₦airaland Forum

Amya:
Quick question. If you were a woman and you find out your husband slept with another woman what will you do?

a. Kill yourself by overdosing on pills.

b. divorce your husband and take your kids.

c. None of the above.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating for cheating husbands rather all what I'm trying to do is to let women know that if their spouse cheats on them, it's simply not the end of the world. They should not consider suicide. They shouldn't become bitter and depressed and feel they've failed as a woman just because their husband screws another.

I think it makes more sense to throw these questions to the male-folk... the MARRIED MEN preferably!

FrancisTony:
I can only speak for Christians.

Bible said love your wife as Christ loved his Church.
Any Christian man that supports OP will definitely not eat his cake and have it.
Adultery and Pre-marital sex is evil - shun it.

Don't be a cheat and expect submissive/respectful wife.


N/B - Quote responsibly...

true talk.Bless your soul

indiraserv:
Aww....I can't imagine

yeah

honourhim:
You people are playing hypocrisy.

Which people?

How?

Wow, @ OP so that young lady complaining of her husband not letting her kids stay with her mum while she goes for an exam tried to kill herself you don't say,oh my! But why na, why should someone have such low self esteem... hope she is OK... I hope.

Interesting topic I must say, it seems like all we hear about these days is Men Cheating in marriages , it was rather unfortunate, the story of the lady who wanted to commit suicide,( she probably loved her hubby so much, and the shock of discovery was devastating)

One question I always ask is this, Men claim they will always cheat ,its their nature, women should accept it... Would a man accept a cheating wife?? The answer is no!!
What if the woman says she's only cheating for fun, not for love, does it change anything?? No

If you love and respect ur wife,home and family ,you would not cheat on your wife..

This woman takes care of you,your home, your kids,by extension your parents, she stays up to cook for you wen she cld be resting, and u think the best way to pay her back is by cheating on her? Cmon wat has happened to our conscience??

Men can cheat for all I care, but the prayer at the altar by faithful women is that cheating husbands will not live long same for the women folk..

To all my ladies out there, no man is worth dying for,you are a woman, a pillar of strenght with beautiful kids , forget bout the cheating hubby, take good care of utself and d kids, dnt forget to pray ..there is a God dt judges everyone accordingly

dradoyi:
We had similar discussion sometimes last month. After living with your wife for a long time.. she would be like a sister to you. As such any man that will say he has never cheated on his wife... can as well sleep wit his sister. As long as u cheat safely..ie protected n you still respect your wife for her not to know.

You mean after my husband becomes like a brother to me I can cheat on him and still respect him by not letting him know?

These nairalanders

slyfoxxjoe:
just say u don't want to engage me in a debate because u know I will flaw you and ur warped opinion on marriage and fidelity.. but no worries, I understand.

Why not try and do the needful?

Paragraphing is a simple elementary tutelage i believe you ought to be abreast with and i honestly can't read clustered words. Imagine as short as this post is, i paragraphed it and tell me you did not find it easy to read.

limamintruth:
And if i may ask, why do you keep saying that it is the 'nature' of men to cheat?

Does that mean any man that doesnt cheat is 'unnatural'?

Is infidelity or cheating gender-specific?

Do these cheating men carry out the act with fellow men or with women?

Are you aware that most of these runs-girls have fiances whom they are in steady relationships with respectively
Note that the same way these married men are cheating on their spouses is the same way most of these runs girls sleeping with married men are cheating on their fiances too (whom they pretend to be faithful to & hope to marry someday in the future).
Remember also that alot of wealthy married women also cheat on their husbands by engaging in sugar-mummyism with young boys. We have many of these kind of women in nigeria & abroad to this day.
Therefore, its no one's nature to cheat. Every human has the propensity to cheat irrespective of gender. Thankyou.

Guys are simply polygamous by nature and i really can't stress this enough.

TooNoisy:
What exactly is your point? So women should expect their husbands to cheat? What nonsense is this?

Not really.
She's simply saying, don't kill yourself when it happens, because it can.
A kind of preparing your mind to absorb the situation if it happens, instead of dying in shock.

Have you ever thought of the consequences of cheating as a man? All there thinking you can eat your cake and have it and the world belongs to you,justifying cheating,if I may ask,can you condone a cheating wife? For your good,better learn self control,most men never planned to be polygamist until they found themselves in it. Apart from HIV/AIDS and other STDs,some gals actually go diabolical,and the aftermath may not be redeemable. Do you even think women aren't tempted to cheat too?(Men's world right?) I am sure 2face Idibia never planned to be a polygamist,he only wanted a quickie and he got 5 bastards(forgive my language).Just know that every action you take have consequences law of karma! I rest my case.

Amya:
Coming from a pseudo-feminist, it shouldn't be all that alarming.

I was reading a thread yesterday about a young women who tried to commit suicide because she found out her supposedly perfect husband was cheating on her. If she were my kid Sis, I'd have dashed her free slap for that stupidity. This same lady was just justifying her husband's actions when after an argument he pushed her so her hard she banged her head on the edge of a glass table (in the risk of a permanent head injury). This same lady condoned and even justified her husband hating her OWN mother for the flimsy reason that she made some strong recommendations while they were planning their wedding. And suddenly she finds out her husband had a plethora of runs girls at his beck and call, and she overdosed on pills! You've got to be kidding me!

Now, I know my opinion on cheating males is going to be hugely unpopular amongst the female folks in the house (especially the married ones who for some reason think their life's happiness is tied to their spouse's fidelity). I'm also not making excuse for the male folks for cheating, I'm just trying to be realistic about this society. For some reason, men cheat. Most men infact. The sooner women realise this, the happier marriages will be. Sex is not love. To men especially (and me too) sex is just a function that can stand on it's own independent of love and even affection. It's like eating.

Don't be 100% sure that your husband is not cheating or will not cheat on you. That will be living in a fools paradise my dear. It has nothing to do with how pure or holy you were growing up. let's lower our expectations as far as marriage is concerned, and I bet you you'll have a happier and fulfilled marriage.

Or you can always choose not to get married. Divorce is also an option.

Yeah, Yeah I know about the bringing another woman into the house or infecting HIV to the poor innocent wife. Yeah let's hope your husband is sensible enough to not commit to these ladies and he's not stupid enough to not use protection.

To think that it's ok for men to cheat is ridiculous. And that coming from a woman is really sad. Any woman who accepts infidelity as given or norm is absolutely lacking in self esteem. Why would you stay with someone who cheats on you? Sex is like eating? U 're a joke! Sex is everything about intimacy, it's your own sanctuary. Men would never condone partners cheating either and that's how it should be. Your opinion is very misleading. And I want to let young people coming on here to be mindful of individual opinion. You definitely deserve someone who respects your love and sanctity. Don't be taken for a ride. There's no justification for cheating...for a man and a woman!

Mynd44:
This is either sarcasm or BS. How can a man say and you call him "intelligent"?

I don't understand you people.

And Ujsizzle, biko tell me you shared that by mistake.

What is a dumb man's standard for intelligence, there lies your answer.

stardragon:
my JESUS dosn't give ppl bad wifes....




The devil does.

okay if he acts like a husband from the devil he should get a wife from the devil

ayoolanr:
WOW!!!! This is the most despicable thing i have ever read lately! Imagine, making excuses for cheating? Adultery for God's sake! Once you are married and anyone cheats, it is absolute grounds for divorce! How can you break trust and say it's not the worst thing that can happen in a marriage? It is ONE of the worst things that can happen in a marriage!!!!! And if you are a woman and you wrote this, you are a disgrace to Nigerian women and women all over the world! Nigerian women have been victimized by their men for so long, they are suffering from a bad case of Stockholm syndrome! Shame on you OP!!!! And before you yarn dust, i am not a woman/feminist, but i am a firm believer in fairness and equity!!!! Plus i have a gaddamn mother and sisters and would absolutely not want my sister to be victimized by a cheating spouse!!!!

hmmmmm
so u will advise your sister to divorce her husband if he cheats on her?
I'm a christian and a firm believer in marital fidelity...... but let me tell u something
life is not all white and black as u think........rather, it comes in different shades of color, sometimes matted together u cant even decipher.
and when it hits u......taking irrational decisions like the ones u posted maybe counterproductive.
ever wonder why people say 'life is not fair......get use to it'.

@ post
I'm sure the op never encouraged infidelity of any kind......
rather all she's saying is dont do anything deemed extreme when u discover ur spouse' infidelity.....
there are other options.......

To my naija women....the truth remains,
the sole reason why your husband will never cheat on you is if he has a genuine fear of God in his heart.
the bible says the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom......
A wise man who knows this and keeps it to heart will know that adultery is a destroyer and a destiny killer. proverbs 5:1-23.
anything apart from the above guarantees nothing.
your beauty, cooking, wealth, love, care, charm, influence, nagging, threat may not prevent him..........
that's the realistic truth.

Nonso23:
I didn't even see this yesterday

Look my children are my blood. They are the true family. A wife is a mere surrogate by today's standards hence my insistence on confirming my blood relation before even caring for the surrogate stranger.
The surrogate is disposable tissue. Blood is forever!

you learnt this from your parent' s marriage?

Toks2008:
Guys are simply polygamous by nature and i really can't stress this enough.

so how many times do you advice a woman to forgive a non repentant cheating husband?

Tamaris1:
Your prayer does not hold water! You think you understand the Bible so well but you don't!! Let me start from the old testament: you will notice that a man was never made for just one woman. Abraham, Jacob (even married two sisters), Moses, David, Solomon, and the Kings of Israel had many wives and concubines. Sarah gave her maid to Abraham to sleep with. Leah gave her maid to Jacob to sleep with; also Rachael gave her maid to Jacob for have sex with him. Women then understood the nature of men and were not as jealous as we have it now! A woman that slept with a man other than her husband was to be stoned to death. Such law never applied to men (a man was to be killed only if he slept with another man's wife).
Then to our African tradition: a man's worth was not measured only in terms of wealth and riches; but also in terms of the number of wives he had. But it was a taboo for a woman to go outside (and sleep with another man). Even fellow women will severely punish her.
I know you will say, "but the Bible says: "If anyone desires the office of a Bishop, ......, Deacon, Elder, etc...... he must be husband of one wife"". I agree with you; but that statement implies that there were people in the early church who had more than one wife (if not the commandment won't have been necessary).

what does the new testament have to say about polygamy?

vhickky:
so how many times do you advice a woman to forgive a non repentant cheating husband?

Just tell him to use protection and do it far far away from you.

Please whatever i post on nairaland concerning relationships are unbiased facts and if the reader can try to consider my assertions,it will be of great advantage.

A lady should not even have that bother her even when we know how difficult it may be and its like a reasonable man knowing that he has to fend for his family so in same manner every married lady should zero her mind that that man will and i Mean WILL CHEAT ON HER and if he never does,all well and good.

This is how to be happy in marriage.

BE submissive

Be romantic

Be an excellent cook

Be financially independent

Be happy with yourself

Love your husband and care for him.

Expect him to cheat on you but tell him that incase he ever decides to be crazy with his dick, he should do it far away from you and be sensible enough to use condom

Then don't bother your head about his fidelity but live your life and dedicate you love to your children or something productive.

It Shall be Well With You.

.

sunnedee:
I didn't want to comment before but let me correct your claim above.
Not to justify cheating but even abroad as you put it men still cheat and surprise : some of the wives know and just bone.

All of you should go through onatisi and ops post very well and grab some wisdom.
NB: quote me only if you have a brain that works
Top of the morning to ya all.

......and you think you made sense with the nonsense you just wrote above. What have you corrected here?....that men cheat abroad? Is there no country where humans do not cheat? Cheat on the average English woman and let her find out then see how the woman whoops your sorry arse.

Let me help your comprehension since there appears to be a firewall blocking it upstairs. We are talking about the fore-knowledge that there will be serious consequences abroad which does not exist in Nigeria for men except for women, mainly caused by the fact that you lot are not ready to be self made and rather grovel in the gutter like slaves depending on their master to breath.

Mynd44:
Iranu. Abasha.

To you not men.

Don't lump me together with you in your disgusting defence of your failures abeg

You must be a boy to think other wise to men, sex and love are different, it doesn't justify the OP's ascertion though, however, a sex starved man is a high risk, I don't think I will trust or invest in a man who is sex starved.
Men think better when sexually fulfiled.
Cheating is a different kettle of fish. cheating on a committed wife is unconscionable, dirty and lacks wisdom.
Nothing can justify that.
Cheating on a nag, disrespectful, dirty, arrogant wife, is self defence.
A good woman does not deserve to be cheated on.

Toks2008:
Just tell him to use protection and do it far far away from you.

Please whatever i post on nairaland concerning relationships are unbiased facts and if the reader can try to consider my assertions,it will be of great advantage.

A lady should not even have that bother her even when we know how difficult it may be and its like a reasonable man knowing that he has to fend for his family so in same manner every married lady should zero her mind that that man will and i Mean WILL CHEAT ON HER and if he never does,all well and good.

This is how to be happy in marriage.

BE submissive

Be romantic

Be an excellent cook

Be financially independent

Be happy with yourself

Love your husband and care for him.

Expect him to cheat on you but tell him that incase he ever decides to be crazy with his dick, he should do it far away from you and be sensible enough to use condom

Then don't bother your head about his fidelity but live your life and dedicate you love to your children or something productive.

SMH.

In essence be good but expect to be treated badly for being good.

Nonso23:
No I developed it after studying your kind of women on Nairaland

I was told an apple doesn't fall from its tree, this surely did not start on NL its okay to admit that's what you have grown up seeing, we won't judge you

cococandy:
SMH.

In essence be good but expect to be treated badly for being good.

Its crazy but true and this applies to a man too.

I tell guys that they can't just act towards their women with a prejudicial conviction that she wil misbehave hence the need to treat your woman excellently well yet expect the worst from her.

This are just the hard facts of life.

Nonso23:
Don't be so cranky
You should be proud that you are a member of the special group of specimens from which further understanding of the disposable nature of surrogates was derived.
It is a rare privilege

maybe your female family members are the disposable ones, clearly this is where you got this idea from

dvee2:
Its very hard to justify cheating, but that's the plain truth. One of the oldest surviving Hollywood marriage- will smith and jada pinket, the wife gave the same advice to married women recently, do not police or monitor your husband, for a man, sex and love are two different things, a man can love his wife to heavens but still have side chicks just to satisfy his physical desires. a word is enough for the wise.

Any sane cheater will deal decisively with the wh0re if she dares to make snide remarks about his wife.
In fact I have witnessed it uncountable times, slaps, hard knock, paying the bills etc.
Any sharp runs beb wont even try that, ie runs 101.
Never you talk about his wife cos that is where his heart is, just do the dirty and get paid.