Dilemma - Romance

Dilemma - Romance - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum › Nairaland General › Romance › Dilemma (1769 Views)

Dilemma by larablog(op): 9:42pm On Mar 05, 2015*

I am extremely confused

Re: Dilemma by cozy7(m): 9:48pm On Mar 05, 2015

This might seem tough, but it's actually so simple. U sounded in several places in your write-up like d type whose family attach "financial capacity " to responsibility (negative notion), I think if u can only look beyond achievements n focus a little more on d future, u will realize n see things clearer. D OTHER GUY POSSES LESS FUTURE RISK THSN D FIRST. (Your 3rd point makes it clear)
Your 27 and running out of time, BUT PLZ DON'T BE DESPERATE. Having till d end of d mth might make u take hasty decision, which u may regret. THEY PARTED MUTUALLY MEANS THERE'S STILL A FORM OF AGREEMENT BTW THEM, BE WISE NOW, SO AS NOT TO BE LEFT OUT IN D COLD (ALONE)

Re: Dilemma by mirexxx(f): 9:53pm On Mar 05, 2015

OK let's hope he doesn't divorce u too
what could she have done that he hates the air she breathes huh

if u vex am he fit kill u be that o shocked

like u said, he could get back with her
its better you go for the new guy
u'l come to love him

1 Like

Re: Dilemma by henribj(m): 9:54pm On Mar 05, 2015

larablog:
I am an extremely confused 27 year old lady caught between two guys. Whatever decision I make will impact the rest of my life.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for ten months now, he is 35 and lives in the US.

The problem is that my boyfriend is separated from his wife of barely one year and he has a kid with her. He is very open about his situation and keeps telling me that his marriage was a mistake and both of them have mutually filed for divorce.

Throughout the ten months we have been dating, we have seen countless of times. I know for a fact that he is separated, this post is not about whether he is lying about that or not.

I love him and his actions proves that he loves me perhaps even more than I love him. We are extremely compatable and despite the age difference he is my best friend. He is exactly the type of person I dream of getting married to both physically, mentally, financially and character wise.

I am a virgin and I aim to keep my virginity till marriage, he is not pressurising me. He says there is no rush after all we will get married

So here is the problem, I am a virgin from a very good affluent family with strong family values, I am also the first child and my parents are praying for me to marry well and do them proud. Is it advisable for me to marry a soon to be divorced man with baby and in-law drama.

I also feel that regardless of how much I love him and our compatibility , he was never mine to begin with and i will be breaking God's commandment about committing adultery.

I don't think I will ever find a better person for me, he is everything I want in a man and he has proposed. Should I say yes ‎

Meanwhile there is another guy also 35 that comes with no strings. He is in love with me and serious about pursuing a relationship that might lead to marriage. This guy is based in Nigeria and we are becoming quite close, although I told him that nothing can happen until I broke up with my boyfriend. I admire him and respect him a lot, but I do not love him, there is no spark or chemistry. He is single, never been married and living comfortably ( my family will love him)‎
‎
Please I need urgent advise

1. Should I let go of the love of my life and settle for the new guy who I do not love and build my own home from the scratch. The love can grow but there will always be something missing

2. Should I fight for this once in a life time love I have with my current boyfriend.

3. There is always a possibility that he might go back to his wife, though he hates the very air she breaths . If that happens I cannot fight it, I will even encourage it. I am not an husband Snatcher and I don't want the beautiful kid to have a broken home ‎
‎
4. Should I let go of both guys and pray to find someone I will love as much as I love my current bf. This might take time as I am ready for marriage right now and I don't want to wait (want to start enjoying sex and all, )‎

‎What should I do, I have till the end of March to make a decision. I want to get married by December. ‎

Thank you, sorry it's long but your advice is greatly appreciated. Please matured people in the house only
‎

young lady the first and only advice i will give you is this, as regards the man who was married, i advice you to pend all further romantic dealings with him until his divorce has been finalized. no be today we begin hear say "we have filed for divorce", and after some months or so both couples will get back together again. so just leave that story
as per the second never married guy, are you marrying him for your family or for you? if you and the man eventually get married and start having problems, will the problem be on your family's head or on yours? who will be having the sleepless night? is it your family or you? if tomorrow the never married guy starts asking for divorce, where does that then leave you?
after you have thought of what i have said and taken the necessary steps, contact me and i will proffer further advice.
KAPISH?

Re: Dilemma by Nobody: 9:57pm On Mar 05, 2015

larablog:
I am an extremely confused 27 year old lady caught between two guys. Whatever decision I make will impact the rest of my life.
I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for ten months now, he is 35 and lives in the US.
The problem is that my boyfriend is separated from his wife of barely one year and he has a kid with her. He is very open about his situation and keeps telling me that his marriage was a mistake and both of them have mutually filed for divorce.
Throughout the ten months we have been dating, we have seen countless of times. I know for a fact that he is separated, this post is not about whether he is lying about that or not.
I love him and his actions proves that he loves me perhaps even more than I love him. We are extremely compatable and despite the age difference he is my best friend. He is exactly the type of person I dream of getting married to both physically, mentally, financially and character wise.
I am a virgin and I aim to keep my virginity till marriage, he is not pressurising me. He says there is no rush after all we will get married
So here is the problem, I am a virgin from a very good affluent family with strong family values, I am also the first child and my parents are praying for me to marry well and do them proud. Is it advisable for me to marry a soon to be divorced man with baby and in-law drama.
I also feel that regardless of how much I love him and our compatibility , he was never mine to begin with and i will be breaking God's commandment about committing adultery.
I don't think I will ever find a better person for me, he is everything I want in a man and he has proposed. Should I say yes ‎
Meanwhile there is another guy also 35 that comes with no strings. He is in love with me and serious about pursuing a relationship that might lead to marriage. This guy is based in Nigeria and we are becoming quite close, although I told him that nothing can happen until I broke up with my boyfriend. I admire him and respect him a lot, but I do not love him, there is no spark or chemistry. He is single, never been married and living comfortably ( my family will love him)‎
‎
Please I need urgent advise
1. Should I let go of the love of my life and settle for the new guy who I do not love and build my own home from the scratch. The love can grow but there will always be something missing
2. Should I fight for this once in a life time love I have with my current boyfriend.
3. There is always a possibility that he might go back to his wife, though he hates the very air she breaths . If that happens I cannot fight it, I will even encourage it. I am not an husband Snatcher and I don't want the beautiful kid to have a broken home ‎
‎
4. Should I let go of both guys and pray to find someone I will love as much as I love my current bf. This might take time as I am ready for marriage right now and I don't want to wait (want to start enjoying sex and all, )‎
‎What should I do, I have till the end of March to make a decision. I want to get married by December. ‎
Thank you, sorry it's long but your advice is greatly appreciated. Please matured people in the house only
‎

Re: Dilemma by MrCork: 10:37pm On Mar 05, 2015

larablog:
I am an extremely confused 27 year old lady caught between two guys. Whatever decision I make will impact the rest of my life.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for ten months now, he is 35 and lives in the US.

The problem is that my boyfriend is separated from his wife of barely one year and he has a kid with her. He is very open about his situation and keeps telling me that his marriage was a mistake and both of them have mutually filed for divorce.

Throughout the ten months we have been dating, we have seen countless of times. I know for a fact that he is separated, this post is not about whether he is lying about that or not.

I love him and his actions proves that he loves me perhaps even more than I love him. We are extremely compatable and despite the age difference he is my best friend. He is exactly the type of person I dream of getting married to both physically, mentally, financially and character wise.

I am a virgin and I aim to keep my virginity till marriage, he is not pressurising me. He says there is no rush after all we will get married

So here is the problem, I am a virgin from a very good affluent family with strong family values, I am also the first child and my parents are praying for me to marry well and do them proud. Is it advisable for me to marry a soon to be divorced man with baby and in-law drama.

I also feel that regardless of how much I love him and our compatibility , he was never mine to begin with and i will be breaking God's commandment about committing adultery.

I don't think I will ever find a better person for me, he is everything I want in a man and he has proposed. Should I say yes ‎

Meanwhile there is another guy also 35 that comes with no strings. He is in love with me and serious about pursuing a relationship that might lead to marriage. This guy is based in Nigeria and we are becoming quite close, although I told him that nothing can happen until I broke up with my boyfriend. I admire him and respect him a lot, but I do not love him, there is no spark or chemistry. He is single, never been married and living comfortably ( my family will love him)‎
‎
Please I need urgent advise

1. Should I let go of the love of my life and settle for the new guy who I do not love and build my own home from the scratch. The love can grow but there will always be something missing

2. Should I fight for this once in a life time love I have with my current boyfriend.

3. There is always a possibility that he might go back to his wife, though he hates the very air she breaths . If that happens I cannot fight it, I will even encourage it. I am not an husband Snatcher and I don't want the beautiful kid to have a broken home ‎
‎
4. Should I let go of both guys and pray to find someone I will love as much as I love my current bf. This might take time as I am ready for marriage right now and I don't want to wait (want to start enjoying sex and all, )‎

‎What should I do, I have till the end of March to make a decision. I want to get married by December. ‎

Thank you, sorry it's long but your advice is greatly appreciated. Please matured people in the house only
‎

...ok...so u hav 3some with 2 guys but want to marry yor boy friend witout telln him coz u u want moiney??.......Sweeery, this is exacly why I stoped trussin women!! (no oofeinse) angry

Re: Dilemma by ojaydedon(m): 10:48pm On Mar 05, 2015

hmm

Re: Dilemma by danot1030: 12:05am On Mar 06, 2015

If you know you do not love the Nigeria guy there is no need going into a conditional relationship, until you have a feeling for a man you will find it difficult to accept him as your husband even when you stay with as one and you won't submit to him. If it certain that the US guy is securing a divorce, there is nothing wrong going ahead with him provided you have find out that his story as the reason for the break up of his first marriage is genuine, be sure he's not the cause, and also ascertain there is a proper arrangement for the two of you to live together after the knot is tied, I don't advise a husband in diaspora.

Re: Dilemma by Babygal4eva(f): 12:11am On Mar 06, 2015

MrCork:
...ok...so u hav 3some with 2 guys but want to marry yor boy friend witout telln him coz u u want moiney??.......Sweeery, this is exacly why I stoped trussin women!! (no oofeinse)

Which story did you read that had 3some in it?

Re: Dilemma by Babygal4eva(f): 12:15am On Mar 06, 2015

you love the first guy right, so let him get the divorce first before you think of marriage that hasn't even been proposed to you yet from either man. I don't trust divorcees' tho, it means they didn't try hard enough the first time around why would they try hard this time around.

Which is why I don't blv in marriage just a piece of paper that can be made void by another piece of paper. Follow your heart sha, if it leads to you getting hurt see it as a life lesson and move on, don't choose the other guy cause of anybody, choose because you want him and no one else.

Re: Dilemma by Babygal4eva(f): 12:15am On Mar 06, 2015

Re: Dilemma by MrCork: 12:22am On Mar 06, 2015

Babygal4eva:
Which story did you read that had 3some in it?

...Sweeery am not sure if u have elecktricity but if u move yor candle closer.....u will see that she clearly say she had 3some wit 2 guys and now plans to marry her boy friend....women like her muss nevar be trussed (no oofeinse) angry

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Re: Dilemma by Babygal4eva(f): 12:25am On Mar 06, 2015

MrCork:
...Sweeery am not sure if u have elecktricity but if u move yor candle closer.....u will see that she clearly say she had 3some wit 2 guys and now plans to marry her boy friend....women like her muss nevar be trussed (no oofeinse)

I'm so confused huh

maybe it's not the same 3some I'm thinking that you are talking about, yeah that's the only explanation

Re: Dilemma by MrCork: 12:37am On Mar 06, 2015

Babygal4eva:
I'm so confused maybe it's not the same 3some I'm thinking that you are talking about, yeah that's the only explanation

...sweery she said had 3some wit 2 men and marryed her boy friend gademmmit..... u still don't gerrrit? undecided

Re: Dilemma by Nobody: 2:11am On Mar 06, 2015

MrCork:
...sweery she said had 3some wit 2 men and marryed her boy friend gademmmit..... u still don't gerrrit?

She does. Her brain doesn't want to comprehend the info.

Re: Dilemma by Nobody: 2:32am On Mar 06, 2015

Dear op since you are a christain i will go straight to the point. Dont marry a divorcee.when time for restitution comes he will go back to his first wife.dont marry the other guy too if you dont love him. Pray about it cos God has different solutions to same problems. Meaning... Any advice given here either from experiences or logical reasoning might not be the best solution to your situation.MY piece.

1 Like

Re: Dilemma by Sanchez01(m): 7:16am On Mar 06, 2015

Whatever happened to "What God has joined together...?" You might not really understand this but I'll tell you that you're one of the reasons he's filing for a divorce. He understands that someone is close by and the early he gets over his marriage, the better for him as he knows there's a second bus to jump in, which is you in the real sense of it.

It's a nasty mess for you to have allowed this to continue with him. Love is blind but marriage is the eye opener. A man who is about ditching his wife has the tendency to do so again when the need arises. You might not be spared from the divorce issue as well. Please get over him, move on with life and find the BOMB, not someone else's BOMB.

Re: Dilemma by Babygal4eva(f): 8:18am On Mar 06, 2015

MrCork:
...sweery she said had 3some wit 2 men and marryed her boy friend gademmmit..... u still don't gerrrit?

nvm

Re: Dilemma by MrCork: 8:50am On Mar 06, 2015

Babygal4eva:
nvm

^^^^atitude....and then she complian she cant find man on nairaland! undecided

Re: Dilemma by henribj(m): 10:41am On Mar 06, 2015

MrCork:
^^^^atitude....and then she complian she cant find man on nairaland!

hahahaha

Re: Dilemma by Nobody: 11:20am On Mar 06, 2015

larablog:
‎
Please I need urgent advise
1. Should I let go of the love of my life and settle for the new guy who I do not love and build my own home from the scratch. The love can grow but there will always be something missing. .
2. Should I fight for this once in a life time love I have with my current boyfriend.
3. There is always a possibility that he might go back to his wife, though he hates the very air she breaths . If that happens I cannot fight it, I will even encourage it. I am not an husband Snatcher and I don't want the beautiful kid to have a broken home.
‎
4. Should I let go of both guys and pray to find someone I will love as much as I love my current bf. This might take time as I am ready for marriage right now and I don't want to wait (want to start enjoying sex and all, )‎
‎What should I do, I have till the end of March to make a decision. I want to get married by December. ‎
Thank you, sorry it's long but your advice is greatly appreciated. Please matured people in the house only
‎

A married man is asking you to marry him and you are asking if you should say............... yes?

You don't have to settle for the man you don't love there are more than two men in the universe however you can keep dating him not to use him as a rebound but because he may be the real deal you can't see right now just because you are so caught up with the separated guy.

What are you doing with a man who "may" return to his wife? Why are you ready to be abandoned when the love for his wife returns? You are really willing to wait for him to mend his home before you begin to live your life, be available for Mr. right. You are ready to be the pass time girl who was there for a wounded man.

Yes it may take time to find the right fit but don't let fear of the unknown or of being alone keep you in the wrong relationship(s).

You want to get married by December yet you are with a man who is not divorced as of now the best chance of getting married by December is with the single guy so you might like to open yourself to this option to see if your feelings can grow for him because with women the feelings can grow and if it doesn't you don't need to force yourself into marriage with him. You might like to keep your options open.

All the best.

Re: Dilemma by Babygal4eva(f): 4:14pm On Mar 06, 2015

MrCork:
^^^^atitude....and then she complian she cant find man on nairaland!

assuming I'm looking for one tho.

Re: Dilemma by akinsadeez(m): 5:18pm On Mar 06, 2015

Ordinarily I would advice you go for d first guy. There are many reasons why people divorce. It is wrong to generally tag divorcees as questionable people to get married to. There are some people who are simply incompatible and d best option is for dem to go their separate ways. If you are sure that the man's divorce is for genuine reasons den since u love him, go for him. Being a divorcee doesn't automatically make him bad. There are women who have married divorcees and are happy. Mercy Johnson married a divorcee and she is very happy.
Whatever you do, don't marry d second guy. Never go into a marriage without love. It should be d bedrock of your marriage. If you don't want to go for d first guy, dere are many men in d world who you can fall in love with. Don't pressure urself into a loveless marriage.

Re: Dilemma by Nobody: 5:49pm On Mar 06, 2015

LOL... at 27 I dont expect you to be so naive. "He hates the very air she breathes" after just a year of marriage!!! grin

Pls my dear, were you there when he fell in love with her, proposed to her, married her and had a child with her?? Of course he wouldn't tell you the qualities he saw before he made the decision to give her a ring.

A man that can easily fall out of love with his WIFE barely 1 year into marriage is a weak and irresponsible man who clearly does not understand what perseverance and commitment is. Notwithstanding, if he is your choice, then by all means, go for it... Don't forget to give us the update after a year wink

1 Like

Re: Dilemma by baralatie(m): 5:50pm On Mar 06, 2015

larablog:
I am an extremely confused 27 year old lady caught between two guys. Whatever decision I make will impact the rest of my life.

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for ten months now, he is 35 and lives in the US.

The problem is that my boyfriend is separated from his wife of barely one year and he has a kid with her. He is very open about his situation and keeps telling me that his marriage was a mistake and both of them have mutually filed for divorce.

Throughout the ten months we have been dating, we have seen countless of times. I know for a fact that he is separated, this post is not about whether he is lying about that or not.

I love him and his actions proves that he loves me perhaps even more than I love him. We are extremely compatable and despite the age difference he is my best friend. He is exactly the type of person I dream of getting married to both physically, mentally, financially and character wise.

I am a virgin and I aim to keep my virginity till marriage, he is not pressurising me. He says there is no rush after all we will get married

So here is the problem, I am a virgin from a very good affluent family with strong family values, I am also the first child and my parents are praying for me to marry well and do them proud. Is it advisable for me to marry a soon to be divorced man with baby and in-law drama.

I also feel that regardless of how much I love him and our compatibility , he was never mine to begin with and i will be breaking God's commandment about committing adultery.

I don't think I will ever find a better person for me, he is everything I want in a man and he has proposed. Should I say yes ‎

Meanwhile there is another guy also 35 that comes with no strings. He is in love with me and serious about pursuing a relationship that might lead to marriage. This guy is based in Nigeria and we are becoming quite close, although I told him that nothing can happen until I broke up with my boyfriend. I admire him and respect him a lot, but I do not love him, there is no spark or chemistry. He is single, never been married and living comfortably ( my family will love him)‎
‎
Please I need urgent advise

1. Should I let go of the love of my life and settle for the new guy who I do not love and build my own home from the scratch. The love can grow but there will always be something missing

2. Should I fight for this once in a life time love I have with my current boyfriend.

3. There is always a possibility that he might go back to his wife, though he hates the very air she breaths . If that happens I cannot fight it, I will even encourage it. I am not an husband Snatcher and I don't want the beautiful kid to have a broken home ‎
‎
4. Should I let go of both guys and pray to find someone I will love as much as I love my current bf. This might take time as I am ready for marriage right now and I don't want to wait (want to start enjoying sex and all, )‎

‎What should I do, I have till the end of March to make a decision. I want to get married by December. ‎

Thank you, sorry it's long but your advice is greatly appreciated. Please matured people in the house only
‎

your dilemma is no issue at all
1.since you believe in principles and facts,clinically ask yourself can you love someone you don't have!
2.what exactly do you want fantasies,fiction or reality.
3.love is blind but marriage is the cure for blindness
4.divorce does not mean cancellation of affection ,love for the divorcees.the. little spark exist.
5.can you face criticism when you fall
6.open your head,think,think and open your eyes.

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