What role does ethics play in this situation?

James and John have been best of friends for a long time. James has got girlfriend who’s Helen. John and Helen are friends. James is cheating on Helen, and he told John in confidence. John then went behind James’ back to tell Helen.

Is John in the right telling Helen about James’ infidelity? Who is he first liable to? James his best friend or Helen, James’ girlfriend who has become John’s friend over time? Will you [report] your friend to his girlfriend/boyfriend just to protect another friend?

Editor Subtitle: "Your Friend is Cheating on His Girl. Should You Report?"

Since the John was James' friend from the beginning and he just met Helen through James, in my limited experience, I have found that guys who do this usually want or have plans of dating the girl (Helen in this case). So it is possible that John went telling so that helen might think of him as a good guy and hopefully improve his chances with her.

Whether he was right in telling helen is a matter of personal opinion. Me on the other hand I'll never do that. Maybe except if my sister was the girl in question but other than that. no. I feel he is first liable to his best friend, since he knew him first. As I said earler, no.

This is rather interesting.

If i was John, i wouldn't do what he did. But if John was tryna improve hs chances with helen(just like tchrokke said), If i was helen and John "woo's" me after he told me his friend was cheating on me, i'd slap him and go back to my boyfriend and i'll beg him (james).

well i think John is justified in as much as his intentions dont have attachments , i thin he sees Helen as someone who doesnt deserve to be hurt nad i think james is just a pig head ( so calld playas).

well john did the right thing by telling helen,but he betrayed his friend james after all he met helen through james.
i think the reason behind john telling helen is more than they being friends,he is in love with helen.

that is a tough one. it is not a matter of friendship now it is a matter of human dignity and self conscience and all that. i would tell but if you are in the same situation and you are not bold enough to tell. you should always establish that feeling to your friend that you would not stand or take anyone hurting another friend. your best friend should understand the type of person you are and either not tell you cos that would be the better thing not to do. or he should know that you would do anything to set things straight. so he is the one making the choice of if to tell you or not.

so it is about establishing that kind of situation with a friend. letting them know that you would always do anything to set things right bt themselves and their relationship..

men that is really a tough one. Or you could let another friend or person start the rumour so you do not look like the one that let d cat out, but then you have got to face your conscience again...

damn this is a real brain cracker

If my very good friend is doing something like that, something I strongly feel is wrong, I do not think Ill encourage him at all. And I will not protect him from the consequences of his actions, either.

But who is to say that the girlfriend is not also cheating in the boyfriend concurrently? You know ladies: even if she's also cheating on him it doesn't stop her from fuming and breaking up with him after she finds out about his own infidelity .

If a friend does something that deeply upsets my conscience, we won't remain friends for very long. And after we split apart, perhaps I'll have every excuse to tell his girlfriend about his exploits! But I have learnt that you can't assume the girl herself is 'good'.

Me thinks...

John had no business getting involved with this in the first instance..

Even if he'd become friends with Helen, she isn't his girlfriend nor sister.. If he truly wanted to be a "friend", a better approach was to advise his friend to stop cheating on Helen, and not to dabaru [potentially break-up] their relationship.. Me thinks John has ulterior motives in this situation... This is tantamount to putting sand in another man's garri...

ha hhaa haaa hilarious, bt wat happend to being ur brovas keeper

Being your Brother's Keeper means looking out for him, and doing things in his interest..

Not trying to drive a wedge between him and his babe, no matter the problems they may / may not be having...

Bottom line.. If he was truly being his brother's keeper, he'd have advised/councelled his friend [James] to stop messing around...

In the event of Helen possibly coming to complain about his friend's behavior or attitude torwards her, then the next step would be for him to tell her that he'd talk to his friend..

Now.. that's how a TRUE friend would behave..


Peacec out...


Saint...

No, I don't think John was right in telling his friend's girlfriend. His loyalty is first to James. It doesn't necessarily mean that he likes Helen and wants to be intimate with her, all he did was make an uniformed decision.
There is no hard and fast rule to the Ethics of behaviour as regards repoerting to a friends love interest when the friend is stepping out of line, its a personality thing.
I would rather he went to his friend and told him to stop his cheating or else he would tell Helen, and if James didn't, then.............................
Not all threats are to be cariied out, me thinks!

i feel its bad 4 john 2 have told helen about james infidelity towards her because hes like a third party in their relationship and it would be better 4 helen 2 find out on her own

Whats my business if he is cheating on his girlfriend or not na wa for una ooo, Why would i betray him and go tell his girl who in almost any case you can think of would forgive him and call me a back stabbing bastard in the end. That john should check himself very well and find out if he is gay(what rubbish)

Counsel the friend, do not go behind his back and tell on him.  It's not your place to do so.  It's just like a lawyer with the attorney/client privilege.  If you were told something in confidence, you are not to go back and expose the person.

IMO that's ethics. Ethics is not disclosing what was spoken to you in confidence unless it breaks a law and you are not that persons attorney or psychologist.

this has nothing to do with loyalty it is to do with your conscience. like i said you have got to establish your type of personality to your friend as one that does not take shit or does not like people that cheat on people. and as one that would always try to make things right. so that when he does commit the act.. it is up to him to tell you what he did or not to tell you. but them he should also know that if you did find out that you would let his girl friend know about it and that you would try to fix things. so the ball is not exactly in your court...

that way you are not really held responsible...

i mean if your friend knows that you can not stand people that cheat he would be ashamed to let you know about it......

or another thing is if he really trust you he can tell you and then you ask him to go and make amends with his gf...

which would hurt most. helen findin out one her own and knwin john knew all along. i call that a breach of trust i'd never trust john again.

No one would ever trust anyone again in this scenario. Best to stay out of it completely.

If I truly confide in a friend, they should keep it confidential unless I am in serious danger. 3 people in any relationship never works. If you know you're going to go back and tell friend A what friend B told you, you might as well tell friend B not to say anything to you at all.

i do agree with you

vexxy yes o!

its best to mind ur business. U dont gain anything anyway. just could cause trouble 4 urself

sage:

its best to mind your business. U don't gain anything anyway. just could cause trouble 4 urself

lets assume( dont 4get the word assume) if ur sis was in d same position as helen wld u rather she remain in d dark or knw wats up early and move on wiv life??

working on the "assumption" above...

Would my sis be dating a guy and the guy would then confide in me that he's cutting shows on the side??

I don't think so...

Kadejayi.for the fact that she is my sister does not mean that I should tell her.  My brother-in-law was messing around here in Nigeria (does not know I know) before he got married to my sister. I never for one day told my sister and for your information, they are married today with 2 lovely children and they love each other.  Now imagine if l had told my sister and she has confronted him (which I am sure of), what kind of person would l now be in front of him now. I could have been playing a dangerous game then but one has to find a better way to put it before the other party.

Ok let me divert a little.  My best friend told me about his fiancé and we both concluded after so much complain  that  she is not going on with the relationship (even though I was careful never to mention it to her not to go on with that guy), to my face…….they got married 2months ago and that was about a month to that discussion.

Well i think John is really snoopin around in what dosent concern him.if James told him something in confidence he is not in the best position to divulge it to another.

by doing that he has ulterior motives,and that is simply betrayal of trust and if i'm permitted to say he is a disgrace to manhood cos he behaved more or less like a woman(make una no cut off my head ooo but it's true,Big broda's in the house nobi so lol)

Its a dangerous game that John is playing and i believe that he go wound o! John is a snake, he is wat we call a "pant" and i really do not care about his motivation.

If James gets back wit his babe John will not hav anywhere to hide and shame will kill him hopefully. if he likes the girl there are better and more standup ways of toasting her. Even if the girl was his sister, man - woman relationship is not something a 3rd party shld intercede in cos u never know where theyr coming from and if they make up u wont b there and then they'll both hate u for tryin to ruin their lives.

in short John ...mind ur business !

Two wrongs can never make a right.
James is wrong and John complicated the whole issue.

Why not warn his friend first to desist from such, even threathening him that if he doesn't he will report him to her girlfriend.

That could have been better that way if actually he doesn't have an ulterior motive.

He's a betrayal and he could be planning secretely to date the same girl.

It's absolutely unmanly to commit such betrayal.

pkrix:

It's absolutely unmanly to commit such betrayal.

True, but unfortunately it happens

Stop crying hun.

I'll try, but it's hard to think about all those men and women treating thier other half like that. Relationships are hard work.

Yeah relationships are hard work. You have to develop it everyday. And Please don't give anybody your whole Heart! Don't trust anybody. That way, u'll be on a safer side.

But how can you experience love for all it's worth if you never surrender your heart and become vulnerable? The best part of love is letting go of yourself and deciding to take a chance!