MarvellousGod:
You did the right thing because you consulted her and the decision you finally reached was based on due considerations given to your various opinions. .... Some other man may have just told his wife, "the kids are starting school and that's it.He doesn't give the wife a right to opinion and that's where I have a problem.


Everything you said above shows you give your wife a voice and it's perfectly fine...Yeah, someone must still make the final decision at the end but such decisions should be based on mutual understanding/agreement. ... My only problem lies with men that declares and it stays that way irrespective of how the wife feels, afterall her opinion doesn't count and he's the man of the house..That's not how a family should be run.

cheers

Cheers too you too.

lastpage:
[size=14pt]Definition of A WOMAN: Someone who wants "SOMETHING" but does not know "WHAT" she wants nor "HOW" to go about getting it![/size]

It seems to me, reading though the three models, that the woman never does ANYTHING for an ALTRUISTIC reason!

*If she contributes to household upkeep, its because she wants to claim equality and drag with the husband

*If she does not contribute, its because she thinks the man is not respecting her and is trying to undermine her authority in the house!!

*If the man decides to allow them to share financial responsibility, she says he is not "man-enough" to live up to his responsibility as the head of the family.

In all the three cases, all she thinks about is ME, ME and MYSELF!

I read a thread on here yesterday where some poster asked Why "MEN" are shirking away from getting married (legally especially).
I just smiled and thought, "You get what you pay for, You reap what you sow"!
Marriage will end-up the way WOMEN want it to end up.
They can shift blame and point fingers at men ....all day long but at the end of the day, l foresee a time, in the very nearest future when "marrying a woman" will be like ..."who does that nowadays"!

Already, l have read about a few men who "paid to have a child from another 'woman-carrier' and the child is about 3yrs old now".
The woman is "just doing a job and rendering a service, for which she is paid for: SURROGACY, it is called.
Why would they need to marry a woman.... if they can "pay and get a child using their own spermatozoa?

Its a shameful trend but one that l realize is borne out of necessity!

Like on most issues, l always look beyond the periphery and try to take a leap into the future , so my opinion might not sit well with some people. I accept responsibility for that.

Lastpage!

Woooooow!..and so true.

bukatyne:


What is it then?

Read my previous posts.

greatgod2012:
It's obvious and unfortunate that many don't really understand what marriage is all about.
Marriage is all about partnership, teamwork, in everything, every aspect and every area in love, understanding and empathy.
Marriage is not about one-man battalion, it's about two people working as one in every area that involves their marriage and lives.
If, as wife, you really love your husband, with understanding and empathy, you will realise that it's "unmarriage"(formed by me) to saddle your husband with all the financial responsibilities, apart from the fact that it isn't good for his health, it shows that you yourself aint committed to being teamed up with your husband, (selfishness)which sooner than later, may brings up unhealthy marital relationship to spring up.

Similarly, if, as a husband, if you really love your wife and see her as part of you, you will involve her in every decision to be taken at home, and in your life, when it comes to household matters, you will know that you're both one and act accordingly. You will see her as part of you that mustn't be neglected or abandoned.
At the end of the day, both parties enjoy their commitment towards each other and peace reigns absolutely.

This is from a woman
How old are U
U don't living in Nigeria or grow up in Nigeria
God bless U
U have advised all the women
One of the major reason marriages failed
Women are having better education and better jobs

zboyd:


First, I only listed 3 scenarios but I stated that there are more depending on the couple.

Second, do you know how many women over here work full-time AND raise 1+ children, many times by themselves? The average woman over here doesn't have any house help/nanny/governess/etc., but some do have daycare institutions they pay a pretty penny to, who watch their kids from 6am to 6pm. In fact, some of these women work two jobs and still manage to raise their children well AND take care of their household expenditures, sometimes, by themselves. And they are far from well-off.

Third, some men rule their homes with iron fists. They even confiscate their wives' paychecks. And no matter what the wife brings home from working, he and only he has the final say how her salary is spent.

Abeegi, stop painting all these "dooms day" picture that is non-existent!

Where in the WEST does a man "confiscate" his wife pay-check?
Her weekly payments, just like any other person that works for pay (employee), in the WEST (as in America or anywhere in Europe) goes straight into her BANK ACCOUNT and the husband does not even see the thing!

I dont like those who strewn lies together, just to make a point.

if you need to say something, be realistic and state it exactly as it OBTAINS! Your intended reader might not be aware of what obtains in the West but P-L-E-A-S-E, TRUTH preserves someone and since we are doing this anonymously, it costs us nothing to be truthful and objective.
.

Again, the picture you 'painted' about that woman doing two jobs with no house-help and paying "pretty penny" for childcare seems to be about some woman who lives in the "WEST"

......but you conveniently left out the fact that she gets "all sorts of FREE MONEY" from the Government (Early Childcare, Back to School Grant, Child benefit)
.... and seeing that you did not mention that she has a husband helping her, l will assume she is separated/divorced or just one of them baby Mommas who just get pregnant for whichever man who succeeds to 'score', then she is also getting LONE PARENT ALLOWANCE plus her House Rent is being paid for by the Govt (at best she contributes a tiny fraction of about 15% or even nothing if she lives in one of them Council Houses since her income is and will be "means tested' .....meaning if it does not reach a certain amount/threshold, she pays nothing!).

I agree that gone are the days, especially in the WEST where women can just sit at home and do nothing... its even not god for any woman's health not to fulfil her potential in life, as long as it has no detrimental effect on her family, which is her primary responsibility.

Working and contributing to the family purse, by a wife is simply to give the household a "leg-up" on the income ladder so that they can afford to buy things which ordinarily they wont be able to afford IN THAT YEAR, if only the husband is working. They would eventually get there but if both are working and contributing, they get there very quickly, as in faster than when income is from one source, the husband.

Most men have enough pride to just ignore their wife's income (especially for a man with a good source of income) but for some, it helps a lot if the wife also chips-in.
Infact, a "wise woman", the type that qualifies to be called her "Husband's Helper", even if the man refuses to take her income into consideration, will impose it on herself to ensure that she uses her money to take care of certain things in the household, even without informing her husband (ofcourse, he will know and appreciate her for that)

... But the Greedy and Selfish ones are the types that will tell you "I am saving it for the rainy day or l am saving it for my kids" meaning she is already planning ahead for the death of her husband or the break-up of the marriage, hence the squireling-away of money for the "proverbial rainy day".
Ofcourse, it just shows lack of "complete commitment" to the household/marriage.

Just setting the records STRAIGHT!

Lastpage!

BTW: Until we agree and accept that there is a reason why we have "headmaster" in a school (even though there are other senior teachers in the school), "Captain" in a ship/Plane (even though he has Shipmates & Co-Pilot), "CEO" in a company (even though there are Departmental heads as well), e.t.c, ........until we figure out the reason (its simple actually, the buck must stop at someone's table and that person must take responsibility for prime decisions at all times), .......until then, we can continue to argue about the role of a woman in the family-setup.

Not all women like their role (some even wish they are men ), not all women will accept their role (some will challenge their husband over these) but all-in-all, if you chose to go into marriage, you must be able to come to agreement with your husband before marriage, on what will work best for your household otherwise, that marriage is just doomed. Chikenna.

Hey! Why don't u pray or wait until ur wife feeds u and see if u will not die of funny attitudes and insults from her...u beta wake up and face reality...if ur jealous of ur woman painting her nails den u can do dat as well...shikena....as for me no lady on her right senses would be greedy to the family that gives her happines...it must not be mandatory to contribute.

emusmith:
Gold digger! They should work themselves out while you paint your nails with their money... Teenagers!

blueAlphaGirl:
Hey! Why don't u pray or wait until ur wife feeds u and see if u will not die of funny attitudes and insults from her...u beta wake up and face reality...if ur jealous of ur woman painting her nails den u can do dat as well...shikena....as for me no lady on her right senses would be greedy to the family that gives her happines...it must not be mandatory to contribute.

They should be hardworking and you should be what? No one says it's mandatory... Your statement paints you as a "Pest"...Earn your money and spend as you want...Life of a Liability. Earn your money and assist your family... Life of an Asset.
Girls like you, I'm sure are used to guys buying things for them...Grow up and smell the coffee...It's mutual and not monotonous(not only financial, mind you), IF there is to be complete understanding in the home. no offence.

lastpage:


Abeegi, stop painting all these "dooms day" picture that is non-existent!

Where in the WEST does a man "confiscate" his wife pay-check?
Her weekly payments, just like any other person that works for pay (employee), in the WEST (as in America or anywhere in Europe) goes straight into her BANK ACCOUNT and the husband does not even see the thing!

I dont like those who strewn lies together, just to make a point.

if you need to say something, be realistic and state it exactly as it OBTAINS! Your intended reader might not be aware of what obtains in the West but P-L-E-A-S-E, TRUTH preserves someone and since we are doing this anonymously, it costs us nothing to be truthful and objective.
.

Again, the picture you 'painted' about that woman doing two jobs with no house-help and paying "pretty penny" for childcare seems to be about some woman who lives in the "WEST"

......but you conveniently left out the fact that she gets "all sorts of FREE MONEY" from the Government (Early Childcare, Back to School Grant, Child benefit)
.... and seeing that you did not mention that she has a husband helping her, l will assume she is separated/divorced or just one of them baby Mommas who just get pregnant for whichever man who succeeds to 'score', then she is also getting LONE PARENT ALLOWANCE plus her House Rent is being paid for by the Govt (at best she contributes a tiny fraction of about 15% or even nothing if she lives in one of them Council Houses since her income is and will be "means tested' .....meaning if it does not reach a certain amount/threshold, she pays nothing!).

I agree that gone are the days, especially in the WEST where women can just sit at home and do nothing... its even not god for any woman's health not to fulfil her potential in life, as long as it has no detrimental effect on her family, which is her primary responsibility.

Working and contributing to the family purse, by a wife is simply to give the household a "leg-up" on the income ladder so that they can afford to buy things which ordinarily they wont be able to afford IN THAT YEAR, if only the husband is working. They would eventually get there but if both are working and contributing, they get there very quickly, as in faster than when income is from one source, the husband.

Most men have enough pride to just ignore their wife's income (especially for a man with a good source of income) but for some, it helps a lot if the wife also chips-in.
Infact, a "wise woman", the type that qualifies to be called her "Husband's Helper", even if the man refuses to take her income into consideration, will impose it on herself to ensure that she uses her money to take care of certain things in the household, even without informing her husband (ofcourse, he will know and appreciate her for that)

... But the Greedy and Selfish ones are the types that will tell you "I am saving it for the rainy day or l am saving it for my kids" meaning she is already planning ahead for the death of her husband or the break-up of the marriage, hence the squireling-away of money for the "proverbial rainy day".
Ofcourse, it just shows lack of "complete commitment" to the household/marriage.

Just setting the records STRAIGHT!

Lastpage!

BTW: Until we agree and accept that there is a reason why we have "headmaster" in a school (even though there are other senior teachers in the school), "Captain" in a ship/Plane (even though he has Shipmates & Co-Pilot), "CEO" in a company (even though there are Departmental heads as well), e.t.c, ........until we figure out the reason (its simple actually, the buck must stop at someone's table and that person must take responsibility for prime decisions at all times), .......until then, we can continue to argue about the role of a woman in the family-setup.

Not all women like their role (some even wish they are men ), not all women will accept their role (some will challenge their husband over these) but all-in-all, if you chose to go into marriage, you must be able to come to agreement with your husband before marriage, on what will work best for your household otherwise, that marriage is just doomed. Chikenna.

I see that ignorance reigns supreme in your world.

So be it!

I have a question for you...what is anyones first aim of working? Is it not to earn salary and wen that is earned is it to store it in d bank or use it to solve needs and problem? So once she is working in one way or d other her money will be useful in some household needs or even personal needs.

s

redcliff:


You got that wrong..its not freewill.. its essential but not mandatory...

If she is working and earning money why cant she take care of some certain thinfs herself without asking the man for money?

blueAlphaGirl:
I have a question for you...what is anyones first aim of working? Is it not to earn salary and wen that is earned is it to store it in d bank or use it to solve needs and problem? So once she is working in one way or d other her money will be useful in some household needs or even personal needs.

s

I would be honest i do not understand your post neither did i get the question

cococandy:
Simple.

I detest men who don't remember you're a woman when it comes to collecting your money but will be quick to remind you you're a woman when they want to have their way.

cococandy,God bless you.I swear.

Bless you too

mztubsy:
cococandy,God bless you.I swear.

It's different strokes for different folks. Let each couple decide d model that works for them...there's no one-size-fits-all in some marriage matters oo
My humble submission

if she dosnt what will she spend her money on?

iyke926:
#grabs Mic# Yeah! Today is my birthday and I want to thank God for everything.... especially for the gift of life. Also want to thank my mom for popping me out into dis chaotic but beautiful world. uhm... this goes out to y'all Nairalanders especially the crazily funny ones with comments that make me laugh...want to also say thanks to my enemies for bringing out the best in me. Jah bless y'all.

Happy belated Birthday!

Outside Nigeria, yes.

In Nigeria, why would a working wife share the bills
Shebi dem be heads and the women tails, why relegate bills again to the woman after doing all the housework. Na to carry the beer belly siddon for sofa they watch champions league

Thank good ness for my Japanese lineage.

In ideal marriage setting be it traditional, christian, or Islamic, the man's responsibility is to provide while the woman takes care of the home. Modernization has given marriage a better perspective of collaboration which is often misinterpreted as partnership. There is no partnership in marriage, it is an institution like any other institution where there is a head who is solely responsible for the success or failure of the marriage. Marriage is a team effort where man, woman and kids have specific roles in the team and any person in the team can stand for the other in event of unavailability. Every member of the team should take part in policy making for smooth running of the home since two heads are better than one BUT note that he who takes the full responsibility should take the executive decision when the need arises. Anything contrary to this will lead to a breakdown of the marriage institution.

A woman ought to support financially, if the husband finds it difficult or cannot do it alone. The husband needs to assist the woman in her areas of duty if it will be tiring combining bringing in proceeds and meeting up with her domestic responsibilities. Sharing financial responsibilities does not give her rights and privileges of the head of the home. It is strongly advised that long term and critical decisions MUST be agreed by both parties but day to day running of the home should be deliberated and ruled by the man as the officer in charge.

Permit me to rephrase the OP's question. Should working husbands share household chores with their wives?

Permit me to direct the viewing audience to an article that speaks of the transformation of some Nigerian men who are married to non-Nigerian women. What some Nigerian-based wives complain of Nigerian-based husbands NOT doing is far different from what some Nigerian husbands who are married to foreign women ARE doing in the Diaspora. Why is this so?

Note: For those who are familiar with the article, just bypass this post.

Article: "Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives"...http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/616/1/Nigerian-Men-and-their-Foreign-Wives/Page1.html

Article: "Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives: A Rejoinder"...http://www.gamji.com/article4000/NEWS4583.htm

zboyd:
Permit me to direct the viewing audience to an article that speaks of the transformation of some Nigerian men who are married to non-Nigerian women. What some Nigerian-based wives complain of Nigerian-based husbands NOT doing in the household is far different from what some Nigerian husbands who are married to foreign women ARE doing in the Diaspora. Why is this so?

Note: For those who are familiar with the article, just bypass this post.

Article: "Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives"...http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/616/1/Nigerian-Men-and-their-Foreign-Wives/Page1.html

Maybe u can post it here

pickabeau1:


Maybe u can post it here

Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives

By Sabella Ogbobode Abidde

Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men are marrying non-Nigerian women. In droves, they are marrying Caribbean nationals, White-Americans and African-Americans. They are marrying, not for the primarily purpose of acquiring “greencard,” but for other noble reasons. They marry, not for the curiosity, but because they are bonded and are determined to make a success of the marriage institution; they are bonded by love and faith and a commitment to one another to live their lives as one in a happy matrimony.

The more I notice this phenomenon, the more I wonder about some Nigerian men. I wonder. Culturally, Nigerian men are overbearing, controlling, and paternalistic. They relate to their fathers and mothers differently. They believe it is “a man’s world” and so they have the tendency to relegate women to subservient roles. True, things are changing. True globalization and modernity and westernization are impacting the Nigerian culture. In cities across Nigeria, these changes are noticeable; but over all, the effects of these changes are minimal. A Nigerian may be well read, well educated and well traveled, in the end though, he will succumb to the weight and influence of the Nigerian culture.

We have a society where anthropological and sociological behaviors are still paramount. For instance, a great many Nigerians still practice levirate and sororate marriage, and they also engage in polygyny, bridewealth, and matrilocal and patrilocal living arrangements. And in spite of westernization, Nigerians are still not comfortable with public display of affection, i.e. kissing and verbal declaration of love; and neither are they comfortable with open and public discussions of abortion, sex and exotic sex acts. That Nigerians are not comfortable with such public declarations and have not completely embraced westernization is due, to a large extent, on the hold the traditional African culture has on the vast majority of the populace. At the core of every Nigerian, and indeed every African, is the thumbprint, the umbilical cord of their ancestors.

This non-public declaration and display of love and affection is not unique to Nigerians living in Nigeria. No! The vast majority of Nigerians living in the United States are loath to engage in such practices, too. Furthermore, most Nigerians do not engage in endearing practices like candlelight dinners, flower giving, romantic walk by the lake or park, or even running the bath for their wives or lovers. It would surprise most westerners to know that a typical Nigerian father or mother would rarely, if ever, utter affectionate or confidence-building words like “I love you…” to their children; yet, the children have no doubt that their parents love them. Children are the crowing glory of any respectable Nigerian family.

Having digressed a bit, I return to the issue of Nigerian men and their foreign wives. I am stunned, perplexed, taken aback by the transformation Nigerian men, married to non-Nigerian women, have gone through in the United States (and perhaps all over the Western world). My goodness, here are a group of macho men, fiercely independent, with a burgeoning sense of entitlement who thinks the world belongs to them; and that women are made to be at their beck-and-call. Here they are; they have suddenly or gradually gone soft and sensitive and romantic and wide-eyed. How did these groups of men become “oh baby, oh baby” kind of guys? How did they become “yes honey, yes sweetheart, yes darling” kind of fellas? What has happened to them? What got to their hearts and soul?

How were they able to adjust to living under a different set of rules and matrimonial conventions? How is it that a breed of men married to their fellow countrywomen would behave in a given and predictable manner; but then adjust to a different matrimonial lifestyle when married to foreigners? When they are with the Nigerian women, these men are all about control and power and they expect their wives to cook and clean and raise babies and provide sex on demand; but with the foreign wives, their balls shrink! Such men live by schedule. They have daily and weekly schedule of when to do the laundry and the dishes; of whose turn it is to empty the thrash; and of whose turn it is to sweep and mop the floor; and of when to eat out and cook at home.

These men -- especially if married to White women -- feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed. These men meet and exceed all matrimonial expectations; but would rubbish and dominate their Nigerian women. What is it about a White woman that makes the Nigerian male lose his senses? Could it be because of their skin color and their supposed sensuality and submissive attitude in bed? Could it be because they engage in all kinds of mind-altering sexual acts that, understandably, the Nigerian woman would NOT engage in? Or perhaps it has to do with the warped mentality of some Nigerian men who thinks everything white is good and desirable and so must be had!

Why are Nigerian men afraid to turn control over to their Nigerian wives? Why are they averse to showing their sensitive side? Why the need to control and dominate? Why are Nigerian men reluctant to take their wives on a romantic walk to the parks and beaches, buy roses and cards? Why the need to bottle up their romantic side? Why have they refused to do for their Nigerian wives what they would heartily do for non-Nigerian women? After all, Nigerian women, unlike their foreign counterparts usually do not demand to be co-captains of the house. They usually do not demand for more than is earthly possible. And way more than their foreign counterparts they understand what it means to be a wife and a partner; they understand what it means to be part of the extended family.

When it comes to matters of life, love and death, Nigerian women have stood by their husbands. They are there during the passing of their in-laws; they give succor in times of crisis. These women understand what the African family is all about. But not much can be said about non-Nigerian wives who may not even find it necessary to visit or attend marriage or burial ceremonies in their husbands’ ancestral homes. For non-Nigerian wives, life begins and ends in American. For these women, marriage is not about marrying into another family; it is about “us and us alone.” And in fact, they would rather you not bother them with stories about your extended families and the need for the monthly or quarterly remittances.

Yes, some of us can’t help with whom we fall in love; but to the extent that one can, I would rather a Nigerian. A Nigerian woman is not likely to throw you out of your home; she is not likely to call the cops on you based on flimsy reasons; she is not likely to drag you through the judicial system; she is not likely to throw the divorce papers at you at the slightest provocation; she is not likely to turn her backs at you in times of financial difficulties and other crises. In order words: Nigerian women are likely to stay and be loving and generous and supportive for the long haul! Again and again and again, they have proven that of all God’s creations, they are the very best. And indeed, they are!

simplyOJ:
My wife works and keep her salary. I take care as I should as the husband and father of the house. We have gotten to know ourselves to the point that she steps in to make her own contributions by assisting in taken care of some very essential expenses from time time.

Marriage is not a competition between the wife and her husband, but rather two loving individuals who have agreed to come together to build a home. The man should understand he is responsible for the upkeep of his home, irrespective of whether his wife is working. He should not enforce it that the wife will have to contribute to the upkeep of the home. He should just focus doing his bit and take his nose off his womans purse, trust me majority of wives that are respected by their husbands need not be told, they know when to come in from time to time. It works for me.

The key thing is mutual respect. Especially as it relates to a woman, if she feels loved and respected, trust me, the man can sing Hossana.

dats maturity nd experience speaking.
God bless u sir 4 dt piece of advise.

zboyd:

Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives
By Sabella Ogbobode Abidde
Increasingly, and in greater numbers, Nigerian men

Interesting article Though I don't see the relationship to the topic on financial compatibility

@zboyd. Very true article.
Well they do it because Nigerian women let them get away with it.

Plu some amount of inferiority complex. The whites at some point owned blacks. So it's like a sort of victory for them when they win a white woman.
It's like an achievement for some of them.
They don't wanna mess it up.

Only when they are bitten,will they come back crying to their angry black women.

I read some of them on NL denigrating black women and I laugh.
Give them macho egocentric dudes some white wives and they'll become soft as pudding.

Na for black women body dem dey get power

They know themselves

Yes, why not if a woman is capable of supporting her husband financial to run the family for household, then it should be there and everyone should happily agree about this without further discussion.

pickabeau1:




Interesting article Though I don't see the relationship to the topic on financial compatibility

Foreign Wives will not have any problem standing with the men
Foreign Wives would more likely to 100% support their family "financial compatibility"

zboyd:
Permit me to direct the viewing audience to an article that speaks of the transformation of some Nigerian men who are married to non-Nigerian women. What some Nigerian-based wives complain of Nigerian-based husbands NOT doing is far different from what some Nigerian husbands who are married to foreign women ARE doing in the Diaspora. Why is this so?

Note: For those who are familiar with the article, just bypass this post.

Article: "Nigerian Men and their Foreign Wives"...http://www.nigeriansinamerica.com/articles/616/1/Nigerian-Men-and-their-Foreign-Wives/Page1.html

Article: "Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives: A Rejoinder"...http://www.gamji.com/article4000/NEWS4583.htm

First hand experience Foreign Wives do the same as Nigerian women
Cook
clean
emotion and mentality support u 110%
Make baby

GoodFaith:


Foreign Wives will not have any problem standing with the men
Foreign Wives would more likely to 100% support their family "financial compatibility"

That much is self evident

So will Some Nigerian wives not have any issue standing with their man or supporting their family

so whats the point of the discussion

Is zboyd recommending we marry foreign wives

pickabeau1:



That much is self evident

So will Some Nigerian wives not have any issue standing with their man or supporting their family

so whats the point of the discussion

Is zboyd recommending we marry foreign wives

The author of the article is saying that she/he does not understand the reason why Nigerian men married to foreign wives treat them way better than they would treat their Nigerian wives

I wonder who wouldn't support a man that treats her like an equal.

Some of them treat their Nigerian wives like trash and expect the king's treatment.

bukatyne:


The author of the article is saying that she/he does not understand the reason why Nigerian men married to foreign wives treat them way better than they would treat their Nigerian wives

…another one of zboyds war of the roses inciting threads. Hmmmm….

I just wanted to make one point clear. In a Christian home, men are responsible for providing for their families.

We are all aware that in contemporary times women are more able, willing – and in many cases need – to make significant if not major contributions to household finances.

This should in no way affect the issue of headship or the responsibilities associated with it. That is fixed, headship is always the husbands. To be clear, it is not flexible based on financial contribution (or any other quality or attribute – it’s gonad driven).

Husbands, let your helpmeet help. Involve her – and be involved - in everything. Let her understand and be confident in challenging your thinking.

Where she has superior experience or understanding be gracious about acceding to that, it doesn’t impair your headship or resolve you of final responsibility – be considered.

Give her full reign to manage or run things where she has shown willingness and competence. Just ensure feedback is given to ensure all is well, and ascertain if she requires your support in any way.

One thing that is never mentioned is the wives who love to let their husbands make full provision, take full control and have all the responsibility. If your wife is of such, please encourage her.

Encourage her to be inquisitive, thoughtful and make meaningful contributions. Be patient as she learns to fulfil her role. In any event, ensure your wife understands that her full participation is needed and appreciated.

And to all those being prescriptive about what must happen when they marry. Good luck with that. You may have studied marriage for a lifetime, but until you actually tie the knot, you know less than a newlywed.



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