It was Christmas and everyone
seemed to he having a great
time, but Father Akpos was
not.
He suddenly said to Father Johnny; You know
what. I'm fed up with all this good behaviour
and clean living. Why don't we go out and
have a good old sinful night
out. We could drink, go with
loose women and do whatever takes our
fancy.
Father Johnny replied; Are you mad? This is a
small
town. Everyone knows who we are.
Father Akpos said; I don't mean we should do
it here. We could dress like everyone else and
take the train to the city.
After much persuasion Father
Johnny agreed to do so and off they went
that night and partied until morning.
They arrived home and it was then that the
gravity of
what they had done began to
dawn on Father Johnny.
Father Johnny exclaimed; Oh my God. We are
going to have to confess our misdemeanor.
Don't worry....replie d Father
Akpos. 'I've already thought
about this. You get changed and go into the
confessional and I'll tell you all about my
misdeeds and you can absolve me. Then, I'll
do the same for you.
So, a short while later Father
Akpos went to the church and
entered the confessional. 'Father, forgive me
for I have sinned. I went out with a friend to
celebrate Christmas last night and got drunk,
had sexual relations with women, danced to
wicked music and used foul language.'
Father Johnny said; God is
patient and forgiving and so am I. Do five Our
Fathers, five Hail Marys and your sins will be
forgiven.
A short while later their positions were
reversed and Father Johnny confessed
everything in great detail.
'This is an outrage.' exclaimed Father Akpos.
'What kind of priest are you? Do five hundred
Our Fathers, Five
hundred Hail Marys, donate all
your income for the next three months to the
church, go right round the church on your
knees fifty times, asking God's forgiveness as
you do so. Then come back to me and maybe
I'll consider absolution.'
'What?' exclaimed the astonished Father
Johnny; 'What about our agreement?'
Akpos replied; 'What I do with my time off is
one thing, but I take my job very serious.'

Akpos wanted to become a
monk so he went to the monastery and talked to the
head monk.

The head monk said; You must take a vow of silence and can only say two words every three years.

Akpos agreed and after the
first 3 years, the head monk
came to him and said; What are your two words?

"Food cold!" Akpos replied.

Three more years went by and
the head monk came to him and said; What are your two words?

"Robe dirty!" Akpos exclaimed.

Three more years went by and
the head monk came to him and said; What are your two
words?

"I quit!" said Akpos.

"Well, the head monk replied, I am not surprised. You have done nothing but complain ever since you got here!"

A man built a room with 250
blocks and later turned it to a
school, with him being the
headmaster.
Whenever his students offends him, he
would tell them to go and give the wall 50
punches.
Two students Ofego and Akpos offended
him one day.
After his orders, Ofego started punching
the wall.
He was crying heavily but the
headmaster did not tell him to
leave until he finished the 50
punches.
He then told Akpos to go and do likewise.
Akpos said; Rubbish!
The Headmaster then said; For saying that,
it's now 100 punches for you.
Akpos said; Nonsense.
The Headmaster then said; Now it is 200
punches.
Akpos went towards the wall, as he gave
the wall a punch
(gbooooo), a block fell down from the wall.
The Headmaster quivered; What's that.
Akpos said; Nothing...Gbooo oo (another
block falls).
The Headmaster became afraid and said;
You can go and sit down.
Akpos said; That would be total injustice,
my friend Ofego finished his punishment, i
also want to finish my own...gboooo,gb
ooo, gboooo
(The blocks started falling down).
The Headmaster cried out; I said go and sit
down.
Akpos said; That would be cheating on the
other student Ofego...gbooo, gboooo,
gbooo (blocks were falling down).
The Headmaster said; Can't i order you, i'm i
not old enough to be your father.
Akpos then said; For mentioning my
fathers' name, i've increased my
punishment to 250 punches.
The headmaster knelt down and said;
Akpos my good son, take it easy, i know
this building is already going down, but
please pardon the foundation.

A farmer rears 25 young hens and one old
cock.
As he feels that the old cock could no longer
handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought
one young cock from the market.
Old cock to Young cock:
"Welcome to join me, we will work together
towards productivity.
Young cock: What you mean? As far as I
know, you are old and should be retired.
Old cock : Young boy, there are 25 hens
here, can't I help you with some?
Young cock: No! Not even one, all of them
will be mine.
Old cock: In this case, I shall
challenge you to a competition and if I win
you shall allow me to have one hen and if I
lose you will have all.
Young cock: OK. What kind of
competition?
Old cock: 50 meters run. From here to that
tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow
me to start off the first 10 meters.
Young cock: No problem! We will compete
tomorrow morning.
Confidently, the following morning, the
Young cock allows the Old cock to start off
and when the Old cock crosses the 10
meters mark the Young cock chases him
with all his might.
Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock
back in a matter of seconds.
All of a Sudden, Bang.....!
Before he could overtake the old cock, he
was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed
and says:
"Hell!!!! This is the fifth GAY cock I've
bought this week."

A Teacher was teaching her primary 2 class
about the
government.
For homework she told her pupils to ask
their parents what the government is.
When Akpos got home that day, he went up
to his dad
and asked him what the
government was.
His dad thought for a while and answered,
''Look at it this way:
I'm the president, your mom is the
Congress, our maid
is the work force, you are the people and
your baby brother is the future.''
''I still don't get it''
responded the Akpos.
''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe
you'll understand it better,'' said his dad.
''Okay then...goodnigh t dad'' Akpos said
and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Akpos was
awakened by his baby brother who was
crying.
He went to his baby brother's crib and
found that his baby
brother had taken a crap in his diaper.
So Akpos went to his parent's room to get
help.
When he got to his parent's
bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to
check if his parents were asleep.
Through the keyhole he saw
his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't
there.
So he went to the maid's
room.
When he looked through the
maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad
making love with the
maid.
Akpos was surprised, but
then he realised something and thinks
aloud; ''OH!! Now I
understand the government! The President
is screwing
the work force, Congress is fast asleep,
nobody cares
about the people, and the future is full of
shit!''

Akpos: Happy birthday sweetie.

Girl: Thanks honey. Where's my birthday gift?

Akpos: (Points out) Can you see that red BMW parked over there?

Girl: Oh my God! Yes! Yes! Yes! I can't believe this.

Akpos: I bought you a toothbrush of the same colour.

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his
bookkeeper has cheated him out of 10
million dollars.
His bookkeeper is deaf.
That was the reason he got the job in the
first place.
It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper
would not hear anything that he might
have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to
confront the bookkeeper about his missing
10 million dollars, he brings along his
lawyer Akpos, who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells Akpos the lawyer,
"Ask him where the 10 million dollars he
embezzled from me
is."
Akpos, using sign language, asks the
bookkeeper where the money is.
The bookkeeper signs back, "I
don't know what you are talking about."
Akpos tells the Godfather,
"He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, points it at
the bookkeeper's head and says, "Ask him
again!"
Akpos signs to the bookkeeper, "He'll kill
you if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back,
"OK! You win! The money is in a brown
briefcase, buried behind the shed at my
cousin Ochuko's backyard in Asaba!"
The Godfather asks Akpos, "What did he
say?"
Akpos replies, "He says you don't have the
balls to pull the trigger."

A politician Akpos was being interviewed by a Journalist.

Journalist: Mr Akpos, first of all, is it true that you are the bread winner in your family.

Akpos: I am not hearing that
allegation for the first time, I have been hearing it for sometime now. I know this allegation is coming from my political enemies who want to tarnish my image. I want to tell you that I have never been in any competition to win bread. Ask them where I won that bread. If anyone saw me entering a competition to win bread, then they must provide the evidence otherwise I will start suing anyone saying I am a bread winner, yes, including you reporters and your newspapers.

Two Mad Men in a psychiatric hospital Akpos and Ochuko were having an argument on who is more mad.

Akpos said; I am more mad than you.

Ochuko said; It's a lie. If you know how many years i have been mad, you won't be saying this.

Akpos then killed himself and his Spirit got up and tells Ochuko to kill himself too.

Ochuko then said; No, i give up, you are more mad than me.

Akpos gained admission into MIT to study
Telecoms. There he became friends with an
American and a Japanese.
One day they were having TEA together and
trying to impress each other that their
country is moving forward faster than
others.
Suddenly the American started
talking with someone, the
Japanaese and Akpos were
surprised who he was talking to, as there
was no one else there other than the 3 of
them.
The American said; OHHH it's the
BLUETOOTH in my ear and I had a call that I
am replying.
The Japanese and Akpos were
impressed....
Then a few minutes later, the
Japanese said I got to go, I just received an
email via my Internet Wrist Watch that I had
to meet someone.
The American and Akpos were impressed...
Now all of a sudden, not to feel intimidated,
Akpos stood up and rushes towards the
men's room.
There he picks up a tissue
paper and puts half of it in his ear and left
the other Half hanging out.
He then went back to the American and
Japanese.
When they saw the tissue paper hanging
out of his
ear, they asked him; What is the meaning of
this, what is coming out of your ear man”??
Calmly Akpos starts pulling the tissue paper
out of his ear and said; OH! IT'S Nothing...
JUST A FAX COMING FROM MY PEEPS BACK AT
HOME.

Three guys all worked in the same office
with the same male boss.
Each day, they watched the boss leave work
early.
One day, the guys decided that, when the
boss left, they would leave right behind him.
After all, he never called or came back to
work, so how would he know they went
home early?
Ochuko was thrilled to be home early, he
did a little gardening, spent play time with
his son, and went to bed early.
Ofego was elated to be able to get in a
quick workout at the spa before meeting a
dinner
date.
Akpos was happy to get home early and
surprise his wife, but when he got to his
bedroom, he heard a muffled noise from
inside.
Slowly and quietly, he cracked open the
door and was mortified to see his wife in
bed with his boss!
Gently he closed the door and crept out of
the house.
The next day, at their coffee break, Ochuko
and Ofego planned to leave early again, and
they asked Akpos if he was going to go
with them.
“No way!” Akpos exclaimed. "Oga almost
caught me yesterday!"

A certain Governor and his personal assistant were on a tour in his state and all of a sudden his driver ran into potholes again and again.

It became too much that he even hit his head against the car.

Out of annoyance, he asked
his personal assistant, "Are you sure this state has a Governor?"

His personal assistant was shocked.

A Nigerian young man Akpos went to
American
Embassy in June 2001 for a student visa,
and the process of his interview with the
white lady went this way;
AKPOS: Good afternoon ma!
WHITE LADY: Welcome!. And how are you?
AKPOS: I am fine thank you ma!.
WHITE LADY: What are you going to the USA
for?
AKPOS: To study ma!
WHITE LADY: Which city, school and course
do you
wish to study?
AKPOS: Carlifornia, Harvard University,
Economics and Statistics.
WHITE LADY: But there are many Universities
in Nigeria that offer this course and you
still want to travel as far as USA to study the
same course why? I doubt your genuine
intention and therefore can’t give you the
entry visa that
you have applied for.
AKPOS: (With anger shouted) Please give me
back my passport let me get out of this
place, what do you
think that is in USA that is not in Nigeria,
what do you think that I will see in USA that
we don’t have in Nigeria here, do you think
that USA is in any way better than this
country
and if you think USA is better than Nigeria,
then why have you chosen to stay in
Nigeria instead of your country America?
WHITE LADY: (With serious anger and love
for her
dear country stood up and said to him)
Look am gonna
give you entry visa to USA so that you
gonna travel to
America and see what is in USA the
different between
America and Nigeria. (Out
of anger, she stamped the visa for Akpos).
Akpos then left smiling.

A guy was walking by the road side.

He saw a closed plastic bottle, picked it up and opened it.

Suddenly a voice said to him; I am a ghost thank you so much for setting me free. Make a wish of only 2 things and you shall be given.

The guy replied; My first wish. I want a billionaire's account.

Immediately the ghost gave him a written paper: Billionaire account.

The guy continued; My second wish. I want to be an item that all Girls desire to have in
their lives.

The ghost turned him into a blackberry.

Akpos Joining The Army.

Officer: We need you in the
army.

Akpos: I’ll join but on three
conditions.

Officer: Ok. what are the conditions?

Akpos: My first condition is that I’ll not wear the uniform
because it is too hard.

Officer: Ok. What is the second
condition?

Akpos: I’ll not do the parade and other training under the
sun because it will be too hot,
I’ll only do it under the shed or some kind of shadow cover.

Officer: Ok. What is your third
condition?

Akpos: And my last and most
important condition is that during the time of war, I’ll go on leave.

A politician was murdered in his hotel room
and it was announced that anybody that
witnessed the murder should expose the
killer to the police and be rewarded with 5
million naira.
Ofego called Akpos and said; This is an easy
way to make money.
Akpos said; Yes but we don't know the
killer.
Ofego said; We sure do not know the killer
but i have an idea. I will present you as the
killer and collect the 5 million naira reward
and travel back to Warri to look for a good
Lawyer to come and bail you out of prison. I
will then take 3 million out of the 5 million.
Akpos shouted; You will take 3 million and i
will take only 2 million? That's not fair.
Ofego said; No! You don't understand. I will
take 2 million and pay the lawyer 1 million
for his service.
Akpos agreed.
Ofego then went to the Police Station, told
the D.P.O Akpos is the killer and requested
for the 5 million naira.
The D.P.O said, young man it is not done
that way and gave Ofego a cheat of paper
to write down a statement of all what he
just said and a description of the killer.
Ofego shouted; You mean i should write
down all what i just said.
The D.P.O said, yes.
Ofego then said; I can not, give me the 5
million naira let me go, i've told you i know
who the killer is, his name is Akpos, i even
have his phone number, if you want, i can
give it to you so that you will call him to
confirm.
Akpos was then brought into the office
handcuffed by a police man.
Ofego said; Oh yes D.P.O, give me the 5
million. This is the killer. Akpos are you not
the killer?
Akpos replied; Yes i am the killer.
The D.P.O asked; So why did you kill him?
Akpos became nervous.
Ofego suddenly interupted saying; Akpos
don't answer any question until they've
given me the 5 million. D.P.O, i've already
told you he's the killer. This is why i don't
like working with police, they ask too many
questions. They say police is your friend, is
it a crime to help a friend in need. You were
announcing it with all seriousness that
you'll reward the person that exposes the
killer with 5 million naira, now i've done
that, you are been stingy, it will interest you
to know that we even know who killed
Chief M.K.O Abiola but i'll not tell you unless
you give me the 5 million naira. Akpos don't
we know who killed Abiola?.
Akpos nodded yes.
They were still talking when an Officer
walked in, to inform the D.P.O that they've
caught the actual killer of the politician.
Ofego hissed and said; Akpos come on, let's
go.
The D.P.O said; Not so fast. Officer lock them
up. You said you know who killed M.K.O
Abiola.

At a psychiatric hospital in Abuja, a doctor
was lecturing a group of medical students
the different types of madness.
There were no mad people for the
experiments.
So the hospital management gave a
contract of 1 million naira to a coaster bus
driver to go and bring mad people.
The driver drove to Lokoja and caught a
bunch of mad people.
They were inside the bus driving back
when the driver stopped and went to a
nearby restaurant to eat.
While he was away, one of the mad people
opened the bus and they all escaped.
The driver came back and saw that they
were all gone.
He became disappointed but thought to
himself that he'll not miss this 1 million
naira contract.
He went to a park in Lokoja and started
calling for passengers saying; Abuja, Abuja
100 Naira(The fare normally from Lokoja to
Abuja was 1,000 Naira).
People that wanted to travel to Abuja were
happy to see that the fare was cheaper
than the normal fare and rushed into the
bus.
The bus became filled up with passengers
and off they went.
On getting to Abuja, the driver told the
passengers that he is going to drop them at
the bus park.
They agreed.
As he was driving into the psychiatric
hospital the passengers started
complaining where is this, the driver then
lied that it is his bus park.
The Doctor and his students came outside
and the driver came down and said; These
are the mad people.
On hearing this, the passengers all started
shouting that they are not mad.
They came out of the bus wanting to fight
the driver.
As they were seizing the driver, the doctor
turned to his students and said; Each and
every one of them outside here has the
same type of madness, this madness is very
common. They'll all be admitted into Ward 2.
The psychiatric hospital security men took
them away.
A gentle looking man who was still sitted
inside the bus calmly came out and told the
doctor he wants to see him privately.
The doctor agreed.
The man took him aside and said he's not
mad, he explained all what happened, and
how he got there to the doctor.
The doctor then turned to his students and
said; This man will be in ward 8 and he'll be
use by your successors for future
experiments. His type of madness is very
rare. I have not seen it before.

njuwo: At a psychiatric hospital in Abuja, a doctor
was lecturing a group of medical students
the different types of madness.
There were no mad people for the
experiments.
So the hospital management gave a
contract of 1 million naira to a coaster bus
driver to go and bring mad people.
The driver drove to Lokoja and caught a
bunch of mad people.
They were inside the bus driving back
when the driver stopped and went to a
nearby restaurant to eat.
While he was away, one of the mad people
opened the bus and they all escaped.
The driver came back and saw that they
were all gone.
He became disappointed but thought to
himself that he'll not miss this 1 million
naira contract.
He went to a park in Lokoja and started
calling for passengers saying; Abuja, Abuja
100 Naira(The fare normally from Lokoja to
Abuja was 1,000 Naira).
People that wanted to travel to Abuja were
happy to see that the fare was cheaper
than the normal fare and rushed into the
bus.
The bus became filled up with passengers
and off they went.
On getting to Abuja, the driver told the
passengers that he is going to drop them at
the bus park.
They agreed.
As he was driving into the psychiatric
hospital the passengers started
complaining where is this, the driver then
lied that it is his bus park.
The Doctor and his students came outside
and the driver came down and said; These
are the mad people.
On hearing this, the passengers all started
shouting that they are not mad.
They came out of the bus wanting to fight
the driver.
As they were seizing the driver, the doctor
turned to his students and said; Each and
every one of them outside here has the
same type of madness, this madness is very
common. They'll all be admitted into Ward 2.
The psychiatric hospital security men took
them away.
A gentle looking man who was still sitted
inside the bus calmly came out and told the
doctor he wants to see him privately.
The doctor agreed.
The man took him aside and said he's not
mad, he explained all what happened, and
how he got there to the doctor.
The doctor then turned to his students and
said; This man will be in ward 8 and he'll be
use by your successors for future
experiments. His type of madness is very
rare. I have not seen it before.

very funny bro keep it up.

Don famous: very funny bro keep it up.

My Brother in Jesus name amen o

njuwo: My Brother in Jesus name amen o

hahaha aren't you a muslim

Akpos was enjoying the sun at the beach.

A lady came to him and asked; Are you relaxing?.

Akpos replied; No, I am Akpos.

Few minutes later a guy came to him and asked the same question. Akpos replied; No! No! I am Akpos!.

Another guy came again and asked him the same question.

Akpos was totally annoyed and decided to go elsewhere.

While walking, he saw a guy soaking in the sun.

He went up to him and asked; Are you Relaxing?.

The guy replied; Yes, I am relaxing.

Akpos gave him a hot slap and said; Idiot! They are looking for you and you are here sitting down.

Don famous: hahaha aren't you a muslim

No, i be Christian. I dey among d pple wey dey represent Jesus Christ for here. We dey follow Him footprints.

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Following......

Lol funny jokes although only one was new to me, the geography teacher, hilarious.

Elliotwiz1: Lol funny jokes although only one was new to me, the geography teacher, hilarious.

What page is that? I couldnt go thru everything.

It
was an exam period, there was a leakage(expo) on practical biology
where the students are expected to draw and label a flowering plant. A
particular student devoted his time and learned everything about
flowering plant.
on examination day he was shocked to discover that it was no longer a
flowering plant, he is now expected to draw and label an Agama lizard.

He looked round the hall everyone was busy writing not wanting to be
outdone. He drew and labelled a flowering plant then drew a lizard on
top the plant and wrote under his drawings : On the tree lay the
Agama lizard.

nutty_hnic:

What page is that? I couldnt go thru everything.

i think it was on the first page.

Akpos was enjoying the sun at the
beach in Lekki when a Lady came and
asked him, "Are u relaxing?"
Akpos replied; "No, I am Akpos".
A man came and asked him the same
question.
Akpos replied, "No! No! ..aM Akpos!".
Later on a Little Girl came and asked
him same question again.
Akpos became angry and decided to
move away. While walking, he saw a guy
sunbathing.
He went up to him and asked," Are you
Relaxing?" The guy replied; "Yes, I am
relaxing."
Akpos gave him a hot slap on his face
and screamed;"Nor be
you everybody dey look for?" #LOL

Hous maids sef....... Madam: ekaitte how come toothpick don't last in this hous again?
Ekaitte: madam, I don't knw ooh. I don't waste it,If I finish using one, I put it back.... I no dey trowey am at all!..... Madam faint!

A boy was in a taxi eating chocolate,
he took another one and the man next
to him said, "Do you know that eating
chocolate can damage your teeth"
The boy replied "My grandfather lived
123 years"
The man asked "Was it because of
eating chocolate?"
The boy replied "No because he was
always minding his own business"
FEEL FREE TO LIKE OUR PAGE IF
YOU'RE YET TO BE OUR FAN

During one of her daily classes a
teacher trying to teach good manners
asked her students the following
question:
"Tony, if you were on a date having
dinner with a nice young lady, how
would you tell her that you have to go
to the toilet?"
Tony said, "Just a minute I have to go
piss, bitch."
The teacher responded by saying,
"That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Stevie, how would you
say it?
" Stevie said, "I am sorry, but I really
need to go to the lav. I'll be right
back."
"That's better, but it's still not very
nice to say the word lav at the dinner
table
And you, AKPOS, can you use your brain
for once and show us your good
manners?"
AKPOS: I would say-"Darling, may I
please be excused for a moment? I
have to shake hands with a very dear
friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get
to meet after dinner."
FEEL FREE TO LIKE OUR PAGE IF
YOU'RE YET TO BE OUR FAN
♣