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Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Romance › Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? (4565 Views)

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Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by ebubeson(op): 8:04am On Aug 13
Is it good to tell your fiance or fiancee about your bad past or should you keep silent and move on? What if a lady who has done several abortions? Should she say it?

You really need wisdom when talking about your bad past. It is good to talk about your bad past, but you need wisdom.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by HeatSeeker(m): 8:10am On Aug 13
Unless it puts the other person in harms way, 🤐 is highly recommended.

Anyway... If the other person is observant, the signs of whatever you are hiding will show smiley
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Stephen0mozzy: 8:17am On Aug 13
If you know it's something that may see the light one day, and it being known will cause harm to your partner (socially or emotionally) or strain their trust, then open up and tell them.

A person who loves you will love the person you are today, not who you ince were. BUT THEY DESERVE TO KNOW AND MAKE THE DECISION TO STAY OR LEAVE.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by eepeepook(f): 9:05am On Aug 13
People have different policies regarding this. One size doesn’t fit all.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by FriendsAndFans(m):
Even if you put a knife to my neck, I'm not telling her shlt wink
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by marlow1962(m): 7:09pm On Aug 13
Imagine telling the man you trapped that you have done 10 abortions= chaos, except he's a simple man.

Now imagine not telling the man ( on to say you wise) that you've done 10 abortions and he later finds out about it= still chaos, except say na juju you use on am.

Best thing to do it, leave that innocent man and go back to the people you did abortion for.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Polynek(m): 8:41pm On Aug 15
marlow1962:
Imagine telling the man you trapped that you have done 10 abortions= chaos, except he's a simple man.

Now imagine not telling the man ( on to say you wise) that you've done 10 abortions and he later finds out about it= still chaos, except say na juju you use on am.

Best thing to do it, leave that innocent man and go back to the people you did abortion for.
grin grin grin
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Cum4me(m): 11:01pm On Aug 15
If a lady tells a man her bad past it will change the man's mindset. No be everything dem dey talk some secret go follow you enter heaven. grin
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Tohsynetita1(m): 11:04pm On Aug 16
Tell am everything, because if you fail to do, it could later backfire and we handle chaos differently, he can decide to kill sich person.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by ChisomLexus(f): 11:07am On Sep 10
Cum4me:
If a lady tells a man her bad past it will change the man's mindset. No be everything dem dey talk some secret go follow you enter heaven. grin
Sir you sent me a Pm, what can i do for you please?
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Sonnobax15(m): 11:55am On Sep 10
lipsrsealed
The truth is that some past better stay in the past.

Lemme use myself as a case study. From the very first day my ex told me she did an abortion for her ex,my love for her died a natural death instantly. Not to mention her body counts angry. Omoh,I can't stomach such stuffs.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by kiddaz: 2:41pm On Sep 10
ChisomLexus:
Sir you sent me a Pm, what can i do for you please?
Chai! This girl why you dey cast the guy na. Someone cannot hustle you on code again 🤣
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by ExudeLoveToAll: 5:32pm On Sep 10
If you have had abortions you better say it so I can decide whether to continue or not, the day I know about it that's the end if the marriage even if we have gotten to that end,. I despise those who have killed their unborn fetus than someone with two children already.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by ExudeLoveToAll: 5:32pm On Sep 10
If you have had abortions you better say it so I can decide whether to continue or not, the day I know about it that's the end if the marriage even if we have gotten to that end,. I despise those who have killed their unborn fetus than someone with two children already.....
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by ExudeLoveToAll: 5:34pm On Sep 10
ChisomLexus:
Sir you sent me a Pm, what can i do for you please?
Go to his home and meet him at 10 pm, after taking your bathe then ask him when you meet him in his bedroom while allowing your melons to greet him happily.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by PerfectStranger(m): 6:37pm On Sep 10
ChisomLexus:
Sir you sent me a Pm, what can i do for you please?
He prolly need some juice of you, if at all grin
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Diamond098454(f):
go ahead and let it out. for me I don't have any bad past, no Ex and no experience
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Racoon(m): 1:07pm On Sep 11
Yes please! It will not be funny or palatable if he or she hears it from a third party. There is no secret that is hidden under the sun.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by BodyCount: 1:08pm On Sep 11
One of the hardest things in a relationship is revealing a deeply troubling past, especially a dirty sexual past.

The truth is that some things, once revealed, cannot be unheard. Even when your partner genuinely loves you, the knowledge can change how they see you, trust you, or think about you. It may create doubts, comparisons, insecurity, resentment, or unnecessary pain that did not exist before.
It's not about someone not being immatured or insecure.

That is why the best approach is not to live recklessly and hope that the past can simply be explained away later. The best thing is to live right from the beginning. Have good morals. Protect your dignity. Be disciplined about the choices you make.

A clean past is not always possible for everyone, but a good character is always worth pursuing. Your future partner should not have to spend their marriage fighting with the ghosts of decisions you could have avoided.

Choose wisely today. Tomorrow, you may have someone you love who will have to live with the consequences of those choices.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by lavylilly: 1:09pm On Sep 11
ebubeson:
Is it good to tell your fiance or fiancee about your bad past or should you keep silent and move on? What if a lady who has done several abortions? Should she say it?

You really need wisdom when talking about your bad past. It is good to talk about your bad past, but you need wisdom.
You really need wisdom when talking about your bad past.

I believe serious relationships should be built on honesty, especially when marriage is involved. If there are things in your past that could materially affect your partner's decision to marry you, don't deliberately hide them.

However, being honest doesn't mean giving someone a graphic documentary of everything you've ever done. There is a difference between transparency and unnecessary details. Tell the truth, take responsibility for your actions, explain what you've learned, and allow the other person to make an informed decision.

For example, if a lady has had several abortions, I wouldn't advise her to keep it secret simply because she's afraid her fiancé might leave. If she is serious about marrying him, he deserves to know and decide whether he can genuinely accept that part of her history. But she also doesn't need to go into unnecessary intimate details.

And if you're the person hearing someone's difficult past, don't immediately reduce them to their mistakes. Ask yourself who they are today, what changed, and whether they have genuinely taken responsibility.

The greatest danger is not necessarily having a bad past; it's entering marriage with a hidden past that eventually becomes a weapon in the marriage.

Tell the truth. Tell it wisely. Don't glorify the past, don't hide what matters, and don't use someone's past to punish them forever.

Marriage needs honesty, but it also needs grace, maturity and the ability to leave yesterday where it belongs.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by lavylilly: 1:09pm On Sep 11
BodyCount:
No

Don't have a bad pasthnk
Yes—tell your fiancé/fiancée about the past that could reasonably affect their decision to marry you, but do it with wisdom, timing, honesty, and responsibility. The goal is not to confess every detail of your history; it is to build a marriage on truth rather than hidden information.
For example, if a woman has had several abortions, I would advise her not to casually hide it simply because she is afraid of being rejected. If the relationship is seriously heading toward marriage, that is significant personal history that her future husband may consider important. She should tell him herself, privately and respectfully, rather than allowing him to discover it later from someone else.
But there is a difference between honesty and unnecessary graphic details. She can explain what happened, acknowledge her responsibility, talk about what she has learned, and explain where she stands now. She doesn't necessarily need to narrate every circumstance or provide intimate details.
Most importantly, the man should understand that someone's past is not automatically their present character. People make serious mistakes, sometimes repeatedly, and genuinely change. The question should be: Who is this person today? What has she learned? What values does she now live by?
At the same time, the person receiving the confession must also have the maturity to decide whether they can genuinely accept that history. Don't pressure someone to "forgive" you into marriage, and don't marry someone while secretly planning to punish them for their past.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by AYOGHANDI: 1:10pm On Sep 11
Don't try it in your own interest
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by TheStoriesOfMan: 1:11pm On Sep 11
Na to contact my Alfa or pastor to download your past for me.

OG for a reason.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by SmartMaster001: 1:11pm On Sep 11
Casted baba want to buy Lexus
ChisomLexus:
Sir you sent me a Pm, what can i do for you please?
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by package7(m): 1:12pm On Sep 11
Yes absolutely 👍💯, After 5 years my wife discovered I had abortion with my late girlfriend. She kept to herself for a long time. The incident happened back in 1994. My wife and I met 2010.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by spiceadole(f): 1:13pm On Sep 11
marlow1962:
Imagine telling the man you trapped that you have done 10 abortions= chaos, except he's a simple man.

Now imagine not telling the man ( on to say you wise) that you've done 10 abortions and he later finds out about it= still chaos, except say na juju you use on am.

Best thing to do it, leave that innocent man and go back to the people you did abortion for.
If he later finds out she did 200 abortions before meeting him but she has given birth to children for him, what happens?
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Goo0dHardDick: 1:15pm On Sep 11
A woman should.

A man's past is absolutely nothing. No one cares about his past. What matters is his future and his ability to make it in life and have money. A woman's past is so important to the man, while a man's future and financial stability is so important to the woman
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Sirleo05: 1:20pm On Sep 11
to tell you the truth, is good oo ,but that body count thing dey scare me to know from my woman
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Belurved1(m): 1:24pm On Sep 11
If you like, tell me about your past; if you don’t want to, no wahala. Just leave me jejely.

Me, I’ll still do my background check very well before I ever say “I do,” even if it takes me years.
Go do your research on my past too and I'll do mine.

I’m not in a rush to settle down, and I’m not the type to just fall in love anyhow. I’d rather take my time, ask questions, observe carefully, and know exactly who I’m choosing to spend my life with.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Samuels90: 1:26pm On Sep 11
TheStoriesOfMan:
Na to contact my Alfa or pastor to download your past for me.

OG for a reason.
😂😂👍 you too sharp baba. No time … you don update yourself
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by Eriokanmi: 1:53pm On Sep 11
Men always do that, even without being coerced. In the case of our amazing ladies, it's what she wants you to know, that you'd know. If you like, buy her a jet. Love your wife but have that at the back of your mind, that no matter how much she may love you, you can't know everything about her.

There was a girl I dated, a medical Dr back in the days. When I asked her of men she had dated, she first paused. Later she said 3 and she was already 23 yrs old. Later I met her gf who was my friend's fiancé. She said as much as she could count or remember, they were up to 6 guys.
Re: Is It Good To Tell Your Fiance Or Fiancee About Your Bad Past? by lextube: 1:56pm On Sep 11
ebubeson:
Is it good to tell your fiance or fiancee about your bad past or should you keep silent and move on? What if a lady who has done several abortions? Should she say it?

You really need wisdom when talking about your bad past. It is good to talk about your bad past, but you need wisdom.
It is good to always tell your spouse everything about yourself, even some dirty secrets that concerns the both of you and your marriage.

But if it doesn't concern him or her in any way. If telling them anything about your past does not affect your marriage, then don't reveal it. Keep it to yourself or else they may one day use it against you or your family.
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