Sojourning Mind - Poems For Review (2)

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Sojourning Mind - Poems For Review (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Sojourning Mind by princesa(f): 2:17pm On May 21, 2015

joseph1832:
Nice. I like it when people speak about the necropolis. It reminds me every human will visit there one day.

Nice poem Timpaker.

Princesa take style talk say you like the IndecentStar portrait joor...

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 5:28pm On May 21, 2015

[b]CONFLICT IN THE GRAVEYARD

Theme Analysis: The poem expresses the poet's narration of a wanderer on a rave, (rave here is an event where a newly admitted soul in the graveyard is allowed to express its anger in any manner it deemed fit for dying before its time) its action woke up a demon living in an ancient tomb. The demon who was brought back from its long trance was angered that someone was disturbing its peace and that its epitaph in which words it was lost was erased.

In stanza one, the poet brings to our notice the presence of a spirit who is running wild in the cemetery while disturbing others who are resting in peace "Upsetting the silence of a stretched sleep" (Line 4). Not controlling its wildness led it to spoil an ancient demon's tomb "cracked the barrow ....". (Line 5) The poet notices that that act would lead to trouble.

Stanza two narrates the stage at which the trouble is about to begin and its witnesses - "An owl in its clairvoyance glee refereed..". The poet also narrated how the demon left its remains/skeletons and (Line 9 - 11) also went on its rave, cleaning out the epitaphs on the headstones it could find cuz its own has bn cleaned up (pikin wey say hin mama no go rest, hin too no go rest). Telekinetically being that it did this without touching them.

Stanza three opens with a riot spreading round the cemetery "crackles of dried flowers on shattered tombs" - The force was so much that the small bell (tintinnabulum) beneath a cemetery clock rang, signalling the arrival of a much stronger force (Line 13-15). The stanza also opens a rhetorical question from other spirits who have bn rendered homeless by the riot..."On whose sepulcher... would we rest when there is conflict in the graveyard?"..(Line 17 -18).

Stanza four, describes the act the demon engaged in searching for who cleaned its epitaph. It as a way marks the grave of the spirits it has searched - "splotching stones of soulless filth..". It manages to find the one who erased it a killed it (Line 22) but wasn't satisfied. Other spirits for the fear of bn metted with the same fate as the one who started the rave called for an intervention from the owners of their souls (Line 23-24).

Stanza five narrates how the ruler of 'up' and 'down' came to pass judgement - "two spirits as old as the earth paced the necropolis". (Line 25-26). They expressed there displeasure while inviting the demon - "Looking frigidly disturbed by the peace of the unpeaceful"..

Finally, In stanza six, both judges asked why it took it so long to express it grievance (admitting the rave) "queried where its soul has been since....it left its body from its birth of death?" It said it has bn lost in the sound of the song sang at its funeral. The words were also written on its tombstone till it was cleaned off during one of the rave. It then asked another rhetorical question in its bid to know why its peace would be threatened by the rave (Line 31) and the judges couldn't answer its question...

It is worth mentioning that the spirits mentioned or described were interchanged from "soul" in order to be figurative - Also the word "its" was used to relate with things that are unseen. The poet begs to be pardoned for the extraordinary vocabularies used in this poem... he was carried away with the pen of Honourable Patrick o. [/b]

1 Like

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 5:36pm On May 21, 2015

princesa:
Answered the call. Be quick with the analysis so I can better understand the poem. Big big grammar too much

And err ''The P0rn5tar portrait' is err...

Hehehehehehe. No vex. I was staring at my dear Hon. Pato picture when i was writing... e ma binu joor.
And the p0rn5tar portrait is vividly explicit.

joseph1832:
Nice. I like it when people speak about the necropolis. It reminds me every human will visit there one day.
Nice poem Timpaker.

Thanks man. I thought about it after reading one very scary book like that.

Re: Sojourning Mind by joseph1832(m): 6:21pm On May 21, 2015

timpaker:

Thanks man. I thought about it after reading one very scary book like that.

Scary is my forte. grin

What's the name of the book?.

1 Like

Re: Sojourning Mind by Nobody: 6:44pm On May 21, 2015

Dear timpaker, it is hightime I let you know that poets have come and poets have gone and none, none like you and the English Lieutenant, Rupert Brooke , have been able to adeptly employ the art of making us go over their musings a million times before any sense can be made out of them, sir.

This is awesome.

The first few stanzas are awesome. They are typical example of this our saying that 'trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am'.

Pardon my cluelessness, sir, but the message in the last stanza remains hidden to me. sad

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Sojourning Mind by firestar(f): 6:54pm On May 21, 2015

timpaker:
[b]The Godfather Muse.

Black and white tux
Well fitted,
Tilted fedora hat
Resting on scanty hair,
Puffing,
Smoking,
Coughing,
Pointing,
Disloyalty sways
No mercy.

Flammable Vodka
Caresses opaque copita glass,
Burnt parejos
Buried in a golden ash tray,
Burning,
Sipping,
Slurping,
Exhaling,
Belching,
The price for snitching my pay
Is death by dismemberment.

Stainless blade
Nicely sharpened,
Titanium glock
Death's teeth and mouth gladden,
Shooting,
Cutting,
Squirting,
Fountain of blood gushing,
When crossing that path,
Death is never enough!

Domestic beasts
Scampering body parts on the floor,
Greed is like Oliver -
Hungering for more,
Barking,
Fighting,
Laughing,
Godfather doesn't forget
He whose body he gored.

Gunshots echoed
Over hungry beasts,
Fear feeds
Through his fealty feast,
Panting,
Sitting,
Smiting,
One more guest, Silence - joined
The dinner at least.

Money piled in black boxes
An exchange for dead body parts
Counting,
Stashing,
Packing,
He who must do crime
Must first sell his heart.[/b]

He who must do crime
Must first sell his heart

As well as steel the mind
And numb body parts

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 6:56pm On May 21, 2015

Lieutenant Yakubu's Wedding

Fitted grassy suit
Lights are at its brightest
We've seen your Lover,
And the 21 concubines that salutes your guests
Relax, they knew why you chose her...
She's by your side
Always, like your heart to your head
Lay with her with pride
Beneath the flag on your boxy bed

She's still like a steel
She is, sexy under your arm,
The world that we feel,
Remain safe in your palm.
See how her mouth
Is rustling away -
Needing kisses above your numb pout,
Please kiss your bride
As we end today in stride.

Dedicated to all the Service men who died that we might live.

4 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Sojourning Mind by joseph1832(m): 10:28am On May 23, 2015

21 concubines?. grin

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 4:39pm On May 28, 2015

[b]Gangsta Boulevard by Tim Paker

Scheming days along
Palmately trooping trees
Where wafting air teases
The streets serenity into secrecy.
Poshed metals sneezes by
Towards its luxurous spree
Of racketeers and masked lords,
People with feint and conspiracy.

Street glittering
With diamond studded ears,
Gold blinging string
Dangling like a pendulum.
Bodies dorned in furry capote,
A garmnet for vices and fear
With a bag underneath the arm
Which portrays a hoodlum.

Sounds of blared sirens,
Uninvited it pokes,
Stalking a gangstar
Weeks after weeks
Till a goon pockmarked
A car into choky smoke
For the crime that it seeks.

Before the noon lost its glow,
Torn lingerie and broken heels
Litters the street,
The feeble and the burly
Were locked in constrained pleasure.
Who knows how they feel
When fright and coersion bed?
Even when the day's breath was still early.

Another day another crime,
A lurched pawn gunned another down,
Few bystanders fight to cash his stash
Without a vestige of pity.
They said he's worth
A lot more dead in the town,
As the morgue is banked
With more treasure than this city.
[/b]

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 4:40pm On May 28, 2015

......

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 5:29pm On May 30, 2015

Recall

No title

Embers of past love
Soaked in pale memory dust
Where love equals lust.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 5:30pm On May 30, 2015

End Time

Raging birds of flight
Tweeting rumors of the world
Below - end-time things!

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 5:33pm On May 30, 2015

Recall

Eclipse

Romance in the sky
Helios and Selene
Mating an eclipse

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 5:37pm On May 30, 2015

Tomorrow

Dark smoke fading sky;
Running with the moon and stars
Tomorrow is near

1 Like

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 8:26am On Jun 18, 2015

[b]
A GIRL UNLOVED

A girl unloved,
A fondness she pleads,
A friend, a companion
Is all she needs.

While her shadow mocks her,
In the loneliness of the hour
Life's ferule caresses her skin
Her hopes sags before her power.

Her face beautifully battered
With tattooed tears and sorrows.
Yesterday's scars glows today
And uncertainty preepmt tomorrow.

Rejected by life,
Parents eloped with death,
The world admitted it ain't
Ready for her birth.

Should she be proud
Of her breath
Or choke in the weakness
Of her strenght?

Her heart is heavy
With lead emptiness,
Laughter is outlandish
And so is happiness.

When a vulture
Followed her to the meadow,
She knew death has come
To flirt with her and her shadow.

Into its arm, she ran
To embrace it like a friend,
Absconding into oblivion,
Oh! Her pain has come to an end.

A girl unloved,
Here's the friend you've found
A hungry bird dinning
With you on the ground.[/b]

9 Likes 6 Shares

Re: Sojourning Mind by basille(m): 2:05pm On Jun 18, 2015

timpaker:
[b]
A GIRL UNLOVED

A girl unloved,
A fondness she pleads,
A friend, a companion
Is all she needs.

While her shadow mocks her,
In the loneliness of the hour
Life's ferule caresses her skin
Her hopes sags before her power.

Her face beautifully battered
With tattooed tears and sorrows.
Yesterday's scars glows today
And uncertainty preepmt tomorrow.

Rejected by life,
Parents eloped with death,
The world admitted it ain't
Ready for her birth.

Should she be proud
Of her breath
Or choke in the weakness
Of her strenght?

Her heart is heavy
With lead emptiness,
Laughter is outlandish
And so is happiness.

When a vulture
Followed her to the meadow,
She knew death has come
To flirt with her and her shadow.

Into its arm, she ran
To embraced it like a friend,
Absconding into oblivion,
Oh! Her pain has come to an end.

A girl unloved,
Here's the friend you've found
A hungry bird dinning
With you on the ground.[/b]

This is classic. Funny thing is, while reading it, someone came to mind. cry

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 2:16pm On Jun 18, 2015

basille:
This is classic. Funny thing is, while reading it, someone came to mind.

Heheheheheh. Thanks man.

Who's the person on your mind?

Re: Sojourning Mind by basille(m): 2:20pm On Jun 18, 2015

timpaker:

Heheheheheh. Thanks man.

Who's the person on your mind?

A frenemy i once knew. She's dead now.

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 4:46pm On Jun 18, 2015

basille:
A frenemy i once knew. She's dead now.

Heheheheheheheh. You killed her.

Re: Sojourning Mind by basille(m): 5:37pm On Jun 18, 2015

timpaker:

Heheheheheheheh. You killed her.

Lol. I didn't. Just wish i can reverse the hands of time.

1 Like

Re: Sojourning Mind by basille(m): 12:04am On Jun 20, 2015

Happy Birthday day Mr TIMPAKER, Wish you all the best in life!

1 Like

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 11:19am On Jun 20, 2015

basille:
Happy Birthday day Mr TIMPAKER, Wish you all the best in life!

Thanks man. Cake is ready!

Re: Sojourning Mind by Nobody: 8:57pm On Jun 22, 2015

timpaker:
[b]
A GIRL UNLOVED

A girl unloved,
A fondness she pleads,
A friend, a companion
Is all she needs.

While her shadow mocks her,
In the loneliness of the hour
Life's ferule caresses her skin
Her hopes sags before her power.

Her face beautifully battered
With tattooed tears and sorrows.
Yesterday's scars glows today
And uncertainty preepmt tomorrow.

Rejected by life,
Parents eloped with death,
The world admitted it ain't
Ready for her birth.

Should she be proud
Of her breath
Or choke in the weakness
Of her strength?

Her heart is heavy
With lead emptiness,
Laughter is outlandish
And so is happiness.

When a vulture
Followed her to the meadow,
She knew death has come
To flirt with her and her shadow.

Into its arm, she ran
To embraced it like a friend,
Absconding into oblivion,
Oh! Her pain has come to an end.

A girl unloved,
Here's the friend you've found
A hungry bird dinning
With you on the ground.[/b]

Oh! This is one sad piece. The last stanza is something else. There is a typo in the second line of the second to the last stanza.

Re: Sojourning Mind by Nobody: 9:00pm On Jun 22, 2015

joseph1832:
21 concubines?.

21 gun salute grin

Re: Sojourning Mind by joseph1832(m): 9:05pm On Jun 22, 2015

laykorn:

21 gun salute

Shey na Head of State or President?. tongue

Re: Sojourning Mind by Nobody: 9:05pm On Jun 22, 2015

timpaker:

End Time
Raging birds of flight Tweeting rumors of the world Below - end-time things!

End-time haiku..... undecided

Re: Sojourning Mind by Nobody: 9:10pm On Jun 22, 2015

joseph1832:
Shey na Head of State or President?.

Sebi na Lieutenant e be na? undecided

Re: Sojourning Mind by timpaker(m): 8:11am On Jun 23, 2015

laykorn:

Oh! This is one sad piece. The last stanza is something else. There is a typo in the second line of the second to the last stanza.

Noted and change has been effected sir (I was almost tempted to use the infamous girl's "K" as a reply ).

laykorn:

21 gun salute

joseph1832:
Shey na Head of State or President?.

Na my lieutenant una dey yab bah? wait make him wife catch una grin

Re: Sojourning Mind by noble4d(m): 8:31am On Jun 24, 2015

Nice poems Bro

1 Like

Re: Sojourning Mind by joseph1832(m): 5:29pm On Jun 24, 2015

noble4d:
Nice poems Bro

Teacher, what happened to thee?.

Re: Sojourning Mind by OMA4U(m): 6:10pm On Jun 24, 2015

timpaker:
[b]
A GIRL UNLOVED

A girl unloved,
A fondness she pleads,
A friend, a companion
Is all she needs.

While her shadow mocks her,
In the loneliness of the hour
Life's ferule caresses her skin
Her hopes sags before her power.

Her face beautifully battered
With tattooed tears and sorrows.
Yesterday's scars glows today
And uncertainty preepmt tomorrow.

Rejected by life,
Parents eloped with death,
The world admitted it ain't
Ready for her birth.

Should she be proud
Of her breath
Or choke in the weakness
Of her strenght?

Her heart is heavy
With lead emptiness,
Laughter is outlandish
And so is happiness.

When a vulture
Followed her to the meadow,
She knew death has come
To flirt with her and her shadow.

Into its arm, she ran
To embrace it like a friend,
Absconding into oblivion,
Oh! Her pain has come to an end.

A girl unloved,
Here's the friend you've found
A hungry bird dinning
With you on the ground.[/b]

The most striking feature of this poem is how the rhymes infuse FLOW and RHYTHM.

Wow!The first time I'd read boss's poem and understand it at once.

Re: Sojourning Mind by Nobody: 6:14pm On Jun 24, 2015

OMA4U:
The most striking feature of this poem is how the rhymes infuse FLOW and RHYTHM.

Wow!The first time I'd read boss's poem and understand it at once.

Walahi talahi! Na first time wey I go read once too be this......

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