₦airaland Forum

anonimi:
Is that why oyinbo and chinko donors will forever be blessed more than black leeches

the greatest charity givers on the planet are whites and Chinese. How many black billionaires die and donate all their money to charity instead of their children ? White people are very generous ooo. You go into their country and they start giving you free money just because you live in their country. Why do you think all global refugees run to europe ? Or you think giving is limited to you giving beggar 50 naira ?

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

I don’t do black tax. Especially to all those poor people wey dey born any how.

Make all man go hustle to care for all the pikin wey dem dey born and expect others to provide for

Success has many fathers as well as adopted children. “Give me money” never runs out of people’s mouths in this country.

iBubbler:
My dear brother, resist - as in RESIST - the urge to do everything for everyone. I learnt early in life that only God can do that.
Earmark a % of your income for Black Tax and harden your heart to anything request outside that.

This’s from someone over 50 who learnt the hard way almost 3 decades ago.
I wish you well

This is one of the best advice here! I recently learned this too, just few months back. Prioritize yourself.

StPete:
This your first line no follow. So because they don’t know how much you earn, they can’t see you buy a new car, get a new place or get some good stuffs in your home for them to know say u get money? Except you don’t spend at all on yourself and that itself is a bad thing cos what is the essence of making money you don’t spend when our lives are not guaranteed the next day

Why should they know about your salary? Make dem for know say you don arrive?

Nobody says you shouldn't spend money on yourself 🤠

Apogee14:
the greatest charity givers on the planet are whites and Chinese. How many black billionaires die and donate all their money to charity instead of their children ? White people are very generous ooo. You go into their country and they start giving you free money just because you live in their country. Why do you think all global refugees run to europe ? Or you think giving is limited to you giving beggar 50 naira ?

Why should we be forever CURSED as receivers, instead of working hard to be productive and prosperous collectively so we can give to be blessed above others?

Wotowotoman:
Ogbeni, why are you using ‘has’ instead of ‘have’ when you dey talk about wetin ‘some people’ do in a sentence? Which primary schools una dey go wey dem no teach una this basic grammatical rule?

Brotherly, thanks for the correction. I very much appreciate it man.

anonimi:
Why should we be forever CURSED as receivers, instead of working hard to be productive and prosperous collectively so we can give to be blessed above others?

is turn by turn. Our turn go soon come. That white man you see enjoying today ? There was a time he was suffering in the dark ages while Timbuktu was the world learning center. Na turn by turn

My opinion is that one should do well to enrich their household. Use your connections to get them better jobs, get clients and customers to their business. For those who are in school, you can encourage them to learn digital or physical skills. Position them financially (Teach and help them fish)

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

If you set your mind/heart to save/invest 70 percent of your salary and live off the remaining, that would solve this problem. There goes your solution.

To a large extent, these stuff are subjected to where you were and where you are coming from.
I do not like stereotypes but these occurrence are common with South-south and southeastern folks.
Whether the sample size is large enough to make a baseline assumption is a discourse for another day. I somewhat regret it though that my mum never called to request this or that when we suddenly lost her at the age of 63 earlier this year. I worked with some colleagues from the areas I mentioned in Dubai, wherein before the end of the month, dem don use billing bombard them. I particularly feel pitiful for a close friend who is still facing the same thing till today even while in the UK. The mother had left her father and the step father still demands the same care he would give his own biological father. The mama sef wan show off say her pikin dey outside.
For me, I've learnt my lessons as people noor really care wetin you do in the past, na today everybody dey after. So now, my money is money, eff you if you think otherwise

Stephen0mozzy:
Till today, nobody from my family knows my salary.

If they don't know your salary, they can't raise their expectations or feel entitled to asking more than you give.

You need to stand well before you can help another person stand. This doesn't mean you should be stingy, it just means you should be calculative in disbursing your earnings - always, always work within a budget.

Have a budget for what you give to parents, to siblings. Random gifting only comes if you get money from side hustles.

Also the first time anyone shows entitlement to your money, block them - good parents will never do this though.

Secondly, nor to dey show off. If you dey struggle, but dey show off with lifestyle wry pass your net worth, then you dey find trouble... To attract parasitic expectations.

Sensiblerealist:
To a large extent, these stuff are subjected to where you were and where you are coming from.
I do not like stereotypes but these occurrence are common with South-south and southeastern folks.
Whether the sample size is large enough to make a baseline assumption is a discourse for another day. I somewhat regret it though that my mum never called to request this or that when we suddenly lost her at the age of 63 earlier this year. I worked with some colleagues from the areas I mentioned in Dubai, wherein before the end of the month, dem don use billing bombard them. I particularly feel pitiful for a close friend who is still facing the same thing till today even while in the UK. The mother had left her father and the step father still demands the same care he would give his own biological father. The mama sef wan show off say her pikin dey outside.
For me, I've learnt my lessons as people noor really care wetin you do in the past, na today everybody dey after. So now, my money is money, eff you if you think otherwise

I wouldn't say it's more prevalent in the SS and SE sha. Parental Obligation is part of the African culture... But the example you cited is no longer an obligation but an entitlement and lack of boundaries on what they can DEMAND.

As long as someone still feels the need to "be in the good books of everyone" they'll be taken for a ride.

No. In fact you should not.

Dont make anyone make u feel back because of their own expectations.

Plan your life. Build your future.

Stephen0mozzy:
I wouldn't say it's more prevalent in the SS and SE sha. Parental Obligation is part of the African culture... But the example you cited is no longer an obligation but an entitlement and lack of boundaries on what they can DEMAND.

As long as someone still feels the need to "be in the good books of everyone" they'll be taken for a ride.

IT IS!!! @emboldened

Apogee14:
is turn by turn. Our turn go soon come. That white man you see enjoying today ? There was a time he was suffering in the dark ages while Timbuktu was the world learning center. Na turn by turn

What year was that?

Greed is the cause. Everybody wants to keep their funds while they share yours. Their pleas fall on deaf ears nowadays since I’m owed over five hundred thousand Naira without shame of any sort.

mablie:
IT IS!!! @emboldened

So Yoruba and North no dey look up to the support of their children? Please.

I fit call family meeting on the matter. Im good at expressing myself to a satisfactory extent.

Cultivate the habit of giving no matter your earning. Whatever you can afford from recharge card to food etc. People are really struggling out there.

However, be principled in your giving.
I don't give to career beggars even if the person is deaf, dumb, blind and crippled.


Apart from my parents, wife and children, no one is automatically entitled to my money. I give what I can when I can and always pray that God helps me as there are some children whose mother was good to us at a particular trying time who I really hope to support in a major way

In all,

1. Give to deserving people so that you can continue to receive from God.
2. Empower people so they don't be on your neck for life.
3. Plan your life. If they suck you dry, they will take their pilgrimage to the door of the next person that has.
They can't help you.

Easiest way to poverty. Always live within your budget. People will be okay. Or you won't rise quickly as you ought to, which you both will eventually crashland. However, if you live within your budget and invest the rest wisely, you will increase greatly, then you can now be able to help them.

anonimi:


What year was that?

around the years 800 AD to the European Renaissance in the 1500s

You become their enemy once you say NO. And they begin to see you as stingy and wicked.

Stephen0mozzy:
So Yoruba and North no dey look up to the support of their children? Please.

Lol
I understand.It is difficult to accept ones flaws but i have experienced it with people from that region and not really from other parts of this nation .
They possess a sort of entitled mentality (Na me pay for him school fees for primary school.So im suppose do this for me or Im papa na the second son of my step mother so im suppose do this for me/my pikin).
They also have a sort of "lazyish" attitude towards life.Not willing to do things on their own(You don make am so you suppose open door for me).
Not hatin' just statin'

Deeaka:
I have been thinking about something that I believe many salary earners can relate to.

Sometimes, once people know that you have a good job, they automatically assume that you have money.

You become the person they call when school fees need to be paid, when someone needs urgent assistance, when there is a family problem or when an unexpected bill comes up.

And honestly, helping people you care about is not a bad thing. Most of us want to be able to support our parents, siblings and other loved ones.

But there is something people don't always consider: earning a good salary does not mean that all your money is available to spend.

You have your own bills, savings goals, responsibilities and plans for the future. Some of us are also trying to build a life that will make us less financially dependent on our salaries someday.

The tricky part is that when you start saying no, people may think you have changed, become proud or forgotten where you came from.

Meanwhile, you may simply be trying to make your own money last until your next payday.

So I want to ask:

1. Do you think earning a good salary automatically makes someone responsible for helping extended family?
2. Have you ever had to choose between helping someone and meeting your own financial goals?
3. How do you set boundaries without damaging family relationships?

I'd genuinely like to hear people's experiences, especially from those who support family members while trying to build their own financial future

No!!!
It's ur money,
Spend as u wish , to hell with any body who thinks otherwise

Answer: NO

Let me Advise you, if you care.

Invest your money, if i had a friend in this situation, i will not ask for any money rather, i will advise him to invest his money either in land, building a house or investing it, into the bank and getting interest. I will advise such a person to invest in multiple stream of income.


And you can also give, but dont while you neglect yourself. Maybe that steady stream of income you have is not guaranteed.

God loves a cheerful giver, but ensure you are also building. Are you preparing for retirement or perhaps do you have a long term goal.

Also grow secretly and try to hide your level of income

The culture of begging brings everyone down. So No

Nigeria is in very dire straits, that is why People (related, Unrelated and even complete Strangers, young and old) beg for Money without any form of restraint.
Poverty is real and extreme, even more in the last three years and after Petrol Price was jerked up astronomically by Tinubu.
Even when you are struggling to meet your financial commitments to your immediate family, people are expecting you to add their own financial demands to yours!
It is good and essential to be helpful to others, God rewards a "Cheerful Giver".

There are "Professional Beggars" though, who have made a life out of begging, Shameless lot who dont give a hoot about their Dignity and image..

Then there are those who know very well that their Net Income cannot carry certain financial burden, yet they will stick their neck into it and hope/believe they can transfer the financial burden to another person.

Imagine, you decide that your Salary can only cater for one or two children. Despite loving to have more Children, you force yourself to only Two. Then this person that earns less than a Tenth of your own income, decides to have Six Children and then comes to you every time, to assist him with money to feed his children, pay School Bills, Rent, etc.
Wont you be asking yourself: Am i depriving myself of the benefit of more Children, so i can enable the benefit to someone who will not make the same sacrifice i am making?

How can someone who goes to party all Weekends, spends on many rounds of Drinks at the nearest Beer Parlor and enjoy himself thoroughly, come to me that is making sacrifice for my future, saving my little income, investing and asking my own wife and children to be frugal, denying them of certain needs, be expected to be giving money out to my Brother described above, just because l want to be "Nice'?
How "Just" is that?

People must learn to live within their Means and not think they can just project their financial problems to others.
Also, only give birth to the Number of Children your finances can adequately care-for.
Learn to Save, no matter how little, Learn to be frugal in your spending, everyday is not a Party-day.
Buy less expensive Clothes, Jewelries (women), Aso-Ebi,
Stop throwing Parties, when you barely have enough Savings to last you for One Year, if you loose your source of income.
Stop wasting your Money on outside Chics (Men), when you are still trying to grow wealth. You are not Akpabio.
Pray regularly. for God to bless the work of your Hand and make sure that such "work", is clean work, not criminality or Evil.

If you want to call me stingy or heartless, by all means do! I will not let trying to be "The guy is Good", bring me down to your level, so that it will now be Two People, instead of just 'you", begging for Money.

I have stopped caring about what people say (or will say), if i dont give them Money every time they ask, I am not your Politician, i did not loot public money, l work for mine and dont expect me to throw it around so i can impress others.

Nigerian Government ought to put Social Programs in-place (not the Nonsense "Kulinkuli and Agbado Political Gimmick" that we see now and then), l am talking about independent Institutions that will be responsible for assessing who needs Help, How much Help and How to provide such Help......And ensure that it is not staffed by Political Acolytes who will turn it to a looting Point.

We need to go and learn how it is done in some Western Countries, not just learn about How they Tax their Citizens Only.

Don't give anyhow, they will be fine, unless you can give that much

Apogee14:
around the years 800 AD to the European Renaissance in the 1500s

You mean that everyone in Africa was living a better life than Europeans during these 700 years?

Can you trace back your own family history to 1500 AD, to start with??

Go and invest your money and grow. Don't let those self centered people drain you to the bone

The only things worth sharing your money are things that will help others grow not full their bellies.

Apogee14:
the greatest charity givers on the planet are whites and Chinese. How many black billionaires die and donate all their money to charity instead of their children ? White people are very generous ooo. You go into their country and they start giving you free money just because you live in their country. Why do you think all global refugees run to europe ? Or you think giving is limited to you giving beggar 50 naira ?

This notion is completely FALSE!
White people are the most stingy, Blacks are by nature, more emotional and generous.
One of the major reason you hardly see a lot of Beggars on European/American Streets (compared to Nigeria), is because the White dont dont them Alms.
Infact, they call Police on Beggars, to come and remove them and consider them as constituting Nuisance.

But as per the issue of refugees, you should understand that the Western Society is facing a dire demographic problem: AGING POPULATION.
They dont want to have Children
They are living longer and still collecting Pensions
So, who will do the WORK or where do the Workers that will do the Work that generates the Money to pay all these Pensioners come from? AFRICA and other Developing Countries!

White are not giving Refugees those things you mentioned, because they are Nice!
They are dong it, first to attract you (Poor Nigerians and others), to come over to their Country and DO THE WORK needed to generate Income and for you to pay Taxes that will be used to service their Aging Population.

If they dare stop Refugees coming over, their Economic System will collapse within five years.

They are desperate to have immigrants come over to their Countries but will ensure that you do the menial Jobs their own peole are refusing to do, while paying you a quarter of what their People would have been Paid, to do the same work.

Again, this is why the Westerners are always supporting Bad, Corrupt and Evil Leaders in places like Nigeria, because they know such Leader will cause Poverty in their Country and their People will have No Choice than to flood to Western Countries as Cheap Labour!
If you calculate how much Nigerians pay just the American and British Government in terms of Visa Application and Visa fees, Air Travel fees, College Education Study Fees, Naturalization (Application and Granted) Fees, House Rents, etc in one year, you will understand why those small-small things they give refugees, is just a tip of what Refugees contribute to their Economy and why they will never stop requiring Refugees/immigrants, despite their disdain for them, especially Black immigrants.