Nigerian women...Scamming men since 1914.

do you mean you don't know why she suddenly change?....then pet her,talk to her shower love to her and i mean plenty of it...you have to put your wife first and evry thing(children) will fall to plc

Effective Communication remains one of the key item in any relationship, you both should have a real talk, before you initiate the session, Ensure that you both are in good conversational mood!.

Try this severally, and if this doesn't work call on people she respects. When you've done these, you would knw the next line of action.

May God see you both through.

OP, you have been beta for too long. You have become over-emotional and she's using that to dominate you. She's boss and is acting it. The question is are you going to reclaim your throne?

You could involve her parents who might mediate and talk sense into her but that will only be papering over cracks. You have to look for your balls in her portmanteau and install it where it truly belongs, in your pants. You're the provider but you've relinquished your authority to her over time and have been left with nothing.

Now is not the time to plead for her love and respect because instead of getting that you'll be baptised with even more contempt and disdain.

This woman does not respect and, therefore, cannot love you. You want respect? Get your balls and be ready for the worst. Set rules in your house that must not be broken with clearly spelt out consequences which you must be ready to enforce. If she will not love you, she must not disrespect you.


OR


You can just get a divorce.

If your wife was not like this at the beginning,then when did she start to change?What are some things that have been happening that made her become like this?In all fairness ,women don't suddenly start behaving like this........


except she chop winch.

Geeez!!! Is this legal, sharing someones'4 diary.
Seun this shouldnt be right, there is a reason it is called a diary.it is very private.
The share button shouldnt work in the diary section.

Mizmycoli please make sure this person approves this sort of exposure.its not a literature thread,it is a DIARY

MizMyColi:


Thanks Ma'am.




OP, no talk of mine would surpass this valuable diary.
You should take your time and read it, word for word.

It's a chronicles of sorts, showing how he's going through the same ish as you, and he is getting emancipated, gradually.
https://www.nairaland.com/1842979/lonely-yet-married

You are being abused by your wife, not good.
For very strange reasons, I support cogar.


Not for the violence of course, but then, something in those lines might work or NOT. (I mean calling her parents/guardians and threatening to do away with her).

It's your call to make.
Just don't die prematurely, biko.

Right here bae

carefreewannabe:


Where have Cococandy and EfemenaXY been lately?
And where is Aisha2?

DukeNija:


Bros abeg no vex o, is it your wife who doubles as life partner and mother of your children you are referring to with such disdain?
You seem to be a very angry person who feels he's doing a woman a favor by marrying her. I am not married, but I felt the urge to say I am very disappointed in your choice of words towards your wife. I take care of people who are not even related to me by blood, financially and otherwise and I never feel I'm doing them a favour, how much more my own family.

You sound like you were forced to marry her, like you didn't propose to this woman, didn't buy her an engagement ring and all that, like she was begging to become your wife. I went through your post and I couldn't even find what she did so wrong for you to hate her this much, even up to the point of contemplating divorce.

Using words like "putting her under my roof", "feeding her and our kids" "bitching about everything" is just too disrespectful to your wife and I'm afraid your marital challenges can be traced to your negative attitude towards your her. Please approach your marriage with a better countenance and see your wife as you see yourself by truly loving her and sincerely appreciating her contributions to your home. And yes you need to praise her for cooking, cleaning after you and your child, taking care of you and maintaining the home. Yes, you must praise her. Try telling her how much you appreciate her efforts and cooking, and how delicious her food is and see if she won't be overjoyed and do something special for you.
Women complain a lot, my mom, sisters, gf every woman I know can complain, it just doesn't make them bad people. That's just their way of communicating sometimes.

And pls if you are tired of putting her under your roof, u can send her to me. I have a very large flat with four rooms that can comfortably accommodate her. *Just kidding*

God bless u

Coogar.

Well this post made me laugh sha.
Funny you

coogar:


whatever it is.....who cares?
i am not being chased by cops, my employers value my output & sister sara is forever grateful.....



which correct father?
that would be a hubby who probably borrows from his inlaws, a hubby who sleeps over in her inlaws house, a hubby who removes shirt to devour bowl of eba in her inlaws house.

i am not about that.
the only time i would be having tête-a-tête with any father in law is when i am paying the bride price....after then, he better minds his business & face his own wife.

if i then find out the reasons my wife has been misbehaving is as a result of her father's backing then that man would get verbally lashed. i don't even see such happening. if he looks into my eyes, he would get the message that my type cannot condone any nonsense.

Pele

mk3jax:


Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
She bitches about everything I do making me feel like i am a child that doesn't have a sense of making my own decision despite being very successful in my career and handling lots of real life responsibilities that she can never imagine doing.
After the birth of our child, she turned to something else which in turn made me to make up my mind that I will never have a second child. She has time to watch all her tv programs to make herself happy but as soon as I pick my remote to play a game despite working from morning to night while she sits at home, she complains and I have over time disregarded her complains and do what I want to do to make myself happy. I have just one life to live and being married to someone doesn't gives them a control over my life and if you don't want to stay married to me again, then get the fu.c.k out of my life and go take care of yourself. I almost divorced her sometime ago but just decided to calm down. I hope we do not separate because of my love for our child but if we have to, then so be it because I will not live a life of a prisoner because of a child.

How can it be called private when everyone can read it?

Just saying

rofemiguwa:
Geeez!!! Is this legal, sharing someones'4 diary.
Seun this shouldnt be right, there is a reason it is called a diary.it is very private.
The share button shouldnt work in the diary section.

Mizmycoli please make sure this person approves this sort of exposure.its not a literature thread,it is a DIARY

stevecantrell:
Nigerian women...Scamming men since 1914.

Seems Nigerian women are the better players in this game.

Ya it shud be for diarylanders,the same reason guest readers cant acess that section
The diary gist shudnt leave the diary room.

#na so e suppose be#

cococandy:
How can it be called private when everyone can read it?

Just saying

Stillfire:


Seems Nigerian women are the better players in this game.

They won't get me..

Ok

rofemiguwa:
Ya it shud be for diarylanders,the same reason guest readers cant acess that section
The diary gist shudnt leave the diary room.

#na so e suppose be#

cococandy:
Right here bae

Finally.

Phema:


Gbam! I support you.

But, does this also include your mum, sisters and would be daughters?

Yes na

stevecantrell:
Nigerian women...Scamming men since 1914.

I just can't seem to figure this out? Why, Why, Why do most guys here think Nigerian women are awful and other women are better I see so much Nigerian women this and Nigerian women that it amazes me. pls what is the basis of comparism cause i just don't get it.

chlowi:
Effective Communication remains one of the key item in any relationship, you both should have a real talk, before you initiate the session, Ensure that you both are in good conversational mood!.

Try this severally, and if this doesn't work call on people she respects. When you've done these, you would knw the next line of action.

May God see you both through.

Nne sorry to derail o, but this ur profile pic made me shout 'Chisos'!

Morotov1:
You need a fuccccking vacation to clear your head. Ever wonder what this wife of yours will say about you, it always goes both ways. Sport your shitttts out without resentment.



And please buy another television....okayyyyy!!!!!!!

Would you please keep shut? If he were to be enjoying it he wouldn't lie about it. Your type just come out to judge people and want to sound sane and reasonable when you are piece of shit. Did you take time out to read what he wrote? and where in the article did he abuse her?

You have serious comprehension issues. go back to his post and reread carefully and stop jumping the gun

uzolexis:


I just can't seem to figure this out? Why, Why, Why do most guys here think Nigerian women are awful and other women are better I see so much Nigerian women this and Nigerian women that it amazes me. pls what is the basis of comparism cause i just don't get it.

Don't take the above too seriously, I'm sure Belgian men say the same thing about Belgian women. Its all relative.

But jokes aside...there's some truth to it
Women regardless of race, culture or location, tend to put on an elaborate show of their best behaviour during courtship only to unleash their true colour after the wedding.
I'm not saying guys don't do so too, but women have more reasons to do this and are better known for it..

Don't you think ?.

mk3jax:


Well I have a similar issue with my wife. She was miss perfect agreeing to everything I want when she was looking for marriage and after marriage, her real self started to manifest. First it was constant complain about my family for no reason, then she graduated to wanting to control my life and determine who I am to give money or not and where I can and cannot go. She complains about everything and never appreciating anything I do. I provide all the financial need of the house 100% yet she want me to take care of her parent and siblings(both married and single ones) like i am their father and every time I refuse to send them money it is quarrel. She also expect me to praise her for almost everything she does like I demand same praise for putting her under a roof, paying all the bills, feeding her and our child and making her as comfortable as possible.
She bitches about everything I do making me feel like i am a child that doesn't have a sense of making my own decision despite being very successful in my career and handling lots of real life responsibilities that she can never imagine doing.
After the birth of our child, she turned to something else which in turn made me to make up my mind that I will never have a second child. She has time to watch all her tv programs to make herself happy but as soon as I pick my remote to play a game despite working from morning to night while she sits at home, she complains and I have over time disregarded her complains and do what I want to do to make myself happy. I have just one life to live and being married to someone doesn't gives them a control over my life and if you don't want to stay married to me again, then get the fu.c.k out of my life and go take care of yourself. I almost divorced her sometime ago but just decided to calm down. I hope we do not separate because of my love for our child but if we have to, then so be it because I will not live a life of a prisoner because of a child.

Just had to quote this post, like seriously? How do you stay in the same house with this woman you so obviously hate? Hmm

OP, just like many people have said, try talking to your wife, I mean if all you said is true, then there still has to be some of that good woman whom you married, left inside her, just try to reach her and see how it goes.

I'm not married but if there's something I'm certain of, it is that, communication is a good and effective means of resolving conflicts by two mature and willing minds.

x

satope1:
Would you please keep shut? If he were to be enjoying it he wouldn't lie about it. Your type just come out to judge people and want to sound sane and reasonable when you are piece of shit. Did you take time out to read what he wrote? and where in the article did he abuse her?

You have serious comprehension issues. go back to his post and reread carefully and stop jumping the gun

Go and swim, please .
You haven't say anything to him either.


Frustrated housewives and early menopause spinsters taking their anger out on another internet monicker.
Don't come after me or you will get burnt.

mk3jax; I wouldn't blame you for resenting your wife if she is all you say she is. No one will be comfortable with a partner who does not look out for their interest and only interested in what he/she can get from the union. You guys are married and should have common interest.

Why does she feel you should bail her siblings out financially? Are they your responsibility? I can understand if these demands are once in a blue moon and you seem to be the last resort. Even at that, it should be at your discretion and convenience.

I think part of her problem is cos she doesn't know how difficult it is to make money. Some stay-at-home wives are guilty of this. Please, get her a job. No matter how small. When she leaves for work in the morning and come back at night, she go know say khaki no be leather. She will be telling her siblings to source for cash elsewhere cos you don't have.

What kind of wife doesn't plan with her husband financially? She is supposed to be the one encouraging you and cheering you on when it comes to planning for the family and investing for the future. You really do need to speak with her ASAP.

As for your family coming around. . . Is she always informed prior to their coming? Or they just come at will, badge into the house with her being little or not even prepared to receive a visitor? When they do come, do they boss her around while putting up the "this is my brother's house, so I can do as I like" attitude? Do they tidy up after themselves and even help around the house? Are they in good relationship with her? Do they like her?

What some men don't know is that it is easier for them to cope with their "bad" inlaws who come visiting than it is for a wife. This is because, men are seldom involved in the day to day running of the home. The wife does the cooking, the cleaning, washing etal and in all of these, she has to put the inlaw who came visiting into consideration. The men merely provide the money. So, no, its not thesame scenerio.

My MIL came sometime ago and she was on a diet. Guess who had to make two different meals before leaving for the office? One for her breakfast and the other for lunch. Guess who had to prepare another seperate meal for her when I'm back from work at night? Guess who had to prepare the visitor's room for her coming? Guess who had to go shopping to get the things she liked available? And many more. Was it inconveniencing? Sure it was. Did I complain? No I didn't. Cos I was duly informed and had enough time to plan and put things in place. It also helped that she wasn't gonna stay for a long time, so I knew the inconveniencies weren't for long. Moreover, she was so nice to me and always thankful for every little thing done for her. How could I complain?

I think you should be more understanding in this regard. You should not "throw" your people on her. Always carry her along when anyone indicates they will be visiting and do well to not let them overstay. It is ALWAYS more inconveniencing for the woman.

^^^Phema has spoken well.
Honestly,I don't understand the part where he has to keep fending for the wife's family.I thought you do these things at your own discretion and occasionally.

@ Phema, well said. Pls check your mail.

freecocoa:
Just had to quote this post, like seriously? How do you stay in the same house with this woman you so obviously hate? Hmm

OP, just like many people have said, try talking to your wife, I mean if all you said is true, then there still has to be some of that good woman whom you married, left inside her, just try to reach her and see how it goes.

I'm not married but if there's something I'm certain of, it is that, communication is a good and effective means of resolving conflicts by two mature and willing minds.

and its the man who gets all the blame,this man just said something thats bothering his marital life,and everyone is leashing on him like hes a woman hater,too many hypocrites on nairaland,so u tink a woman cant do all he listed up there smh....its why i avoid female freinds.....why cant u just advice or ignore......,..,nairalanders and their super perfect life..mstweeew



mk3jax and @op God will help ur marriage just be praying,remember God can do everything....and try communicating with her.....i pray she is the type that can understand sha..,.cos when u talk to some people,what they understand iswhat they are thinking from their own mind.....they just go all anticlockwise on u.....it is well

mk3jax:


I didn't hate her behaviour before we got married because like I said in my earlier post, she did every thing to please me during dating but as soon as we got married, she changed. I will stop having resentment against her if she stop the following:

-Stop complaining about my family all the time when your family come into my house when they like and stay as long as they want without my complaining.
-Stop complaining that my family don't call you all the time while I don't complain about your family not calling me. Adult have family problems to deal with everyday and calling people is not always the number 1 list on their priority. Besides not everyone has the free credit she has on her phone to call everybody in her family all the time because their are better things to do with money than buying call credit.
-Stop expecting me to be responsible for your grown up adult siblings because i have my own problems I am thinking about to solve. She quarrels with me when ever I refuse to give money to even her older siblings who are married.
-She doesn't consider me when she makes lot of decisions in the house and use the child as a pretence for all her decisions because the child cannot speak yet.
-Complaining about almost everything I do in the house making me to be more comfortable being at work than at home.
-She has never for once discuss with me about plans like building a house (which I am planning for), or investing for our child but is always ready to discuss demands from her family all in time.

I have told her that if I loose my job tomorrow, none of these so call family member of her will be there to come bail her up financially and they will look for somewhere else to look for this money they are always demanding for without coming to meet her but she still refuse to listen to me.

If she can stop the above, then 80% of our problems are solved but she wouldn't stop even after trying to talk things with her multiple times. Now I just don't care anymore because my observation is that she only care about her interest and not mine so I try to do things that make me happy away from her. I see myself as a utility to her and nothing more and presently make many of my plans without carrying her along because she seems not to care.

u can nva ve it perfect.ve u evr hit yr wife.why is she nt working yet 2 share her salary to her pple

freshdude2:
OP, you have been beta for too long. You have become over-emotional and she's using that to dominate you. She's boss and is acting it. The question is are you going to reclaim your throne?

You could involve her parents who might mediate and talk sense into her but that will only be papering over cracks. You have to look for your balls in her portmanteau and install it where it truly belongs, in your pants. You're the provider but you've relinquished your authority to her over time and have been left with nothing.

Now is not the time to plead for her love and respect because instead of getting that you'll be baptised with even more contempt and disdain.

This woman does not respect and, therefore, cannot love you. You want respect? Get your balls and be ready for the worst. Set rules in your house that must not be broken with clearly spelt out consequences which you must be ready to enforce. If she will not love you, she must not disrespect you.


OR


You can just get a divorce.

THIS is the BEST and most intelligent advice. MY Respect bro...seem you are married!


OP, make use of his advice...Trust me. You have played into the hand of your woman and she has imprisoned you emotionally. To reclaim your position, it won't be easy cos things could get even worst leading to temporary separation but all in all brace up for the worst scenerio unless you'd wanna be her emotional puppet to the end.

It is your call.

carefreewannabe:


Where have Cococandy and EfemenaXY been lately?
And where is Aisha2?

Present ma!

Been a bit busy of late but I'm good. You?

Happy weekend dear

liyuboy:
Hello Peep, i need ur advise,, i am married to a woman i tot was of a certain characteristics upon marriage and two years down the line my only source of happiness are the two children (Boy and Girl) we have.

Despite all I do (as bread winner) to please her she is not appreciative, she disrespect me, she doesn't cook for me, she complains too much, she compares me to her father daily even though i have told her her mother has a better character than her that is why her father would do anything to please her.

I am always unhappy becos of her character, i am thinking of seeking divorce.

What do u guys think?

I just posted this in another thread but I think its relevant here also.

The first 2yrs of marriage are usually the toughest and then the next 3yrs are the adaptation period. So usually if a marriage is going strong after five years, chances are it will last long. This experience will be the same whether you marry prince charming or your ex, its just the way human relations work

Brb let me go and read what others said. But op you should know that this is usually the toughest time in any marriage. It is at this point that you realise that the lovey lovey you were professing on your wedding day to your then most beautiful woman in the world was a complete sham/imagination/emotional 419. Now its time for the hardwork. If you want this marriage to work you have to learn to adapt to her. Don't wait for her to adapt to you, you are the man and you want your house to stand, do it first. I assure you, she will eventually follow. It will be hard but that's why its called hard work.

You will have to learn to love her no matter what she says or does. In so doing you will earn a deeper respect from her. She will start to see you differently. And with time she herself will change, not because she is forced to but becauae she will see your commitment and effort.

You have to be patient. You have to be selfless. And you are the man of the house and the head of your home. You have to be strong.

CC mk3jax