Ann Coulter: Any growing interest in soccer a sign of nation's moral decay

I've held off on writing about soccer for a decade — or about the length of the average soccer game — so as not to offend anyone. But enough is enough. Any growing interest in soccer can only be a sign of the nation's moral decay.

• Individual achievement is not a big factor in soccer. In a real sport, players fumble passes, throw bricks and drop fly balls — all in front of a crowd. When baseball players strike out, they're standing alone at the plate. But there's also individual glory in home runs, touchdowns and slam-dunks.

In soccer, the blame is dispersed and almost no one scores anyway. There are no heroes, no losers, no accountability, and no child's fragile self-esteem is bruised. There's a reason perpetually alarmed women are called "soccer moms," not "football moms."

Do they even have MVPs in soccer? Everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That's when we're supposed to go wild. I'm already asleep.

• Liberal moms like soccer because it's a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.

• No other "sport" ends in as many scoreless ties as soccer. This was an actual marquee sign by the freeway in Long Beach, California, about a World Cup game last week: "2nd period, 11 minutes left, score: 0:0." Two hours later, another World Cup game was on the same screen: "1st period, 8 minutes left, score: 0:0." If Michael Jackson had treated his chronic insomnia with a tape of Argentina vs. Brazil instead of Propofol, he'd still be alive, although bored.

Even in football, by which I mean football, there are very few scoreless ties — and it's a lot harder to score when a half-dozen 300-pound bruisers are trying to crush you.

Record numbers of football fans in the United States are bracing for another edge-of-the-seat match Thursday as their team battles to make the World Cup second round -- and prove the sport's growing popularity.Duration: 00:52

• The prospect of either personal humiliation or major injury is required to count as a sport. Most sports are sublimated warfare. As Lady Thatcher reportedly said after Germany had beaten England in some major soccer game: Don't worry. After all, twice in this century we beat them at their national game.

Baseball and basketball present a constant threat of personal disgrace. In hockey, there are three or four fights a game — and it's not a stroll on beach to be on ice with a puck flying around at 100 miles per hour. After a football game, ambulances carry off the wounded. After a soccer game, every player gets a ribbon and a juice box.

• You can't use your hands in soccer. (Thus eliminating the danger of having to catch a fly ball.) What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here's a great idea: Let's create a game where you're not allowed to use them!

• I resent the force-fed aspect of soccer. The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO's "Girls," light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is "catching on" is exceeded only by the ones pretending women's basketball is fascinating.

I note that we don't have to be endlessly told how exciting football is.

• It's foreign. In fact, that's the precise reason the Times is constantly hectoring Americans to love soccer. One group of sports fans with whom soccer is not "catching on" at all, is African-Americans. They remain distinctly unimpressed by the fact that the French like it.

• Soccer is like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it's European. Naturally, the metric system emerged from the French Revolution, during the brief intervals when they weren't committing mass murder by guillotine.

Despite being subjected to Chinese-style brainwashing in the public schools to use centimeters and Celsius, ask any American for the temperature, and he'll say something like "70 degrees." Ask how far Boston is from New York City, he'll say it's about 200 miles.

Liberals get angry and tell us that the metric system is more "rational" than the measurements everyone understands. This is ridiculous. An inch is the width of a man's thumb, a foot the length of his foot, a yard the length of his belt. That's easy to visualize. How do you visualize 147.2 centimeters?

• Soccer is not "catching on." Headlines this week proclaimed "Record U.S. ratings for World Cup," and we had to hear — again about the "growing popularity of soccer in the United States."

The USA-Portugal game was the blockbuster match, garnering 18.2 million viewers on ESPN. This beat the second-most watched soccer game ever: The 1999 Women's World Cup final (USA vs. China) on ABC. (In soccer, the women's games are as thrilling as the men's.)

Run-of-the-mill, regular-season Sunday Night Football games average more than 20 million viewers; NFL playoff games get 30 to 40 million viewers; and this year's Super Bowl had 111.5 million viewers.

Remember when the media tried to foist British soccer star David Beckham and his permanently camera-ready wife on us a few years ago? Their arrival in America was heralded with 24-7 news coverage. That lasted about two days. Ratings tanked. No one cared.

If more "Americans" are watching soccer today, it's only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.

Source: http://www.clarionledger.com/story/opinion/columnists/2014/06/25/coulter-growing-interest-soccer-sign-nations-moral-decay/11372137/

are u there yet? so after a year on nairaland I made the front page as the first to comment ........DIARIS GOD !!!😀

is who there yet?

By d name Ann Coulte,dis must be a lady..y would i waste my time arguing football wit a woman..mtshww Ann Coulte enter kitchen ur kids are hungry

#FOOTBALLROCKS

they' ain't there yet

Nairaland is back.

Yes, they are there.

Someone should pls summarise this epistle

The author of that hate speech is a racist conservative nutjob.


Her name is Anne Coulter.


She hates blacks, liberals and anything new to America.....including football.

Nothing more than a parody article from a conservative commentator...move along, nothing to see here.

It must be a woman speaking... Oh wait... Yes it is! Smh I've always said it and always will, Americans have no business playing soccer. They should stick to basketball and (American) football.

NewsINigeria: z

Olayemie: .

SMH

lemme read.

Who is Ann Coulter? She shld speak for herself. That is her opinion...from someone who has obvious dislike for soccer.
Each to his/her own.i'm not so crazy abt it either,but i know the feeling it invokes....
Soccer gives release,brings peeps together,unites,gives a certain rush...excitement!!!! Free awon guys ooooooooooo!!!
It might seem like a silly act of twenty-two men running round a small object,aiming at a goal post...but it goes beyond that. It is abt strength,analysis,impulsiveness,wit,intelligence,ruggedness,risks,MONEY.....it is the spirit of football!

Is she for real?

What's your problem, Mr. Man.

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Tori

She should have held off for more before writing that...
It is better to keep ones mouth closed and be assumed a f--l rather than opening it
to say something and be confirmed one.
Sorry Ann,you still living in the Stone Age .......

mstik: It must be a woman speaking... Oh wait... Yes it is! Smh I've always said it and always will, Americans have no business playing soccer. They should stick to basketball and (American) football.

į jųşţ woŋdęŗ .ђow dђ māŋāgęd ţo bęāţ Ghana

If Americans were actually doing so well in soccer, and they have world class players. I bet my last kobo this dundee will not write this long epistle. Americans hate what they can't control. I have a lot of things to say about golf, cricket, and many more games they play just because I don't understand it and I have no interest in it but I will not write an epistle condemning it........


These people just hate not being the center of attraction.

Tell that cracker Bitc.h to suck a dick

what else should i say!...."B o r i n"

Didn't see any hate in what she said

bullshiit...... abeg who sabi how to create virtual links in multi area OSPF

biatch needs to fvckin get laid

dead on arrival topic

Madam Anne Coulter if you don't understand the game just keep off cos your opinion doesn't matter one bit
Kapish

şђę'ş jųşţ ā ђāţęŗ

This Clarion writer is a clown. She obviously doesn't know enough about soccer to make an informed opinion. I for one can't figure out the intricacies of "American football" but I respect the game. Soccer needs no one to promote it; it teaches young boys and girls perseverance, balance and stamina from a tender age and anyone can play it at any level. What's not to like? She's a bloody ewe and I wish I could tell her this.

@ lamentator another reason why you should stop watching CfC matches; the pack d bus/kick and follow football brand
Try waching barcelona or arsenal play and you will b glad you do

















Thank me later