Babzilla:
THATS THE BEAUTY OF STORYTELLING IT CAM SWING ANY WHICH WAY.
SPICE IT UP WITH PLENTY SUSPENSE. THEN GET A VERY GOOD DIRECTOR TO
TOP IT UP WITH LOTS OF BLOOD AND GORE. STUFF THAY
THATS BOUND TO MAKE PEOPLE LOSE SLEEP AND THEIR APPETITE.
Y'FEEL ME? UNFORTUNATELY I DONT HAVE TIME I WOULDA DONE SOME EDITS ON THIS

Yeah...I get.

thanks for the compliment sholay. akpu wouldnt be bad. i would like to work with you on this movie if you wish to release it.

Lol @ 'blood & gore'... that's all

aprokomania: thanks for the compliment sholay. akpu wouldnt be bad. i would like to work with you on this movie if you wish to release it.

You are welcome. I am just a scriptwriter, not a filmmaker. So, I have 'released' it already on nairaland .

But I can work with filmmakers whose emphasis is on quality.

Where's speedyboi btw?

sholay2011: Where's speedyboi btw?

The BigBoi dey take sabbatical every week

VillageBoi:
The BigBoi dey take sabbatical every week

I see. If he is a BigBoi...you be BigMan

Ikamenze:

Its a not perfect bro......there's nothing like a perfect script..

Ahhh...Ikamenze how are you na..
I like the above statement...there is nothing like a perfect script.

@villageboi..I'm shocked really,I was expecting some harsh criticisms from you...I thought you were gonna give him the same treatment you gave me when I made my first post......Have you gone soft or is shola a close friend of urs,u don't wanna hurt his feelings ryt? Lol......

I remember your story from like last year or so,...
...every body is just trying to make every body get better...there is nothing to it.

sholay2011:
I see. If he is a BigBoi...you be BigMan

For where? I get pot-belly?

VillageBoi:
For where? I get pot-belly?

Is that ur definition of a Big man?

sholay2011:
Is that ur definition of a Big man?

Lol... mind yasef!

First things first; Sholay I'm very sorry for not responding on time....accept my apologies .

Okay! Btw, should this fall under 'horror' genre? Seems to me more like a fantasy...

This script is really beautiful! The plot is very cool and I like it!

I really love Madam Q's character! Her lines are 'tight' as well! I think FUNLOLA AOFIYEBI will act that role perfectly . The dialogue is also beautifully written except just two parts...which sounds quite cheesy.

1.

JAYE:
Are you serious? You…you want my wife? Then, why did I agree to this when I can’t spend my money with the one I love?

I dunno why, but I just don't like that reply. It is too fast paced IMO.
It could have been splitted for madam q to say something before 'then why did I agree to....'

2.

MARY:
How…how did you get here? Madam…Q?

Lol...this is really crappy. I don't see anyone in Mary's condition at that particular point in time saying this! A 'shocky' and 'screwed up' Facial expression could've been more appropriate.


Afterall said. Sholay! This is nice!

Am I forgiven thou?

uj_sizzle: Oh Poor Mary.
I actually held my breath to the point where she caught them talking then it felt Nollywood-ish for a split sec n i went back to being scared again

Good one Sholay

So you and villageboi finally stole my slang

You in particular don dey use am the way I don't like though .

I still have the power to sue you for copyright infringement...u know..

tony ayo:
It's like u didn't understand what i said abt the short being a feature. I meant that it'll be of more fun as a feature not that the script is SUPPOSE to be a feature. Abt not 'showing' in ur script, what u did throughout ur script was telling, u didn't show any single thing, i know u'll try to prove me wrong cos i'm tony ayo not villageboi. Who said that naija producers don't gbadun camera shots? Following my research, naija producers will look n pass ur scripts if there are no camera shots, it's over using it is where the problem comes in like what mr prof said concerning ur parentheticals, unless the producer will write n direct his script.

You are aware there's something called 'shooting script', right?
But before I talk make I remember say Naija producer get category...so make I just shut my mouth

speedyboi: First things first; Sholay I'm very sorry for not responding on time....accept my apologies .

Okay! Btw, should this fall under 'horror' genre? Seems to me more like a fantasy...

This script is really beautiful! The plot is very cool and I like it!

I really love Madam Q's character! Her lines are 'tight' as well! I think FUNLOLA AOFIYEBI will act that role perfectly . The dialogue is also beautifully written except just two parts...which sounds quite cheesy.

1.
I dunno why, but I just don't like that reply. It is too fast paced IMO.
It could have been splitted for madam q to say something before 'then why did I agree to....'

2.
Lol...this is really crappy. I don't see anyone in Mary's condition at that particular point in time saying this! A 'shocky' and 'screwed up' Facial expression could've been more appropriate.


Afterall said. Sholay! This is nice!

Am I forgiven thou?

Of course, you are forgiven bro. Welcome back! Prof and Villageboi wud be "over the moon" with ur return.

Hmmm...your comment really got me thinking. Fantasy? I don't agree...yet but those lines you pointed out now seem a bit 'crappy' to me just because you pointed them out!

Funlola Aofiyebi? Hmmm...she wud be too young for such role. I wud choose Joke Silva or Liz Benson I really appreciate your comment. Thanks.

Btw, where have you been We've missed you in the chat room. I'm glad you're back.

thank God I shut my mouth, Prof said it all on the second page

Babzilla: WHY DONT U MAKE MADAM Q TURN INTO A DRAGON OR SOMETHING HORRIBLE THEN EAT UP EVERYONE IN THE HOUSE THEN BURNS DOWN THE HOUSE WITH HER BREATH B4 FLYING OFF SCREECHING

Wicked!

Tayeni: thank you! Although I enjoyed reading it but I couldn't place a finger on what was wrong wt it until I read ur comment.......Mary not knwing madam Q was her mother unlaw is a hard sell......its not believable to me. They've lived in d same estate 4 atleast 4years and must hv had mutual friends or neighbors.......I'm not literary, I'm just a consumer yet I spotted that loophole.

Short films are not meant to throw everything at your face! You can always make your own conclusions

What I actually made out of that is;
Madam Q lied about living in the estate initially and she never had any party. Just excuses to see her face or to pick offence or whatever (for whatever reason).

speedyboi:

So you and villageboi finally stole my slang

You in particular don dey use am the way I don't like though .

I still have the power to sue you for copyright infringement...u know..

hehehehe copyright ko

sholay2011:
Funlola Aofiyebi? Hmmm...she wud be too young for such role.

Lol. I just realized. Can you believe I pictured madam Q as Funlola through out the short? Did you put madam Q's age at first sef. Lemme check!

Sholay2011: Btw, where have you been We've missed you in the chat room. I'm glad you're back.

I'm sorry Jo. Last week and this week has been somehow hectic for me. And seriously, I don't know if I'm back. I still have lots of tasks staring at my face, I just had to read your script

^^^^^lol. Thanks for checking.

And well done wiv ur tight schedule. Yeah, Madam Q is 62 years old.

sholay2011: ^^^^^lol. Thanks for checking.

And well done wiv ur tight schedule. Yeah, Madam Q is 62 years old.

I don't have a tight schedule......wahala just come and go!

speedyboi:

I don't have a tight schedule......wahala just come and go!

Mmm...now I'm getting curious.

Interesting short and nicely written

Am afraid i kinda agree with speedyboi, its more of a fantasy than horror. Maybe if you show us in the script how Mary was killed, like madam Q walks to her and rip her heart out and eat it bla bla bla and how Madam Q destroyed the pregnancy by just looking at Mary's tummy, it might look scary lol.

And also that Madam Q character, do you intend to make her Jaye's mother or just a neighbour as she introduced herself to Mary? i think you need to make that clear in the script if thats what you intend to do, coz i thought she's a neighbour that helped Jaye acquire his wealth, both Jaye and Madam Q now lie to sade by calling Madam Q his mom to make things easy whenever they plan to kill sade. hope you catch my drift?

Overall its a very interesting short script, looks like you are more into horror/fantasy stories. nice one

^^^^Tnx bro. Your advice is noted. I dnt do horror/fantasy alone. But I like if my script thrills ppl, even if it's romance. My favourite genre sef na "intelligent comedy". Lol. I appreciate your comment.

Comedy! wow thats nice.. apparently comedy is the hardest script to write, i'll love to see your work whenever you write one

alkaline.ak:
Comedy! wow thats nice.. apparently comedy is the hardest script to write, i'll love to see your work whenever you write one

Tnx.

I tink u shud play around more with adjectives, makes lines punchy. Yea, I saw d picture painted n synchd wit it.
Nice sharp turn conflict 'blood seepin out...'
Lots of description, u'll b a better novel writer.
Hailn a broda

danielmay16: I tink u shud play around more with adjectives, makes lines punchy. Yea, I saw d picture painted n synchd wit it.
Nice sharp turn conflict 'blood seepin out...'
Lots of description, u'll b a better novel writer.
Hailn a broda

Bro, I appreciate your feedback and I would take note of using more adjectives.

And I don't think I would be a better novel writer.

Fear not, I mean well broda

danielmay16: Fear not, I mean well broda

Lol@fear not. Okay bro.

You write very lovely shorts-very straightforward. Would have to agree though with the others. This may not be horror. Maybe thriller is the right genre for this. Would love to see your works on screen.