Five things Nigerian Pastors do - Religion - Nairaland
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| Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Abosi31(m): 9:32am On Mar 02, 2015 |
 Source: http://www.escapedmydiary..de/2015/03/the-beef-with-nigerian-pastors.html?m=1 Before I begin, I would want to state categorically, that I am not an atheist, I was born into a Christian home, and till now I still believe the world didn’t come about by some silly Big Bang Theory. Over the weekend I attended two churches; the one a friend dragged me to on Saturday evening, and then on Sunday evening, Assemblies of God Church, my family church. I noticed some things which I didn’t like, and I’m sure the other worshippers did not like them too, but they had become used to them over time. This is the blog, well, so I’ll just bare my mind here. The reason why it’s ‘Nigerian’ pastors on the title up ahead is because yours faithfully has never attended church service outside the country. So I’m quite assuming only Nigerian pastors do the following. #1. Screaming into Microphones: Oga, there’s a reason why the thing is called a microphone. It is to be talked into, or even whispered into (if your voice as loud as mine). There’s no need to shout into the mike. It pains the ears of the worshippers close to the speakers. And then, we all end up leaving church with our ears ringing. The worst part is when you people now scream in tongues during general prayers, unto God- with mike! Shey God will not hear you if you don’t use the mike? Haba! #2. Breaking Bottles on our Heads: Have you ever sat in a church and the pastor, during his sermon speaks grammar that makes you lose anointing? Jeez, me too! A pastor will go like: “Go to the extreme end, and call that sister. That demon has to be pursued out now-now!” The demon in the instance will even begin to laugh seriously. One thing that pains me is that these pastors have no regard most times for us, they don’t mind breaking our heads with those unscrupulous grammar and pronunciations, because they're operating from cloud nine. Make una calm down, thank you. #3. Staying on one Prayer Point for too long: I personally detest this. Some pastors will make a simple prayer like, ‘God bless my family’ and turn it into a marathon race. They will stay on one topic for hours, and ginger and ginger us not to stop. It gets boring oh, Pastor. We are Nigerians and we get bored easily. #4. Asking for too much: I don’t mean financially this time. Some pastors are like some of our presidential candidates. They are born dictators and control freaks, and only hide behind the pulpit to force us to do things. I personally don’t like when a pastor says: “Walk to fifty-five people and welcome them to service this morning.” It causes problems for ushers as the church becomes rowdy. Also, some pastors like their congregation to repeat every sentence they say fourteen times, or obey every single order to the smallest detail. How will a pastor tell us: “Lift up your right hand and place it on your left breast, then put your left hand under your right shoulder. The anointing is about to flow.”? (Okay I'm exaggerating again), but how on earth are we supposed to pull that off? #5. Ending every Sermon with Seed-Sowing: Aha. I put this one last because it's the one you've been expecting to see. These days, even a sermon on how saints will be ruptured on the last day ends with certain pastors making alter calls for people interested in sowing seeds. This is after the church has collected like three times offering already oh. You should stop this oh. Sometimes we your congregation get milked in service to the extent that we also use our transport money to sow a seed. We really humans oh. If my dear Nigerian pastors can resolve all these, then maybe my beef with them will reduce small. Abi no be so? Meanwhile welcome to March guys! March on! culled from : http://www.escapedmydiary..de/2015/03/the-beef-with-nigerian-pastors.html?m=1 16 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by naijaboiy: 9:58am On Mar 02, 2015 |
And you just sit there obeying everything.  That was how one time I went to a church with my cousin during the holidays and the pastor was preaching endlessly. Hunger don dey fire me as I no chop before I comot house. Service started at seven and it was already 10 with no sign of its end at all. I was feeling very dizzy and so I decided to go outside and rest in the car and maybe probably find something to eat outside before I faint there. Immediately I stood up and was walking towards the back door I heard a loud cry. "And that is one of the demons over there! They can appear in different forms,,this one is looking calm and presentable,,ushers bring him forward" They brought me forward to the pastor and I was really confused on what to say. My shouts of "i'm not a demon! I'm not a demon o" aggravated the whole issue. If you see SLAP!  I just kept dumb and let them continue with their prayers.  I never went to that church with my cousin again. 127 Likes 10 Shares |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Abosi31(m): 10:15am On Mar 02, 2015 |
Okay now that's extreme. Jeez. Remember the case of one pastor that slapped a minion that year? She was a kid! 4 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Chrystover: 10:16am On Mar 02, 2015 |
Oh.. So I'm not alone in this? Thanks Op for bringing this up. On the part of screaming into the mics, its not only the church members that suffer the ear-aches; I equally suffer this noise pollution from my house, my supposed comfort zone. I mean...why will a sane religious society mount those Ahuja horn speakers outside their church? Why are they shoving their noise down our ears? Even in the quiet night, they still scream! Arghhhh!!! The thunder that will fire The Lord's Chosen Church in my neighborhood is still peeling melon seeds. And the so-called police will not do anything to enforce civility. All they want is egunje. Pfft!! 4 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Abosi31(m): 10:19am On Mar 02, 2015 |
Chrystover:lol this guy angry pass me o :-D :-D 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by valmunich(m): 11:07am On Mar 02, 2015 |
naijaboiy:Hehehe  Most of these is the reason why I'm gradually giving up on religion and engrossing morality embedded in rationalism 18 Likes 2 Shares |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by nkwako: 11:28am On Mar 02, 2015 |
naijaboiy: 1 Like |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Chrystover: 12:20pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Abosi31:seriously, e reach to vex. And that one of staying on a prayer point for too long is damn ridiculous. Why should I keep repeating one sentence over and over again ? Is God having a hard time decoding whah I'm trying to say? Is wao. 4 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Chrystover: 12:23pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
That Awkward moment when a Pastor in a commercial vehicle says "Tell your neighbour....". Guy, you're on your own o. 6 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:21pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
They are theives They are God of gullible Men They manipulate gullible minds for selfish gains They don't win souls for God nor preach the real gospel of Christ They are going to hell They are fraudsters They collect bribes from politicians and deceive the congregation They live luxurious life while the congregation lives in penury They build schools which most of their church members can't afford They are proud bastards They call themselves gate keeper of Hell They use Juju to perform miracles They smoke and drink privately They commit adultery They twist the Bible Say no to biblical scammers 22 Likes 2 Shares
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| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Burger01(m): 2:22pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
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| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:22pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Not every pastor asks for seed sowing. At least not at my church....if there is a financial appeal.....it is usually for missionaries(not affiliated to the church) or for the North East Christians displaced by the crisis there.(We do have a building expansion project). And I used to attend a Redeemed church that was into community projects heavily.(yes...in Nigeria!). 2 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by lorbah001(m): 2:22pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
.......As d spirit leads Obey as ur spirit leads Ko si'ja n soosi,leyin ko s'adura ki n s'amin 2 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Sijo01(f): 2:22pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Breaking bottles on your head  2 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by tempem: 2:23pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Only God would Judge. 3 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by steppin: 2:23pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
naijaboiy:This your story get K leg. 10 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:23pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
SWEAT TOO MUCH? Visit us 1 Like |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:24pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
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| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by seunfly: 2:24pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Ok |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by twosquare(m): 2:25pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
naijaboiy:chai....what a joke 3 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:25pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
ok naaa I hear, next |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by HrtBrkSteve(m): 2:25pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
You're so observant. Welldone, but face ur own work 1 Like |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by phatlytall(m): 2:26pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
That one no say make I no go heaven. 1 Like |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:26pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
naijaboiy: IS THAT A NOLLYWOOD MOVIE? 1 Like |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by ipunchbitches(m): 2:26pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
I WAS HERE |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by free2ryhme: 2:27pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
| 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Ekeke1(m): 2:27pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Who wrote dis? u need some Jesus in ur life. 5 Likes |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by Nobody: 2:29pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
Na that seed sowing they pay me pass,Church is now like source of unlimited wealth to them. |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by phlio(m): 2:29pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
in the potters house dial are so many vessel ....which one u be oooo I think clay and mould 1 Like |
| Re: Five things Nigerian Pastors do by floadesola: 2:30pm On Mar 02, 2015 |
[quote author=nkwako post=31224195][/quote] Omg! Cant stop.laughing. what a pathetic case |
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