₦airaland Forum

dhesire:
This will most def. pass as a missive to the Lagoon metropolis dwellers but I like your style of writing, it's lucid in nature.

More NGT experience to share (Near Gory Tales)

Thanks bro!

Lol @NGT!

A business friend in Balogun market told me on the day I was victimized by a pick-pocket that a business man who visited Ngr to purchase goods also lost $7,000 in that same market and the story he narrated was similar to mine (you can check out my experience on page 3 of this thread). However, luck do sometimes run out on these criminals; According to my friend, one of them was caught in November 2014 after his attempt to pick someone's pocket was foiled. He was set ablazed right there in the market place.

Infomizer:
Yes o! Na only me waka come!!!

It might sound unbelievable but it happened and I wouldn’t have written it (cause it sounded unbelievable) if not that it nearly happened again. Elsewhere!

Place: Ikorodu
Time: 20:00-21:00 Hrs ish

I had just alighted from the bus with other passengers who were busy spewing all forms of expletives at the bus driver and his conductor. Their crime? They had decided to discharge all passengers almost 1km to the bus stop and made a u-turn due to the notorious ‘rush-hour’ gridlock. Knowing that nothing I said (or did) would prevent them from repeating the same actions the next day, under the same circumstances, I just kept my cool and decided to use the strolling time to reply some pending pings on my phone. I had nothing to worry about after all - it was a busy place and I was partly aware of my surroundings since I still had to look up intermittently. I had in my possession, three phones (2 in the front left pocket of my jean pants and one in my hands) and my wallet (in the back right pocket of my jean pants).

Some seconds into my journey towards the Oga Roundabout, one guy walked past me (on my right side) and almost immediately slowed down and gave me this look indicative that I had just brushed him accidentally. I knew fully well that I didn’t brush him, and not wanting any tracasserie, I mindlessly apologized and continued chatting on my phone. He then engaged me in a chat that went somewhat like this:

Dude: “I think say you no go talk sorry, I for show you”.
Me: “No vex jare”.
Dude: “You be correct guy joor” (he extends his hand in an handshake gesture)
Me: (Giving him a girlish handshake - y’all know this type) “No lele”

Note: none of us stopped walking, and he was slightly ahead of me, so he was quite close to me.

Dude: “If no be say you talk sorry ehn, I for punch you like this (he feigns a punch clearly not directed at me so I didn’t mind) or make I gbege you like this” (he then grips my jean pants by the waist on the left side and made as if to lift me).
Me: “Oga wetin dey worry you nao? Free me joor” (I pushed him away and wasn’t in anyway aggressive mainly because a highly concentrated waft of an alcoholic nature oozed from his mouth and nose [joking], and partly because I am not aggressive in nature).

Dude: “I just say make I tell you ni”

I checked my back pocket for my wallet and thankfully it was still there, only for the guy to be like:

Dude: “Find something for your boy nao”
Me: “Oga, nothing dey o! Next time abeg” (My default response to Lagos Beggars)
Dude: “No wahala bros” (He then extends his hand to give me another handshake which I took hurriedly and continued tapping away on my phone).
Dude: “Baba, which side you dey go?” (To be sincere, I was attributing this emergency paddy paddy to his inebriated state so I answered him)
Me: “I dey go that Agbowa-Imota side” (kinda false)
Dude: “Me I dey stay that side” (he points towards the direction I was headed from, though on the other side of the road). “If e just reach that side, ask of Taiwo” (I paused for a second to acknowledge his last statement with a nod and then I was like
Me: “No lele baba, nice meeting you”

And for the umpteenth time, I faced my work phone and headed towards my destination. But I could notice from my peripheral vision that he was fixated on the phone I held in my hands (some bigass screen phone - bout 4.7” display). Then he was like:

Dude: “Bros, you suppose hide your phone for pocket o. The police for this Ikorodu dey para gan. Dem fit think say you be Yahoo boy o”
Me: “Nothing dey happen joor, sebi na person wey be yahoo boy go dey fear”

I was wearing a T-shirt, Jean pants and kicks and carrying a back pack containing my laptop so I don’t understand the “Yahoo boy” tag” but I still obliged and pocketed the phone (in the left pocket where the other 2 phones were), though mainly because I now wanted to really get out of this drunkard’s sight if he wouldn’t get out of mine.

Dude: “No talk so o! Dem go just come gbege you, drag you like this”
(So he grabs me in the same ‘demonstrative’ manner he first did and this time around, I shoved him off a bit aggressively)
Me: “Guy, free me nao!! Wetin be all this one?”

He releases his grip, stops in his tracks, and I go my way...but not without stealing one last look at him. Then I noticed that he tried to pull off his shirt, changes his mind, and wears it back. That was when I decided to check for my wallet again - and phones. I then discovered almost immediately that there were only 2 phones in my left pocket instead of 3, and upon closer scrutiny, it was the one I pocketed last that was missing. All this happened in less than 3 seconds! Immediately, I went back to him and was like:

Me: “Bros, I take God beg you, wey my phone?”
Dude: (Raising his hands) “If e search me, e no see am, wetin make I do you?”
Me: “Bros, I no want make we shout, I go find you something (I meant it), just give me back my phone”

At this point, I was already frisking him, but to my surprise, the phone wasn’t on him. I swear down, that realization scared the bejesus out of me!

Dude: “I say If e search me, and e no dey, wetin make I do you?”

Then a ‘Good Samaritan’ stopped by and asked:

G.S: “Wetin happen?”

Sensing that there had to be an accomplice since the phone wasn’t on him, and this G.S had to be that accomplice, I immediately started frisking the G.S while my eyes were still fixated on my number 1 suspect.

Me: (While frisking the G.S) “This guy (referring to the first suspect with a head gesture) carry my phone and him dey deny”
Dude: “Abi eleyi siere ni?” (Is this one mad), and he landed a punch on my face.

Note: Passers-by were still passing by and no one paid attention to our little 'ménage à trois'. Yet.

I first held my cheek bone where he hit, felt an excrescence immediately. The transition from 'drunk' to 'Mayweather' within 2 seconds got me going like WTF! I wanted to hit back but decided against it, but instead went for his collars - oppa women's-you-go-kill-me-today style, grabbed ‘em with all the strength I’ve got and shouted “Ole! Ole!! Ole!!!” at the top of my voice.

Since it was a busy place, some passers-by had stopped and had began to confront him while I held him. So I continued my verbal assault and was like: “He’s a thief! A pick pocket! He picked my pocket and stole my phone!!”.

Before I could say Jack Robinson, the G.S tapped me and was like: “No be your phone be this?”.

Y’all shoulda seen the wave of relief I felt when my phone touched my hand (My Precious!!!). I then released my grip completely and was explaining to one of the roadside sellers that the phone had surfaced o! Meanwhile, the baga was now sober and was apologizing to the elderly men that were tongue-lashing him. The G.S disappeared immediately and the roadside sellers were urging me to wait until the matter was completely resolved so the matter won’t escalate. For a second, I was considering doing just that. But in a matter of seconds, some thugs had arrived the scene and were shouting “Ki lon happen?” (What’s happening) and were attacking the small crowd that had formed with slaps and blows (apparently in a bid to disperse the forming crowd and get the pick pocket to fade out). I was even on the receiving end of one hot ‘sapa’ on my ‘ogo’ and upon receiving this, I left the scene shaperly, went into the nearby Addidae store, cooled off, and headed home - with my swollen face as a voucher to the invaluable lesson I just learnt, and my phone in my pocket.

Fast forward a few weeks later...Last Sunday to be precise

Place: CMS
Time: 17:30-18:00 Hrs ish

So I boarded a bus from Alausa to CMS and upon alighting at the last bus stop (close to Tantalizers), an impoverished-looking fella approached me and was begging for money. I ignored him and was walking towards Marina from Tantalizers and this guy was following me and was even specific in demand when he said: “Brother, please even if na 50 naira to buy Gala”. I didn’t even bat an eyelid (I detest Lagos Beggars!!!!!!) and continued in the direction I was headed. Just as the beggar was about to give up and probably look for a better prospect, I ‘ran into’ someone from behind and actually hit his leg with mine unknowingly while I was walking past him. I quickly apologized and was sincere in my demeanor when he said (yea you guessed right!!): “If to say you no talk sorry ehn, I for land you better punch”. Whilst he uttered this statement, he was actually trying to catch up with my brisk pace. I then remembered my Ikorodu episode and went Ben Johnson on him...

Then it dawned on me..there is a pattern! It’s a working modus operandi. They accuse you of brushing them, and whether you apologize or not, they try to confront you physically and empty your pocket.

In the second scenario, maybe if I had given the 'beggar' guy some money, the thief would have hinged on the fact that I just returned my wallet to my pocket, and as such, might be briefly distracted from there (after all, I had just put it back). I don't know what would've happened, but I'm glad I didn't wait to find out.

But before these recent encounters, earlier in the year, I boarded a Shuttle from Festac to Second Rainbow and when the shuttle discharged some passengers at Apple Junction, one weird looking plus-sized guy boarded and sat close to me. I was with a friend who sat close to the window and we were engrossed in our convo when this new passenger started sneezing at a rate of 20SPM (Sneezes per minute) or Once in 3 seconds. The distance between Apple Junction and Second Rainbow isn’t up to a minute on a good day and this guy sneezed all through. When we got to Second Rainbow, this guy paid, collected his balance and alighted, then a woman from the back seat wanted to alight so I allowed her (them shuttles only have two seat rows behind the driver). Immediately she stepped out, she bent and picked a phone from the floor (just by the front right tyre) and was like, “who get this phone?”. You can imagine how I felt when I realized that the phone that she held in her hands was mine. It was in my right pocket the last time I checked and I could only think of two explanations as to how it could’ve left my pocket.
1. The phone had a mind of its own and decided to leave my pocket in search of greener pastures...clandestinely.
2. The ‘sneezer’ distracted me with his sneezing bout and picked my pocket successfully, but he was unable to effectively hide it without drawing my attention so he was careless with it and it fell off while he tried to alight.

I might be wrong and completely paranoid, especially in the CMS scenario, but I think these pick-pockets have gone Nollywood on us all! They are street-trained psychologists/mentalists and have mastered the art of misdirection à la Apollo Robbins. You just need to have a default mindset that any stranger, that gets too close either knowingly or not, and whether s/he is acting un/necessarily friendly or not is a pick-pocket. That's how to be safe from their subtle overriding of your brain's mechanism of alert.

All these happened this year and after the third NTE case (I call it the Near-Theft-Experience), I began to think about appeasing the god of pick-pockets. I must’ve done something wrong at one point in my life and the Adjustment Bureau had selected 2015 as my year. I’ve survived all three attempts made at my pockets so far and I feel I owe my duty to everybody out there that commutes the streets of Lagos (or any metropolis). Learn from my gullibility o (I know ALL that I did wrong by in retrospect)! Bois are not smiling!!!

People, why not share your experiences be it NTE or not? Let's learn o!

I had an experience when I was much younger. I think in 2003 or thereabout. I had just gotten that Nokia 8310 that small one with white light and radio. A friend of mine had visited me in Festac and I was seeing her off. On my way back, one miscreant walked up to me and the following conversation ensued:

Miscreant: Shey you know Gbenga wey dey play ball for 322
Me: Sorry I don't and I kept walking
Miscreant: Walks up in front of me " shey oh mo Gbenga to gba ball ni" by this time he was too close and touched my body, I quickly shoved him off...

I was sure I could beat the hell out of that boy and as I was about brush him, someone else walked past and said " leave am oh him head no correct"

Because of my very sensitive moment, at this point, I put my hand in my pocket and discovered the phone was not there. So I said " my phone" and they guy said which phone? But I wasn't sure if I left the house with the phone and also I had 1k in that same pocket which was still there.

I just stood there confused while he walked away. I quickly rushed home and it dawned on me that mehn... Them don obtain my phone.

I kept calling the phone and he kept rejecting it until he finally switched it off. I walked the 4 corners of Festac that day hoping that I will eventually see the guy but unfortunately... I didn't have the same luck that I had when they jazzed me and collected 4 pairs of plain trousers from the boutique where I managed.

This one happened in 2012... I was preparing for Jamb and was managing a boutique. So this guy walked into the shop and requested for plain trousers which we sold for N5,000 then. I packed the stuffs into our custom polybag and he told me he didn't have cash with him that I had to come to his office to pick up the money ( which we usually did).

I had waited for our sales girl but they came in late so I had to lockup to shop just to get the goods to the " A**hole"... I took a bike heading to his office and I saw him walking so I had to alight from the bike. We got to his office where they sold babies stuff and all that he told me to wait outside and then he went inside.

He later came outside and told me I had to chill that his madam was around and he didn't want to raise any suspicion because she was looking for a way not to settle him. We walked further a bit and this guy just collected the polybag with the trousers from me and in a commanding tone he said " go back to that shop and tell Ik to give you the money" and like a mugu I turned back and headed straight to the shop without thinking.

As soon as I got into the shop and asked after Ik, they asked me if I wanted IKB cream or something; that was when my eyes became clear and I dashed out of the shop and the stupid idiot had gone. I took a deep breathe and evoked my analytical skill. There's only 4 ways to get out of Festac from that point and the closest was through 1st gate or new bridge.

So I took a bike to told him to head towards first gate. As we got to first gate, lo and behold I spotted the idiot crossing the road. Luckily for me the traffic warder had stopped the cars so he was just strolling a drinking pure water. I ran after him and gave him a deck at the back of his neck and with my smallish voice I shouted " You Dey Mad" Thief God don catch you today, I quickly grabbed the nylon and mehn the guy just took off.

The okada man was shouting hold am hold am but mehn my own concern was to get the plain trousers. What would I have told my Chairman who believed my smartness? I headed straight to the shop oh and as soon as I dropped the stuffs, I went home to sleep since the sales girls was around.

Lagos na real wah my brother!

dis kind thing happen to Me in Badagry last year. I just they laugh. like I don't really know if I step on the guy or not. next thing he was like Guy sey yu know see say yu match me. I was like oga emabinu. next thing he was like I think say yu no go beg ni, I for carry Yu like dis. so he walk up to me demonstrating how he would carry me. not knowing baba don commot my small change for my pocket. when I got home ehn,i just they laugh say na wa ooh. sey nah dis I mumu reach despite the fact say nah we own dis Lagos

I don't know what exactly to call mine, but the tugging-at-the-trousers was similar with that of the op.

Sometime last year, I had just come to lasgidi from ph for a training. The whole ph-ajebo-quiet-life was still written all over my face. I stay at akoka yaba n go to work at marina. When coming back from work, I board a vehicle from obalende to yaba, I would alight at unilag junction then take a bus to bariga then alight at pako junction.
You could only imagine my joy when I got to obalende on certain friday & I heard them calling bariga. I could finally cut out the unilag junction stop. I do like mumu enter the car. Only God knows which way they followed, I ddnt want to act like a JJC (that's the first rule they tell anyone visiting lag) so I didn't ask any question until I got to bariga.
I started looking for okada to take me to pako, I knew it would'nt be too far and was willing to pay whatever amount. So I started calling out "bike, pako junction". That was how one 'good samaritan' just jumped out of a bike he was on & approached me. As usual started speaking yoruba, then started demonstrating the 'tugging-at-trousers show'. I swear, I was scared to death, after he realised I didn't get a clue of anything he said or was doing, he let go of my trouser, then said "dis na lagos o, u suppose dey shine eye, I go help u find bike but u go find me something".
Then he pointed out where to get a bike n just disappeared.

I actually taught he was a good samaritan, but after reading the OP's story, I'm beginning to think different. Maybe he was or maybe he couldn't get anything from my pocket or maybe he felt pity for me after seeing the fright on my face or maybe the holy spirit touched him ( A rosary was part of the contents of my pocket that day).
I guess I would never know.

OP, you got one bad habit, which is operating your phone while walking. Let's put "pocket picking" aside. If to say na trailer fail brakes nko? Na so u go dey waka press phone sotay e go come crush you. Well my advise is this; nobody is smart, and nobody is dull. It depends on how we use our brains. When having a walk(wether in a busy area or in a quiet area), your gadgets including your your purse should be in your front pockets. Except you are making a call, your phones and other gadgets should be in your pocket. And always be at alert.

IAmTobore:
OP, you got one bad habit, which is operating your phone while walking. Let's put "pocket picking" aside. If to say na trailer fail brakes nko? Na so u go dey waka press phone sotay e go come crush you. Well my advise is this; nobody is smart, and nobody is dull. It depends on how we use our brains. When having a walk(wether in a busy area or in a quiet area), your gadgets including your your purse should be in your front pockets. Except you are making a call, your phones and other gadgets should be in your pocket. And always be at alert.

Thanks man. That was one of my undoings with the Ikorodu episode...but the other 2? Phones were right in my pocket. These guys are just jobless mofos!

yemmydy:
Its everywhere, I experienced one at ilorin. It wasn't funny. Just like magic

Pls share ur Ilorin experience.

Infomizer:
Thanks man. That was one of my undoings with the Ikorodu episode...but the other 2? Phones were right in my pocket. These guys are just jobless mofos!

Well sorry for not reading the full story. It was so long. But hey, always be at alert!

Oh jeez!

suco50:
I read the whole epistle of @Op as well as every single comment on this thread, but no 1 made mention of the assumption that these pickpocketers could possibly make do with "jazz" (charms). In my experience at Balogun market on Monday 8th Dec. 2014, this neatly dressed guy also acted up like I hit him. He is an Igbo and he had this cool guy outlook such that you wouldnt take him for a street urchin. He was on a sky blue rock T-shirt, a dark blue skin-tight jean pant, a black sneakers and a ballers cap. I went to that market with 90K but I've purchased goods and was left with 43K. While roaming the market on this fateful day around 4.20pm trying to purchase other goods, this guy came from behind and brushed me but acted up like I tripped over him earlier without saying sorry; I must have been deceived by his appearance cos he looked so neat and cool that I had no fear to apologize despite being a stranger. My kind of person wouldn't have had any conversation with him had he being a dirty dreadlock, tatooed, multi-body-parts-piercing looking guy. Following this, the then enstrange but now trending gist of " if to say you no say sorry, I for punch you like this" was also established by this guy but I believe the gist in this case was more than mere prank; he could or must have hit me with a charm because I rmbr I saw him pause the conversation at a time and he was soliloquizing (that could be incantations); from that point my brain went blank! The whole scenario that followed was like a trance; throughout the time he jerked me up by grabbing my jean pant in the waistline, pushed up the 43K in the front right side of my jean, removed the cash and cross to the other side of the road, I was half conscious. I wasn't able to process consciously what was going on. I went to the market along with a friend and she, coming from behind came to the scene while the guy was jerking me and asked me what was going on? She told me later on that I replied her with a smile that there is no problem, that the guy was only playing with me! Following that, she said she just kept on moving ahead! So after the robbery, the guy crossed to the other side of the road and freed me from the spell by saying "thank you Sir, God bless you Sir, safe journey Sir"! Then he disappeared into the thick crowd. Minutes later, abt 2 or 3, after walking in a straight motion still unconscious, I suddenly regained my consciousness! Some people supported the assumption that these hoodlums usually release victims from their spells through verbal utterances. After regaining my consciousness, the first thing that occurred to me was to check for my cash and alas it was gone! I called my friend (the girl), she was walking fast in a straight motion ahead of me, I shouted before she could stop; then I told her I've been robbed! I ran back to the scene but it was already late, the shop owners who witnessed the event only looked at me scornfully and turned their faces away. It was only a rough looking guy who may be an accomplice that made some remarks saying "guy forget, dat 1 don go, u don dull yourself, awon omo aye ti get ee" (meaning: you've been hit by guys of the underworld)