Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego - Jokes Etc (18) - Nairaland
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akpos funniest joke, and more. / 24/7 Nigeria Jokes Update / Real Funny Nigeria Jokes (2) (3) (4)
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:03pm On Dec 09, 2013 |
A Man's Son Onome went to the City to help His Sister who had put to bed. Two years passed, he was not yet back. The man went to consult a native doctor Akpos on why his Child was still away. The native doctor Akpos asked; What is the name of this your child?. The man replied; Onome. Akpos said; This your child is not going to come back because she has wronged you. While in the city she met a guy who got her pregnant. The man stood up and said; You are a fool. If a boy gets pregnant in your village, a boy does not get pregnant in mine. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 10:17am On Dec 10, 2013 |
A Man Akpos walked into a hotel and ordered Jollof rice and meat. He finished eating his food and was eating his meat when he suddenly shouted and called for the manager. Manager: Sir, what's the problem?. Akpos: The meat you people gave me is very hard. Manager: But sir our meats are well cooked. There is no way it will be hard. Akpos: Okay. Eat it yourself and tell me how it is. Manager: [Eating the meat] But sir this meat is very soft. I don't know why you are complaining. Akpos: Why won't it be soft? Do you know how long I have been chewing it?. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by miss2895(f): 11:42am On Dec 10, 2013 |
njuwo: AKPOS IN AN INTERVIEW ON FEMALE AFFAIRS. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:10pm On Dec 10, 2013 |
Akpos had only 400 Naira in his pocket. He went to the most expensive hotel in town and made an order of the most expensive meal they had available with the most expensive wine included. After the meals, the drinks and champagne, Akpos bill was N45,000. He told the waiter he had no money. The hotel manager was called. They handed Akpos to the police. On the way to the station Akpos gave 200 Naira to the Police and he was set free. This is what we call; Financial management. 8 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by made001(m): 10:17pm On Dec 10, 2013 |
Akpos wanted to use his ATM card but the machine kept on rejecting the card. A frustrated Akpos called his bank help line. Akpos : (angrily) So what's wrong with my ATM card. Call girl : Sir, I have checked your account, everything is alright here and You should be able to use your card, are you sure your card is not damaged or broken? Akpos : Are you insane? What are You insinuating? No one takes good care of their ATM card like I do. Call girl : Okay Sir, are you also sure the surface isn't wet or stained with dirt? Akpos : You dey mad? ATM card whey I dey pet like egg. As a matter of fact, I even laminated it last week when I laminated my Identity card. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:50am On Dec 11, 2013 |
A woman and a man were involved in a car accident. It was a bad one. Both of their car was totally demolished but amazingly neither of them was hurt. After they crawled out of their car, the woman said; So you are a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow! Just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friend and live together in peace for the rest of our days. Flattered the man replied; Oh yes, i agree with you completely! This must be sign from God!. The woman continued; And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. She then handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it and drinks half bottle and then handed it back to the woman. The woman took the bottle and immediately put the cap back on and handed it back to the man. The man asked; Aren't you having any?. The woman replied; No. I'm waiting for the Police. 7 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:02am On Dec 11, 2013 |
A Young Man Akpos was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said Akpos. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the 3 worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said Akpos, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to Akpos since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during the night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke up in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the rock up, walked over to the window and threw the rock out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the rock. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost." 7 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:49pm On Dec 13, 2013 |
A young girl about to go on a 1st date with her boyfriend was been tutored by her grandma. "He will try to kiss you, allow him. He will try to cuddle you, allow him. He will try to lay you down and get on top of you, don't allow him". The girl asked; Grandma why?. The Grandma said; Because if you do that, you have allowed him to disgrace you and your family. The Girl said "okay" and left. Several hours later she returned and the grandma asked; How did it go?. The Girl said; Exactly as you said except when he laid me down and tried to disgrace our family, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:02am On Dec 14, 2013 |
A Lady in a bus stop saw a mad man. She thought out aloud; I think i've seen this face somewhere. The mad man replied; Yes, on facebook. You are my facebook friend. 4 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Adimchi12: 5:18pm On Dec 14, 2013 |
This is very frightening my brothers and sisters. Look at what Experts are saying about the 4 blood moon and the end of the world. Download the video >> http://www./1b5cWqx 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 5:32pm On Dec 14, 2013 |
Akpos was riding his bicycle when a taxi driver ran into him. He did not sustain any injury, still yet, he insisted to be taken to the hospital. So the taxi driver took him to the hospital and he was admitted into ward 5. The taxi driver paid all the bills and provided him with food like salad, meat, rice, chicken, fruits etc. On seeing this, Ofego decided to go and stay with him for some time. Akpos and Ofego enjoyed theirselves through out that day. The next day, there arose a cry. Somebody had died in Ward 1. There was tears and sorrow everywhere. Akpos asked; Ofego what is the problem?. Ofego told him that someone had died in Ward 1. Akpos said okay. The second day a little boy died in Ward 2. Doctors were confused. Akpos did not say anything. He just stared at Ofego. The 3rd day an old man that greeted Akpos that morning died in Ward 3. Akpos asked; Ofego, i hope you are seeing what i'm seeing?. Ofego replied yes. Akpos did not sleep that night. In the middle of the night another cry came up. An old woman that was about to be discharged died in Ward 4. The whole hospital became confused. Akpos quietly packed his properties and woke Ofego up and said: Ofego pack your things let us go. The way i am seeing this thing another person is going to die in Ward 5 and i am not going to let that happen. Ofego said; But Akpos wait till morning na. Before Ofego could finish the statement Akpos had disappeared from the hospital. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 8:10pm On Dec 14, 2013 |
An Old Man Akpos boarded a bus with a Beautiful Girl sitting close to him. A young man wanted to light a cigarette in the bus. Akpos: What is wrong with you young man, why would you light a cigarette in this bus? Do you want to kill this beautiful girl here?. Young Man: Sorry sir!. (He puts off the light). After a long time in the traffic without movement, the beautiful girl stretched out her hands in the air and an offensive odour came out from her armpit. Immediately Akpos said to young man; Light the cigar!. Young Man: Sir?. Akpos: Are you deaf? I say light the cigar!!! Young Man: Okay sir. (He lit the cigarette). Akpos: Blow it to my nose, bloooow it!!! Young Man: Okay sir!. Akpos: It is better to die this way than to die that way. 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 11:57am On Dec 15, 2013 |
Akpos bought a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner. Akpos: My son, where were you today?. Son: In school. (Robot Slaps Son). Okay, I lied, I went to watch a movie. Akpos: Which one?. Son: Toy Story. (Robot Slaps Son) Okay, it was pornography movie. Akpos: What? When I was your age I didn't watched such….(Robot Slaps Akpos). Mom: Hahahahaha! After all he’s your son. (Robot Slaps Mom). 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 2:17pm On Dec 15, 2013 |
Girl: It's over darling!. Akpos: What do you mean it's over, if you want to dump me come and tell me face to face. Girl: Baby what are you talking about?. Akpos: I am talking about the text message you just sent me. Girl: Ahhh baby I'm sorry. It was my friend that sent that text message. She's jealous of me. Akpos: Yes I believe you baby. I knew it wasn't you immediately I saw that the text message wasn't your hand writing. 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 4:23pm On Dec 15, 2013 |
There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbours houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. The next day the wife went to the pet store and said; I need a good guard dog. The clerk replied; Sorry, we are all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate. The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog; Karate that chair. The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, Karate that table. The dog went up to the table and broke it into half. She bought the dog and took it home to her husband Akpos who was expecting a big guard dog. She then told her husband Akpos that it knew karate, and Akpos said; Karate my ass. 4 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 7:09pm On Dec 15, 2013 |
A naked lady who escaped from ritualist ran into a taxi and told the driver Akpos where she was going. Akpos did not start the car. He was just staring at the lady. The lady looked at him and said; What’s your problem, driver? Haven’t you seen a naked lady before?. Akpos replied; I am not looking at your unclothedness. I am just wondering where you kept the money that you are going to pay me with. 7 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Donfamous(m): 3:31pm On Dec 16, 2013 |
Bro are you a mod? 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:15am On Dec 17, 2013 |
A police officer Akpos was in a bus traveling on a long journey with his police uniform. They stopped for lunch and the person sitting beside Officer Akpos forgot his china made phone on his seat. Akpos was the last person to come out from the bus to take lunch. After lunch, the journey began. The man suddenly noticed that his phone is not with him. He searched and asked everybody in the bus but didn't find the phone. A Lady then gave her phone to dial the number and it rang on Akpos' head covered with cap. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by emmanugo: 9:25am On Dec 17, 2013 |
bros u are jus nt ready to alow dis thread die dwn...i feel u sha,,u are doin wel 3 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by emmalek07: 10:13am On Dec 17, 2013 |
mack lorry 4 sale.America used with lagos clearing. 6 cylinder engine and 6 tyres. Interested buyer should contact me via my email @ hormotoyorsy_07@yahoo.com or my phone number 08034130997 or 08038357286. 1 Like
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by ogunwalea(m): 4:29pm On Dec 18, 2013 |
Participate in this debate: Democratic Leadership VS Church Leadership. Follow this link; www.nairaland.com/1560214/democratic-leadership-vs-church-leadership#20303885 |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by 5nlock: 4:28pm On Dec 19, 2013 |
A blind man went to a restaurant . "Menu sir?" Asked the owner. "I'm blind. Just bring me one of your dirty forks.. I will smell it & order." The confused owner got a fork. The blind man smelt the fork with a deep breath. "Yes, I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables "Unbelievable! " thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. 2 weeks later, the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to see how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking. He said, "Do me a favor and rub this fork over your privates!!", which she does! He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it, puts it to his nose and says "Oh interesting..!! ! , I never knew Brenda worked here!! : Owner fainted.. 2 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by kennyz07: 11:15am On Dec 20, 2013 |
lmao>>>compare this grammarians http:///o3a8c5m
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| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:50pm On Dec 20, 2013 |
Hi Uncle Akpos, I am a lady aged 28, I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home, I drove for just about 2 km from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car, when I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid, I don't know what to do now, please help me. UNCLE AKPOS REPLY: Over heating of the engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the radiator, you need to check the oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey, you must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future. 6 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by Nobody: 9:00pm On Dec 20, 2013 |
1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 12:39pm On Dec 21, 2013 |
In a competition to rate the best security group in Nigeria, EFCC, ARMY and POLICE had to compete by searching for a missing RAT in the bush. 1st The EFCC started investigation by questioning all the plants and animals in the bush. After some search in some months, they concluded there was no RAT. Secondly The ARMY entered the bush and within 2 days they burnt down the bush, beat up every creatures in the bush with no apology, they also declared, there was no RAT. Then The POLICE, after some days in the bush, appeared with a badly beaten RABBIT, The RABBIT was shouting; 0kay i agree. I am the RAT. 9 Likes |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by lilsweet(f): 9:49am On Dec 22, 2013 |
Lovely jokes bro. keep on makeing people 4get their sorrows 1 Like |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by TeekayOso(m): 11:22pm On Dec 22, 2013 |
Lame njuwo: John: bby am gonna tell u a story |
| Re: Nigeria Jokes Update With Ofego by njuwo(m): 9:03am On Dec 23, 2013 |
They came into my room last night, I was sleeping when I heard their sound as they entered, I quickly woke up and one of them ran towards me to attack me, I had a weapon in my room and I had no choice but to use it in defending myself, I quickly struck one with it, the second one ran towards me and we wrestled, is this really happening to me today? I thought to myself within half a second, this one was more wiser than the one lying on the floor. My mom was in her room hearing the chaotic sound that was emerging from my room, she wondered what was wrong with her first born, finally I succeeded with the second one, I looked at my hands and I was stained with blood, I looked at them on the floor and I saw one still moving...... I struck again in anger and said; Die you idiots.............................. .................They were TWO GIANT MOSQUITOES THAT WANTED TO SUCK MY BLOOD. 1 Like |
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