₦airaland Forum

elyesh:
Hello OP...i am a married man...my marriage will be two years by 29th this month...buh to be sincere my wife is the best on earth...something is fundamentally wrong with ur with u and ur wife...i hv trusted God and done somethings that has really help me and my wife...we have never quarried,we have never had any major family problems...maybe when we disagree on some issues and later agree again...sometimes i play the fool for the sake of peace to reign...infact most times i overlook things...my wife is this hot temper kind of person but God has help me to quench the volcano in her
Ur wife can be a better person.....

does she has anybody she fear or respect soo much? Such a per can be of help in this case
Hope u are not looking for excuse to divorce her
Hii guys...i am kind of new...i joined naira three years ago buh what i do is i only log in to read posts and comments...u guys are really great...my life has not remain thesame since i started reading posts here....i love u all nairalanders

ednut1:
part of d reason i dey fear to marry

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

mk3jax:
Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
She bitches about everything I do making me feel like i am a child that doesn't have a sense of making my own decision despite being very successful in my career and handling lots of real life responsibilities that she can never imagine doing.
After the birth of our child, she turned to something else which in turn made me to make up my mind that I will never have a second child. She has time to watch all her tv programs to make herself happy but as soon as I pick my remote to play a game despite working from morning to night while she sits at home, she complains and I have over time disregarded her complains and do what I want to do to make myself happy. I have just one life to live and being married to someone doesn't gives them a control over my life and if you don't want to stay married to me again, then get the fu.c.k out of my life and go take care of yourself. I almost divorced her sometime ago but just decided to calm down. I hope we do not separate because of my love for our child but if we have to, then so be it because I will not live a life of a prisoner because of a child.

DukeNija:
Bros abeg no vex o, is it your wife who doubles as life partner and mother of your children you are referring to with such disdain?
You seem to be a very angry person who feels he's doing a woman a favor by marrying her. I am not married, but I felt the urge to say I am very disappointed in your choice of words towards your wife. I take care of people who are not even related to me by blood, financially and otherwise and I never feel I'm doing them a favour, how much more my own family.

You sound like you were forced to marry her, like you didn't propose to this woman, didn't buy her an engagement ring and all that, like she was begging to become your wife. I went through your post and I couldn't even find what she did so wrong for you to hate her this much, even up to the point of contemplating divorce.

Using words like "putting her under my roof", "feeding her and our kids" "bitching about everything" is just too disrespectful to your wife and I'm afraid your marital challenges can be traced to your negative attitude towards your her. Please approach your marriage with a better countenance and see your wife as you see yourself by truly loving her and sincerely appreciating her contributions to your home. And yes you need to praise her for cooking, cleaning after you and your child, taking care of you and maintaining the home. Yes, you must praise her. Try telling her how much you appreciate her efforts and cooking, and how delicious her food is and see if she won't be overjoyed and do something special for you.
Women complain a lot, my mom, sisters, gf every woman I know can complain, it just doesn't make them bad people. That's just their way of communicating sometimes.

And pls if you are tired of putting her under your roof, u can send her to me. I have a very large flat with four rooms that can comfortably accommodate her. *Just kidding*

lynpetra:
Women go into marriage thinking their men would change with time,they hardly ever do.Men go into marriage thinking their women will remain that wonderful still,but....Marriage it is.

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

alutacontinua:
You're apparently high on something cheap would be too honourable a word to describe.
Cow urine, maybe





You never meet correct father wey go deal with you and your whole entire being
Why would we call a man a man if he needs another man to handle his woman?
biko, coogar, I no fit argue this morning.....just wanted to tell you to check your 'angel dust', a laboratory test would reveal some urine of some sort (I'm sure of that)

mk3jax:
Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
She bitches about everything I do making me feel like i am a child that doesn't have a sense of making my own decision despite being very successful in my career and handling lots of real life responsibilities that she can never imagine doing.
After the birth of our child, she turned to something else which in turn made me to make up my mind that I will never have a second child. She has time to watch all her tv programs to make herself happy but as soon as I pick my remote to play a game despite working from morning to night while she sits at home, she complains and I have over time disregarded her complains and do what I want to do to make myself happy. I have just one life to live and being married to someone doesn't gives them a control over my life and if you don't want to stay married to me again, then get the fu.c.k out of my life and go take care of yourself. I almost divorce
d her sometime ago but just decided to calm down. I hope we do not separate because of my love for our child but if we have to, then so be it because I will not live a life of a prisoner because of a child.

thorpido:
Not everyone.It depends on the type of foundation you lay and your purpose for marrying.Moreover you don't go into marriage 'thinking'.If the right things are put in place,there will be no need 'thinking'.My wife has not changed and i don't see her changing.

Guardianangel:
I've always entered this forum as a guest to but today, my spirit has been vexed through this topic to join nairaland.
Firstly at Op, do you think we woman do not bear all the abuses you take us through in marriage? For the sake of your post I'll narrate my predicament of an over 6 years marriage with 3 children. My hubby is over ten yrs older than me. I've gone thru and still going thru one of the worst relationship a woman can have with a man. He never says sorry for errors on his part, never says thank you for efforts I put in the marriage be it financially or physically, has never bought me a birthday , anniversary or even one cloth, I buy all by myself. Not that I'm bothered with material things but just a show of care will do as I know he's not so rich but just struggling.
now the big issue is that I'm going thru emotional abuse. I love sex like crazy but he's decided to pocket his "machine" . I always like him to clean up every night before bedtime but he's the type that hardly showers 2wice or even more. Sometimes I do endure the sweaty body scent during the act just for the sake of peace if not, na war. I try to turn my nose away though...what does a woman do when her man thinks he doesnt needb to be appealing towards her? .....that has resulted in great act of masturbation for me in fact, I'm considering a sweeter option... intimacy gadgets! And oh yes, I'd really still very attractive and still get advances from both single and ready men but I made a vow and do wanna keep it.
This is a man that I've spoken to several times, tried to make happy, told what pleases me but yet remains adamant to my cries....
If not because of this post, I'll never have voiced out so, you men should be careful how you behave in marriage. Simply because a woman cherishes her children and desires a happy role model of a home does not mean we cannot do the unimaginable.
@op, pls go back to your wife, thank her for her patience thus far, re strategies new methods for a happy her. Begin to do the little things she likes which you never did, do some TLC, listen to Luther Vandrose's."Buy me a rose". Most of all, be a man and not a weakling cos every woman is only attracted to a man who can at least partially fulfill her fantasy.
good luck!

Bunsky:
my dear wot do u wnt me to do,i dnt knw the advice i can give,so i have to call pple that can give him good advice,b'cos the only advice in my head den is "DIVORCE"which is wrong.

DSuperWoman:
I don't want to sound weird and I don't want sound like a critic but these attributes you have explained are those of a woman who has slept with her father. I really hope I am wrong cuz a woman who has slept with her father cannot be satisfied by any other man either in the bedroom or otherwise. You didn't mention it but I'm guessing she may be cheating on you too (that is if off course she has slept her dad) if this is the case then your marriage needs spiritual attention very serious one at that. Don't divorce her you sound like you love her. Take it to God and a genuie Pastor

mk3jax:
I didn't hate her behaviour before we got married because like I said in my earlier post, she did every thing to please me during dating but as soon as we got married, she changed. I will stop having resentment against her if she stop the following:

-Stop complaining about my family all the time when your family come into my house when they like and stay as long as they want without my complaining.
-Stop complaining that my family don't call you all the time while I don't complain about your family not calling me. Adult have family problems to deal with everyday and calling people is not always the number 1 list on their priority. Besides not everyone has the free credit she has on her phone to call everybody in her family all the time because their are better things to do with money than buying call credit.
-Stop expecting me to be responsible for your grown up adult siblings because i have my own problems I am thinking about to solve. She quarrels with me when ever I refuse to give money to even her older siblings who are married.
-She doesn't consider me when she makes lot of decisions in the house and use the child as a pretence for all her decisions because the child cannot speak yet.
-Complaining about almost everything I do in the house making me to be more comfortable being at work than at home.
-She has never for once discuss with me about plans like building a house (which I am planning for), or investing for our child but is always ready to discuss demands from her family all in time.

I have told her that if I loose my job tomorrow, none of these so call family member of her will be there to come bail her up financially and they will look for somewhere else to look for this money they are always demanding for without coming to meet her but she still refuse to listen to me.

If she can stop the above, then 80% of our problems are solved but she wouldn't stop even after trying to talk things with her multiple times. Now I just don't care anymore because my observation is that she only care about her interest and not mine so I try to do things that make me happy away from her. I see myself as a utility to her and nothing more and presently make many of my plans without carrying her along because she seems not to care.

jemype:
Lol. Ur advice is even better. Truth hurts at times tho but if I was in his position gimme 2 yrs and I will have high Blood pressure. To live long divorce her nd give her 60 percent custody of the child. I bet u she will come begging after one week wit a change of attitude.

jemype:
Lol. Ur advice is even better. Truth hurts at times tho but if I was in his position gimme 2 yrs and I will have high Blood pressure. To live long divorce her nd give her 60 percent custody of the child. I bet u she will come begging after one week wit a change of attitude.

Tallesty1:
It is common with women, once they give birth to one or two kids(especially when there is a boy) they'd start to misbehave because they have won/gained a place in the marriage.

How? Explain a bit with example if possible.

Who cooks your food?

About what?

. Well you gotta be a man and take control of your home. Send her back to her father when next she do that.

I will tell you what I think when I get the answers to my questions

Bunsky:
Dön't even know what to say,meanwhile let me call people that can give you advice,i called them the inspiration one's,b'cos they do insire me.
Godmystrength
mizmycoli
chaircover
carefreewannabe
aisha2
cococandy
greatgod2012
Tallesty1
ifyalways.u guys are needed here.

mk3jax:
Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
She bitches about everything I do making me feel like i am a child that doesn't have a sense of making my own decision despite being very successful in my career and handling lots of real life responsibilities that she can never imagine doing.
After the birth of our child, she turned to something else which in turn made me to make up my mind that I will never have a second child. She has time to watch all her tv programs to make herself happy but as soon as I pick my remote to play a game despite working from morning to night while she sits at home, she complains and I have over time disregarded her complains and do what I want to do to make myself happy. I have just one life to live and being married to someone doesn't gives them a control over my life and if you don't want to stay married to me again, then get the fu.c.k out of my life and go take care of yourself. I almost divorced her sometime ago but just decided to calm down. I hope we do not separate because of my love for our child but if we have to, then so be it because I will not live a life of a prisoner because of a child.

Bunsky:
Dön't even know what to say,meanwhile let me call people that can give you advice,i called them the inspiration one's,b'cos they do insire me.
Godmystrength
mizmycoli
chaircover
carefreewannabe
aisha2
cococandy
greatgod2012
Tallesty1
ifyalways.u guys are needed here.

udysweet:
this is so touching! are we women this terrible when it comes to life after marriage? Dear Lord please I do NOT want to endure my marriage I want to enjoy it. Its well sir