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I moved to the city with my family(wife and child) last year and we sold some of our properties to fund the move and because we won’t be needing some of them anymore due to us downsizing our accommodation, where we got was a little far from the main road and made her resuming her business a difficulty and later down the month I had to resign at work to come stay at home with her due to a incident of theft that happened while I was away and her phone was stolen, I replaced it but I haven’t had the time to work because she said she couldn’t stay there alone.
The problem now is she wants us to downsize and move to a costlier side of the city and this will involve selling my properties again to fund the move and this is really getting me depressed. The only difference in her suggestion is the proximity to a better neighborhood but it will still be same cost of transportation and I will be able to go and work as mostly my work do not allow me the privilege of staying home or coming home to her everyday. I’m really at a crossroad as selling this valuables not only hard to replace but also depressing especially whenever she visit her friends and talks about what they have which most of the time are what we had but sold off

Mussolini77:
I moved to the city with my family(wife and child) last year and we sold some of our properties to fund the move and because we won’t be needing some of them anymore due to us downsizing our accommodation, where we got was a little far from the main road and made her resuming her business a difficulty and later down the month I had to resign at work to come stay at home with her due to a incident of theft that happened while I was away and her phone was stolen, I replaced it but I haven’t had the time to work because she said she couldn’t stay there alone.
The problem now is she wants us to downsize and move to a costlier side of the city and this will involve selling my properties again to fund the move and this is really getting me depressed. The only difference in her suggestion is the proximity to a better neighborhood but it will still be same cost of transportation and I will be able to go and work as mostly my work do not allow me the privilege of staying home or coming home to her everyday. I’m really at a crossroad as selling this valuables not only hard to replace but also depressing especially whenever she visit her friends and talks about what they have which most of the time are what we had but sold off

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God should bless us with understanding wife, not selfish wives🙏🙏

Chai ! The Lord is your strength o

I usually don't talk down on the attitude of other people's wife on matters like this.

But the excerpt below is just beyond awful

...especially whenever she visit her friends and talks about what they have which most of the time are what we had but sold off

So when you say downsize, you mean downsize on your asset/networth so you can afford to move to a place with higher cost of living?

So, she's constantly comparing the life you guys have/are building with what she sees outside? - God forbid senselessness.

Is she a trophy wife? Because it appears that you're doing so much to please her without taking the hard decision of living according to your means! You're depressed now, soon you'll slip into Hypertension. And God help you, you don't have complications, you won't be around anymore..... Guess what? She'll move on.

What's her personal contribution to this constant downsizing, even up to you quitting your job to stay at home?

Stephen0mozzy:
I usually don't talk down on the attitude of other people's wife on matters like this.

But the excerpt below is just beyond awful


So when you say downsize, you mean downsize on your asset/networth so you can afford yo move to a place with higher cost of living?

So, she's constantly comparing the life you guys have/are building with what she sees outside? - God forbid senselessness.

Nope downsizing in terms of apartment, relocated to a room and parlor from a 3bed and now suggest a selfcon since I won’t be around mostly…..she will make the comparison not in a way to spite me but whenever she talks about something new her friend family got it makes me feel sad because it was something we have had.

Stephen0mozzy:
I usually don't talk down on the attitude of other people's wife on matters like this.

But the excerpt below is just beyond awful


So when you say downsize, you mean downsize on your asset/networth so you can afford to move to a place with higher cost of living?

So, she's constantly comparing the life you guys have/are building with what she sees outside? - God forbid senselessness.

Is she a trophy wife? Because it appears that you're doing so much to please her without taking the hard decision of living according to your means! You're depressed now, soon you'll slip into Hypertension. And God help you, you don't have complications, you won't be around anymore..... Guess what? She'll move on.

What's her personal contribution to this constant downsizing, even up to you quitting your job to stay at home?

nothing significant even suggest she sell one of her expensive working tools to help out because she have like 4 of them but she wouldn’t hear of it.

Mussolini77:
Nope downsizing in terms of apartment, relocated to a room and parlor from a 3bed and now suggest a selfcon since I won’t be around mostly…..she will make the comparison not in a way to spite me but whenever she talks about something new her friend family got it makes me feel sad because it was something we have had.

The problem now is she wants us to downsize and move to a costlier side of the city and this will involve selling my properties again to fund the move and this is really getting me depressed.

I wish you all the best Sir

Mussolini77:
nothing significant even suggest she sell one of her expensive working tools to help out because she have like 4 of them but she wouldn’t hear of it.

Mr Sacrificial Lamb... you're doing well

Sacrifices of a man is not being talked about enough and you will still be the same person to replace the properties and worst still the greedy comparisons forgetting what you had to sacrifice for the family..all women care about is they gratification to old themselves on the expense of a man while ignoring the efforts we make .. no woman will force my hand in thus life best we all go our separate ways ..

As you dey follow us talk am like this, then table am to her side like that and give us feedback. Most especially, tell her the depressing parts.

Raymond0008:
As you dey follow us talk am like this, then table am to her side like that and give us feedback. Most especially, tell her the depressing parts.

I already did, she said I should consider her mental health as well because she can’t sleep alone since the theft incident happened and she is ready to move to a selfcon if that would save me money

My Brother, I am a married woman who loves her Husband a lot. I am saying this because of this next point of mine.

It is not all suggestions a woman makes that her Husband must put into action. This is because at the end of the day, you as the man and head of your home, are responsible for most if not all outcomes. If it ends positively, you both will be happy. If it turns out badly, you as the head will be blamed even by your wife that made the suggestion. She and others may say you should have known better as the leader of the home.

We women sometimes make decisions/suggestions based on emotions. Note I said sometimes. Other times, we can also make well -timed good suggestions.

I was first surprised you said you left your job because She said she couldnt stay home alone. Is her child not there? Go back to work oh before you lose your relevance. When you fail to provide, that is when you will realise she can stay home alone very well. After all, you come back home from time to time.

Then you told her to sell one or is it two of her expensive machine. She said NO. Shouldn't that tell you something?
Do not downsize or sell anything again if the need is not there. Find alternative means to get her back to her business. Let everybody make sacrifices too if they can.

Lastly, be strong and decisive as a man. She will respect you more. You should not be swayed by every suggestion she makes. Weigh them first. If it is reasonable, you do it. If it is not, you tell her why you think it should not be taken. And you dont. Remember, you are responsible for all outcomes. Good or bad. No matter who does the suggestions or actions.

Mussolini77

Do you have a plan for your family?

Watch this please
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaAXF8vt5rG/?igsh=bHA1b3Z1aDJjbHA0

What is your purpose and plan for your family? Like a business, you know how much you want to earn, how to grown it. Do you have that kind of plan for your family?

You should make one.

Put your wife and children in the plan, as well as yourself. What's the game plan: a healthy family, a family that prays together, a family that owns 10 houses and 1000 cattle, a family that are full of Doctors, a family of musicians...

Write it down.

Then share it with your wife, get her input, ask her what she wants for the family and her life. it's a FAMILY ROADMAP.

Now, start looking at every decision with that roadmap in mind, that both of you know.

"Should I stay at home? How do we handle this event that happened and scared my wife? Should we sell property now, what if we need it in 5 years' time? Should we live in a cramped, expensive place for now, if so how long do we stay here? Are there good schools in that area? Will my family be safer and I can afford this over without getting resentful at my wife? Do I find work that takes me far away from my family? Is my wife's business able to support us if this move doesn't pan out well?"

You both pray together and consult the roadmap.

So that any decision you make, both of you know what the end goal for the family is and make sure your decision supports that goal.

I can't answer your question in this thread, but I think once you have a family roadmap, you'll both know what to do.

Also, the roadmap will help your wife focus on her race rather than keep looking at her friends and comparing her race to theirs. You can tell her when she talks about their "wonderful" lives: "babe, we have our family plan, we will get there step by step."

Mussolini77:
I moved to the city with my family(wife and child) last year and we sold some of our properties to fund the move and because we won’t be needing some of them anymore due to us downsizing our accommodation, where we got was a little far from the main road and made her resuming her business a difficulty and later down the month I had to resign at work to come stay at home with her due to a incident of theft that happened while I was away and her phone was stolen, I replaced it but I haven’t had the time to work because she said she couldn’t stay there alone.
The problem now is she wants us to downsize and move to a costlier side of the city and this will involve selling my properties again to fund the move and this is really getting me depressed. The only difference in her suggestion is the proximity to a better neighborhood but it will still be same cost of transportation and I will be able to go and work as mostly my work do not allow me the privilege of staying home or coming home to her everyday. I’m really at a crossroad as selling this valuables not only hard to replace but also depressing especially whenever she visit her friends and talks about what they have which most of the time are what we had but sold off

That sounds like a very difficult position to be in. From what you've described, this isn't just about moving houses—it's about financial security, your career, your sense of identity, and how both of you are coping with a major life transition.

A few things stand out.

First, you've already made significant sacrifices:

You sold property to finance the initial move.

You left your job after the theft incident so your wife wouldn't have to stay alone.

You replaced her stolen phone.

You've been carrying the financial consequences of these decisions.

Those are substantial compromises.

On the other hand, your wife's concerns don't sound unreasonable either. If she feels unsafe after being robbed and believes living in a better neighborhood would improve her quality of life, that's a genuine concern. Feeling secure at home matters.

The challenge is that the proposed solution may create a different problem.

If moving requires selling more valuable assets that are difficult or impossible to replace, you could end up with:

- fewer long-term assets,
- increased financial pressure,
- continued transportation costs (as you mentioned),and
- a temporary improvement in location without solving the larger issue of income.

The biggest issue I see isn't actually the neighborhood—it's that your family currently has reduced earning capacity because you resigned from work.

If moving allows you to return to work consistently and earn a stable income again, then that could be a worthwhile trade-off. But if moving only changes the neighborhood while still leaving you unable to work regularly because your wife doesn't want to stay alone, then selling more assets doesn't solve the underlying problem.

I'd encourage you both to discuss questions like:

1. What specific problem are we trying to solve by moving?
2. Will moving actually allow me to return to work?
3. If I return to work, how will we handle the fact that I'll often be away?

Is there another way to improve security—better locks, neighborhood watch, CCTV, a more secure compound—without selling valuable assets?

It's also worth acknowledging something emotional that came through in your message. You said: "Whenever she visits her friends and talks about what they have, which most of the time are what we had but sold off."

That suggests you may be feeling that the sacrifices you've made are not fully recognized, and that comparisons with friends make those losses feel even heavier.

If that's happening frequently, it's important to talk about it—not as an accusation, but honestly. You might say something like: "I understand why you want a safer and better place, and I want that too. But every time we sell another property, I feel like we're giving up something we've worked hard to build. I'm worried that we'll keep selling assets instead of rebuilding our income. I don't want us to make another decision we'll regret later."

Notice that this focuses on your feelings and concerns rather than blaming her.

From a financial perspective, I would generally be cautious about repeatedly selling appreciating or hard-to-replace assets to cover living costs or moves. Assets often take years to accumulate, while income is what allows you to build wealth again. Unless selling them creates a clear path to significantly increasing your earning ability or substantially improving your family's safety, it's worth exploring other options first.

One question I'd like to ask is: what type of properties are you referring to? Are these land, vehicles, business equipment, investments, or something else? Also, are you currently the only source of income, or is your wife's business now generating enough to support the household? Those details would make it easier to think through the trade-offs.

Loisemm2:
My Brother, I am a married woman who loves her Husband a lot. I am saying this because of this next point of mine.

It is not all suggestions a woman makes that her Husband must put into action. This is because at the end of the day, you as the man and head of your home, are responsible for most if not all outcomes. If it ends positively, you both will be happy. If it turns out badly, you as the head will be blamed even by your wife that made the suggestion. She and others may say you should have known better as the leader of the home.

We women sometimes make decisions/suggestions based on emotions. Note I said sometimes. Other times, we can also make well -timed good suggestions.

I was first surprised you said you left your job because She said she couldnt stay home alone. Is her child not there? Go back to work oh before you lose your relevance. When you fail to provide, that is when you will realise she can stay home alone very well. After all, you come back home from time to time.

Then you told her to sell one or is it two of her expensive machine. She said NO. Shouldn't that tell you something?
Do not downsize or sell anything again if the need is not there. Find alternative means to get her back to her business. Let everybody make sacrifices too if they can.

Lastly, be strong and decisive as a man. She will respect you more. You should not be swayed by every suggestion she makes. Weigh them first. If it is reasonable, you do it. If it is not, you tell her why you think it should not be taken. And you dont. Remember, you are responsible for all outcomes. Good or bad. No matter who does the suggestions or actions.

Thanks so much ma

Meerahbel:
That sounds like a very difficult position to be in. From what you've described, this isn't just about moving houses—it's about financial security, your career, your sense of identity, and how both of you are coping with a major life transition.

A few things stand out.

First, you've already made significant sacrifices:

You sold property to finance the initial move.

You left your job after the theft incident so your wife wouldn't have to stay alone.

You replaced her stolen phone.

You've been carrying the financial consequences of these decisions.

Those are substantial compromises.

On the other hand, your wife's concerns don't sound unreasonable either. If she feels unsafe after being robbed and believes living in a better neighborhood would improve her quality of life, that's a genuine concern. Feeling secure at home matters.

The challenge is that the proposed solution may create a different problem.

If moving requires selling more valuable assets that are difficult or impossible to replace, you could end up with:

- fewer long-term assets,
- increased financial pressure,
- continued transportation costs (as you mentioned),and
- a temporary improvement in location without solving the larger issue of income.

The biggest issue I see isn't actually the neighborhood—it's that your family currently has reduced earning capacity because you resigned from work.

If moving allows you to return to work consistently and earn a stable income again, then that could be a worthwhile trade-off. But if moving only changes the neighborhood while still leaving you unable to work regularly because your wife doesn't want to stay alone, then selling more assets doesn't solve the underlying problem.

I'd encourage you both to discuss questions like:

1. What specific problem are we trying to solve by moving?
2. Will moving actually allow me to return to work?
3. If I return to work, how will we handle the fact that I'll often be away?

Is there another way to improve security—better locks, neighborhood watch, CCTV, a more secure compound—without selling valuable assets?

It's also worth acknowledging something emotional that came through in your message. You said: "Whenever she visits her friends and talks about what they have, which most of the time are what we had but sold off."

That suggests you may be feeling that the sacrifices you've made are not fully recognized, and that comparisons with friends make those losses feel even heavier.

If that's happening frequently, it's important to talk about it—not as an accusation, but honestly. You might say something like: "I understand why you want a safer and better place, and I want that too. But every time we sell another property, I feel like we're giving up something we've worked hard to build. I'm worried that we'll keep selling assets instead of rebuilding our income. I don't want us to make another decision we'll regret later."

Notice that this focuses on your feelings and concerns rather than blaming her.

From a financial perspective, I would generally be cautious about repeatedly selling appreciating or hard-to-replace assets to cover living costs or moves. Assets often take years to accumulate, while income is what allows you to build wealth again. Unless selling them creates a clear path to significantly increasing your earning ability or substantially improving your family's safety, it's worth exploring other options first.

One question I'd like to ask is: what type of properties are you referring to? Are these land, vehicles, business equipment, investments, or something else? Also, are you currently the only source of income, or is your wife's business now generating enough to support the household? Those details would make it easier to think through the trade-offs.

Thanks so much for your input sir….
Firstly I had to sell off my 90% completed house and a land to finance her Canada traveling on a study route which I was to follow as a dependent, everything went smoothly and only left to pay for the ticket and accommodation when we discovered she was 2months preg and she said she couldn’t handle the stress with her schooling and after she put to bed she said she couldn’t go for now because she is not strong enough….that wasted those resources
Secondly came the idea that we relocate to the city and I had to sell off what is left of my land and some home properties especially everything in my spare apartments since we would be downsizing and there won’t be space to keep them…she chose the location we currently in and I got a job here and went away till the theft incident happened
Then came this again and her job is not bringing in much income, might not even make a dime in a month or two since she is working from home
Sincerely I’m frustrated

Mussolini77:
Thanks so much for your input sir….
Firstly I had to sell off my 90% completed house and a land to finance her Canada traveling on a study route which I was to follow as a dependent, everything went smoothly and only left to pay for the ticket and accommodation when we discovered she was 2months preg and she said she couldn’t handle the stress with her schooling and after she put to bed she said she couldn’t go for now because she is not strong enough….that wasted those resources
Secondly came the idea that we relocate to the city and I had to sell off what is left of my land and some home properties especially everything in my spare apartments since we would be downsizing and there won’t be space to keep them…she chose the location we currently in and I got a job here and went away till the theft incident happened
Then came this again and her job is not bringing in much income, might not even make a dime in a month or two since she is working from home
Sincerely I’m frustrated

mehn , you keep making unnecessary sacrifices.. you lead your family the way u want it to go and not follow a woman tune cause when they lead wrong they won’t own up to their mistakes.

Ask your wife to contribute for this move to happen. Until she also starts sacrificing, she will keep on making you “waste” resources (in your own words). If she is serious about moving, she should bring money, until then make everybody rest.

No go kee yourself or become depressed for anybody ooo. Life will always go on.

By the way, hope she deferred the Canada admission.

Mussolini77:
Thanks so much for your input sir….
Firstly I had to sell off my 90% completed house and a land to finance her Canada traveling on a study route which I was to follow as a dependent, everything went smoothly and only left to pay for the ticket and accommodation when we discovered she was 2months preg and she said she couldn’t handle the stress with her schooling and after she put to bed she said she couldn’t go for now because she is not strong enough….that wasted those resources
Secondly came the idea that we relocate to the city and I had to sell off what is left of my land and some home properties especially everything in my spare apartments since we would be downsizing and there won’t be space to keep them…she chose the location we currently in and I got a job here and went away till the theft incident happened
Then came this again and her job is not bringing in much income, might not even make a dime in a month or two since she is working from home
Sincerely I’m frustrated

Bros, read my original comment, I know why I said make a family plan. So you're not just running around like headless chicken and you won't get frustrated and then end your marriage.

Sit down with her, plan the future. It won't follow your plan but at least you'll know "in 2028 we are relocating". That will even guide you in buying property (why spend money buying a car when you won't drive it for long, shey you get).

It will also stop her from making one plan and changing. Your family plan will have "how many kids can we have comfortably". What the Lord blesses you with will be smoother when you have a baseline to follow.

It's something I wish I knew when I got married.

Mussolini77:
Thanks so much for your input sir….
Firstly I had to sell off my 90% completed house and a land to finance her Canada traveling on a study route which I was to follow as a dependent, everything went smoothly and only left to pay for the ticket and accommodation when we discovered she was 2months preg and she said she couldn’t handle the stress with her schooling and after she put to bed she said she couldn’t go for now because she is not strong enough….that wasted those resources
Secondly came the idea that we relocate to the city and I had to sell off what is left of my land and some home properties especially everything in my spare apartments since we would be downsizing and there won’t be space to keep them…she chose the location we currently in and I got a job here and went away till the theft incident happened
Then came this again and her job is not bringing in much income, might not even make a dime in a month or two since she is working from home
Sincerely I’m frustrated

You sold your 90% completed house to fund her travel abroad to Canada via study route while you follow her as a dependent? She would most likely have betrayed you in the end. That's one. Plus the whole plan was rubbish from the beginning. You sponsor/advance/elevate yourself, never a woman. It might be that it is God that even saved you on that one, but still you lost the house which was a very expensive asset. A sacrifice that barely registers in her woman brain.

Women no send you ooo. When e red very well and she can see without a shred of doubt that you are completely finished/useless, she will leave you by herself without looking back.

I can tell that you are a "good" man who listens to his woman.

Continue! Mr. Sacrificial Lamb

waywardpikin:
You sold your 90% completed house to fund her travel abroad to Canada via study route while you follow her as a dependent? She would most likely have betrayed you in the end. That's one. Plus the whole plan was rubbish from the beginning. You sponsor/advance/elevate yourself, never a woman. It might be that it is God that even saved you on that one, but still you lost the house which was a very expensive asset. A sacrifice that barely registers in her woman brain.

Women no send you ooo. When e red very well and she can see without a shred of doubt that you are completely finished/useless, she will leave you by herself without looking back.

I can tell that you are a "good" man who listens to his woman.

Continue! Mr. Sacrificial Lamb

No be even weather the wife go betray am if she reach Canada, na the sudden change of mind of the wife!

Which kind change of mind be this, despite the huge sacrifice and amount spent on this Canada travel stuff, only for her to change mind because she get two months belle!

The wife just retrogress the man in life.

Mussolini77:
Thanks so much for your input sir….
Firstly I had to sell off my 90% completed house and a land to finance her Canada traveling on a study route which I was to follow as a dependent, everything went smoothly and only left to pay for the ticket and accommodation when we discovered she was 2months preg and she said she couldn’t handle the stress with her schooling and after she put to bed she said she couldn’t go for now because she is not strong enough….that wasted those resources
Secondly came the idea that we relocate to the city and I had to sell off what is left of my land and some home properties especially everything in my spare apartments since we would be downsizing and there won’t be space to keep them…she chose the location we currently in and I got a job here and went away till the theft incident happened
Then came this again and her job is not bringing in much income, might not even make a dime in a month or two since she is working from home
Sincerely I’m frustrated

Bro, I'm sorry to say, you wife seems to be a lazy and self centered person.

You are thinking for the family, she is thinking for herself, not even for her unborn baby.

Which right thinking woman would change her mind over such Study travel opportunity?:Even after the huge amount of money you spent on the whole process

My brother, your wife is not fair and reasonable to you. ( I beg your pardon)

Didn't her know the huge benefits and statue she would have given her unborn child and baby ? ( Giving birth in Canada)

Now, she still expect you to keep selling off your properties to fund for relocation.

Biko, which hand work she get?

My brother, Retrogression in life will not be your portion but see you , see Retrogression.

Well done sir, how is your mental health?

You’re a good man, and only doing what a good would do. However, the reality is the world doesn’t reward your good deeds sometimes. Its’t designed for you to tolerate others excesses. It’s designed for you to stand for yourself and take actions that will be considered to favor your existence. That’s life, your mistakes will constantly be punished, irrespective of who is making or influencing that mistake.

Therefore, take matters into your own hand. There is a reason you’re the leader of the house, the leader has the final assent in a contract, even though there are parties.

You’ve not shown signs of good leadership, frankly speaking sir. She is only a woman, they’re not meant to be in that leadership role, because it takes critical thinking 🤔, based on existing evidence.

Moving on sir, start having the final say in your house, she’s cost you a lot already, so sad to read about all you’ve sacrificed, but it doesn’t seem like an effort to her myopic mind. She will do worst, if you continue to adhere to her whims.

Stand on your NO. Let your YES be resounding.

sabbiboi:
Well done sir, how is your mental health?

You’re a good man, and only doing what a good would do. However, the reality is the world doesn’t reward your good deeds sometimes. Its’t designed for you to tolerate others excesses. It’s designed for you to stand for yourself and take actions that will be considered to favor your existence. That’s life, your mistakes will constantly be punished, irrespective of who is making or influencing that mistake.

Therefore, take matters into your own hand. There is a reason you’re the leader of the house, the leader has the final assent in a contract, even though there are parties.

You’ve not shown signs of good leadership, frankly speaking sir. She is only a woman, they’re not meant to be in that leadership role, because it takes critical thinking 🤔, based on existing evidence.

Moving on sir, start having the final say in your house, she’s cost you a lot already, so sad to read about all you’ve sacrificed, but it doesn’t seem like an effort to her myopic mind. She will do worst, if you continue to adhere to her whims.

Stand on your NO. Let your YES be resounding.

sabbiboi, You don talk truth, e remain for the man to know wetin him don do himself.

E wan please woman, woman wey no know how you take get those properties.