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I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Someone with a heart of giving is inbuilt.

Well,I don't want to say that's a red flag but I believe there are good tailors here who can tell you whether that that material of hers' is more than enough to sew a red flag or not.

Imagine planning to spend 3m on top a native hen who hasn't even spent up to 1k on your head

Una sabi date rubbish Cha. Cuz if na me be you, only my bad mouth alone will make her to start rethinking whether to adjust or quit the relationship

Some of you guys na wah. You have been dating this same girl for God knows when and you knew her personality all along. You have been working on getting married recently, meaning you have accepted her for who and what she is and now you're asking us these questions for what exactly? So na when wedding plans done reach you begin remember her flaws? You better carry your cross oga. None of them are perfect you have found the one that you can enjoy her goodness and also mange her witchcraft side. Hold am and stop looking for ways to run away. It's too late for that now. You shall and you must marry that girl

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Man to man, you’re setting yourself up for frustration, stress, and disappointment if you go into that marriage the way you’re planning.

An uncooperative partner will drain you emotionally and physically even to the point where basic intimacy becomes a problem. That’s not the kind of foundation you want to build on.

Right now, the risk is completely one-sided. She has nothing at stake financially, while you’re putting everything on the line. That imbalance alone can create long-term issues.
If this marriage is meant to be a true partnership, then there has to be shared commitment not just in words, but in action.
Out of the 3 million budget, let her contribute 1 million while you cover 2 million.
That way, both of you are invested, both of you have something to protect, and both of you are entering the marriage with equal seriousness.

Just so you know, the thread below is Exactly what you're setting yourself up for.

Take your time to read it.

https://www.nairaland.com/8631753/wife-isnt-adding-value-life

Selah

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Well I don’t know how true this is but if it’s actually true then my simple question is why were you even pushing further with the getting married to her plans in the first place?

Without much saying I think you’ve already said it all “it’s not even about the money. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness”. And let me just add one more for you “Emotional Intelligence”


In my honest opinion there are only two reasons why see don’t do any of the mentioned above with you

1. Either she’s not educated enough to know the importance of them in a relationship and only focusing on herself alone. like “What’s in it for me?”

2. Secondly she knows but she no send you, na you just wan fulfill her marriage desires which probably she don’t have another alternative interest for her hand from elsewhere as things stands…

kiddaz:
Some of you guys na wah. You have been dating this same girl for God knows when and you knew her personality all along. You have been working on getting married recently, meaning you have accepted her for who and what she is and now you're asking us these questions for what exactly? So na when wedding plans done reach you begin remember her flaws? You better carry your cross oga. None of them are perfect you have found the one that you can enjoy her goodness and also mange her witchcraft side. Hold am and stop looking for ways to run away. It's too late for that now. You shall and you must marry that girl

Too late keh. OP tell you say them tie am for village say him must marry the girl or him go die?

The thing is, man eyes dey clear when it comes to making really serious commitments - i love you, and big yansh feeling dies down a bit - marriage is equivalent to Post-Nut-Clarity.

OP should actually talk this out with his girlfriend sha. Me dey chop my babe money o - not as much as I give her though, but it sets the ground rules for reciprocity.

If he forms odowgwu provider, the girl will only believe he has to work harder when things are going south, rather than invest her own money in him or the family.

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

This is how my uncle ended up.
Married a lady because she is fair.
School she no go, work she no go.
My uncle later died and the wife is living her best of life.
The same happy to someone I know.
He work for good 35 years without a single achievement.
His wife put him in chronic debt and all his salary was used to pay debt.
My brother if you marry this girl.
U will regret for the rest of your life.
Me I believe in partnership marriage.
50/50

What you're seeing now is just 10% of what you will see when you eventually marry this girl

Duly noted

Kobicove:
What you're seeing now is just 10% of what you will see when you eventually marry this girl

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

How many years una do date.
If you want know her true colour.
Just pretend you lost your job or pretend to be broke for one month

Na this quarter to marriage you just dey reflect on this?If you rush in to it blindly,after marriage your eyes go open.With how the country is right now, if you don't marry a wife that will offer financial support and contribute her quota to running of family needs,it's a big set up o.

We're approaching a year, I'm a business man.

Sirchiboy:
How many years una do date.
If you want know her true colour.
Just pretend you lost your job or pretend to be broke for one month

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

look well ooooo, follow your instinct

The only thing I can say here is...


Don't start what you can not finish.!

Have u spoken ur mind to her?

Do this, see if there would be a sincere change, otherwise, u will come back here with an epistle of how ur wife is building a mansion without ur knowledge.

She the one you are doing a favour with marriage. As a means of testing her, tell her 2.5m is all you have got and she should source for the other 500k.
The amount she turns out with will determine if the marriage will continue or not

Test her before you marry her. Never marry a self centred greedy woman.

Sirchiboy:
This is how my uncle ended up.
Married a lady because she is fair.
School she no go, work she no go.
My uncle later died and the wife is living her best of life.
The same happy to someone I know.
He work for good 35 years without a single achievement.
His wife put him in chronic debt and all his salary was used to pay debt.
My brother if you marry this girl.
U will regret for the rest of your life.
Me I believe in partnership marriage.
50/50

This sum it all , op should reflect on this and you will be fine

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

So despite all the bragging on social media, men are still planning on getting married.
This one wants to spend 3 million naira for the same marriage that they claim they do not have anything to benefit from.
Unbelievable!

There are some things you can overlook if her to_tow is very sweet

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

Another episode of stories that have never happened

spiceadole:
So despite all the bragging on social media, men are still planning on getting married.
This one wants to spend 3 million naira for the same marriage that they claim they do not have anything to benefit from.
Unbelievable!

if e no regret am, make I bend. There are tons of men who still believe their case would be different. We'll be here waiting for them to come and write the normal epistles.

It’s not a must, talk to her about it, if she gives you attitude of any kind, just leave her be and do your mind, remember you spending a life time.

kiddaz:
Some of you guys na wah. You have been dating this same girl for God knows when and you knew her personality all along. You have been working on getting married recently, meaning you have accepted her for who and what she is and now you're asking us these questions for what exactly? So na when wedding plans done reach you begin remember her flaws? You better carry your cross oga. None of them are perfect you have found the one that you can enjoy her goodness and also mange her witchcraft side. Hold am and stop looking for ways to run away. It's too late for that now. You shall and you must marry that girl

This point is very important. Giving has to be mutual. Even among the kids you must teach them to give to each other.
Go ahead and test her. If she failed then you know what to expect when you're married.

You have finished svking her boobiez and now you're looking for an excuse to dump her

It's a pity. Dump her a,$$

CYBERWEAVER:
I am currently planning to get married. I’ve been with my babe for about a year now.

After several consultations, we agreed on a wedding budget of about 3 million Naira.

But I keep asking myself one very honest question: how do I commit that kind of money to someone who hasn’t really shown the same level of effort back, even in something as small as 5k, despite earning a little?


Asin, I never smell her 5k since we started dating.


At this point, it’s not even about the money anymore. It’s about intention, balance, and simple acts of kindness.

Even on my birthday, I didn’t receive a gift from her, and that stayed with me more than I expected.

I’ve never had to deliberately test her money, because genuine care and small acts of giving usually show themselves naturally over time.

To be clear, I’ve been carrying most of the financial weight in this relationship, and there’s hardly anything tangible she has ever done for herself without at least my 50% contribution since we met.

I don’t complain, but I also don’t want to ignore what I’m seeing.

As a responsible man, I’m trying to be honest with myself before I take a step I can’t easily undo.

So I want to ask people who are married or have real experience: if I go ahead and marry in a relationship where this is the current dynamic, what should I realistically expect in marriage?

I’m not trying to assume the worst, but I also believe experience speaks louder than hope.

She can easily divorce or cheat since she has no stake in the project. Where your treasure is where your heart is. Use your tongue to count your teeth bro.

Have you heard "i did not ask you to do them afterall"😹 Your face go first blur

Sonnobax15:

Someone with a heart of giving is inbuilt.

Well,I don't want to say that's a red flag but I believe there are good tailors here who can tell you whether that that material of hers' is more than enough to sew a red flag or not.

Imagine planning to spend 3m on top a native hen who hasn't even spent up to 1k on your head

Una sabi date rubbish Cha. Cuz if na me be you, only my bad mouth alone will make her to start rethinking whether to adjust or quit the relationship

My girlfriend said she wants Court wedding, I say no wahala but I won't do traditional and church wedding 😅😂🤣.
Mama vex 🤷🏿

Kingray10:
She the one you are doing a favour with marriage. As a means of testing her, tell her 2.5m is all you have got and she should source for the other 500k.
The amount she turns out with will determine if the marriage will continue or not

Tah, 2.5 is much.let him say he has 1.5 🤷🏿

If you're a selfless person and your woman is a selfish person, the marriage will not work. And the fact that you value being reciprocated means that you may really be sad if you marry her because she would not reciprocate what you do.
Don't become like many frustrated men complaining about bad marriages on this forum. You have been warned.