₦airaland Forum

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

Toks2008:
[b]Story for the gods...

Nobody is safe from HIV or stds because even condom does not really give guaranty protection.

If you like continue to change men a million times,95 out of 100 men will cheat on you even if you are hotter than the sexiest lady in the world.

For the men, if you must commit the hell bound sin of philandering please and please do your wife the honor of doing it far far far away from her to give her the respect and please for the sake of your life,that of your wife and the children, please use a protection.

I want every lady reading this to take this hard pill in and swallow with a cold glass of water,MOST MEN WILL CHEAT ON YOU NO MATTER WHAT and you will be the most clueless and foolish woman to pay back by doing same thing because at the end you will be at the losing end remeber that its a cruel world of men and if you ever allow yourself fall victim of baseless retaliation,you will blame yourself by the time many men use you like rags after you have ben sent packing from your matrimonial home.

Wise up.[/b]

Thats all.

babygirlfl:
Men cheat because they get away with it.

Men cheat because the women do nothing about it. They just grin and bear.

Men cheat because they know our women are too scared to do anything about it.

Men cheat because our women do not have standards for a man. The only standard is if they can provide.

Men cheat because society does not frown at it.

The famous think about the children is a big scam. I wonder why the man does not think about the children. Why should he when he knows you will think about them. If 50% of women cheated on divorced their husband, any man that is about to cheat will think about the fact that there is a 50% chance of throwing their marriage away. They might think twice before cheating unlike now that it less that 1% chance of loosing their marriage to cheating. Women until you take the bull by the horn to say we don't care what society thinks and walk away from cheating husbands especially serial cheats, cheating will sure continue to rise and women will keep enduring rather than enjoying their marriage.

989900:
At the 'struck-through', you can't make that decision for anyone, especially, when naturally it is supposed to.

Apart from that, you've made very solid points.

MizMyColi:

Yes...

lastchild:
please what do you mean by TLC?

DICKtator:
You mean, you quoted all that just to ask what she meant by TLC?

Are you serious?

nickibarb:
Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

lastchild:
and you re-quoted me to ask this question instead of answering me

okirewaju:
True this but cheating is a vice that has found it's way into the society.

Any advice? I'm here to learn as well

chowlade:
Do it back. to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

nickibarb:
Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

oseod:
No dey follow my wife dey talk like that....
I no like am

nickibarb:
Please help me. I'm drowning.

I am feeling very depressed right now. My marriage has been mainly peaceful and chaos free. I did my part, cared for my husband, cooked for him, was available to satisfy his sexual needs 24/7, prayed for him, dressed like I did when we were dating, kept my body in tiptop shape even after 2 babies via c/s, everyone around me testifies to that both men and women.

In the wee hours of sunday morning, I was playing around with his phone cause i couldn't sleep. I realised he had WHATSAPP and BBM apps, it was surprising cause I had tried to get him to download them repeatedly so we can send pics to each other but he refused. He said he wasn't interested in them, so I deleted mine. Like every curious cat, I wanted to see what he was up to on it since he didn't tell me that he had finally downloaded it.

I saw that he had been flirting with almost 10 different girls, had met up with some, given money to a lot of them (even though our finances have not been in tiptop shape, but i've been persevering cause I know it is temporary - I have a great job offer with a N200k salary post-nysc but they are not ready for me to resume work yet, so I have no income for now). Before I digress too much, the chat that hurt me the most was a girl who asked my husband to be sending her N30k a month or week, i'm not sure again (my eyes were blurred with tears), and then whenever he needs her, he should just tell her which hotel to check into. Funny enough, they all know he is married with kids, they even ask him about his baby in the course of their chat. Another one that broke my heart was a girl he asked to arrange 15 girls for a political event being hosted by his older politician friend and the girls should be ready to provide TLC for them afterwards. From the messages, it was clear that he slept with this particular girl after that event because she reminded him that the money she received is not a replacement for the one he is supposed to give her (i'm guessing after a previous sexcapade).

I am so heartbroken, I don't know what to do. I feel like I gave my marriage my all, I followed all the rules of a good wife, I read books, i don't know what I could have done differently. My husband told me everyday how much he was in love with me for the 2 years we dated prior to marriage (we've been married 2 years and 6 months). I saw no trait of promiscuity in him. I trusted him 100% so I never policed him concerning his whereabouts (it's not really in my nature to be like that). I never saw this betrayal coming so it has been very difficult for me to deal with this. I had an emotional breakdown on sunday night when he went for a meeting with the new governor of our state (he is related to him). He came home at midnight to see me unconscious. I woke up in a hospital, apparently I had overdosed on pills. At that time, I wanted to die to get away from my life, but now I didn't die, i'm happy he came home in time to rescue me. I mean he could have easily stayed out all night because it was a special day (post-inauguration celebration). I don't know how I could have thought of leaving my two little kids less that 2 years old. This man has made me CRAZY. If my family hears about this suicidal attempt, they will make me leave him immediately. My fear is, what happens to my little kids, I don't want another woman to come and maltreat them. We were legally married but not in Nigeria. I don't know if Nigerian courts would recognise our marriage certificate. I don't want to lose my kids. I feel like God has allowed a trial too great for me to handle to come my way. I feel like he over-rated my strength. I am just 27. Isn't it too soon for me to face this kind of life challenge? God knows I married this man out of love, not for money, my parents tried their best for me. They sent me abroad, that's where I met my husband, I didn't even know his family in Nigeria was relatively well-to-do. Some people say if your husband cheats on you, it's nemesis for what you did to other women's husbands. God knows I am innocent. I have tried to find out why my husband who says he loves me everyday, will go out of his way to flirt with girls and sleep with them, (it's not like it's all of them that are coming on to him, he is actually doing most of the chasing). He cannot give me a reason for it, he is just begging me to let it go. I have tried but I'm still hurting, i'm still obsessing about it. How can I heal? I don't want to die and leave my children. How can I stop this pain that is eating me up?

I have read all the articles I can find online about how to get past a cheating husband, it doesn't seem to help. I asked my husband if he used a condom and if I need to go and check for STDs. He is not able to answer me directly but says we can both go and get checked out. I feel like God has forsaken me and I don't deserve it. I have tried to be a good girl all my life. I need this pain in my heart to stop. I need to be sane again.

Vivly:
Do what back to him?

Beetle:
My two pence


Nicki,

you're a U.S. Licenced doctor
Your husband is 13 years older than you
You don't talk to your parents
His family don't respect you
He doesn't want you to work neither does he want you to write your professional exams.
In between I read your last thread where he nearly killed you and his mum was on the phone and up to now she hasn't called to check up on you.
You want to kill yourself because of a man.



This screams abuse in the highest order, my friend find your way back to US with your kids and get a job cos if you divorce him in Naija, your kids will be taken away from you. This man here doesn't care about you. He was looking for a victim, and you were young and he took advantage of you. What I don't understand is the petty reason he doesn't want you to talk to your parents cos of wedding that took place 2 years ago.

onadana:
[color=#006600][/color]

Man is polygamous by nature...man is a gregarious being so that tendency to stray is always there.The only thing that can stop a man is the fear of God...not being a Christian or born again.It is only man that can stop this madness called cheating.

Beetle:
My two pence


Nicki,

you're a U.S. Licenced doctor
Your husband is 13 years older than you
You don't talk to your parents
His family don't respect you
He doesn't want you to work neither does he want you to write your professional exams.
In between I read your last thread where he nearly killed you and his mum was on the phone and up to now she hasn't called to check up on you.
You want to kill yourself because of a man.



This screams abuse in the highest order, my friend find your way back to US with your kids and get a job cos if you divorce him in Naija, your kids will be taken away from you. This man here doesn't care about you. He was looking for a victim, and you were young and he took advantage of you. What I don't understand is the petty reason he doesn't want you to talk to your parents cos of wedding that took place 2 years ago.

Adiwana:
am not a relationship Expert or marriage Counsellor but this my advice
Committing Suicide will be the most foolish and stupid thing you would ever do...it will simply give Him more room to do his thing..neither suicide or anything Out of the ordinary will change him..remember that highest 6 months you are a forgotten issue and guess what,life goes on..Nobody will miss you esp him who does what?moves to the next available thing.
You are an exposed woman and should know that on killing yourself you will be losing at both ends..
From your story you've achieved a lot as young woman..you are exposed,good family background,educated,married at a good age,blessed with kids.what else can one ask for?.the thing you need at this point in time is SECURITY.you need a job..it will enable you to build your career and carter for your children..remember that your husband may have kids outside..so all you need is secure a job and build everything in their name...your money should be given to them....you also need to start up projects when you've Saved Enough to give them a place..am saying this for you to know that this kids are looking Up to you and not their father..this will help take away the pain and make you to be more focused..
Try as much as possible to be independent..dont depend On the guys money..in fact try get that Job..this will make you to need less of his money..[b]cos remember that you seeking for a divorce or anything right now means his going with his kids..[/b]so get a job and build a future for the two kids and pls and pls again,Don't EVER GIVE IT A THOUGHT.if you are a christan,read your bible and know what God says about suicide..God has not abandoned you

nobosaba:
Woman start saving... Open another bank account give the papers to your or any of your trusted family member. Do not cheat on him as a pay back, never never.... Put it in God's hands he will do the trick... And lastly let's say when he his leaving the house say tomorrow morning run to him, kiss him and put a comdom in his pocket while smiling and tell him be safe and you go inside... Don't worry about the rest

nickibarb:
Thanks for taking time to analyze my situation. You're actually spot on. I've had sometime to reflect on the events of the past one week. I realize that my reaction was selfish and stupid. maybe if i felt like i had the option of going to my parents, i won't have felt so helpless. I pretty much came back to my marital home without their blessing after the first fight we had, which i described in my other post. I kind of felt ashamed to go back to them in my moment of despair. My husband has shown so much remorse, has begged me over and over again, he has deleted the apps from his phone, he comes home earlier now and calls me during the time he's out to tell me what he's up to. I'm tempted to believe he's serious about changing but from what I've read here so far, apparently its silly to expect a Nigerian man in Nigeria to be faithful to you especially one who has decided to make politics his source of livelihood. I've resolved to try my best to forgive him and move on but as soon as I get that job and make some money, my next course of action will be to go to the US with/without my kids. I need to live for myself now. I believed in truelove but I fell flat on my face.

andreernest28:
MADAM I BELIEVE YOU LOVED HIM,THAT IS WHY YOU MARRIED HIM.MARRIAGE IS ENDURANCE ,I WILL EMPLOY YOU TO BE PATIENT WITH HIM AND PRAY FOR MERCIES UPON HIM,THERE IS NOTHIMG GOD CAN NOT DO,MEN OUT THERE WONT TAKE YOU IN.

chokolee12:
Don't let it bother u for once! Men aren't worth it just move on with ur life life is fun no time to waste. Mingle nd flex it

andreernest28:
MADAM I BELIEVE YOU LOVED HIM,THAT IS WHY YOU MARRIED HIM.MARRIAGE IS ENDURANCE ,I WILL EMPLOY YOU TO BE PATIENT WITH HIM AND PRAY FOR MERCIES UPON HIM,THERE IS NOTHIMG GOD CAN NOT DO,MEN OUT THERE WONT TAKE YOU IN.