₦airaland Forum

Jistibiri:
There’s a running joke many Nigerian women can relate to: Naija men will proudly beat their chest and declare themselves “real men,” but when it comes to doing something genuinely romantic, suddenly it’s like you’re asking them to climb Mount Kilimanjaro without water 😩.

Now, let’s be honest being a “real man” is often associated with responsibility, provision, and strength. And yes, those things matter. But somewhere along the line, a lot of men started acting like romance is optional… or worse, unnecessary. As if love should be understood without ever being expressed.

How did we get here?

For many Naija men, romance wasn’t something they grew up seeing. Our fathers weren’t exactly writing love notes or planning candlelit dinners. Love, in their time, was more about duty than expression. So a lot of men today genuinely don’t know how to be romantic, they just know how to “be there” and expect that to be enough.

But here’s the thing: times have changed.

Women today don’t just want presence; they want effort. And not even anything extreme. Nobody is asking for private jets and Dubai trips every weekend. Sometimes, it’s the little things, a thoughtful message, a surprise visit, remembering the small details, or planning something sweet without being reminded 10 times.

Yet somehow, it becomes a struggle.

You’ll hear things like, “You know I love you, why do I have to prove it?” Or “I’m not that kind of guy.” And that’s where the frustration comes in. Because love isn’t just something you feel, it’s something you show. Consistently.

The irony is, many of these same men can go all out at the beginning. When they’re trying to impress you, they suddenly know how to text good morning paragraphs, send random gifts, and say all the right things. But once they’re comfortable, everything drops. The effort fades, and romance becomes something you have to beg for.

And honestly? That’s exhausting.

No one wants to feel like they’re forcing someone to love them properly. Romance shouldn’t feel like a chore or a favour—it should come naturally when you truly care about someone. It’s not about grand gestures every day; it’s about intention. It’s about making your partner feel seen, valued, and special without being prompted.

To be fair, not all Naija men are like this. Some understand that romance is part of emotional connection, not weakness. They know that being soft, attentive, and expressive doesn’t make them any less of a man—it actually makes them better partners.

At the end of the day, being a “real man” isn’t just about providing or protecting. It’s also about emotional intelligence. It’s about knowing that love needs to be nurtured, not assumed.

Because truthfully, if someone has to beg you for the bare minimum, then maybe the issue isn’t romance… it’s effort.

And love without effort? That one no dey last.

goran3310:
And what does it mean to be a real woman
Why does no one ever start a topic like that?

QuinQQ:
The answer is rather obvious: ALL women are fake. So question of real woman doesn't arise

QuinQQ:
The answer is rather obvious: ALL women are fake. So question of real woman doesn't arise

blaise26abj:
Once I see “real men” in a lady’s post, I just know that manipulation has started.

QuinQQ:
The answer is rather obvious: ALL women are fake. So question of real woman doesn't arise

Dtruthspeaker:
So fake women deserve to be with fake men. Equation balance

QuinQQ:
Voila!
In between we have equatorial guinea

Dtruthspeaker:
So fake women deserve to be with fake men. Equation balance