.

Call him and have a heart to heart talk with him. Donyvstart out in an abusive or defensive way. Just sit him down no begging like a trapped robber. Just calmly and clearly in a dignified way tell him you do not find this his attitude appealing for a married couple. He has to stop and change his ways. If he doesn't change, leave that marriage(do not think that having a child would change him, it would be only worsen your case). Since you married a toy boy, try to tell him step by step detail of all you are doing, if you want shit.... let him know, if you mess.....let him know, if you are going to Call someone, let him know before you even do those things.
Because if you guys don't work on it, one day you may insult him as usual and he slaps you and walks out and then cones to the press to say you called your BF in front of him. And kids on NL will support him and call you a who're and say you deserved to die. Learn from other people who took such issues lightly.

Shey u people are seeing what I was talking about?




It's very much good to knw the kind of person you are gettn married to in and out.. especially his bad sides.. I talked abt this just earlier on and nw, a good example just showed up..

delishpot:
Call him and have a heart to heart talk with him. Donyvstart out in an abusive or defensive way. Just sit him down no begging like a trapped robber. Just calmly and clearly in a dignified way tell him you do not find this his attitude appealing for a married couple. He has to stop and change his ways. If he doesn't change, leave that marriage(do not think that having a child would change him, it would be only worsen your case). Since you married a toy boy, try to tell him step by step detail of all you are doing, if you want shit.... let him know, if you mess.....let him know, if you are going to Call someone, let him know before you even do those things.
Because if you guys don't work on it, one day you may insult him as usual and he slaps you and walks out and then cones to the press to say you called your BF in front of him. And kids on NL will support him and call you a who're and say you deserved to die. Learn from other people who took such issues lightly.

I have tried talking to him but he has refused to change.
I can't be living like a prisoner telling him everything I'm going to be doing. I did that before and things only became worse as he got more and more bold. Then I would cry and beg but he only became worse.
Its gotten better now that I stand up to him.

No human in his own power can change such a man. Only miracle from the God you believe in or "juju" can make him turn a new leaf. NB: "juju" will surely solve the problem by creating a worse one. So, miracle is the best option. Beware of fake miracle oh! Seek the miracle or "juju". Or, learn how to manage him the way he is.

https://www.nairaland.com/3111927/25-simple-secrets-long-lasting-relationships#45723790



Above is a link to an advice concerning this whch I posted in some other thread..

divalishis:


I have tried talking to him but he has refused to change.
I can't be living like a prisoner telling him everything I'm going to be doing. I did that before and things only became worse as he got more and more bold. Then I would cry and beg but he only became worse.
Its gotten better now that I stand up to him.

Well then, tell him if things don't change, you may be forced to leave the marriage, cost you believe marriage is to be enjoyed in love and harmony and not endured. Make sure you let his family know what is going by on o. Because tomorrow now, they will stand with ness and say their son was not like you are portraying him to be. Instead of reporting him to your dad, call his mom and dad and ask them to please help you talk to him and inform your parents of the steps you are taking.
If after his family speak with him he still doesn't change then you decide what is beat for you. If you can sit there and endure as many naija men expect their women to do, then so be it.. . If you decide it's best to give him time to change while you focus on work and kids, then so be it. If you decide that it is just a passing phase and he would change then so be it. But what ever you do, don't act like a desperate woman, don't insult him or his family, don't push him to become aggressive and don't hit or hurt him. Marriage is not by force, if you can't endure leave, forget all what you sacrificed in the union same for him too. If it starts taking a violent dimension abeg RUN

All in all, since this is the first time it is happening, I would say he prolly is going through some shitty situation and it would serve you best if you let him n know that you are there for him but you are not going to be his emotional toy at this point in time. When he needs a shoulder to cry, be there when he starts kicking and throwing tantrums walkout and go do some chore or hobby. I hope and pray things return to normal soon

Is your husband also a graduate and does he work?.

Continue standing up to him. Plus you obviously haven't forgiven him. You need to ask yourself what you really want...a renewed marriage or you want out. Give him your terms and conditions including that he must learn to treat you with more respect.

divalishis:


I have tried talking to him but he has refused to change.
I can't be living like a prisoner telling him everything I'm going to be doing. I did that before and things only became worse as he got more and more bold. Then I would cry and beg but he only became worse.
Its gotten better now that I stand up to him.

What's wrong with telling your hubby everything you want to do?

well, keep on standing up to him. definitely tell your parents and his parents in case he decides to stab you.

suggest counselling. and don't get pregnant for him just yet in case he wants out of the marriage, unless that's the reason he is behaving weirdly, lack of children yet.

let all the elders from both families call a crucial family meeting on his head. that way he will know you are damn serious and whatever animosity between you two can be thrashed in the open since you guys can't talk to each other like adults.

a covered sore never heals.

This is a very minor issue oooo

This is something many people face at least once in their boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Do not let it degenerate into something else.

Deep down, your husband knows you did not cheat on him. The boyfriend accusations and all wasn't real. Only a word from you on how much you love him would have done the magic.

He's insecure given the fact that he has once cheated on you. If you really love him and want your marriage to work, reassure him of your love, and re-ignite your love.

This is a none issue. At least 9 out of 10 people have once snooped on their partners' phone! If giving him your phone would make your marriage work (please do it).

That's the typical trait you find in a cheat. They suspect everyone of cheating just to look better. I will advice you tell your parents cos that kind of behavior can evolve into abuse and violence. Better be safe than sorry.

Am curios.why dont you want your husband to have access to yourphones? is there something you are hiding from him?

In your own intrest i will advice you to do anything that will make your marriage work.

NL1960:


Is your husband also a graduate and does he work?.

Yes he is a graduate but I have higher qualifications.

Though he has a very good job and he makes a lot of money. Much more than I make.

delishpot:



Well then, tell him if things don't change, you may be forced to leave the marriage, cost you believe marriage is to be enjoyed in love and harmony and not endured. Make sure you let his family know what is going by on o. Because tomorrow now, they will stand with ness and say their son was not like you are portraying him to be. Instead of reporting him to your dad, call his mom and dad and ask them to please help you talk to him and inform your parents of the steps you are taking.
If after his family speak with him he still doesn't change then you decide what is beat for you. If you can sit there and endure as many naija men expect their women to do, then so be it.. . If you decide it's best to give him time to change while you focus on work and kids, then so be it. If you decide that it is just a passing phase and he would change then so be it. But what ever you do, don't act like a desperate woman, don't insult him or his family, don't push him to become aggressive and don't hit or hurt him. Marriage is not by force, if you can't endure leave, forget all what you sacrificed in the union same for him too. If it starts taking a violent dimension abeg RUN

All in all, since this is the first time it is happening, I would say he prolly is going through some shitty situation and it would serve you best if you let him n know that you are there for him but you are not going to be his emotional toy at this point in time. When he needs a shoulder to cry, be there when he starts kicking and throwing tantrums walkout and go do some chore or hobby. I hope and pray things return to normal soon

Thank you.
But this is not the first time this is happening.
He is going through some things but even when he is not going through anything, the story is the same.

soopamom:
Continue standing up to him. Plus you obviously haven't forgiven him. You need to ask yourself what you really want...a renewed marriage or you want out. Give him your terms and conditions including that he must learn to treat you with more respect.

I don't know if I have forgiven him but it's something we moved past.
I don't mind a renewed marriage but it takes two to tango.

bukatyne:


What's wrong with telling your hubby everything you want to do?

Because when I gave him an inch by doing that, he took a mile. He will call me and start shouting that I lied about where I said I would be going. Or start shouting that I should give the person I'm with my phone so he can confirm.
Or say I am beginning to go to the tailors place too often, for example.
So I do what I want to do and tell him what he needs to know. The one he doesn't, I keep to myself. When he starts acting up by calling and asking where I am. I cut the phone.

Ioannes:
well, keep on standing up to him. definitely tell your parents and his parents in case he decides to stab you.

suggest counselling. and don't get pregnant for him just yet in case he wants out of the marriage, unless that's the reason he is behaving weirdly, lack of children yet.

let all the elders from both families call a crucial family meeting on his head. that way he will know you are damn serious and whatever animosity between you two can be thrashed in the open since you guys can't talk to each other like adults.

a covered sore never heals.

I've just told my mum. She blamed me for not telling her the moment it happened as she has been asking me why I am down and also said a proverb that " you can't chew a porcupine in silence".
For his family, I can't really talk to them.
Thank you.

Acidosis:
This is a very minor issue oooo

This is something many people face at least once in their boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. Do not let it degenerate into something else.

Deep down, your husband knows you did not cheat on him. The boyfriend accusations and all wasn't real. Only a word from you on how much you love him would have done the magic.

He's insecure given the fact that he has once cheated on you. If you really love him and want your marriage to work, reassure him of your love, and re-ignite your love.

This is a none issue. At least 9 out of 10 people have once snooped on their partners' phone! If giving him your phone would make your marriage work (please do it).

I wish it was a non issue.
I have reassured and reassured. He met me a Virgin what else can I do?
I can't give him my phone. Everyone sees me for who I am except him. If he has chosen not to see, that's his loss.

delishpot:



Well then, tell him if things don't change, you may be forced to leave the marriage, cost you believe marriage is to be enjoyed in love and harmony and not endured. Make sure you let his family know what is going by on o. Because tomorrow now, they will stand with ness and say their son was not like you are portraying him to be. Instead of reporting him to your dad, call his mom and dad and ask them to please help you talk to him and inform your parents of the steps you are taking.
If after his family speak with him he still doesn't change then you decide what is beat for you. If you can sit there and endure as many naija men expect their women to do, then so be it.. . If you decide it's best to give him time to change while you focus on work and kids, then so be it. If you decide that it is just a passing phase and he would change then so be it. But what ever you do, don't act like a desperate woman, don't insult him or his family, don't push him to become aggressive and don't hit or hurt him. Marriage is not by force, if you can't endure leave, forget all what you sacrificed in the union same for him too. If it starts taking a violent dimension abeg RUN

All in all, since this is the first time it is happening, I would say he prolly is going through some shitty situation and it would serve you best if you let him n know that you are there for him but you are not going to be his emotional toy at this point in time. When he needs a shoulder to cry, be there when he starts kicking and throwing tantrums walkout and go do some chore or hobby. I hope and pray things return to normal soon

@ the bolded: what the hell is wrong with you? Wait, are you even married?

Tell me, what the hell in the post has warranted leaving marriage? Is this issue beyond reconciliation?, please, that's too extreme on this particular issue. Haba

divalishis:


I wish it was a non issue.
I have reassured and reassured. He met me a Virgin what else can I do?
I can't give him my phone. Everyone sees me for who I am except him. If he has chosen not to see, that's his loss.

Hmmn, I understand that feeling. Insecurity is a serious issue.

Make him realize the effects of insecurity. Make him realize you'd eventually cheat if he continues to monitor you like CCTV.

dahaz:
Am curios.why dont you want your husband to have access to yourphones? is there something you are hiding from him?

In your own intrest i will advice you to do anything that will make your marriage work.

I used to be very open with my phone till he took my phone and called my friend of so many years and accused him of dating me. A guy I don't talk to anymore as we've all grown up and are busy with our various lives. Just because he sent me an innocent birthday text message. He embarrassed me through and through with that singular action. My friend was shocked and was very sorry for me.

Acidosis:

Hmmn, I understand that feeling. Insecurity is a serious issue.

Make him realize the effects of insecurity. Make him realize you'd eventually cheat if he continues to monitor you like CCTV.

How do I make him realize? I don't feel like he listens...

NL1960:


Is your husband also a graduate and does he work?.

Please I requested not to be quoted.
Kindly delete my original post that you quoted. Thanks.

Interesting

divalishis:


Yes he is a graduate but I have higher qualifications.

Though he has a very good job and he makes a lot of money. Much more than I make.

who asked u whether u got higher qualification or not?
u think everyone on here is a robot?
why would your husband accuse u if your call wasn't suspicious?
why didn't u give him your phone if u had nothing to hide? or u want him to feel jealous because he once cheated on u?
keep on destroying your marriage... and i must say your post is riddled with rudeness and arrogance... why bringing up how some rich customer approach u and all that? thought u got married to your husband because u loved him?

disrespectful wife, that is what u are, even in the presence of guests, u couldn't pretend to be respectful? i sorry for u....

divalishis:


Because when I gave him an inch by doing that, he took a mile. He will call me and start shouting that I lied about where I said I would be going. Or start shouting that I should give the person I'm with my phone so he can confirm.
Or say I am beginning to go to the tailors place too often, for example.
So I do what I want to do and tell him what he needs to know. The one he doesn't, I keep to myself. When he starts acting up by calling and asking where I am. I cut the phone.

Your husband sounds insecured.

What do you think is feeding it?

I see you mentioned you have more qualifications however he earns more.

In what area do you think you are better than him?

Cheated on you and still playing reverse psychology on you
If you don't have a child, biko find your way. What hassles!!
Not minor my friend, by the time he is done (just getting started), you will know South Pole is far from Africa.
He disrespected your marriage from the onset. Una dey try o.

divalishis:

How do I make him realize? I don't feel like he listens...

Show him this thread.

bukatyne:

Your husband sounds insecured.
What do you think is feeding it?
I see you mentioned you have more qualifications however he earns more.
In what area do you think you are better than him?

Chastity

Acidosis:


Chastity

How can the husband be feeling insecured his wife is chaste?

Does chastity matter to men?