₦airaland Forum

Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

A virgin female doctor?
Hehehehe.... Asin, not to sound ignorant o... I guess there are tons of females who go through roughly 7years of medical school, 1year of housemanship, 1 year of youth service, around 3 years of junior residency...

Well, to return to your query... It could really be that she was ashamed, but I think she could have brought up the truth that she already had premarital sex before and doesn't want to do it again, without revealing anything about the abortion, and without claiming immaculate abstinence...but alas.

As you said, you like the way she carries herself.... Now I want to hope you rushed marriage preparation because of her value as a woman, AND NOT BECAUSE OF THE ILLUSION OF RETAINED HYMEN?

If the hymen was all you cared about, then I guess you should look for another resident doctor whose hymen is still resident in its natural position.

But if you want to marry her because of her personal qualities, see how you can forgive her LIE, but know that something built on a foundation of lies, already has a k-leg.

I wish you the bery vest.

It's a different story if she had told you the truth herself: that not only is she not a virgin but that she has been pregnant before and has further had an abortion, but to have someone else tell you, hmmm. Had you not received the anonymous message, that's how you would go into the marriage, not knowing you were being deceived. She also lied when you confronted her. Idk what else to say. Just go ahead with the marriage. Good luck.

If the lies are too much .

Then that's too much reason to avoid going any further on the marriage plans

Go into a very very deep fasting and prayer , postpone the weeding date. Wait for God to give you a very obvious sign that she's your wife... I'm not a very religious person but believe me when it comes to choosing life partner, God will personally intervene if you ask him for direction

NotOfThisWorld:
It's a different story if she had told you the truth herself: that not only is she not a virgin but that she has been pregnant before and has further had an abortion, but to have someone else tell you, hmmm. Had you not received the anonymous message, that's how you would go into the marriage, not knowing you were being deceived. She also lied when you confronted her. Idk what else to say. Just go ahead with the marriage. Good luck.

After pointing out all the red flags, u still went with a contrary advice …
Im curious, do tell why that was ur final advice ?? I mean, what did u based the advice on??

Is this a solidarity for your gender ??
Or some kinda putting yourself in her shoes thing??

I mean why in the flying fvck would u push your fellow human into the pit..??

SQLmastar:
Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

Pleasw, cancel that wedding ceremony ASAP!!!
It is better to face the supposed shame in peace now. You'll have no excuse in the future that you did not see the 'red flag'!!!

A doctor, apart from this issue if she is not a perpetual liar forgive and move on...there are no saints out there

You people don’t always learn! What is your problem?

Someone lied that Shes a virgin and not that she told you by herself that it wasn’t true, you got the truth from an anonymous person.

Also the lie that she a virgin wasn’t enough, you found out she had gotten pregnant and also had an ABORTION!

You’re just in a hurry to get married forgetting that wedding and marriage are two different things.

She is way past her prime and she’s looking for any guy to quickly attach to, I guess you’re the vomit she wants to manage and also don’t you know that when a lady clicks 30, giving birth might come with complications plus she has already had an abortion, who knows if something might have gone wrong or affected her that’s she isn’t telling you.

With all the early or late 20s girls around and As a spec and prize that you are, you want to settle down with a washed up 30 year old non virgin liar that has maybe tampered with her womb via abortion all because you want to get married by December to please your mom.

You must be out of your flipping mind coming here for advice.

Life is the best teacher for you, I’m sure people have shouted and told you that Shes a walking waving red flag but because of you’re in a hurry to call one deceitful lady your wife, you’ll ignore it.

It’s obvious she doesn’t love or care about you, you’re the only available suitor right now and age is not on her side, she will even call Black colour Green just so she can answer wife, but you can’t see cause you’re not loved at home

LIFE WILL SHOW YOU AND YOU’LL CRY

Women plenty for this world bro, dem even plenty pass guys for this world, why do men always feel like there are no options?

Well why am I writing all these sef, it’s not like Shes my wife or I’m gonna get married her lol

Na you go live and grow old with her, that’s if you or even her never run commot the marriage

She lied to you or you lied to yourself, trying to find a 31 years old Virgin ... Is that the motivation for your marriage..there is more you need to look out for in a partner than that. Rushian man

Before you can forgive her, taste the honeypot and thereafter assess whether it's viciousity worths what she claims.

It is unequally folly of you to believe that 31 yrs old med doc is a virgin. Her charm really got you in big time.

My advice, fuccck her now, forgive her and forget. Rely on her good mannerism and physique as everlasting virtue you value in marriage

I wish you happy married life

SQLmastar:
Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

If you are a genuine Christian, pray about the matter and ask God to reveal more things about her and her suitability for your wife. It may be that she was truthful and rightly ashamed as she said.

However,engage the anonymous WhatsApp sender to learn more about her a d talk to her best friend. It appears her best friend would not cover up her lies, hence her decision to come clean. If you best friend is not a liar, won't cover up evil for you and you are still friends, it may be a bonus consideration though not decisive or conclusive

Where all the guys from dey come out self, even if we tell you, Una nor go still learn.
Girls go just dey use Una head, it shows you pple can not go into marriage.

Try to run fertility test??
And fibroids test??
Abortion and damaged anything in woman womb!
Once liar
Always a liar

You too like tear rubber...Shey na tear rubber car you dey use Incase you have any

She was willing to take it to her grave if you hadn't confronted her. A marriage built on lies is like driving a lambo off a cliff.

It is better to disappoint your people now than to have a disappointing end in life.

Simp go cry tire you never see anything

I’ve commented before, but I just want to add this: please don’t be deceived by virginity alone. I’ve met virgins I still wouldn’t marry, even for 20 million naira, and I’ll explain why.

I met a lady some years ago. She was a confirmed virgin, everything was intact. Our relationship moved fast and we became intimate without penetration. She did everything else sexually except penetration, and honestly I was satisfied and willing to wait till marriage.

One day, I checked her phone and was shocked. She was doing the same things with about 10 other men. We all believed she was keeping herself for marriage. Meanwhile, me and another guy were the main boyfriends, while the others knew she was in a serious relationship and were waiting for their turn after she got deflowered. This is a true story, it happened to me personally.

So some virgins can still have worse character than non-virgins, and marriage is not only about sex. After some months in marriage, sex alone won’t sustain it. What matters more is good character, peace, loyalty, and contribution to the growth of the marriage financially and emotionally.

She’s a medical doctor too, so don’t overlook that. It could even help your Canadian PR plans. But above all, seek God’s direction before making any decision.

Cheers

SQLmastar:
Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

SQLmastar:
Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

if you know what's good for you, you'll drop her like it's hot. Damn all the money you've spent.

Na your village people and manager still Dey worry you😂😂😂Ozwor..

advanceDNA:
After pointing out all the red flags, u still went with a contrary advice …
Im curious, do tell why that was ur final advice ?? I mean, what did u based the advice on??

Is this a solidarity for your gender ??
Or some kinda putting yourself in her shoes thing??

I mean why in the flying fvck would u push your fellow human into the pit..??

You don’t understand sarcasm.

If Op himself can see all red, he is still coming here to ask us what should be done.

SQLmastar:
Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

What do I say

tanigororo:
What do I say

Say yes... 💍

Harddiskng:
You don’t understand sarcasm.

If Op himself can see all red, he is still coming here to ask us what should be done.

Oh u are the PRO of the lady??

SQLmastar:
Please house, I need mature advice. This matter is tearing me apart.

I met this lady (a doctor)
4 months ago. I'm 35, she is 31.
She told me she was a virgin and I believed her because of how she carried herself. I was very happy and rushed everything – introduction, engagement, and marriage plans (I promised my mum that I would get married before December 2026). We were supposed to do our traditional marriage in one week’s time.

Last week, I received an anonymous WhatsApp message. The person sent pregnancy test results showing that my fiancée was pregnant for her ex-boyfriend during her 1-year residency. She had told me about this ex, but said they never had sex, and that was why they broke up.
I confronted her with the message. At first, she denied it and said it was fake, someone trying to spoil her name. But when I said I would call her best friend to confirm, she broke down and confessed the truth.
She admitted she got pregnant for the ex, aborted it immediately, and promised herself never to have premarital sex again. She said she was ashamed and didn’t want to lose me, so she lied about being a virgin.
Now I’m confused and heartbroken. I love her but the lies are too much.
On the other hand, I have already invited many people – including the chief of my village and my manager at work. Cancelling now will bring serious shame and talk in my village and workplace.

Please Nairalanders, what should I do? Should I go ahead with the marriage or cancel everything? Has anyone been in this kind of situation?

I need honest advice.

What's there to advise you about.
Sit down with her and talk it through.
Get the truth, the plain truth no matter how unpalatable it sounds, get it. Then make your decision.

advanceDNA:
Oh u are the PRO of the lady??

That is man with a lady moniker.

No i am not the PRO of the lady, i am PRO of the PRO of the lady

Stephen0mozzy:
A virgin female doctor?
Hehehehe.... Asin, not to sound ignorant o... I guess there are tons of females who go through roughly 7years of medical school, 1year of housemanship, 1 year of youth service, around 3 years of junior residency...

Well, to return to your query... It could really be that she was ashamed, but I think she could have brought up the truth that she already had premarital sex before and doesn't want to do it again, without revealing anything about the abortion, and without claiming immaculate abstinence...but alas.

As you said, you like the way she carries herself.... Now I want to hope you rushed marriage preparation because of her value as a woman, AND NOT BECAUSE OF THE ILLUSION OF RETAINED HYMEN?

If the hymen was all you cared about, then I guess you should look for another resident doctor whose hymen is still resident in its natural position.

But if you want to marry her because of her personal qualities, see how you can forgive her LIE, but know that something built on a foundation of lies, already has a k-leg.

I wish you the bery vest.

To correct this misnomer, there are female doctors that go thru all these and don't mess around. I schooled withany of them. It hard but it can be done. My set we were very close so we knew who was messing around with who and we kept our mouths shut.

drnoel:
To correct this misnomer, there are female doctors that go thru all these and don't mess around. I schooled withany of them. It hard but it can be done. My set we were very close so we knew who was messing around with who and we kept our mouths shut.

No contest.

koladata:
I’ve commented before, but I just want to add this: please don’t be deceived by virginity alone. I’ve met virgins I still wouldn’t marry, even for 20 million naira, and I’ll explain why.

I met a lady some years ago. She was a confirmed virgin, everything was intact. Our relationship moved fast and we became intimate without penetration. She did everything else sexually except penetration, and honestly I was satisfied and willing to wait till marriage.

One day, I checked her phone and was shocked. She was doing the same things with about 10 other men. We all believed she was keeping herself for marriage. Meanwhile, me and another guy were the main boyfriends, while the others knew she was in a serious relationship and were waiting for their turn after she got deflowered. This is a true story, it happened to me personally.

So some virgins can still have worse character than non-virgins, and marriage is not only about sex. After some months in marriage, sex alone won’t sustain it. What matters more is good character, peace, loyalty, and contribution to the growth of the marriage financially and emotionally.

She’s a medical doctor too, so don’t overlook that. It could even help your Canadian PR plans. But above all, seek God’s direction before making any decision.

Cheers

Your own small sef. My guy's former girlfriend told him she was a virgin and the guy confirmed that her hymen is still intact. But the shocker was that other guys was sleeping with her through the anus. It was one of the guys who was fucking her through the ass told my guy and he confronted her but she denied. When my guy mentioned the name of the guy that told him she started crying and confessing that it was true. Mind you it wasn't even only one guy, they were many. If only men know the kind of heart that women have, hnmmm.

Wow, I didn't even know there could be a worse case than my own experience o

Galactics:
Your own small sef. My guy's former girlfriend told him she was a virgin and the guy confirmed that her hymen is still intact. But the shocker was that other guys was sleeping with her through the anus. It was one of the guys who was fucking her through the ass told my guy and he confronted her but she denied. When my guy mentioned the name of the guy that told him she started crying and confessing that it was true. Mind you it wasn't even only one guy, they were many. If only men know the kind of heart that women have, hnmmm.

Ask her to tell you all her other secrets that you may found out anormously. let her also tell you her body counts. but, wait, how could you have believed that a medical Doctor of 31 years old can still be a virgin?These days that you hardly find girls above the age of 7 who are still virgins.These days women do surgeries to revive their virginity, just the way they do BBL.

A broken Courtship is by far better than a broken marriage. Liars hardly repent. It's in dia DNA
The Choice is yours
May God Give you direction