₦airaland Forum

Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

lol….lol
Hollywood romcom ..

Strong relationships are built on good and bad times, conflicts and resolutions, silence/calm and storm/chaos, as well as limitless compromises ([/b]never including cheating though[b]) with no options of giving up.

You and her may be building a strong union afterall. May God continue to help you both.

Eyin mejeji ti ya weyreh

New Toto de hungry u, i understand. Free agent enjoy ur life. Na d babe Bleep up yo let you see her finish. Cos dats a very lame excuse for a breakup 😂, clearly u compliment each other.

As far as she didn't cheat on you in all of this , things are still fixable but it seems you have already made up your mind

I throw salute for people who still do relationship. If I pity you too much we can be distant friends with nothing involve. The last person I was romantically involved with, after tolerating what I normally wouldn't take for too long, I withdrew, change mobile and WhatsApp numbers, deleted fb acct. Its been 5 yrs now and i just added her back on fb out of pity but would never message her

Someone who is comfortable sleeping and waking up in a filthy house is not gonna turn into a domestic goddess overnight. She will most definitely go back to her old behaviour and will need to be reminded often. Even then if hygiene is not important to her she will revert permanently to old habits.

If cleanliness, conscientiousness, and self awareness are deal breakers for you in a relationship then you are crazy to get with someone who doesn’t demonstrate these qualities expecting them to change! You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Please use protection and don’t have children with this woman!

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

You chose honesty over the slow erosion of yourself, that’s hard and ultimately kind. Keep your boundaries, take the lessons, and let compassion (for her and yourself) guide what comes next.

Double0h7:
Someone who is comfortable sleeping and waking up in a filthy house is not gonna turn into a domestic goddess overnight. She will most definitely go back to her old behaviour and will need to be reminded often. Even then if hygiene is not important to her she will revert permanently to old habits.

If cleanliness, conscientiousness, and self awareness are deal breakers for you in a relationship then you are crazy to get with someone who doesn’t demonstrate these qualities expecting them to change! You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Please use protection and don’t have children with this woman!

Habits reveal character, don’t bet your future on temporary changes. Choose consistent behavior over hopeful promises.

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

better watch your six. You may live to regret this .

FitCorper:
New Toto de hungry u, i understand. Free agent enjoy ur life. Na d babe Bleep up yo let you see her finish. Cos dats a very lame excuse for a breakup 😂, clearly u compliment each other.

Cleanliness isn't a deal breaker? Na your type the children go dy get lapa lapa and ring worm for head. Tufia.

She accepted her flaws, she apologized and promised to do better.
Baba, please go ahead in the relationship. No one is perfect.
I have seen a lady her boyfriend advised to buy deodorant and about the smell on her hair but this girl used the opportunity to fight him.
You are in a better situation. Goodluck.

Julibet:
Cleanliness isn't a deal breaker? Na your type the children go dy get lapa lapa and ring worm for head. Tufia.

He is the clean on, the logical thing to do is limit visits to her place and only invite her over. When una marry you as the man will use all those your neatness to compliment her, except he no tell us the full gist, cos I repeat that is a very lame reason for breakup. Don’t push good people away over trivial issues, he will learn make he enjoy fess.

You still need to answer my question..When you cleaned her room,did you also wash her toilet?

This was one of the comments that hit me rolling Nah bro I didn’t

This guy Na better mugu

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

I'm not sure you can truly change her, she maybe the one to dump you last last. Seems You are too emotional to handle stubborn woman matter. Most woman NATURALy need and respect men that are unpredictable.

Them no dey advice person wey dey in love

I didn't bother reading those trash above.

All I have to say is that, simps will eat dust of the earth.

Bro the one wey pain me na say you go clean girl house.

If na my guy do this one, him go buy me peppersoup and beer for one month before i go forgive am.

Good that you gave her another chance (even though most ladies don't pity guys like this when they want to dump a guy). Sometimes, people need to be jolted back into reality when they are becoming comfortable with bad habits. If the girl is wise, she'll understand that your action was because you care about her wellbeing and that of her future family. Women are supposed to be the ones ensuring cleanliness in their households so, any lady who fails to cultivate the habit of cleanliness would definitely have a dirty and unorganised home and would be mocked for that.

Well, I knew 'dickmatized' was an actual thing. I guess 'pussy-whipped' is, too Or do we say pussymatized?

The Op is a transgender

He lost his manhood the day he started cleaning the babe house

If I be girl
From that day I don see you finish for life
No respect again for you

Me wey dey command babes to clean my apartment. You already lost the moment you humiliated yourself.

You prove to her that you don't value yourself

Ladies like that have a soft body and moist coochiess

True love helps each other in their area of weaknesses.

Una two na victor .and hugo abi tom.and jerry

Should I tell you of my cousin brother's wife?

Bro, taking her as a wife be rest assured of living with that which your running from for the rest of your life till death do you part.

In summary:
Expect nothing different, expect less.