Reality talk now. Promiscuity is like a "curse" it just sticks to the person for the whole of their life unless there is a "special intervention"(God factor). Please don't rely on his pleas that he would change,your husband may never change,so save yourself some heartache of thinking he will,so you wouldn't finally kill yourself if you discover that he never changed, I am sure he can't help it himself,he had been a cheat too long to change just that you never noticed. My advice to you is "Gboju" meaning,ignore the fact that he is a cheat until he changes(God factor) save yourself from worry for the sake of your kids. Start working and engross yourself in your job. After you both are sure he hadn't infected you,if possible,don't let him sleep with you without a condom(HIV/AIDS is real!),continue to perform your duties as a wife,look good and act like "all is well"...

nickibarb:


Thanks for taking time to analyze my situation. You're actually spot on. I've had sometime to reflect on the events of the past one week. I realize that my reaction was selfish and stupid. maybe if i felt like i had the option of going to my parents, i won't have felt so helpless. I pretty much came back to my marital home without their blessing after the first fight we had, which i described in my other post. I kind of felt ashamed to go back to them in my moment of despair. My husband has shown so much remorse, has begged me over and over again, he has deleted the apps from his phone, he comes home earlier now and calls me during the time he's out to tell me what he's up to. I'm tempted to believe he's serious about changing but from what I've read here so far, apparently its silly to expect a Nigerian man in Nigeria to be faithful to you especially one who has decided to make politics his source of livelihood. I've resolved to try my best to forgive him and move on but as soon as I get that job and make some money, my next course of action will be to go to the US with/without my kids. I need to live for myself now. I believed in truelove but I fell flat on my face.

My dear I'm glad you are finally starting to understand LIFE. This is reality for Nigerian women.it is a bitter pill to swallow but swallow it you must. My 2 cents is now that you know that anyone can do anything you can plan your life accordingly. I still think you need to tell your parents so that they are aware of what is happening to you. Your parents can never stop loving you.

Try to give your best to your marriage but don't lose you. Don't put your happiness on your hubby, he can add to it.bring your parents back into your life, hang out with your family members, good friends, get a job, get a hobby, live and love the life you have irregardless.

nickibarb:


Thanks for taking time to analyze my situation. You're actually spot on. I've had sometime to reflect on the events of the past one week. I realize that my reaction was selfish and stupid. maybe if i felt like i had the option of going to my parents, i won't have felt so helpless. I pretty much came back to my marital home without their blessing after the first fight we had, which i described in my other post. I kind of felt ashamed to go back to them in my moment of despair. My husband has shown so much remorse, has begged me over and over again, he has deleted the apps from his phone, he comes home earlier now and calls me during the time he's out to tell me what he's up to. I'm tempted to believe he's serious about changing but from what I've read here so far, apparently its silly to expect a Nigerian man in Nigeria to be faithful to you especially one who has decided to make politics his source of livelihood. I've resolved to try my best to forgive him and move on but as soon as I get that job and make some money, my next course of action will be to go to the US with/without my kids. I need to live for myself now. I believed in truelove but I fell flat on my face.

Give him the benefit of doubt, maybe he can change. But be ready for anything, position yourself well

SpencerLewis:
Another little kid like chowlade above u.

okirewaju:
Yes, I have heard of cases where philandering men stop going after women and concentrate on their wife alone.

[color=#006600][/color]


One can draw a lot of positives from the wife at home,but men keep looking at the greener grass at the other side.Once one starts it is difficult to stop because the eyes is never satisfied with seeing,the wind will always blow in the same direction.Philandering men need to work on their mind set because even if they are married to Miss World,they will still stray.

My dear nickibarb, don't ever think of killing your self because of somebody, ask yourself if he can die because of you? Which is a big NO.

Firstly your husband is an abuser and a pretender,don't be fooled by his remorseful ways ,if you have not caught him, he will still be doing all his EVIL deeds pretending to be a faithful husband.

He knows how emotional you are and he has alienated you from your parents,so that you would have no one to talk to you,making him your perfect victim.

What you have to do now is to start confiding in your parents immediately, still apply for jobs or if you have savings better for you.

Or move to your parents house immediately and plan from there, but never leave you children ,go with them anywhere you are going.

Goodluck with whatever you decides but know that you must value your life before somebody will value you,you are still young, your life has just started so make the right decision now.

Pls dear, sorry for d hurt. I know exactly how u feel. Don't u ever contemplate suicide for any reason whatsoever, u did not give urself life, u shouldn't take ur life. If u r successful in carrying out d suicide, u won't make heaven. For me, my most important goal in this life is to make heaven, don't let ur husband or anybody make u willfully miss heaven.

#2) you mentioned how ur parents tried for u...and u didn't even consider the trauma they wl go thru were u successful in d suicide attempt. That one person who loves u disappointed u does not mean that u wl turn ur back on the plenty other people who truly love u, like ur kids, ur parents, ur siblings, ur relatives....these are pple who can NEVER have a replacement of u in their lives. #FOODFORTHOUGHT. yes ur hubby can replace u by re-marrying but ur kids will never have another mother, nor ur parents or siblings be able to replace u.

Am taking time to dwell on why you should never contemplate suicide because ur hubby may pipe low for a while, only to resume cheating on u again.

#3) Draw closer to God, read ur bible seriously, read christian books and literature, attend church evening programmes, make up ur mind to dwell in the house of the Lord and serve God wt all ur might.
Then, draw ur husband close to God too, subtly and lovingly. It is only the holy spirit that can change a man. You keep praying for him, and pray against strange women in ur marriage. With the help of the Holy spirit, the carnality in him can be conquered...such that he won't even contemplate cheating.

4 don't repay him by cheating no matter how angry u get. Find other ways to vent ur anger, don't even bottle it. You made a vow before God to be faithful to this man, fear God and keep ur vow. It's not about him, it's about God, it's about ur love for God...such that not even ur hubby can tamper wt ur love for God...

I pray that God meets u at the points of ur need and heal u of every hurt and make you whole again. SHALOM!

Eteo:
Pls dear, sorry for d hurt. I know exactly how u feel. Don't u ever contemplate suicide for any reason whatsoever, u did not give urself life, u shouldn't take ur life. If u r successful in carrying out d suicide, u won't make heaven. For me, my most important goal in this life is to make heaven, don't let ur husband or anybody make u willfully miss heaven.

#2) you mentioned how ur parents tried for u...and u didn't even consider the trauma they wl go thru were u successful in d suicide attempt. That one person who loves u disappointed u does not mean that u wl turn ur back on the plenty other people who truly love u, like ur kids, ur parents, ur siblings, ur relatives....these are pple who can NEVER have a replacement of u in their lives. #FOODFORTHOUGHT. yes ur hubby can replace u by re-marrying but ur kids will never have another mother, nor ur parents or siblings be able to replace u.

Am taking time to dwell on why you should never contemplate suicide because ur hubby may pipe low for a while, only to resume cheating on u again.


#3) Draw closer to God, read ur bible seriously, read christian books and literature, attend church evening programmes, make up ur mind to dwell in the house of the Lord and serve God wt all ur might.
Then, draw ur husband close to God too, subtly and lovingly. It is only the holy spirit that can change a man. You keep praying for him, and pray against strange women in ur marriage. With the help of the Holy spirit, the carnality in him can be conquered...such that he won't even contemplate cheating.

4 don't repay him by cheating no matter how angry u get. Find other ways to vent ur anger, don't even bottle it. You made a vow before God to be faithful to this man, fear God and keep ur vow. It's not about him, it's about God, it's about ur love for God...such that not even ur hubby can tamper wt ur love for God...

I pray that God meets u at the points of ur need and heal u of every hurt and make you whole again. SHALOM!

Thank you. I'm digesting every word

My Dear, I understand how you feel.But if You are a Born again Christian you should understand that is only Jesus that cannot fail or disappoint you.
Do you remember this song

"Jesus never fail 2x
Man of the world may fail you(including you husband,Pastor,father,Children,friend etc)
but Jesus never fail"

Committing suicide is a direct ticket to hell fire.Don't even think about it again
Please cast your burden upon Our Lord Jesus for He careth for you.
Pray also against anti marriage power that want to ruin your marriage
I pray that God will give you the grace and power to move ahead in life.

Cmon dats nt d solution. like d Yoruba pple will say, (ori bibe ko ni ogun ori fifo) meanin, cuttin-off d head is nt d solutn 4 headache. pls madam, jettison advices such as dis.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

sure it do hurt wen ur hubby cheatd on u bt d TRUTH is, u can c dat d truth is in cap letter, dis thins happen everyday n everywher. At ur age, u can tell me dat u will nt remarry or wish to marry anoda person. i can bet u, 90% of married guys does dis thins n if u ask dem, they can''t giv u any gud reason 4 doin so. sotherefore, my advise is dat u shd jst try to forgiv ur hubby n continu wit ur life dats all

Toks2008:


I will pretend that i did not see your display of childishness and lack of manners.

Now let me give u some valuable
enlightenment about the fact THAT CONDOM DOES NOT PREVENT STIs OR EVEN HIV

Do you know that condom does not cover
the entire shaft or penile region?

the base of the shaft and part of the srotal
sac makes contact with the vaginal fluid
during intercourse.

We also know that HIV is prevent in the
vagina fluid and it can pass through a delicate membrane such as the delicate skin in the penile region so apparently as we make love with psycological pleasure,we also stand the risk of contracting hiv nd other sti once thepenile shaft or srotal sac touches her fluid and she can also get the virus if an infected lover has the virus as a result of mild abbraisons on the man pnis so please rid urself of the ignorant mentality that condoms prevent sti.

my word of advice,be matured and decent when you make posts on ab online socia platform so that you will not be percieved as a low life social tout.

What an arrogant display of idiocy! Do you know that abstinence, which the most effective way of preventing STDs is not 100%?? Maybe 90%- ie 9 out of 10 would be safe.
Use of condom is the 2nd most effective way and it has about 15-18% failure rate according to CDC.meaning 8 out of 10 people would be safe IF they had unprotected sex with someone who has STDs..
Please dont insult our collective intelligence.

nickibarb:


Thank you. I'm digesting every word

Honey now u know the reason why his libido has dropped. Sleeping with other women. Darling make urself happy, cheating Nigerian men aren't worth the stress. Make sure you build your career and get financially independent . Secondly pls let your parents know. You can't carry this alone. The weight will kill you.

chowlade:
Do it back to him. dont let him have a clue dat u did it

.
.
I tried to let this pass but I just couldn't, you are a very stupidd, hopeless, unintelligent, porous brained, feeble minded, foolishh, unproductive filty swine. OMG what an ldiot!!!!! is not every post you come across that you comment on now go find some things to play with overgrown baby monkey.
..
..
for fuk sake how does sleeping with another man help a woman that truly loves her husband, @ op God will give you peace, love and will mend your heart you're a blessing to the world I never believed such women still exists. please don't let this have a negative impact on your sweet personality.

SexyCeline:
May God deliver us from irresponsible men. Amen

.
also save and rescue us MEN from useless, irresponsible, pretentious Jezebels in the form of women AMEN.

5minsmadness:

Have I ever been uncivil to you?

That statement doesn't make sense. Saying A MAN WHO WILL CHEAT WILL CHEAT is like saying its inevitable, no matter what the woman or anyone else does. A man has a choice whether to cheat or not, and such choices are influenced by his immediate environment(wealth, poverty, time, availability, home condusiveness)

So a man who may want to cheat can be influenced by outside factors and inner self control not to do so.

.
Guess your five minutes madness is up now you're making sense bro. big ups

elohorayodele:


what tribe are you again?

.
if she was a guy I would have said he won't be from igbo tribe but she's a girl well most if them have the similar slow intellect.

icedbeatz:

.
if she was a guy I would have said he won't be from igbo tribe but she's a girl well most if them have the similar slow intellect.

Bigotry is not welcomed here, face front to politics section please.

VintageCocktail:
Bigotry is not welcomed here, face front to politics section please.

lol LMAO hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah relax bro, it's just sarcasm.

icedbeatz:


lol LMAO hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah relax bro, it's just sarcasm.

I am always on hyper alert for that shiiiit, makes me afraid of visiting politics section, now seeing someone with a sound advice to add a little dose of it to his comment sends an alarm.

kay29000:
I typed someting before I read the whole text, and someone already quoted me before I went around to change it. What I have to say is that, girls should stop nosing around their husband's phones, it always reveals what they can't handle. The bitter truth is, it is very hard for a man to stay faithful all through his married life...but most times, it is just for sexual satisfaction, nothing more...And it is sometimes just a phase that passes.


.

Please how does a man feel when his wife cheats on him?
Will it be okay if women cheat to have some fun too?

They actually have blood in their veins too not diesel.

icedbeatz:

.
.
I tried to let this pass but I just couldn't, you are a very stupidd, hopeless, unintelligent, porous brained, feeble minded, foolishh, unproductive filty swine. OMG what an ldiot!!!!! is not every post you come across that you comment on now go find some things to play with overgrown baby monkey.
..
..
for fuk sake how does sleeping with another man help a woman that truly loves her husband, @ op God will give you peace, love and will mend your heart you're a blessing to the world I never believed such women still exists. please don't let this have a negative impact on your sweet personality.

I see how d thing pain u well well lol, my mission accomplished.
i've giving her d best advice u r not a woman so y ranting abt? that's wot she will do

Please first things first, go and make peace with your parents.
You are going to need all the support that you can get and they are the best people who can do that for you as this may be a long and lonely road and you need people who genuingly have your back.

Take a break and clear your head so you are able to think calmly and straight.

((hugs))

tearoses:
Please first things first, go and make peace with your parents.
You are going to need all the support that you can get and they are the best people who can do that for you as this may be a long and lonely road and you need people who genuingly have your back.

Take a break and clear your head so you are able to think calmly and straight.

((hugs))

And right after that she heads to two different labs to drop samples before taking that break

nickibarb:


Thanks for taking time to analyze my situation. You're actually spot on. I've had sometime to reflect on the events of the past one week. I realize that my reaction was selfish and stupid. maybe if i felt like i had the option of going to my parents, i won't have felt so helpless. I pretty much came back to my marital home without their blessing after the first fight we had, which i described in my other post. I kind of felt ashamed to go back to them in my moment of despair. My husband has shown so much remorse, has begged me over and over again, he has deleted the apps from his phone, he comes home earlier now and calls me during the time he's out to tell me what he's up to. I'm tempted to believe he's serious about changing but from what I've read here so far, apparently its silly to expect a Nigerian man in Nigeria to be faithful to you especially one who has decided to make politics his source of livelihood. I've resolved to try my best to forgive him and move on but as soon as I get that job and make some money, my next course of action will be to go to the US with/without my kids. I need to live for myself now. I believed in truelove but I fell flat on my face.

Nne listen to me and listen good
This is from an aunty to a niece
Do not step an inch out of that house without those angels if you have decided to move especially if traveling abroad
Don't even think about it
If you have decided to move,just pretend that all is well,let him buy the tickets to send you and kids for a vacation and you wave him a final goodbye
If you leave those kids,you have lost them
They will be told their mom abandoned them and they will hate you and no one can blame them
Take this as a serious warning
You will regret it

@nickibarb:

please take babymama advise very seriously
If you do leave, do not under any circumstances leave without your kids
Worst case scenario take them to your parents for a short period as a very very very last resort even (plan z)
If you leave without them, you are setting these poor kids up for a hard and difficult life with lots of stepauntys/stepmothers.
God forbid, they may end up damaged for life and may never forgive you.
This is why ive told you to take time out and think things through in a calm way.
Pray for wisdom and strength too.

Joy1706:

Thunder will fire you if you know in your heart you will not be able to smile, kiss and give your wife a condom if she's cheating on you

Stupidity na dey worry you. if you can't comprehend go and die... In fact why not suggest yours and leave others along Bunkafool

adconline:

What an arrogant display of idiocy! Do you know that abstinence, which the most effective way of preventing STDs is not 100%?? Maybe 90%- ie 9 out of 10 would be safe.
Use of condom is the 2nd most effective way and it has about 15-18% failure rate according to CDC.meaning 8 out of 10 people would be safe IF they had unprotected sex with someone who has STDs..
Please dont insult our collective intelligence.

Honestly i think there should be a mental evaluation before people are allowed to join nairaland.

Cant you make your point without sounding razz and insulting?

You are the one who just displayed unwarranted arrogance because the last time i checked i made an intelligent post which can be accepted or countered with intelligent comments and not a display of stark dumbness and unwarranted sarcasm.

U

Toks2008:


Honestly i think there should be a mental evaluation before people are allowed to join nairaland.

Cant you make your point without sounding razz and insulting?

You are the one who just displayed unwarranted arrogance because the last time i checked i made an intelligent post which can be accepted or countered with intelligent comments and not a display of stark dumbness and unwarranted sarcasm.

2nd quote---
THAT CONDOM DOES NOT PREVENT STIs OR EVEN HIV

Idiocy is a permanent resident in ur brain! That codom doesn't stop STDs is the most blatant fuckctard statement on NL. Your post is opposite of intelligence!

My dear I understand perfectly how you feel because I can relate to this kind situation. Unlike you it took me a few months after marriage to find out the secret life my husband lived. He kept countless girls who knew about me, it was really hard because I was pregnant at that time. I could not tell my parents because everyone warned me became they thought I was still young to get married. I did not know what a smile was for months and I hid from my friends. Mind you this was a man who swiped me off my feet during our courtship
about 2years into marriage he planned a birthday party for me and I invited most of my friends back in school. Looking at the pics I realized how sad I looked in them, how my single girlfriends look fine and how I had changed just because of this marriage, that was when I advised myself. I shut down completely to have any feelings for him,I didn't care about his phone, his whereabouts,nothing!
Funny enough he's the one who's snooping my phone and following me around now. I can see he's changing but I can't bring myself to trust him again.
So my dear always remember never to put your happiness in the hands of a man, only you can make you happy. Take care of you and your kids.
One thing I also learnt is not to forgive a man easily,you may forgive him in your heart but let him know how much he hurt you but not by fighting and crying your eyes out Infront of him ,thats pathetic. Take a break, go to your parents side with you kids for the weekend. It's hard but you need to get over it one way or the other else you will see your mates and hide because too much thinking has made you old all of a sudden.

adconline:
U
Idiocy is a permanent resident in ur brain! That codom doesn't stop STDs is the most blatant fuckctard statement on NL. Your post is opposite of intelligence!

If i were you i will at least try to be intelligent to counter my superb analysis on why i believe condom does not stop stds especially HIV.

But it is a sign of daftness to just come online castigating and abusing me because i made a concise post with excellent analysis and this in itself goes to show that you are simply getting worked up for no justifiable reason.

Any intelligent person will read my post and assimilate and if he/she has something contrary will simply state without resorting to vulgarity. Please be sensible and matured. I will stop here. g night.

chowlade:


I see how d thing pain u well well lol, my mission accomplished.
i've giving her d best advice u r not a woman so y ranting abt? that's wot she will do

trick what pains me is how a girl at your age would be so dumb to come up with such a solution like that, if an slowpoke has the ability to log online with your moniker then it would be understandable but knowing its a supposed normal human?!? mpheew and from this your last post its apparently true that you're as brainless as a twerp. well enjoy your foolishnesssssss after all ignorance is bliss.
the mind blowing thing is that you are #StupiddAndProud.
.
what pained me is bit just your award deserving stupidityy honey(you can be as stupidd as you want) but that with your post you might make some people wonder whether God really created you or make it seem he made a mistake and forgot to put a brain in your rotten, porous skull when as a GOD he is perfect and did so it's just that you decided never to make use of it.