right to interfere, advise, and criticise indefinitely. Push back and you’re told you “don’t respect” them.
And there it is.
Now read this entire pipeline again and answer the two questions honestly.
After collecting millions in cash and goods while insisting “we don’t sell our daughters”, why do the same people demand prostration and begging theatre, sometimes with physical pushing, ignoring a man’s religion or personal beliefs?
And how can a culture claim humility while refusing to accept a boundary as basic as “I will not lie on my stomach”?
If you want tradition, fine. Do tradition.
But stop the selective memory.
You don’t get to modernise the list into a procurement contract, monetise every stage like a toll road, then turn around and scream “respect” when a man refuses humiliation.
Respect cannot be one-directional.
Humility cannot demand humiliation.
And “we don’t sell our daughters” cannot survive in the same room as twelve separate permission fees plus appliances plus solar plus iPhone plus band plus cake plus aso-ebi plus prostration tax.
If you still want to defend it, defend it honestly.
Say: “Yes, we charge heavily. Yes, we like the theatre. Yes, we want prostration. Yes, we want the man to beg. Yes, we monetise the stages.”
That would be honest.
But don’t sell the world a fairy tale and call the buyer evil for reading the invoice.