₦airaland Forum

I look at some married men and sometimes you can see it.

He loves his wife. Loves his children. Would probably die for them.

But the man himself has slowly disappeared.

Everything is duty now.

School fees. Rent. Work. Family. In-laws. Problems. Somebody always needs something.

And nobody forced him.

It happened small small. One reasonable sacrifice after another until he became a shell, the last person on his own list.

Providing for everybody while slowly abandoning yourself is not the highest form of being a man.

This is where Nietzsche's idea of the Übermensch enters for me.

The man should still be becoming.

Still building his body. His mind. His money. His craft. His own vision of life.

Marriage should add responsibility, yes.

But responsibility should make you bigger, not erase you.

Love your wife. Raise your children. Carry your load oo.

But keep becoming the man you were capable of becoming.

Don't just provide a life for everybody else and forget to remain really alive, and become what you could be.

Hehe... Economic Reality check will knock the Nietzsche out of you my good Sir.

A man's path to "still becoming" after marriage is forged in the furnace of the decision of WHO HE MAKES A WIFE OF.

If you marry a partner, then your path will be lit. If you marry a trophy a.k.a liability, your path will be dark and full of sorrows.

So, a man who will not disappear, must decide well beforehand.

This is actually a very good point.
Who you marry can either make becoming the man you want to become easier or much harder.

Stephen0mozzy:
Hehe... Economic Reality check will knock the Nietzsche out of you my good Sir.

A man's path to "still becoming" after marriage is forged in the furnace of the decision of WHO HE MAKES A WIFE OF.

If you marry a partner, then your path will be lit. If you marry a trophy a.k.a liability, your path will be dark and full of sorrows.

So, a man who will not disappear, but decide well beforehand.

Stephen0mozzy:
A man's path to "still becoming" after marriage is forged in the furnace of the decision of WHO HE MAKES A WIFE OF.

You took the words right out of me

With all the awareness geh geh and the likes are creating about not getting married to a liability yet a man would still go ahead? Lols i laugh in Gibberish. The best thing a man could do for himself in life is to marry a woman who is supportive,family oriented and emotionally mature that is why you have to communicate with your partner during relationships about these things before tying the knot but no ooo! Some of them are carried away with big yansh, big boobs, face card and banging body. Even in the Bible, God talked about a help mate (It means providing vital strength and support where it is lacking) as a man don’t ever make the mistake of marrying a liability you will be exhausted in every areas of your life, as a matter of fact it can cut off your life span

A woman was complaining about her husband giving her 100k when they have 3kids. The pastor asked the man how much do you earn he said 200k,the wife said "okay pastor you can hear abi!".

The man continued that his transportation to work is 40k. He sometimes skips meals at work,he buys fuel for generator,pays for transportation to church,pays the kids school fees,house rent and still send 10k to his parents to manage,water bills, light bills. The pastor asked about his feeding and the man said he has ruled it out.

The pastor asked about his clothes,the man laughed..."you don't buy yourself new clothes"?

The man replied "just polo pastor"
The wife said "just polo but the kids clothes"

That was when the padtor interrupted her and asked. "If your husband loses his job tomorrow tell me how would you cope" She was silent.


"If he dies tomorrow who will clothe the children?

How much is left with you after each month sir,the man couldn't speak.

The pastor sighs and turns to the man and tells him to live for himself because without him there's no family.He told him he just listed his issues but forgot about the ones coming from his extended family,because even him as a pastor knows that as a man you'll need to sort out your extended family too. He turns to the wife and told her not to put all the burden on her husband.

Can't she lay the light bills, can't she transport the family to church,water bills those petty things it won't bite if she does it. Marriage is a Union, it's not for just for person, that's why it takes two to tangle,it takes two to have a baby, that's why two heads are better than one.

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We have men that have women who are supportive but they don't see it as anything there are some that prefer women that depends on them. We have fathers that have left the responsibility of the home to their wives and now they're spending on other men kids.

Op you see this life it's unpredictable it you find yourself in a relationship try do your best and live the rest. Everybody cannot be the same but for those going through the situation above please look after yourself too.

Tomorrow the kids you are starving yourself to feed might not get a chance to feed you, if you continue starving yourself to death.

Don't allow your efforts be in vain....May God bless all the fathers who are struggling for a better life for themselves and their families in Jesus name Amen 🙏🏼.

What about verminnel a female nairalander cheating on me with one of the male mods on nairaland

Chai. It is well. May God help all fathers

I don't joke with my father and my husband.... God bless the good fathers and husbands.....

Lol. I’m coming back to this

The society has turn our men to weak men ..
It's your choice as a man to accept it or reject and rebuke it ..

There's is a foolproof solution to all this...

Guess what it is?

That's why you need to watch the number of kids you give birth too, person wey born 5 go work bricklayer as spare job

Nigerian men have turned themselves into donkeys and beasts of burden for their families and society.I have zero sympathy for them though.They laid their beds so let them lay on it.

Found myself going down that route and i snatched the initiative back. it helps that you have a spouse who understands that there is a need for prioritising yourself too and encourages you to do so.

"Marriage is like a temple, however it should be noted that the pillars which hold up the temple have to stand apart"

Babatunjo:
I look at some married men and sometimes you can see it.

He loves his wife. Loves his children. Would probably die for them.

But the man himself has slowly disappeared.

Everything is duty now.

School fees. Rent. Work. Family. In-laws. Problems. Somebody always needs something.

And nobody forced him.

It happened small small. One reasonable sacrifice after another until he became a shell, the last person on his own list.

Providing for everybody while slowly abandoning yourself is not the highest form of being a man.

This is where Nietzsche's idea of the Übermensch enters for me.

The man should still be becoming.

Still building his body. His mind. His money. His craft. His own vision of life.

Marriage should add responsibility, yes.

But responsibility should make you bigger, not erase you.

Love your wife. Raise your children. Carry your load oo.

But keep becoming the man you were capable of becoming.

Don't just provide a life for everybody else and forget to remain really alive, and become what you could be.

Babatunjo:
I look at some married men and sometimes you can see it.

He loves his wife. Loves his children. Would probably die for them.

But the man himself has slowly disappeared.

Everything is duty now.

School fees. Rent. Work. Family. In-laws. Problems. Somebody always needs something.

And nobody forced him.

It happened small small. One reasonable sacrifice after another until he became a shell, the last person on his own list.

Providing for everybody while slowly abandoning yourself is not the highest form of being a man.

This is where Nietzsche's idea of the Übermensch enters for me.

The man should still be becoming.

Still building his body. His mind. His money. His craft. His own vision of life.

Marriage should add responsibility, yes.

But responsibility should make you bigger, not erase you.

Love your wife. Raise your children. Carry your load oo.

But keep becoming the man you were capable of becoming.

Don't just provide a life for everybody else and forget to remain really alive, and become what you could be.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Sad but true. The average Nigerian man today is feeding his family with his own flesh.

Jozilinn:
A woman was complaining about her husband giving her 100k when they have 3kids. The pastor asked the man how much do you earn he said 200k,the wife said "okay pastor you can hear abi!".

The man continued that his transportation to work is 40k. He sometimes skips meals at work,he buys fuel for generator,pays for transportation to church,pays the kids school fees,house rent and still send 10k to his parents to manage,water bills, light bills. The pastor asked about his feeding and the man said he has ruled it out.

The pastor asked about his clothes,the man laughed..."you don't buy yourself new clothes"?

The man replied "just polo pastor"
The wife said "just polo but the kids clothes"

That was when the padtor interrupted her and asked. "If your husband loses his job tomorrow tell me how would you cope" She was silent.


"If he dies tomorrow who will clothe the children?

How much is left with you after each month sir,the man couldn't speak.

The pastor sighs and turns to the man and tells him to live for himself because without him there's no family.He told him he just listed his issues but forgot about the ones coming from his extended family,because even him as a pastor knows that as a man you'll need to sort out your extended family too. He turns to the wife and told her not to put all the burden on her husband.

Can't she lay the light bills, can't she transport the family to church,water bills those petty things it won't bite if she does it. Marriage is a Union, it's not for just for person, that's why it takes two to tangle,it takes two to have a baby, that's why two heads are better than one.

-----------------------------------------------
We have men that have women who are supportive but they don't see it as anything there are some that prefer women that depends on them. We have fathers that have left the responsibility of the home to their wives and now they're spending on other men kids.

Op you see this life it's unpredictable it you find yourself in a relationship try do your best and live the rest. Everybody cannot be the same but for those going through the situation above please look after yourself too.

Tomorrow the kids you are starving yourself to feed might not get a chance to feed you, if you continue starving yourself to death.

Don't allow your efforts be in vain....May God bless all the fathers who are struggling for a better life for themselves and their families in Jesus name Amen 🙏🏼.

Well, that is why fathers, especially new ones, should have fewer children. The average Nigerian should have no more than two children, regardless of gender.

MrSword:
My elder bro cancel his wedding last month...do you know why?
The reason is because the wife he intended to marry saw the 3bed room flat he newly built and said that the house is too small....this is a girl from a very poor home.

You can imagine....just that single act made my bro to change his mind.

Imagine marrying that kind of lady, you can never satisfy her....at the end she will reduce your life span with frustration.

Once you site red flag...my brother run.

he was probably exhausted with her but to be honest, e for tell her say when she get money make she build her own big one.. normally women get bad mouth 😂

Sir, if this story of the lady saying the house is too small is true.
Forget it, she go do worse when them eventually marry.
Between picking a lady partner that will prefer you rent a big house and another lady partner that will prefer you build a small house(3 bedroom in this current Nigeria situation), if you were the guy in this story, which amongst the two ladies will you marry?

WantsandMore:
he was probably exhausted with her but to be honest, e for tell her say when she get money make she build her own big one.. normally women get bad mouth 😂

The man should still be becoming.

Still building his body. His mind. His money. His craft. His own vision of life...

Love your wife. Raise your children. Carry your load oo.

But keep becoming the man you were capable of becoming.

Good reminder. Try not to get lost in the hustle and bustle of marriage.

Don't get molded by a directionless society. Find an anchor for your soul, stay grounded and keep your focus peeled on what matters.

As a new husband and dad. Thank you so much for this.

I won't lose myself

fredoooooo:
The society has turn our men to weak men ..
It's your choice as a man to accept it or reject and rebuke it ..

its lack of funds
you can't wanna be wen kids that didn't ask you to birth them Thier needs are loaded facing you...
a man with funds will do all and even more and still care for himself..
but wen funds never fit comfortably pay your rent and kids school fees,, all these ye ye post is not for you,, no allow any deceive you or make you go suffer innocent kids and. girl wen no force you to marry and start birthing

MrSword:
My elder bro cancel his wedding last month...do you know why?
The reason is because the wife he intended to marry saw the 3bed room flat he newly built and said that the house is too small....this is a girl from a very poor home.

You can imagine....just that single act made my bro to change his mind.

Imagine marrying that kind of lady, you can never satisfy her....at the end she will reduce your life span with frustration.

Once you site red flag...my brother run.

thank God the words came out of the snake mouth and your brother has sense to decipher

The marriage was bound not to last with that mindset... How many married couple were even able to move in as landlord after wedding, go see most of men still in a rented apartment after wedding

Life wey hard nor suppose to get harder!!!

Love is the death of a man's duty.

Jangbajantis:
Sad but true. The average Nigerian man today is feeding his family with his own flesh.

and when you go to Facebook you'll see women saying the men aren't doing enough. Those kinda posts get me soooo annoyed

True . Don't melt yourself finish while hustling for family . Have few kids and don't spend beyond your capacity . Don't be 35 years and be looking like 60 years .

Zeebuy:
and when you go to Facebook you'll see women saying the men aren't doing enough. Those kinda posts get me soooo annoyed

I never bother with those. I usually block them.

Gerrard59:
Well, that is why fathers, especially new ones, should have fewer children. The average Nigerian should have no more than two children, regardless of gender.

No offspring is the best. It's not worth bringing kids in this cold heartless world.

WantsandMore:
he was probably exhausted with her but to be honest, e for tell her say when she get money make she build her own big one.. normally women get bad mouth 😂

He did the right thing. that's A RED FLAG right there. She will drain the brother and will still never be satisfied. Eventually that man will be a spent shell.
cc: MrSword

Marry who will support and be a backbone to your growth

Dont marry a liability