Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

In all, please do not commit suicide. Committing suicide doesn't solve any problem, it only creates more for others.


I am sorry, I have no idea how to manage a cheating husband. My concern is that you shouldn't commit suicide.

Those kids are too young. I empathize with you and I hope you get peace and succour again from the union.


Although I don't know what you want us to do but believe that we can offer you counsel if need be.

hmmmmm.. story that touch





committing suicide will only give room to your husband to marry one of those girls

Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

After reading your other thread and now this what else can I say. It is well with your soul. Whatever decision you want to take, think of the kids first.

This too shall pass.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

how old are you?

Don't let it bother u for once! Men aren't worth it just move on with ur life life is fun no time to waste. Mingle nd flex it

Reading this post, actually I'm worried about the relationship I'm in currently
God please help your children.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

Do what back to him?

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

OP follow this advice

@op i feel for you but you need to look at the bigger picture and that picture includes your children. You obviously married a cheat and its really sad . Stop having a pity party by yourself you cant undo the past you can only resolve to live better.

Did you have a discussion with your husband about it?
What was his reasons?
Your marriage needs a lot of hardwork to get over this, couselling and most importantly prayers.

But SUCIDE is never an option.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

Op please do not listen to this, two wrongs never make a right.

My heart bleed while reading your story and honestly I can't say I know how you feel but I seriously feel for you.

I thank God for your life that he could come at the right time to rescue you it simply means that all hope is not lost with your husband . I know it will be difficult to forgive and just forget it all but I know love conquers all , you can forgive him but first you need to ask him these questions.

Why did he cheat on you? ( For everything I believe there's a reason , whether it's from you or him, it could be something you don't know that push out, though it's no excuse but find out)

Is he ready to be faithful now?

It's one thing to say sorry and another thing to not go back to it , He could do all the begging and still go about cheating probably this time he'll make it more secretive so you need to know if he's ready to be genuinely faithful now, It will be difficult to trust him again but you'll just have to.


Then he'll need to change his friends, this might be difficult but I tell you if he still keeps his cheating friends, he's going to go right back to it and you know most politicians are womanizers , if he still continues to organize ladies for them then he's never going to stop cheating then delete the what app and Bbm from his phone, take charge of your marriage ma'am .



Please don't you ever think of committing suicide ever again , whenever the thought comes, just look at your kids and imagine what will happen to them, no man is worth dying for.

And also get a job asap, in case anything happens you'll not be at the losing end.

Sorry about it all, all I know is that, in time, you'll feel better, just take sometime to concentrate on your children and self, make sure to think it through before making any decisions, whatever you do, don't do what you are not comfortable with.

chokolee12:
Don't let it bother u for once! [b]Men aren't worth it [/b]just move on with ur life life is fun no time to waste. Mingle nd flex it

Don't judge all men with your experiences.There are good and faithful men.

Op,sorry about your situation.A lot of women ask themselves what they did wrong when things like this happen.You didn't do anything wrong.A MAN THAT WILL CHEAT WILL CHEAT.

I will like to say that you shouldn't monitor your husband but you should close-mark him.It is easy for a man to stray if he feels he is not closely watched.Women who say they don't touch their husband's phone,it is to your disadvantage.My wife uses my phone to browse and sometimes flip through pictures.It is good for me cause it helps me to caution myself.I be human being too.

Please consider your children and your family.Your life is not worth taking because of a cheating husband.
Take your time to heal and ask yourself if you can forgive your hubby.Let him do a health screening so you are sure he has a clean bill of health.

I ain't gat no bitter xperience wit no one it's just a word of advice.

thorpido:
Don't judge all men with your experiences.There are good and faithful men.

You only have two realistic options.:

1) Accept and accommodate the fact that he is a cheat and would most certainly cheat again - This as expected is drastic but might be your best bet if you are one of the people that wouldn't consider divorce under any circumstances. You will also have to consistently deal with unhealthy worry which in time will ignite the rage that would have built up over time.

2) Divorce - This will certainly let you regain some level of sanity but at what cost?. If you live in Nigeria then you will have to worry about the following:
Stigma
Financial hardship as a result of you being a single parent
Stereotype
Difficulty in being able to find someone that will accept you and your circumstance going forward


Above all, never ever contemplate killing yourself over a man!

It will be so easy to say "Op forgive him, OP think of your children, OP Men are not worth the stress" but the truth is that, when you are hurting and in such deep pain, those cliches actually mean nothing. Don't take any concrete decisions now OP, you need to just concentrate on getting thru this period of deep emotional distress, first of all you have to surround yourself with your friends so that you don't overthink. finally, pray for your husband, just call out his name and say things like "you are blessed, you are favoured, you will live and not die", it really helps to pray for the person you are trying to forgive.

What do you expect again, you told us he is a politician.........


Two choices
.......STAY
.......LEAVE




you choose your choice

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

Two wrongs don't make a right

chokolee12:
Don't let it bother u for once! Men aren't worth it just move on with ur life life is fun no time to waste. Mingle nd flex it

If men are not worth then women are

elantraceey:


Op please do not listen to this, two wrongs never make a right.

My heart bleed while reading your story and honestly I can't say I know how you feel but I seriously feel for you.

I thank God for your life that he could come at the right time to rescue you it simply means that all hope is not lost with your husband . I know it will be difficult to forgive and just forget it all but I know love conquers all , you can forgive him but first you need to ask him these questions.

Why did he cheat on you? ( For everything I believe there's a reason , whether it's from you or him, it could be something you don't know that push out, though it's no excuse but find out)

Is he ready to be faithful now?

It's one thing to say sorry and another thing to not go back to it , He could do all the begging and still go about cheating probably this time he'll make it more secretive so you need to know if he's ready to be genuinely faithful now, It will be difficult to trust him again but you'll just have to.


Then he'll need to change his friends, this might be difficult but I tell you if he still keeps his cheating friends, he's going to go right back to it and you know most politicians are womanizers , if he still continues to organize ladies for them then he's never going to stop cheating then delete the what app and Bbm from his phone, take charge of your marriage ma'am .



Please don't you ever think of committing suicide ever again , whenever the thought comes, just look at your kids and imagine what will happen to them, no man is worth dying for.

And also get a job asap, in case anything happens you'll not be at the losing end.

You are a good person and God will bless you for the advice you've given the op.
She should live for her children and try to get a job ASAP

yawns

thorpido:
Op,sorry about your situation.A lot of women ask themselves what they did wrong when things like this happen.You didn't do anything wrong.A MAN THAT WILL CHEAT WILL CHEAT.

I will like to say that you shouldn't monitor your husband but you should close-mark him.It is easy for a man to stray if he feels he is not closely watched.Women who say they don't touch their husband's phone,it is to your disadvantage.My wife uses my phone to browse and sometimes flip through pictures.It is good for me cause it helps me to caution myself.I be human being too.

Please consider your children and your family.Your life is not worth taking because of a cheating husband.
Take your time to heal and ask yourself if you can forgive your hubby.Let him do a health screening so you are sure he has a clean bill of health.

What do you mean by the bolded?
Are u saying there is no reason why the man cheats?
Are u saying it's genetic or something?
You make it sound like she had no control over the matter, like even the man has no control over the matter, 'a man that will cheat will cheat' what does that even mean?

May God deliver us from irresponsible men. Amen

bestestgirl:
It will be so easy to say "Op forgive him, OP think of your children, OP Men are not worth the stress" but the truth is that, when you are hurting and in such deep pain, those cliches actually mean nothing. Don't take any concrete decisions now OP, you need to just concentrate on getting thru this period of deep emotional distress, first of all you have to surround yourself with your friends so that you don't overthink. finally, pray for your husband, just call out his name and say things like "you are blessed, you are favoured, you will live and not die", it really helps to pray for the person you are trying to forgive.

The guy might have slept with some of the friends she is surrounding herself with sef


She married a wealthy man and a politician and she is surprised that he is unfaithful?

SexyCeline:
May God deliver us from irresponsible men. Amen

Says the chic with the vvvvvvery sexy short skirt

5minsmadness:
Says the chic with the vvvvvvery sexy short skirt

smiles

5minsmadness:


What do you mean by the bolded?
Are u saying there is no reason why the man cheats?
Are u saying it's genetic or something?
You make it sound like she had no control over the matter, like even the man has no control over the matter, 'a man that will cheat will cheat' what does that even mean?

She's supposed to have a part in it? I know you didn't ask me but I'll assume it's just a civil conversation, so you won't mind if I cut in.

A man who will cheat, will cheat because he decided to, he made a choice.

5minsmadness:


What do you mean by the bolded?
Are u saying there is no reason why the man cheats?
Are u saying it's genetic or something?
You make it sound like she had no control over the matter, like even the man has no control over the matter, 'a man that will cheat will cheat' what does that even mean?

A lot of people on this forum have always said African men are polygamous in nature.Many men say they can't eat only one type of soup all their life.
I have been around guys long enough to know that they cheat just because they want a different kitty-kat than the one they have always had.
The lady has no control over it but the man has total control and that is why he cheated.

OP, you want to kill yourself and leave your kids for who? Try and talk to him if he can ever change but with his involvement in politics, its hard to find faithful politicians(Some are faithful though) as girls throw themselves at them.

Focus on your kids, learn a skill before you resume working and don't give yourself headache about what you cannot change. You have to learn to deal with it or consider divorce Never forget prayer- He listens


Zi,

Once a cheat always a cheat unless he decideds to change. If you can't handle it in a relationship then it's better the relationship is called off as marriage is a different ball game all together. Easier to break a relationship than divorce!

Happy new month sweety
#YouKnowYourSelf