₦airaland Forum

standd:
Not really, but I know 'love' is your forte too

Lol. Oh.
I guess you could put it like that too.

standd:
Gimme your phone number and the last 4 digits of your ATM Card number, so I can transfer your 2million Bututs through GT-transfer..fast

Lol... For real? Can one transfer with just fone number & atm card number? Without account number, how possible is dat?

Babymama1:
Another thought i would like you all to weigh in
What do people mean when they say I don't love him or her anymore
What are they really saying?

The butterflies in their tummies died.

ihedinobi2:
I think the movies confused us all about what love is. For some reason it has been made out to be a rush of endorphins. When you see someone and you are drawn to them, especially that kind of attraction that typically works out in kissing and getting friendly physically, then you're in love. Otherwise you're not. I personally think that's a fraud. It's part reason men don't bother as much with marriage now as they once did. Too many women to feel that way about.


Convenience? I think that's mercenary. But then some really good things start out in the worst ways sometimes, so....


What I believe about marriage is that it's about two people who either share or are willing to share a common ultimate goal in life. The whole endorphin rush actually is consequential in nature. I know for certain that it happens that people go from totally unattracted to sexually inseparable simply because some kinds of bonds are formed. So if two people are willing to consider having each other's back through life I'm certain that everything else will follow. That commitment to sharing destiny is what love is. It is the stuff that boils over into all manner of beautiful things.

Yes
I like the ring of this
You have just defined it for me
No marriage is perfect,mine isn't
Everyone has their challenges from time to time,but I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband will be there for me and the children .That deep seated confidence trumps anything else.
That to me is a manifestation of love

bellong:
It is no compulsion to marry who you love but it is of great importance to love who you marry.

Love is not an emotional feelings or butterfly cring when you see the person. It is a decision to be just, fair, caring faithful to your marital vow to whoever you marry.


Love can sustain a marriage by my definition of it.

However, the emotional love is only a mirage that can hold any union for long. It will fade one day and the lovebirds would become sworn enemies.

The bolded is exactly what most don't understand. They believe it is about something that comes effortlessly. They just have to sit down to daydream about some fairytale and they have achieved love. They believe its that melting feeling of passion.

Nah, passion has an height and would always falter and fade away at a point. What would hold you after then is that commitment to equity, fairness, sacrifice and doing what is best for the upliftment of the other person.

standd:
False
Life sucks without a good, healthy blokooss

Standd, I think your account has been hacked.
Seeing things unusual these days.

Abeg na!

cedaraustine:
Standd, I think your account has been hacked.
Seeing things unusual these days.

Abeg na!

Eh Me self I tire oh, who hacked my account should continue oh

Babymama1:
Yes
I like the ring of this
You have just defined it for me
No marriage is perfect,mine isn't
Everyone has their challenges from time to time,but I know without a shadow of a doubt that my husband will be there for me and the children .That deep seated confidence trumps anything else.
That to me is a manifestation of love

That calls up another matter. This hang-up with perfection might need examining. What makes a marriage perfect or imperfect? What are we all trying to approximate to when we talk about perfection?

Personally, I think a perfect marriage is one where the two involved are content with being together. Whatever they face, whatever happens, it's their fight together. That is the ideal for marriage and I don't think it is really out of reach. I don't think the ideal is that you never fight, never experience economic down times, poor decisions, childlessness, in-law issues. It is that even in the midst of all of this you face everything together covering each other's back. That, after all, is the meaning of marriage according to the Bible...with the singular addition that the partnership is built to enable the production of good things, good value in the world.

Babymama1:
This thread is an offshoot from a conversation somewhere else and I think it deserves it's own full discussion because it's an interesting one
Why do people marry?
What are the various driving forces that makes one want to be married and what factors dictate the person we decide to marry?

I remember some years ago on a forum,a lady argued that sometimes marriages could just be for convenience and it was OK.She made me see a perspective I had never before considered.
For instance ,a woman is getting older,approaching 40 and has a good career going but no suitors and she eventually marries a man one would consider to be well beneath her status,physically and economically.
One might wonder why she would " stoop that low just to marry".
However,considering that the clock is ticking by, she needs a husband ,she finds one who is willing to both be married and also raise his economic status by the marriage,it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing she argued, or would it?
It will be good if love was in the mix but if not and the marriage serves the purpose they both desired,Is it wrong?

What do you all say?

NOT in nigeria! Most here occur either due to opportunity, scam, the safety of comfort, unplanned pregnancy or desperation! Love would play a part in maybe 1% of the population of married couples here!

The word love is so huge and strong because it encompasses tolerance, kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, slow to anger etc.
I don't think human beings can easily meet up to that, but we can at least try.
As Christians we are called to show love to everyone not only our partners. It's very hard.

ihedinobi2:
That calls up another matter. This hang-up with perfection might need examining. What makes a marriage perfect or imperfect? What are we all trying to approximate to when we talk about perfection?

Personally, I think a perfect marriage is one where the two involved are content with being together. Whatever they face, whatever happens, it's their fight together. That is the ideal for marriage and I don't think it is really out of reach. I don't think the ideal is that you never fight, never experience economic down times, poor decisions, childlessness, in-law issues. It is that even in the midst of all of this you face everything together covering each other's back. That, after all, is the meaning of marriage according to the Bible...with the singular addition that the partnership is built to enable the production of good things, good value in the world.

This is good
Then I am a blessed woman

Babymama1:
This is good Then I am a blessed woman

Wonderful. May every other woman be so blessed.

Stillfire:
The word love is so huge and strong because it encompasses tolerance, kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, slow to anger etc.
I don't think human beings can easily meet up to that, but we can at least try.
As Christians we are called to show love to everyone not only our partners. It's very hard.

Seems like it also includes physical attributes and some material possessions or the ability to acquire material possessions
I am now defining love on our human terms
Let's not kid ourself,a jobless man squatting in his brother's house can be compassionate and kind and slow to anger all he wants,not too many girls will behold him and look beyond his pennilessness
There are many facets that trigger Eros in humans

raumdeuter:
It means Those characteristics I used to admire in him, he either doesn't have them again or (most likely) I have realized those characteristics arent really very important in the grand scheme of things.

E.g You love someone because he/she is fine, later you marry or move in together and discover he or she is lazy to the bones, and self centered

Even though he/she still has those physical features, I have come to realize there are more important things in life than the initial features I liked in him

Or a girl who loved the village wrestler because he was the strongest man in the village, Later in life upon expose realizes that physical strenght doesnt really count in life unless you want to be a manual labourer

...Very funny but true...especially the last

Nonso23:
Ojoro!
Stop writing with poetic charm so as to confuse me jor!
I can't even think up a rebuttal

Lol! You don't need to darling

Babymama1:
Seems like it also includes physical attributes and some material possessions or the ability to acquire material possessions
I am now defining love on our human terms
Let's not kid ourself,a jobless man squatting in his brother's house can be compassionate and kind and slow to anger all he wants,not too many girls will behold him and look beyond his pennilessness
There are many facets that trigger Eros in humans

Mmm, that hits pretty close to home right here. Growing up, one of the ways that I handled my libido was by sort of making myself unattractive (that was when I adopted the culture of actively preventing myself from impressing girls...not that I always succeeded, men are incurable show-offs and that's a genetic matter). It so happened that I also believed back then because of that funny kind of Christianity that tends toward the ascetic that it was vanity to try to make a point of looking good. I actually always had a sense for fashion. And I was sorely tempted but I kept myself reined in tight. So it took a woman actually talking with me to fall for me. That way, I escaped much of that teenage fun that was so common. I wouldn't approach women because I knew what I looked like in their eyes and I never propositioned one too because I knew what I looked like. I only turned on the charm when we got talking.

I learned then that women will almost always tilt toward the good-looking guy first. It took a smart play (such an involving thing really) to get them to come to people like me...and stay.

For that reason, when I was getting into this phase of my life where I would be practically penniless and, to all appearances, jobless, I decided that if I made it out of this phase with my girlfriend at the time I'd marry her. If not I wouldn't look for one but I wouldn't exactly rule out the option of getting together with someone. I also decided then that if a woman could not handle what I am now she would neither be able to handle what I'm working on becoming nor would I really want her at my side when I become it.

Back when I said I didn't want her to be at my side when I'm done I spoke in anger. At that time I even went as far as saying that I wouldn't want any woman at all if I finished what I had to do without one. And I seriously wondered what I needed with one when I had beaten the huge odds stacked against me without a woman helping me.

When I thought about it later, I figured that even after winning this one fight I'm faced with right now I've perhaps a thousand others to face. That's the price of success: more responsibility. So I would still need a friend to share my burden and have my back. But then I would be more wary about who I let into my life; because when you are well-to-do, how do you know who's there to help you be more productive and who's there to consume and fritter away all your factors of production? When you have nothing, the woman who's there typically is there because of what she thinks is possible and worth enduring difficulty for. When you have something, how can you know why she's there?

I feel certain that if I get to the end of this phase alone (I kind of doubt that I will), then I will figure out how to tell who is coming to be a help and who's a consumptive element when I get into the next.

I think that what I'm saying is that it is a pity when a woman pegs her love on available money. A man should be able to provide, I will never argue against that. But a woman had better be able to see beyond what is right there to be had. I think that the fact that Christianity itself preaches that although we have been saved by grace through faith, we will only come into our inheritance through various trials and tribulations teaches us that love is not defined by convenience. If you can't stand with someone when the chips are down you are not worthy to stand with anyone when the going is good.

UjSizzle:
A life without love is empty.

Nonso23:
That is how you win argument with ojoro

Stop crying joorh

Babymama, you talked about marrying a wealth man if you're still in the market. I don't think is a good statement been that you married the man you love and also many young girls in this forum look up to you; They might not understand it that you might be scastic and is misleading. Just saying.

Sarcastic