₦airaland Forum

I know your problem, you treat every girl too right. But, that doesn't make you Mr Right.
These girls are senior man, and you should treat them as such. No go carry princess treatment give senior man o

Double0h7:
Someone who is comfortable sleeping and waking up in a filthy house is not gonna turn into a domestic goddess overnight. She will most definitely go back to her old behaviour and will need to be reminded often. Even then if hygiene is not important to her she will revert permanently to old habits.

If cleanliness, conscientiousness, and self awareness are deal breakers for you in a relationship then you are crazy to get with someone who doesn’t demonstrate these qualities expecting them to change! You are setting yourself up for disappointment. Please use protection and don’t have children with this woman!

Protection ke!, disaster loading 🤷🏿

This Una Ugandan love story again, I don't have anything to say.

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

She deserves a second chance with a different person not you changing your mind,
Working on herself is what will take time not an immediate fix
I can’t tolerate a dirty female around me like the girl described in the passage
Eww eww

You already saw the clear red flag yet u wanna put head. For your information, she is not gonna change. She will only just adjust for the time being for marriage to happen first, that's her goal. You just be ready to be doing the cleaning jobs and the relationship and marriage will last forever. But to expect a woman who has kept same character for at least 25 years to change is voodoo
You all gonna learn the hard way.

Omo, after going through the previous thread, I think you need therapy urgently DF!

OP, you're quite emotionally sound. I really liked your reply

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

Eiyah thanks for the update. Hopefully each other you would be alright

imismimum:
As far as she didn't cheat on you in all of this , things are still fixable but it seems you have already made up your mind

A person that’s dirty is a deal breaker to almost everyone, even if such person is a saint. It shows a basic lack of hygiene and maturity.

imismimum:
As far as she didn't cheat on you in all of this , things are still fixable but it seems you have already made up your mind

I think this guy does not truly love her, he is only trying to force himself on her while watching his draconic conditions, observations that was never brought to her knowledge... . Its obvious the girl has been living her life free mindedly being what she is without pretending. The guy even though he cleaned the house never explained to her why he did what he did, but nursing breaking up, and having an ego feeling that she is not his class. Already, with the guys explanation afterward (he never corrected her in love), but created a silent threat. This girl may develop a low self-esteem and will be struggling to please him at all cost. If the guy truly loves, he will not come to Nairaland to flaunt his ego by that post, he will simply teach and correct her in love.

The truth is that the relationship can never workout, because the guy has no conviction that he loves her, he is only experimenting. If mistakenly they go ahead to marry, after one or more children are birthed, the true colour of the woman will resurface, and then hatred, dissatisfaction and commotion from the side of the man will resonate.

My candid advice: Its a red flag that the guy does not truly love her, its better to end the relationship now, than sitting on a gun powder.
The earlier the lady ends the relationship as well, and get true love, the better for her than finding herself in a big mess later.

Eiya...see her good english...using "am" and "I'm" in the right manner... using "I've" instead of "av"😁...no lazy typing...that's really rare these days.

Hope she learns and grows from this....wishin' both y'all the best as you navigate 👌

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

......
But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

Sir, Please I commented on your part one story.
I beg you with everything I have, leave this girl alone.
I said it before, I say it again.
You are blinded by the beauty, breast, nyash... whatever.
You have described the girl's house as DIRTY, with rotting food stuck in her chair.
She, NOT EVEN RECOGNISING that you cleaned her WHOLE HOUSE.
Please THIS IS AN ADULT behaving like this.
That means she has been DISGUSTING all her life.
I don't know how old she is. Let's say 25years
So she has 25 years of practicing disgustingness.
Do you think this your 2 months relationship can change 25 continuous years of FULL TIME, 24/7 disgusting behaviour?
Please leave her and stop all this long public explanation story.
This relationship IS NOT GOING ANYWHERE.
Yes, I said it!
Quote me. Mention me. Add me to your WhatsApp I said it!
Both of you ARE NOT compatible.
-
Imagine both of you are having disagreement about something. And you're trying to argue your logical point.
dy/dx, a + b = c....
She will just look at you and NOT WASH PLATE (her natural behaviour)...
That is all it would take to drive you over the edge and you will explode into manic rage!!
You will now forget the original disagreement you were trying to prove and start shouting about plate and sink!
-
Leave this girl now.

Humans hardly change genuinely from bad habit or character, they only pretend to change and that won't really last.
Don't go into marriage just because your partner promise to change unless you'll be able to tolerate him/her in the invent of reverting back to hold way, else run.

Please for peace to reign, next if it not a detailed explanation on how to make money don't ever post this long story for us again, keep it very short. Thank you.
Next case please..

Cum4me:
This guy Na better mugu

How is he a MUGU?


some of una eh....

Una go just open una mouth waaaaa and Insult people

If you keep bothering yourself about people who are "ministers of gender and relationship affairs " ehn, you will lose your humanity and patience.

One of the purposes of relationship is to encourage and improve each other.

How is setting an example in maintaining hygiene become simping?

Be yourself and do what you feel is the right thing to do. Don't join them in the gender war.

@OP, I must commend your maturity and understanding level. You acted like a real man should in this case. Love is truly blind. However, not in this case.

My own honest submission for you is you can proceed to date the girl but please don't marry her. Characters are ingrained since childhood. Whatever behaviour you accumulate since childhood is what you'll continue to build on. That's our default setting. This said woman will never change on the long run


But for your peace of mind, I advise you take the painful decision now and cut off the relationship. I understand it's going to be very hard but please do

I, for one, can't make do with a dirty woman. I can't cope. It'll mess with my sanity

Just try to snap out of the illusion that she'll change. Whatever changes you're seeing nkw is temporary o

God bless

If truly this is from you, i think i encourage that level of maturity for young men

I guess you are in your 20s

Daniel058:
I'm not sure you can truly change her, she [b]maybe [/b]the one to dump you last last. Seems You are too emotional to handle stubborn woman matter. Most woman NATURALy need and respect men that are unpredictable.

Change maybe to WILL.
Now she knows the man will eventually dump her because she knows she can't change. Her parents would have already tried in vain to make her change her dirty ways.

She will now become far more open to toasting by other men. And do what the guy had no determination to do: jettison the relationship.

It did well and seem very rational in ur assesment, judgement and handling of the situation. Sometimes people need reality checks or shock therapy to have a proper reset.

Also nothing wrong in giving people a second chance espcially if they are remorseful and ready to put in the neccessary work to change and improve.

All the best!

DLuciano:
I think this guy does not truly love her, he is only trying to force himself on her while watching his draconic conditions, observations that was never brought to her knowledge... . Its obvious the girl has been living her life free mindedly being what she is without pretending. The guy even though he cleaned the house never explained to her why he did what he did, but nursing breaking up, and having an ego feeling that she is not his class. Already, with the guys explanation afterward (he never corrected her in love), but created a silent threat. This girl may develop a low self-esteem and will be struggling to please him at all cost. If the guy truly loves, he will not come to Nairaland to flaunt his ego by that post, he will simply teach and correct her in love.

The truth is that the relationship can never workout, because the guy has no conviction that he loves her, he is only experimenting. If mistakenly they go ahead to marry, after one or more children are birthed, the true colour of the woman will resurface, and then hatred, dissatisfaction and commotion from the side of the man will resonate.

My candid advice: Its a red flag that the guy does not truly love her, its better to end the relationship now, than sitting on a gun powder.
The earlier the lady ends the relationship as well, and get true love, the better for her than finding herself in a big mess later.

This is trash

This is how people get into stuff they later regret. That girl is a real narcissist. She emotionally manipulated you. Now she's going to double-date for real.

Don't you know that uncleanness is a serious red flag
I know a woman whose fight with husband is mostly of dirtiness.
Dirtiness is evil, This woman am talking about will leave plates and pot for days with out washing
The girls are in the sitting room doing nothing and it's ok with them.
Toilet will not be flushed, everywhere littered 365 days of the year
I am not exaggerating.

FitCorper:
He is the clean on, the logical thing to do is limit visits to her place and only invite her over. When una marry you as the man will use all those your neatness to compliment her, except he no tell us the full gist, cos I repeat that is a very lame reason for breakup. Don’t push good people away over trivial issues, he will learn make he enjoy fess.

Dirtiness and cleanliness is not something you change from.
I think is inborn

I wonder how someone will leave everywhere dirty and still be comfortable
But to some people it's ok

The worst part is passing the dirtiness to the next generation

Dancebreaker:
Change maybe to WILL.
Now she knows the man will eventually dump her because she knows she can't change. Her parents would have already tried in vain to make her change her dirty ways.

She will now become far more open to toasting by other men. And do what the guy had no determination to do: jettison the relationship.

Op, what I can tell you is that habits die hard. Its difficult to change people unless they themselves decide to change. Ordinarily I won't expect her to change. However, if she loves you enough and won't want to loose you, she may try her best. But I won't be surprised that she'll get tired and probably give up. By then she'll just keep up as much as she can till she finds a new lover hoping that one won't mind how she is. So don't get disappointed if she can't achieve it

You try sef. Hope she changes for the better. I don't understand how some NIgerians are so DIRTY and Untidy. Meanwhile they will dress nice to go out and wash their car. Meanwhile the house and kitchen in particular will be untidy dirty and a germ factory. Is that the fault of the government? No wonder many streets even in so called rich neighborhoods are also dirty with smelly gutters and thrash on the roads.

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

Suffer no dey taya the Op. You go hear word,no worry 🤣

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https://www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

I stopped reading when you said you gave her another chance.

Oga something that is not in her, is not in her, for the fact that she would start acting on it, proves that she would be faking it, until you marry her, then she would go back to factory setting.

If she had the opportunity, she wouldn't hesitate to throw you under the bus, bros you are a very weak man.

You just vomited, and licked back your vomit.

Who ignore signs, go later see wonders 💯

oarowosola:
Honestly, you guys are funny as hell. Some of the roasts had me laughing, some were annoying, but overall I enjoyed reading the comments.

But one thing I need people to understand is this, I didn’t come here because I was looking for relationship advice. At the point I made that first post, my mind was already made up. I was already mentally done with the relationship long before I even typed anything.

The reason I shared the story was mostly because I was exhausted mentally, and I also wanted people to see how extreme certain situations can get in relationships. Sometimes people think you’re exaggerating until you start explaining the details.

Truth be told, this breakup didn’t happen overnight.

I had already been thinking about ending things for a very long time. The only thing holding me back was the fact that she is actually an amazing person in some ways. She has a soft heart, and I knew breaking up with her was going to hurt her deeply, so I kept trying to find the best possible way to do it without completely destroying her emotionally.

But the events of that final weekend just pushed me over the edge.

The way she left my kitchen after staying over, combined with everything that happened the night before, was what finally made me snap internally. It wasn’t that I suddenly realized all the issues that day. No. Those things had been building up in my mind for months.

Before I eventually sent the breakup message, I had already started emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. I stopped calling as much, stopped texting often, and stopped engaging the way I used to. She noticed it too. She kept asking what was wrong, and I would just say I’m fine, even though she knew something was clearly off.

Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep dragging it out forever. I didn’t want to keep pretending while mentally checking out. So I finally sent her a message telling her I was no longer interested in continuing the relationship.

At first, she was shocked.

She kept asking how someone could end a relationship of over a year through text without explanation. She asked if there was another person involved. She begged me not to ignore her. She said she was trying to stay calm because she was outside in public.

Honestly, reading those messages affected me because despite everything, I’m still human. I’m not heartless.

So instead of completely shutting her out, I told her we could talk later because I was busy with work at that moment.

Later that night, I finally picked up her call.

And for the first time, I explained everything fully.

I explained how draining the relationship had become for me mentally. I explained how uncomfortable I constantly felt because of the difference in our lifestyles, hygiene, responsibilities, communication patterns, effort, and overall approach to life.

I explained the incidents that stayed in my head for months, the constant untidiness, the dirty environments, the financial imbalance, the times I felt taken for granted, the moments I cleaned her entire house just to prove that basic cleanliness was not impossible.

And no, cleaning her house was never a sign of weakness or simping to me.

I did it because I loved her.

I genuinely believed maybe if I showed her how simple it was to maintain a clean environment, things would improve. That was all. But instead, things kept repeating themselves over and over again.

I also explained how frustrating it felt to constantly give financially, emotionally, and physically while feeling like the same level of thoughtfulness wasn’t being returned consistently.

By the end of the call, she broke down crying and started apologizing repeatedly. She begged me to give her another chance. She promised she would change. She promised she would work on herself and become better.

And honestly… I softened.

Maybe because deep down, despite everything, I still cared about her.

So I gave her another chance, but I made myself very clear.

I told her this wasn’t about pretending for one week or acting differently temporarily because she got called out. I told her real change has to become natural. Cleanliness, responsibility, effort, and self awareness cannot be something you perform temporarily just to save a relationship.

I told her:

“Please change for yourself, for your future kids, and for me too. Don’t just act differently now and later return to old habits. Let it become part of you naturally.

As a lady, I honestly expected you to even be correcting me on certain things, not the other way around. I’m putting a lot on the line emotionally, and I don’t want to regret my decisions later in life.

I’m not saying this like I’m doing you a favor. There are billions of men better than me, just like there are women better than you. Nobody is irreplaceable. But while two people are trying to build something meaningful together, both people should be actively working on themselves.

You are free to call out my own flaws too because I’m not a perfect human being. Relationships are supposed to be about growth, accountability, and complementing each other. The moment two people stop growing and start merely tolerating bad patterns, the relationship slowly becomes exhausting instead of peaceful.”


So yeah… that’s the full update.

Some people roasted me in the first post. Some understood me immediately. Some thought I was overreacting. Some thought I was being too soft.

But at the end of the day, nobody truly understands how emotionally draining a relationship can become until they experience living inside that reality themselves.

Previous thread https:// www.nairaland.com/8677133/cleaned-girlfriends-house-instantly-wanted

You’re very madth if you think she’s gonna change, in fact she’ll revenge you when the time comes, bossing her around in the name of trying to change her. People don’t change they pretend as long as they’re kept in check but how long can you boss her in check



If she truly wants to change it shouldn’t be with you, it’s a game over on your side

DLuciano:
I think this guy does not truly love her, he is only trying to force himself on her while watching his draconic conditions, observations that was never brought to her knowledge... . Its obvious the girl has been living her life free mindedly being what she is without pretending. The guy even though he cleaned the house never explained to her why he did what he did, but nursing breaking up, and having an ego feeling that she is not his class. Already, with the guys explanation afterward (he never corrected her in love), but created a silent threat. This girl may develop a low self-esteem and will be struggling to please him at all cost. If the guy truly loves, he will not come to Nairaland to flaunt his ego by that post, he will simply teach and correct her in love.

The truth is that the relationship can never workout, because the guy has no conviction that he loves her, he is only experimenting. If mistakenly they go ahead to marry, after one or more children are birthed, the true colour of the woman will resurface, and then hatred, dissatisfaction and commotion from the side of the man will resonate.

My candid advice: Its a red flag that the guy does not truly love her, its better to end the relationship now, than sitting on a gun powder.
The earlier the lady ends the relationship as well, and get true love, the better for her than finding herself in a big mess later.

Gboun

You're high on lizard shit. Na only people wey like good hygiene, wey like make their space dey tidy, wey no like dirty, and make everywhere dey disorganized fit relate. I no talk about people wey like make everywhere dey organized and clean but no sabi clean o...some people dey like that.

You think say na everybody like the idea of hiring a housekeeper abi house help? To come dey wash plate, cook food wey husband and family members go chop?? For people wey just dey start family life??

You finish, come talk say make dem dey complement each other .. e mean say house go dey upside-down, trash go full everywhere the day way the man no dey for house.. most children spend more time with their mama..e mean say children no go sabi clean house too.. na those kind of children go dey see washing of dishes as work.

Chai .... Nairaland no get voice note feature

Clean space be natural medicine for some people.

FitCorper:
New Toto de hungry u, i understand. Free agent enjoy ur life. Na d babe Bleep up yo let you see her finish. Cos dats a very lame excuse for a breakup 😂, clearly u compliment each other.