₦airaland Forum

Insist you can't pay this much for a jobless wife, if they really want you to pay so much, they should get their daughter a job to increase her value, then you will gladly honor the engagement list. mtcheewww

They should hold onto their daughter.

i advice you ask your brother to postpone the wedding,
in life if you try to please everybody, you will end up displeasing yourself.

His postponement will make them see there is little. and if they see their daughter is staying at home, they will call you guys to bring what you have. instead of spending more than your budget on a wedding (where pple will come, eat and clean mouth,) why not use the exces to establish a small biz for your brother to add to his source of income.
personally, i don bliv in wasting money fro parties.

if you dont make your stand now, it will be difficult once she comes in as a wife cos they may keep demanding outrageously from your brother

my 2 cents

I feel where you are coming from, I had a similar problem when I wanted to get married.
My solution would be for you and your brother to dance to their tune (To a certain extent) because you guys are the one looking for something.
The moment the wedding is said and done, you guys will have the ball in your court and everyone has to dance to your tune, no one should be able to manipulate you for money, that's what I did with mine and it has worked so far.
I spend when I want to and don't when I don't feel like it

My 2 cents

If you go ahead and let this boy marry that girl, prepare to be supporting her and her family till the day you die.

Tell your brother all, and give him the N150,000 and tell him you will be washing your hand henceforth of the whole situation, infact you're not attending it sef. If he decides to call off the wedding, support him, both of you withdraw for 2 months (let their eyes clear well). Let the girl know that her foolishness and the greed of her family has brought her downfall.

She wants a flashy wedding, how will she survive on N60k/month?? Instead of her to be looking for ways to cut corners at the wedding and use the surplus to support her family, she's trying to use Ankara to sew Skirt Suit. She's the kind of wife that will drive the poor man into crime to support bills he didn't plan for, because she cannot manage herself. Better a broken engagement than a bad marriage.

aisha2:
Don't spend a kobo more than you intended to.
Call the lady and your brother and talk sense to them. Stupidity is this, she is not concerned about how they will survive on N 60000 after marriage she wants to show off. Foolish girl she is

I concour with this. What sort of Greedy and frivolous people did you get involved with? Please don't give into their demands else they will keep milking you.

Thank you all good people of Nairaland, we are looking at it together as a family now, we will take a good decision which will take into consideration all you have suggested here, thanks

@OP I am with your brother on this!
In fact he has earned my respect!!
He is the one marrying and yours is to support him. I am glad he is not being unreasonable or hasty. Let him let them know, that if the are unreasonable he is capable of letting their daughter stay with them.
He should call there bluff and tell them the thing will need to be postponed for him to raise the finances to meet his in-laws latest demands.
Try not to be in a hurry, whoever seems to be in a hurry loses is out.
This is just not about money and demands, a faulty foundation and precedent is about to be laid. If you do not handle it now, I bet you, you will be the go to guy (ATM machine) of this. If you allow yourself to present a picture of yourself that is not correct, you can not correct it easily later. The lady's family will push her, she will push the husband, and your brother will run to you.
In a nutshell do not spend more than you have intended to spend.
This is the reason why people are put under unnecessary pressure and can even put hands in wrong things in order to live up to others' expectations.

You see why lots of young men are running away from getting hitched?

The pressure to conform to some "archaic standards" is way too much and the family especially that of the bride is always making things extremely difficult with unnecessary requests on young people who just want to get married and move on with their lives peacefully.

What happens after that wedding is non of their biz, ...

After our family meeting yesterday, we instructed Deji (my brother) to go and have a meeting with his inlaws to be on the issue today and if they insist on their demands, he should ask that the wedding be postponed to October, that is by 9 months, telling them that I, his elder brother is only out to give support, that he's the one shouldering the funding of his wedding and would need the 9 months to save enough for the wedding, thank you all

[quote author=wwwkaycom post=29530540]After our family meeting yesterday, we instructed Deji (my brother) to go and have a meeting with his inlaws to be on the issue today and if they insist on their demands, he should ask that the wedding be postponed to October, that is by 9 months, telling them that I, his elder brother is only out to give support, that he's the one shouldering the funding of his wedding and would need the 9 months to save enough for the wedding, thank you all[/quote]EhnEhn dts d way to go sir,left to me sef,d bros should just look elsewhere cos what is happening now is an insight into the future def,if the wife is nt unreasonbly pushy later,d family wil talk her into it because she shld nt have allowed this happen in d frst place!

She is not going to be your wife so don't spend anything unless you want to do it out of freewill. Why on earth would they be begging you to fit the bill for someone else's wife.

A sensible woman would reason with her fiancee and be more concerned about building a future with him, not quarreling with him over money he does not have.

If they want more money they can go to the bank and get a loan for themselves. This is an unemployed woman who will not have much (financially) to put on the table once they are married.

If they drain you all in the name of marriage what will they expect your brother and wife to survive on after the engagement/wedding? What will they expect your family to survive on if you go around marrying other people's wives for them?

hazureal:
Wow! This is really serious.
I'm not really experienced in tackling issues like this, but I would advice you meet with the family personally to iron out this issue with them (since they didn't listen to your uncle).
Honestly, something like this happened mid last year to someone close to me. After the bride's family demanded all sorts in the engagement list, plus payment for two different halls(one for engagement, another bigger for the wedding reception), they still told the groom's parents that they and their guests would not be catered for, so they should arrange their own catering (unbelievable, but true!).
Well, the groom's mum reached out to her relatives and they helped out when the expenses got too much to handle.
What if the groom's parents didn't have anyone to run to?
The issue really got me annoyed when I heard it, but I had no say.
Reading a similar story now makes me wonder........

Anyway, I'm very interested in this issue. A lot is going to be learned here.

some people are wicked, this is sad

[quote author=wwwkaycom post=29530540]After our family meeting yesterday, we instructed Deji (my brother) to go and have a meeting with his inlaws to be on the issue today and if they insist on their demands, he should ask that the wedding be postponed to October, that is by 9 months, telling them that I, his elder brother is only out to give support, that he's the one shouldering the funding of his wedding and would need the 9 months to save enough for the wedding, thank you all[/quote]You are very patient and kind my brother, I can't get over the bride's stupidity, if my brother was marrying someone like that I will advice against it and do the minimum possible during the wedding and help my brother out post wedding.

1. Do they have a house? Is it furnished?
2. Does she have any plans to run a business or run a trade or is she just waiting for a job with her HND?
3. How soon do they plan to have babies?
4. Do they have any plans for future education or courses or do they just believe that marriage will bring " goodluck"?
5. Is she counting on spraying money to run their home after marriage?

Again I can't get over how silly she is, I just can't

[quote author=wwwkaycom post=29530540]After our family meeting yesterday, we instructed Deji (my brother) to go and have a meeting with his inlaws to be on the issue today and if they insist on their demands, he should ask that the wedding be postponed to October, that is by 9 months, telling them that I, his elder brother is only out to give support, that he's the one shouldering the funding of his wedding and would need the 9 months to save enough for the wedding, thank you all[/quote]Egbon Deji I wont lie to you, this still leaves a bad taste in the mouth
Moreso the girl doesnt see anything wrong with her and her parents demands. .. that is a bad sign.

This is why some men treat some women as "slaves" when they get married because their parents sold priceless daughters off for a bag of rice.
When the man decides not to lift a finger in the house or choose to come back anytime he pleases from work, wifey will start crying forgetting that the foundation was all wrong.

meanwhile this is a wife that has no income and brings nothing to the table. This is how abuse starts gradually. Each time the guy remembers the stress his inlaws gave him, he gets angry when he comes back from work and the house is not spotless and pounded yam waiting for him.

I dont know what is wrong with some of our girls these days. The wedding ceremonry facebook pictures are more important than the marriage itself.

Like Moca, we held our wedding out of town, becasue we didnt want a huge affair and we other important things to spend on.
On the day, my sister and I woke up early went to the hall and did our own decoration and the wedding cake was a gift from my husbands cousin.
Does that make our marriage any less? Of course not and we are still married today and now I am the one begging oga that I dont want a party everytime my birthday comes by. I know of someone who spent months making her own wedding dress.

There is time for everything and the guy earning N60K will still earn N600K and he can still spoil his wife. If he wants he can renew vows later if he has plenty money to throw around. There will be birthdays and there will be anniversarys. Still plenty of oppourtunity to have owmabe party.
Now is not the time. Now is the time to buy their pot and pan and to be buying baby things small by small in readiness for their new family.

Some girls sometimes amaze me.

chaircover:
Egbon Deji I wont lie to you, this still leaves a bad taste in the mouth
Moreso the girl doesnt see anything wrong with her and her parents demands. .. that is a bad sign.
This is why some men treat some women as "slaves" when they get married because their parents sold priceless daughters off for a bag of rice.
When the man decides not to lift a finger in the house or choose to come back anytime he pleases from work, wifey will start crying forgetting that the foundation was all wrong.
meanwhile this is a wife that has no income and brings nothing to the table. This is how abuse starts gradually. Each time the guy remembers the stress his inlaws gave him, he gets angry when he comes back from work and the house is not spotless and pounded yam waiting for him.
I dont know what is wrong with some of our girls these days. The wedding ceremonry facebook pictures are more important than the marriage itself.
Like Moca, we held our wedding out of town, becasue we didnt want a huge affair & money was tight.
On the day, my sister and I woke up early went to the hall and did our own decoration and the wedding cake was a gift from my husbands cousin.
Does that make our marriage any less? Of course not and we are still married today and now I am the one begging oga that I dont want a party everytime my birthday comes by. I know of someone who spent months making her own wedding dress.
There is time for everything and the guy earning N60K will still earn N600K and he can still spoil his wife. If he wants he can renew vows later if he has plenty money to throw around. There will be birthdays and there will be anniversarys. Still plenty of oppourtunity to have owmabe party.
Now is not the time. Now is the time to buy their pot and pan and to be buying baby things small by small in readiness for their new family.
Some girls sometimes amaze me.

The pounded yam better be smooth, no single bump else you will be told how useless you and your family are that he had to paint your family house as part of your brideprice.
That is why families like these will send you back home to an abusive husband because they have already sold you and collected change

aisha2:
The pounded yam better be smooth, no single bump else you will be told how useless you and your family are that he had to paint your family house as part of your brideprice.
That is why families like these will send you back home to an abusive husband because they have already sold you and collected change

Exactly!

Op,stick to your budget. The babe in question is jobless,your brother is earning 60k monthly,so you helping means they should stick to a very minimal,prudent and small budget.




If you allow them to toss you around,then that is the beginning of endless spending journey.if they babe's family are not satisfied,they make up the balance. Simple.infact,let the babe's family bring out 1M to sponsor the whole thing if it is that easy. Why can't some people be realistic. Always want to show off.
What nonsense.

lyk seriously if they agree to push it to october your brother should tactfully step out of dat relationship.d girl is a money monger xcept she takes sides with him.

ronkyT:
lyk seriously if they agree to push it to october your brother should tactfully step out of dat relationship.d girl is a money monger xcept she takes sides with him.

Correct! As soon as they agree until october, tell your brother to stop calling her. Infact, he should change his line. 9 months is enough time to start and conclude a fresh relationship... is she the only woman in that environment?

Hmmm.

Cow?

I don't know how some girls are sha, like me, during my traditional marriage, there were some things I asked my parents to remove to reduce cost.We disagreed alot but I didn't care.You cannot take everything you spent on your daughter in one day after all the husband will still take care of you.

As a girl, you know your guy's pocket and how much he has set aside for the marriage arrangements, all you need do to help is talk to your parents to reduce cost.

Sir@Op, you can try telling your brother to tell his fiancee to discuss with her parents so they can see reasons with you.She's jobless and your brother is just managing.There are some things on the list that can be reuduced.

dont know y some families r lik ds.they r a bunch of hungry ppl wtout pride!let ur bro tel dm plans shd hold 4 now coz he cant afford it.

I'm not even bothered about her family. I'm more concerned with how they intend to survive on a 60k salary a month! Even I as an individual would struggle to survive on that talk more of a couple! In Lagos ohhhh! Please do they intend to bring kids into this equation?

hazureal:
Wow! This is really serious.
Where's Chaircover?
I'm not really experienced in tackling issues like this, but I would advice you meet with the family personally to iron out this issue with them (since they didn't listen to your uncle).
Honestly, something like this happened mid last year to someone close to me. After the bride's family demanded all sorts in the engagement list, plus payment for two different halls(one for engagement, another bigger for the wedding reception), they still told the groom's parents that they and their guests would not be catered for, so they should arrange their own catering (unbelievable, but true!).
Well, the groom's mum reached out to her relatives and they helped out when the expenses got too much to handle.
What if the groom's parents didn't have anyone to run to?
The issue really got me annoyed when I heard it, but I had no say.
Reading a similar story now makes me wonder........


That bride's family is irresponsible and greedy.

I hope the groom enjoys the marriage
Anyway, I'm very interested in this issue. A lot is going to be learned here.

The bride's family is irresponsible and greedy
I hope the groom enjoys his marriage

@OP:

These are strange Yorubas

Good you guys have postponed the wedding

If during the time the lady doesn't see reason and stop being silly, your brother should drop her sharp sharp.

She has not acquired the wisdom to run a home

Billionaires are looking for how to cut cost.

ronkyT:
lyk seriously if they agree to push it to october your brother should tactfully step out of dat relationship.d girl is a money monger xcept she takes sides with him.

Gbam.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this kind wife is the type that will push dh just to get asoebi when they have not paid the children's school fees.

does she even know what it takes to
1. take care of a home
a. PHCN bill that is now exorbitant
b. cable
c. water
d. miscellaneous
e. transport
f. rent
g. fuel for gen
h. feeding
i. general and unexpected maintenance.
2. to buy baby things when God blesses her, even ante-natal expenses.

mhen she needs education on family management.

ronkyT:
lyk seriously if they agree to push it to october your brother should tactfully step out of dat relationship.d girl is a money monger xcept she takes sides with him.

Gbam.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this kind wife is the type that will push dh just to get asoebi when they have not paid the children's school fees.

does she even know what it takes to
1. take care of a home
a. PHCN bill that is now exorbitant
b. cable
c. water
d. miscellaneous
e. transport
f. rent
g. fuel for gen
h. feeding
i. general and unexpected maintenance.
2. to buy baby things when God blesses her, even ante-natal expenses.

mhen she needs education on family management.

60k is not enough atall. but if she is a good wife with mgt skills, 60k will be sufficient for them.

I think the OP should get his brother to go through solace2013's thread so he can get an insight into what he's getting himself into. if he thinks the problem will end after the wedding, he's in for the shock of his life. Its obvious his fiancee's family are opportunistic illiterates or as we put it 'awon ojuorolari' shamelessly using their daughter's wedding to their advantage.
Have they stopped to think what life after this extravagant wedding will be like? It seems they're comfortable knowing they have all access too all that lectura and shicken money

Sir, tell your bro to talk SENSE into the girl's head. After wedding, they'll soak garri ba?

Lemme use my own. When the families met, my uncle(representing my late dad) included a cow amongst other things, mumc said we'll use an elaborate venue despite having a large compound. The list was soooo long, very expensive.

When my oga heard(trust edo man), he rake o(he was already planning for life after wedding) n i supported him. At the end, we didn't spend more than 400k on registry n trad,including the list of things they bought.

If the girl's pple ain't ready, let her stay home for a while.
She wants to show off, wedding pics n videos you won't even be interested in looking at later.

Sir, don't exceed your budget!!

.

aisha2:
Don't spend a kobo more than you intended to.
Call the lady and your brother and talk sense to them. Stupidity is this, she is not concerned about how they will survive on N 60000 after marriage she wants to show off. Foolish girl she is

So many stu.pid girls abound o.

" I want my wedding to be talk of town ". Hehehe.

aisha2:
You are very patient and kind my brother, I can't get over the bride's stupidity, if my brother was marrying someone like that I will advice against it and do the minimum possible during the wedding and help my brother out post wedding.

1. Do they have a house? Is it furnished?
2. Does she have any plans to run a business or run a trade or is she just waiting for a job with her HND?
3. How soon do they plan to have babies?
4. Do they have any plans for future education or courses or do they just believe that marriage will bring " goodluck"?
5. Is she counting on spraying money to run their home after marriage?

Again I can't get over how silly she is, I just can't

They certainly are thinking this, given their Nigerianness.