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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Am I Overreacting? (4822 Views)
Is This Normal Or Am I Overreacting? / Am I Overreacting? In Law And Family stuff / I'm I Overreacting? (2) (3) (4)
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 9:05am On Jun 23, 2015 |
The problem is not that she is buying thesame kind of gift but that she is competitive. Trust me, if she buys even the smallest gifts each time you gift her, you will also have this feeling. You know what? she is reciprocating the love you show her but the sad thing is, she is not aware it appears competitive and makes feel bad. Therefore you must let her know. The girl you described looks like a choleric, she is only being herself. What you and her should understand is that you know what each other needs and meet accordingly, not giving your partner your desires or interpreting that because your partner does this thing for you then he/she must like it, like she is doing. I said before, she does not know its being competitive. Calmly and lovingly tell her how you feel, make her see reason with you and let it not continue in the manner before. Let her know that the key thing is knowing how your partner likes it and do it. Thats what makes a person suitable for his/her partner and not everybody. I have seen a man who had a wife that was never late, alway proper, seemingly faultless in every way just like any man would want but it caused this man pertual bitterness because while she is the saint, he felt like the devil. If only she understood better, she would have tone down some things, carry the man carefully to her pace and not do things that keep him always running to catch up with her. Sometimes we let our love ones win not because they are better but because the smile it puts on their face is more rewarding than the continous sadness from them losing (picture a lil boy ahead of his dad in a race). Op, if you dont help her stop it now, the day there is problem in your marriage, and coincidentally, you give one harmless girl a gift that she so appreciate and didnt return the gesture, is the day you may likely say you found a girl that lets you be the man and you may unknowingly go where you never planned going. It is not necessarily the african thing, she is not letting you be the man. I like to add that you let her know that, you like being the major provider, yes i see it in you or she may also compete with you in other financial areas when you marry. You are not overreacting, you are just being you. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by limamintruth: 9:20am On Jun 23, 2015 |
MissEse: Abi oooo, |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 9:21am On Jun 23, 2015 |
You are not over reacting and she is not competing with you she only wants to impress you. Talking is the relationship she does not know what you want, what you think about her gift giving so you have to let her know just she without the gifts is enough. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by bukatyne(f): 10:05am On Jun 23, 2015 |
cococandy: Agree 100% @OP: Ask her why she does that... simples! |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by mutter(f): 10:30am On Jun 23, 2015 |
I think you overreacted by giving her the car in the first place. A girl who can afford a car was not in need of your car. If she is well mannered and from a cultured home she should not have accepted that gift. Such gifts are not given without strings attached. Now you have the problem that the circle is being continued. It is a great gift but then you should have waited till you are at least engaged. The gift was just not appropriate at that stage. Please for her next birthday give a her something romantic. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by dwayni: 3:49pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
Thank you for those positive feedback. I've made up my mind to talk to her about it over the weekend. Fingers crossed hopefully she don't take it the wrong way. If she do, oh well. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by tpiadotcom: 3:54pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
dwayni: are you african, african american or american african? |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by tpiadotcom: 3:55pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
menix: True that. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Stillfire: 3:57pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
cococandy: Deeeeeeeeeep! 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by dwayni: 3:58pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
tpiadotcom: US -born Nigerian. Since my parents are Nigerians I'd rather put it that way because I truly love the motherland. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by dwayni: 4:03pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
Stillfire: Buying gift for someone you love has nothing to do with whether or not I am man enough. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Ranchhoddas: 7:59pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
menix:Omerta...Mine bought me facebook after I bought her nairaland. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by dwayni: 8:01pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
Ranchhoddas: No offense you sound like an angry broke black man. 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Ranchhoddas: 8:04pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
dwayni:E pain am. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Ewuro4: 8:18pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
dwayni: Shhhh don't decend to that mbok .... It's not their fault , NA economy. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 8:41pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
if u can contact hacker for dis forum, pls try to be fast |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by kaboninc(m): 9:12pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
dwayni:Do I smell Mr.Cork? |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Aniekwe1: 9:29pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by menix(m): 9:45pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
Ranchhoddas: She really lofs u in abundance.. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by BlissB(f): 10:45pm On Jun 23, 2015 |
MissEse:So cooked that the pot is even burning.....anyway make e nor b say I nor advice...u r overeacting |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by dinachi(m): 4:49am On Jun 24, 2015 |
As usual many of the females here jump to funny conclusions and totally missed the Ops line of thought. He is worried that his wife buys him similar gifts that he bought her. Actually it looks and feels competitive. So next time don't buy her something so big and expensive. Reduce the budget and buy something cheaper and classy and watch her reaction. Keep her guessing.greatly vary your gifts and watch her try to catch up. Eventually she will also begin to vary her own gift items to you. 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by bewla(m): 6:57am On Jun 24, 2015 |
Aniekwe1:thank u shebi u no the meaning abi tell us |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Aniekwe1: 10:17am On Jun 24, 2015 |
bewla: I could never tell you; its a secret... |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by funlord(m): 12:27pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
dwayni: dwayni: Op! You are extremely skilled in the art of writing "LABE ORUN" stories! Keep it up! 1 Like |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Nobody: 2:06pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
@OP If this is not a porkie Could it be that she is clueless in what gifts to buy so since she thinks you get the right gifts she just copies you. Its the lazy way to get a gift just give what someone else got. She might be reading this as 'bf must really like cars, wristwatches so rather than mess it up with the wrong gift let me just follow his lead ' Next time just tell her what's gift she should buy and help her pick it. All gifts don't have to be a surprise. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by tpiadotcom: 2:09pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
dwayni: are you seeing cadillacs in your dreams though. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Kimoni: 2:20pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
mutter: Mummy Mutter |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by Kimoni: 2:34pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
OP, in matters like this, learn to understand the true intentions behind the gift. Would you say her true motive is to get competitive with you or she just feels she should reciprocate your kind gesture by giving you something similar to what you bought for her?? In my head, I am thinking she buys you same gifts cuz she feels the gifts you give her must be precious to you, hence you would appreciate it if she gets you something close. Now what is the problem with that As long as she means well, I am not sure why you are bothered. I would say need to to work on yourelf first, it's all in your head. On a related note, from my little profiling of your person, I think you should go for somebody from a lower class than yourself. If your lady is an achiever, it would bother you much more than this. You are somewhat choleric. I may be wrong |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by dwayni: 8:38pm On Jun 24, 2015 |
tpiadotcom: No I see Moscow from my backyard 2 Likes |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by MRSANITY(m): 12:09am On Jun 25, 2015 |
cococandy:will you mind Nigerians? there is too much poverty in the land, anyone who is beyond average or a little bit rich is a liar in Nairaland. MissEse, may poverty not kill you o, Amen. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by MRSANITY(m): 12:21am On Jun 25, 2015 |
Op, I think she is the kind of person who's not good at getting gifts, talk to her about your concerns. |
Re: Am I Overreacting? by tpiadotcom: 2:38am On Jun 25, 2015 |
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