I just created this alternate moniker to hide my identity.

My life is in shambles, I have little joy, broke with 3 kids and a wife who is actually supportive, loves me but is ignorant and incomprehensive. I believe I have develop thick skin to the challenges life has thrown at me. I still remain hopeful for a better life ahead. That's my effort in summarizing my issues.

Before I proceed, I am not a saint or anything near perfect. I am aware that Nairalanders have a penchant for doing more harm than good by dishing insults against reasonable advice or words of encouragement. Nonetheless, I will state my own issues to be fair to her so it will not be a one sided complain. I will expect bashing for my part of the troubles.

What I expect is to read helpful replies that can serve as encouragement since divorce is not an option for me.

I am not good in writing short stories so it will be long.

Part 1.....

My major issues here is the words i used to describe her; ignorant and incomprehensive. It is my belief that my wife doesn't even know my personality. She doesn't think reasonably, she just reacts to whatever stimulates her momentarily. Her plans are always flawed and cannot make comprehensive choices. All of these are a burden on me to endure since i know she will not change.

I married her knowing she doesn't like going out mainly because she doesn't do well in a social environment. That means our social life is none existent. I like to party, club, drink, dance and in general socialize but she won't do any of that especially if it involves anyone other person than myself. She would only be among her socially like-minded friends to feel at home. In other words, she doesn't approve of 90% of my friends especially anyone with a similar lifestyle.

I married her because she has a good heart, a good woman, tall, slim, dark skinned and beautiful. She is good academically (graduated with a 2-1), very hard-working but her intuitive and conscious reasoning is a problem.

This affects several thing in our normal life. She can't make decisions on her own. It pisses me off to be asked daily every single time a decision is to be made. She asks me what she will wear every fvcking day! She will ask me what she will cook everyday or say, "I don't know what to cook". If she doesn't ask, she will always cook what she only wants to eat while the children and I eat noodles.

She is highly and annoyingly repeatative in her statements. You dare spill a glass of milk and she can talk for 30mins if not an hr on how you wasted a glass. I just pity our maid who had to develop thick ear drums like I did with the incessant repeatition of any wrong done.

What the children will wear and their entire upkeep is left to the maid and the children sometimes decided on their own. If I don't rearrange her monthly shopping list, we will run short of basic needs. She has never gone to the market and buy anything that her children will wear or that will decorate the house. She will only criticize what others buy. She can't even buy her own clothes or make any kind of fashion choices for herself.

When herself or I want to buy clothing for my wife, I send money to her younger sister who will buy what is right and what trending. If I want to buy cloths for my children, I either go shopping myself or take my sisters along or send money to her sister.

I bought a designated container for dirty clothes, she has now filled it books, hand bags shoes while dirty clothes still litter the bedroom floor and on top the wardrobe etc. Our children have torn or mutilated our entire photo collections since when we are kids because she can pass and see children playing with them, it doesn't occur to her ho control it only to flog them after they have torn 100 of them. She sees our son playing with her phone but only occur to her to retrieve it when she hears her battery low warning. She now flogs the child for depleting her battery when there is no light.

I feel like i have 4 kids with the eldest acting as a parent. She's actually older than me by 5 months.

....Part 2
To put more strain on the family, I lost my job when the company I worked for folded up and left the country. I am home full time against what used to be the case when I worked and lived away from home. She has little respect for me but always want to act like a fully submissive wife.

My wife is very insensitive when upset that she says what she knows will not be cool to say only to regret saying it. For example, she overreacted with the young 18yr old maid. The girl did something and wifey insulted her, the insult got to the girl that she replied for the very first time since 6yrs she's being in our house. I didn't like what she said, my wife now turns around says that my silence means I am fvcking the girl who vowed to keep the secret and rained curses on both of us. She once told me that I wanted to kill her child, because I didn't come back on time with drugs for my sick son. She once told my mum the same thing when my son was admitted in hospital. Its like when her child falls sick, she loses her mind.

For my past 2 jobless years, once my wife comes back from work, I get out of the house to hang out with friends. My drinking has increased and my exposure to waywardness has increased. The fact is, I am not totally immune to cheating on her but I have very strong self control which most times stops me short of doing it. I have friends who pay for hotel room, pay a girl to sleep with me but I will say no thank you and head home only to meet her at the door, rain insults on me, then return to bed. I never sleep out but do come home late.

We fight daily on account of coming home late but in 99% of the time, its just a harmless sitting of guys gisting till 12midnight or 1am in a bar a stone throw from home. The fact that we fight daily means she cannot tolerate any behavior that she doesn't approve. This lack of tolerance means she is obsessed with controlling me; where I go, who I meet, what I eat or drink and when I go or come home. I repeatedly told her she cannot control me but no one can dissuade her from this. This led to a physical confrontation one night that I slapped her. Her father summoned me and once he heard what I had to say, he blamed her. My parents are tired of her numerous reports, her younger sister is tired of hearing our issues.

The reason things are this bad is mainly my phone and the fact that she loses her senses whenever she sees any suggestive reason from my phone of an affair. These supposedly affairs are in 80% of the case real evidence of an affair but 99% of the time, the actual affair (sex) never happened or I never even had any intention of having the affair all the way.

The fact is that I am big sized man and still manage to maintain my car so the girls mostly assume I have plenty of money to spend. I know I don't and am no player so I just play for a while and drop them before or when they make the 1st demand. I don't even want the sex because I know the demands come after so I just want to lay low. Some girls want to spend money on me, I don't like hotels or being in any place I cannot afford so I stay away. Anything beyond beer and p.soup, am usually not interested.

I hardly ever get drunk since I am self conscious which makes me the sober driver to most of my friends. Whenever I return and seemed to have had enough to drink, my wife is waiting to insult me saying all I do is spend my money on beer, p.soup, girls and fuel.

I am jobless with exhausted savings but she says these things when actually my friends pay my bills buy fuel for me and do those stuff for us to hang out. The last deal that got me a 7digit payout which didn't last 3 months due to debts, I cleared mine, hers, my parent's and her parents debts in one shot. Paid my children's 3 terms sch fees and cleared 2yrs owed rent and stocked my house and my parent's store but till today, she insults me that I spent the money on beer and women. Yes, I "retaliated" my friends some favours for constantly being there for me, especially financially but not a kobo spent on any woman. She hates my friends, has refused to come out from the bedroom to welcome some of them if they showed up at home. The ones she like, they enjoy her cooking and sing her praises but the ones she doesn't like are aware she doesn't want them around.

I like socializing and would not leave the opportunity of not collecting a beautiful girl's number. We may make several calls, chat, hangout but it almost never gets to the bedroom before I bailed. If you ask my wife, I am a serial cheater, she has countless episodes of evidences from my phone or clothes but never a real proof. She has seen lipstick, shadow powder on my shirts, what looks like cum on my boxers, WhatsApp messages where the entire gist will convince even a 5 year old that I am having an affair. Yet, all these are categorically misleading with no harm done.

However, that doesn't mean i have never done it, yes i have, a very few times when it was very convenient but everything she always thinks she sees or is an evidence turns out to be nothing. I simply take a girls number lead her on for a week or 2 then forget. This leaves evidence on my phone that often times gets forgotten at the bottom of the contact list that my wife will dig out anytime I mistakenly leave my phone unlocked.

This mistake happened last night when I let her watch a movie in my phone, i slept off, then she went on to search through, my recent calls, contacts, WhatsApp, pictures etc. Normally, she would copy out the female contacts, especially new ones and the ones she doesn't know. If she notices any reason to call one of them, she will call to threaten them. She even called my former boss secretary's number but she was lucky the call didn't link back to me. She is constantly watching me like a hawk hooked on prey. She accuses me of spending on girls which by my standards is the last thing I do. I take my responsibilities very seriously, I will never spend a Kobo that I know will fill a hole at the home front.

I have contemplated divorce but cannot cause harm to my children.

I am not asking for what to do about the situation, I know what I have to do is to endure at least for the sake of my children. At this time, she also has to endure some of the times I do. I am not a womanizer but I can't promise that once a while I will not have a fling. My only issue is that, whenever I actually have sex outside, I can't totally hide the fact at home because I totally lose interest in having sex with her.

I had a thought, maybe my transgressions are the reason I am broke and can't seem to recover from the financial avalanche that has swept my life, my wife's attitude puts a bad taste in my mouth that I need external intervention to stay afloat.

Meanwhile, she is the bread winner now so all I can do is to always be out of the house or lock myself in the room to get some peace and sanity in my mind. It is actually not a coincidence that when things became financial bad for me, my wife became a thorn in my flesh.

Instead of regretting that I married her, I try to occupy my mind with thoughts of my beautiful children and if its not strong enough to put her off, I get a drink or a babe to help.

Lastly, my wife is ignorant because she will not accept any reasonable explanation once she hears or sees me calling another girl dear, honey, sweetie, babie or any endearing name. She is incomprehensive because even when she reports me to her parents, my parents or her sister and they tell her how wrong she was, it seems the words enter one ear and come out of the other. I can't get her to understand basic and simple principles of life. She is only driven by emotions and physical evidence, every other thing is bullshit.

I am more concerned of my joblessness and my children's welfare than my wife's troubles that made my hair turn almost completely grey at 39.

Below is the screenshot of what spooked her for this morning insults. This chat is last girl I dated before we married. Just an innocent chat of two seperately married ex.boy and girlfriend checking up on each other. See the date on the chat which was the last time. The 2nd problem is a new female name in my contacts.

Wait I am confused
You are married man with 3 children at home but you want to go partying and clubbing? so who will take care of these children?
She is annoying you by asking what you want to eat. When you dont answer, she cooks something you dont like? SO she is a mind reader ?

Oh wait- YOU ARE A TROLL...

1. You are looking for perfection in your wife.
2. You have lost control of your life and your home.

Simple.

WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU THINK MARRIAGE ENTAILS?

I married her because she has a good heart, a good woman, tall, slim, dark skinned and beautiful. She is good academically (graduated with a 2-1), very hard-working but her intuitive and conscious reasoning is a problem.

Too many inconsistencies and missing links to your storyline. Reminds me of this song:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXBHCQYxwr0

The characters in your story are not believable.
Let your wife come and tell her own side of the story. Till then. . . . .

All the best.

@IdiAminDaDa
My opinion
Please work on your home. Every married man or woman u c out there, were made better or worse by the person they married.

Pray and trust God to work on your wife.
Sometimes when things happen (like loss of job) it's a way God uses to draw our attention to himself and our homes.

Be honest to your wife about your feelings, desires, hopes and aspirations.
Engage her in discussions a lot, try play games together, ask her of her thoughts first and if it's not OK, explain it to her in a way she will realize her thoughts was one sided.

I pray for peace in your home. Remain strong and hopeful. You will get a good source of income and be valued.
But you have to be determined it's not gonna be easy.

Shalom!!!!!

Your issues:

Compatibility
-Your personalities and lifestyles were incompatible from the get-go and still are.

Unfaithfulness -
-You beat around the bush with trying not to admit your unfaithfulness in the posts above and
instead of wanting to change, all you've done is make excuses for your actions.

Finances
-You've been jobless for two years, while your wife is the working one. Clearly she's not pleased with this.

I'm a bit confused... Have you been cheating or not??
And if you have, why do you think she won't be frustrated? She's the breadwinner and you're spending your time with other girls.

Why don't you have a job after two years? These friends you are hanging with, can't they hook you up? If all they do is give you money, then I'm not surprised your wife doesn't like them.

Your wife sounds like a nag, she has Atenumo (at least that's what yoruba people call it, I think) Its very, very, very annoying and tiring. Her mind is also suspicious towards you. And you're wrong, she has feminine intuition. If you're spending time getting phone from young ladies and bonding with them emotionally, you're already cheating.

As a man, you should know better than to be married to a nag and leave her as the breadwinner. That's a license for disaster.


I think you both need to sit down and discuss your future very seriously. You need intervention.

Ochiban:
Wait I am confused
You are married man with 3 children at home but you want to go partying and clubbing? so who will take care of these children?
She is annoying you by asking what you want to eat. When you dont answer, she cooks something you dont like? SO she is a mind reader ?

Oh wait- YOU ARE A TROLL...

May be what I wrote came out wrongly, or the story was too long you didnt finish reading before you had to coment but you don't think I still club do you?

Quoting myself

We fight daily on account of coming home late but in 99% of the time, its just a harmless sitting of guys gisting till 12midnight or 1am in a bar a stone throw from home

Been married 9yrs but my wife still does not know what cook next and what not to cook. She may know my favourite but we don't eat favourite everyday, do we? Doesn't she know that I don't like rice and beans, i like white rice with no beans. I like to open the china ware and eat what i find. But 9yrs, my wife still tells me, lunch and dinner, "I don't know what to cook". She will now say, "I want to cook white rice and beans but you will complain". WTF, 9yrs. The truth is that she wants to eat rice and beans, i am just a stumbling block on her way to eat white rice and beans. Why is she not cooking what she knows I wont complain but telling me she dont know what to cook?

Imagine hearing the same line for 9yrs. Its not just food o, her shoes, her clothes, her cream, her everything I have to choose for her.

You may not be in my shoes but you need to try and picture it.

IdiAminDada:
I just created this alternate moniker to hide my identity.

My life is in shambles, I have little joy, broke with 3 kids and a wife who is actually supportive, loves me but is ignorant and incomprehensive. I believe I have develop thick skin to the challenges life has thrown at me. I still remain hopeful for a better life ahead. That's my effort in summarizing my issues.

Before I proceed, I am not a saint or anything near perfect. I am aware that Nairalanders have a penchant for doing more harm than good by dishing insults against reasonable advice or words of encouragement. Nonetheless, I will state my own issues to be fair to her so it will not be a one sided complain. I will expect bashing for my part of the troubles.

What I expect is to read helpful replies that can serve as encouragement since divorce is not an option for me.

I am not good in writing short stories so it will be long.

use that ur car dey uber for a start

drmikeadams:
use that ur car dey uber for a start

Honestly

I think I understand but I'm not very sympathetic unfortunately. Because i'm coming from the other side

You are complaining about not eating your favorite food. when you were single, were you always eating your favorite food? was the quality of your meals as high as it is now? For 98% of my married male friends I know- the answer is a resounding NO. They used to always eat out or eat rubbish. The chick upgraded your game but you forgot. Meanwhile what has she given up. I've been married 13 years, i havent eaten my favorite (amala and ewedu) in 13 years cuz my husband hates it. if you ask my husband now, he wont know or remember that. its easy to remember what you lost but forgot what she lost

Harmless going out till midnight. Hmm.. lets see how this is harmless... You have CHILDREN. Is it good for them to only see their father on weekends? Or what part of abandoning your wife to raise them is harmless?and while you had your fun- pray tell what was your wife doing? Was she having hers? or was she cleaning, cooking, helping with homework, settling fights between siblings, bathing, putting people to sleep while planning for tomorrow?

You flirt with other women. How would you like it if she had similar texts from men? Oh wait, you think she will never leave you for another guy abi? thats why you are having emotional affairs up and down? and you see nothing wrong with this?

Your wife is trying. IMO she should leave you. then when your girlfriends find out you are unemployed and wont be a good husband or father to their kids- watch them fly away like birds leaving you alone as you deserve to be

Vision4God:
@IdiAminDaDa

Be honest to your wife about your feelings, desires, hopes and aspirations.
Engage her in discussions a lot, try play games together, ask her of her thoughts first and if it's not OK, explain it to her in a way she will realize her thoughts was one sided.
!!!!

Thank you for the kind words and prayer.

Ohemababy:



Honestly

yeah him no go get car wey go give am money and friends go dey fuel car for am,,

Uber work sef go keep am very very busy,,

Dear Poster,

It is not quite clear why you posted this, but I will take it that you just wanted to rant, and perhaps scout for comments to justify your gross irresponsibilities. Luckily for you, your post will attract some hard truths from the good men and women in this community, and I am hoping you will look beyond the abuses and just learn as people objectively tell you the truths about yourself which you have failed to acknowledge. As I already hinted, you are a grossly irresponsible married man, and in all honesty, I doubt if you could be a good father in the real sense of the word. You come home late, you drink, you chastise your wife in the presence of your house girl and children, you do everything to pull her down, and you indeed tried to convince us that this very real woman is some retard that you did the favour of marriage. I want you to imagine the scenario in your home as you painted in your post, and transform it into a Nollywood movie, how will you judge your own character? You are definitely not the victim, your wife is the victim. She married a man that is self-absorbed, and needed a mumu wife. You loved the fact that she deferred to you and you had to provide leadership in all aspects, but that became a burden in marriage and you became irritable because of it. The truth is that when you marry a woman, you marry the whole package that she represents, and your responsibility is to build her up, first with your mouth, then with your action, patient guardians, and also by providing support. I am sure having the house maid has helped greatly to ameliorate some of her incompetences. Your responsibility is to help her, build her up, and for God sake, be faithful to her. Your woman is a rarity, you have been jobless, irresponsible, unfaithful, unaccountable and your judgments have been poor, honestly, you made some money and you just paid up your debt and start accruing afresh, what happened to using some or all of that money to start something? Most of your wife's behaviours are in reaction to your unfaithfulness and illicit affairs. It is your wife that we should be begging not to dissolve you, that woman will do well without you and the risk of STDS which you represent. You have been breaking her heart with all those chats that you think you are having for fun. Did you expect her to be falling in love with you, or be recovering from her alleged madness while you are doing those things? My words may be harsh but imagine your wife is your daughter and all you have said is coming from a son in law?
I agree with you that it is likely that the kind of life you are leading may be responsible for your ill-luck and I want to implore you to retrace your step, move closer to God, love your wife as christ loves the church as implored by the bible, and begin to live a decent life. You also need to change your friends immediately; they can get girls and hotels for you, they can buy beer for you, they can give you some occasional bail out, but they cannot help with money for you to start something constructive, they are no good friends. If you continue the way you are leading your life, that 'useless' woman will one day realize that she can live without you.

aeion:
Your issues:

Compatibility
-Your personalities and lifestyles were incompatible from the get-go and 9-yrs later, they still are.

Unfaithfulness -
-You beat around the bush with trying not to admit your unfaithfulness in the posts above, and
instead of wanting to change, all you've done is make excuses for your actions.

Finances
-You've been jobless for two years, while your wife is the working one. Clearly she's not pleased with this.

Unfaithfulness
I don't think I was beating around the bush because i did mention that i cheated. There was not excuse for it.

But the concern is the her insecurities leads her to doing the unthinkable. If she has access to my phone now, she will find a booklet and start copying every female name in my contacts. If. She sees for the recent contacts that we've been talking, gbam she calls the female with threats and insults. In most cases her presumption is wrong and could do damage someday since everyone she call so far is inconsequential.

I had no relationship with the girl with the lipstick on my shirt, just a lausy drunk girl that couldn't walk straight which I help to the car.

I gave a girl a lift and her earring fell in the car. I became an issue more than a year now.

They were sharing condoms at a bar, I collected a pack, it was in my car for 3 months until a friend needed it at a wedding. I came home and she accused me of using it.

The cum. Since my sec sch days, if i squat to take a shit, i always notice like watery cum coming out. On this particular day, a friend took me out to a bush bar, ate fish pepper soup and gbam my stomach was on fire. There was no way i would sit on that smelly toilet and cant reach home so I drove some distance, found some bush and did my business squatting. The cumlike thing happened and got my boxer stained. My wife inspected my boxers as usual and saw it. To her I, I just finished fvcking.

Lastly, if my finances is her problem, i cant kee myself.

As much as you want to sugarcoat things, you are cheating!
Things doesn't necessarily have to get to s*x before it is considered as cheating. The fact that you flirt, use endearing names still qualifies as cheating.
I understand that you are probably bored because you don't see your wife as being innovative but staying out drinking till 1 am is just irresponsible.
There are so many cracks in this marriage. Your wife too shares part of the blame. A woman should know how to keep the fire burning but how do you even do that with a man who is never home?
Not many women would be the breadwinner for years and if she is doing that, the least you can do is to be appreciative.
You both need therapy and while you are at it, please get something doing. You will earn back your respect that way.

Sir, you are very wrong for coming home late from the bar.
You are very wrong for chatting up girls and doing every annoying thing a man can do to his wife. I am sorry to say this, but you need to be more responsible.

The 18 years old maid, let me not even go there, u and I know that part. For the girl to insult your wife, u know why.

You said it yourself, your wife has a good or should I say baby heart(who keeps an 18 years old maid with a stay at home husband and goes to work everyday?) , don't take advantage of the woman. God bless you.

This story doesn't add up.
Your wife cannot make decisions by herself, she wants your opinion on virtually everything YET this same wife of yours is controlling you and wants you to do her bidding all the time. *sighs**
Oga, abeg try arrange this your lie lie story small.

You said your wife is ignorant because she won't accept any 'reasonable' explanation when she hears or sees you (her husband) calling other girls baby, sweetie, honie etc You well so? I swear to knock your mouth dey hungry me.

My advice?? The change you seek in your marriage has to begin from you okay.

BTW, you talk too much! I hope you don't nag the woman to death if this story is anything to go by.

IdiAminDada:


Unfaithfulness
I don't think I was beating around the bush because i did mention that i cheated. There was not excuse for it.

But the concern is the her insecurities leads her to doing the unthinkable. If she has access to my phone now, she will find a booklet and start copying every female name in my contacts. If. She sees for the recent contacts that we've been talking, gbam she calls the female with threats and insults. In most cases her presumption is wrong and could do damage someday since everyone she call so far is inconsequential.

I had no relationship with the girl with the lipstick on my shirt, just a lausy drunk girl that couldn't walk straight which I help to the car.

I gave a girl a lift and her earring fell in the car. I became an issue more than a year now.

They were sharing condoms at a bar, I collected a pack, it was in my car for 3 months until a friend needed it at a wedding. I came home and she accused me of using it.

The cum. Since my sec sch days, if i squat to take a shit, i always notice like watery cum coming out. On this particular day, a friend took me out to a bush bar, ate fish pepper soup and gbam my stomach was on fire. There was no way i would sit on that smelly toilet and cant reach home so I drove some distance, found some bush and did my business squatting. The cumlike thing happened and got my boxer stained. My wife inspected my boxers as usual and saw it. To her I, I just finished fvcking.

Lastly, if my finances is her problem, i cant kee myself.

you are the most irresponsible man that liveth. Please stop talking.

piroux:
I'm a bit confused... Have you been cheating or not??
And if you have, why do you think she won't be frustrated? She's the breadwinner and you're spending your time with other girls.

Why don't you have a job after two years? These friends you are hanging with, can't they hook you up? If all they do is give you money, then I'm not surprised your wife doesn't like them.

Your wife sounds like a nag, she has Atenumo (at least that's what yoruba people call it, I think) Its very, very, very annoying and tiring. Her mind is also suspicious towards you. And you're wrong, she has feminine intuition. If you're spending time getting phone from young ladies and bonding with them emotionally, you're already cheating.

As a man, you should know better than to be married to a nag and leave her as the breadwinner. That's a license for disaster.


I think you both need to sit down and discuss your future very seriously. You need intervention.

Yes i have cheated but not like regularly as you think. Last time, its like over a yr ago.

I hate chatting, when i do, its usually a new contact and will not last a week. I dont make long calls either. Even my male friends quarrel me for not effort in calling. So i never spend anytime at all with any girl nor spend any money on girls. All these are in her head.

Ochiban:
I think I understand but I'm not very sympathetic unfortunately. Because i'm coming from the other side

You are complaining about not eating your favorite food. when you were single, were you always eating your favorite food? was the quality of your meals as high as it is now? For 98% of my married male friends I know- the answer is a resounding NO. They used to always eat out or eat rubbish. The chick upgraded your game but you forgot. Meanwhile what has she given up. I've been married 13 years, i havent eaten my favorite (amala and ewedu) in 13 years cuz my husband hates it. if you ask my husband now, he wont know or remember that. its easy to remember what you lost but forgot what she lost

Harmless going out till midnight. Hmm.. lets see how this is harmless... You have CHILDREN. Is it good for them to only see their father on weekends? Or what part of abandoning your wife to raise them is harmless?and while you had your fun- pray tell what was your wife doing? Was she having hers? or was she cleaning, cooking, helping with homework, settling fights between siblings, bathing, putting people to sleep while planning for tomorrow?

You flirt with other women. How would you like it if she had similar texts from men? Oh wait, you think she will never leave you for another guy abi? thats why you are having emotional affairs up and down? and you see nothing wrong with this?

Your wife is trying. IMO she should leave you. then when your girlfriends find out you are unemployed and wont be a good husband or father to their kids- watch them fly away like birds leaving you alone as you deserve to be

Thats the problem most men have.
The ' I' factor for them.
They do not see pass their own sacrifices, its like the relationship is about them, hangs in the balance they create.
Most times the spouse shouting or complaining the most is usually the one making the least effort to keep the relationship going.
My dear i have developed a deaf ear to complaints and nags.
I have zero expectations of another human being.
I am living my life like i have no one in it.
If it works out fine, if it doesn't fine.
I cannot kill myself.
Anyhow e dey make e dey.
I have tried and i know that.
That is enough for me.

piroux:
I'm a bit confused... Have you been cheating or not??
And if you have, why do you think she won't be frustrated? She's the breadwinner and you're spending your time with other girls.

Why don't you have a job after two years? These friends you are hanging with, can't they hook you up? If all they do is give you money, then I'm not surprised your wife doesn't like them.

Your wife sounds like a nag, she has Atenumo (at least that's what yoruba people call it, I think) Its very, very, very annoying and tiring. Her mind is also suspicious towards you. And you're wrong, she has feminine intuition. If you're spending time getting phone from young ladies and bonding with them emotionally, you're already cheating.

As a man, you should know better than to be married to a nag and leave her as the breadwinner. That's a license for disaster.


I think you both need to sit down and discuss your future very seriously. You need intervention.

Yes i have cheated but not like regularly as you think. Last time, its like over a yr ago. I do make serious effort not to cheat but when ever I rebuff girls and return home, i feel like going back to where i came from.

I hate chatting, when i do, its usually a new contact and will not last a week. I dont make long calls either. Even my male friends quarrel me for not effort in calling. So i never spend anytime at all with any girl nor spend any money on girls. All these are in her head.

Its hard to sit and talk things when she misunderstands and take things personal. My sisters and my parents will change to language when she is around to avoid her issues but the next thing is she assumes they are talking about her. My family is careful talking around her cause she will turn issues upside down.

I like the fact that you are honest in your writeup, at least you told us your short comings.


Stop the late nights
Stop the flirting/cheating
Stop being irresponsible

Nwanyi ibem, ndo!!!

IdiAminDada:


Yes i have cheated but not like regularly as you think Last time, its like over a yr ago. I do make serious effort not to cheat but when ever I rebuff girls and return home, i feel like going back to where i came from.

I hate chatting, when i do, its usually a new contact and will not last a week. I dont make long calls either. Even my male friends quarrel me for not effort in calling. So i never spend anytime at all with any girl nor spend any money on girls. All these are in her head

Its hard to sit and talk things when she misunderstands and take things personal My sisters and my parents will change to language when she is around to avoid her issues but the next thing is she assumes they are talking about her. My family is careful talking around her cause she will turn issues upside down.

The more you type, the more it’s obvious your wife is the victim here. So you cheat and flirt but it’s all in her head??

You’re in a bad place and whatever you’re doing to cope, is hurting your family.

drmikeadams:
use that ur car dey uber for a start

That last time i thought of that, i calculated I needed to spend N120k to start. My driver's license is class D and they refused to accept it till i get an E. I need tires and replace my cracked windshield etc besides it not a fuel efficient car. I asked my parents to swap car but still need close to that amount still.

I have school fees and 2yrs rent to pay first.

The only reason I have not been evicted is because my landlord is my late relative. He died a month after my rent expired last year.

When do you think I can settle all that and start Uber?

What am doing now does not put a dime in my pocket but hopefully, it should.

Ochiban:
I think I understand but I'm not very sympathetic unfortunately. Because i'm coming from the other side

You are complaining about not eating your favorite food. when you were single, were you always eating your favorite food? was the quality of your meals as high as it is now? For 98% of my married male friends I know- the answer is a resounding NO. They used to always eat out or eat rubbish. The chick upgraded your game but you forgot. Meanwhile what has she given up. I've been married 13 years, i havent eaten my favorite (amala and ewedu) in 13 years cuz my husband hates it. if you ask my husband now, he wont know or remember that. its easy to remember what you lost but forgot what she lost

Harmless going out till midnight. Hmm.. lets see how this is harmless... You have CHILDREN. Is it good for them to only see their father on weekends? Or what part of abandoning your wife to raise them is harmless?and while you had your fun- pray tell what was your wife doing? Was she having hers? or was she cleaning, cooking, helping with homework, settling fights between siblings, bathing, putting people to sleep while planning for tomorrow?

You flirt with other women. How would you like it if she had similar texts from men? Oh wait, you think she will never leave you for another guy abi? thats why you are having emotional affairs up and down? and you see nothing wrong with this?

Your wife is trying. IMO she should leave you. then when your girlfriends find out you are unemployed and wont be a good husband or father to their kids- watch them fly away like birds leaving you alone as you deserve to be

You read but probably didn't understand most of what i said.

You seem quite confused..
While life plays it number on you, you have to be sure of what you really want fir ur life..
You also have to learn to count your blessings... Cos you are blessed but you don't know it..3 healthy children, a working and supportive wife?
Practice mindful gratitude.. It will help you keep your spirits up.
About your occasional cheating and flirting, can you be honest with urself? Are you working on stopping it ? Are you on the borders of depression or do u want her to accept that this is the best you can be? what response will you prefer from ur wife?

You need to gather yourself together and take charge of your life.. The woman is not a problem here

Graxie:
Nwanyi ibem, ndo!!!

that is eh, see what someone's daughter is passing through all because of marriage
@Op, you are a wicked man

"I simply take a girls number lead her on for a week or 2 then forget. This leaves evidence on my phone that often times gets forgotten at the bottom of the contact list that my wife will dig out anytime I mistakenly leave my phone unlocked"......You are truly a troubled being.

IdiAminDada:


You read but probably didn't understand most of what i said.

You only want comments that feel sorry for you and bash your wife. These are the type of comments you need if you’re still interested in your marriage. They give you a perspective that’s close to your wife’s. Your wife might not be a saint, but her reactions to your late nights and philandering ways are not irrational and you should listen.