Sirlancelot:
Well mine was not theft but a day light duping at computer village ikeja.I was on Pass from work far from Kaduna in 2013.It all started when a street guy approached me to buy his Bold 5 for 20k.Knowing fully well that the price at that time was llke 30k upward,i quickly jumped at the offer but tried to bargained the price to 18k which he obliged.I thoroughly check the phone which was perfectly ok.Then i made way to the nearest ATm to get some money to settle him.After collecting the phone as i made payment,i began my journey back to my destination having pocketed the phone.But this guy kept following me as if he was escorting me as such.i was amazed when he started asking me irrelevant question like where i am going and some useless question like that.When i reached Awo roundabout in ikeja,a guy approach us.Before i know what was happening, he started punching the phone seller,telling him not to sell phone at road side again.'Mufu i don warn u nt to sell phone for road side again'exclaimed the supposed new guy.All this was accompanied with new punch and slap.I was dumb-founded if not confuse as i stand there watching the drama.The new guy ask me authoritatively to return the phone back to him and collect my money,which i did.That is the beginning of my problem.As soon as i handed the phone back to him,i didnt even care to check the money he return back to me.I still remember that moment with fond memory.After he gave me the money,he disapeared with the new guy .!I was left confused.Well i later regained my sense back to check what was given to me,alas it was a one thousand note wrap with remaining once being a white paper cut-sized to rhyme with the 1k note.I check my back which was a shop,people where laughing secretly,apparrently they know what had had happened but choose to be an on-looker. That was not my first time in lagos,i was born and bred in lagos before mooving to Kaduna in 2013 due to my work.I am a trained soldier.I complained to Police attached to the village but nothing was done.I feel like killling someone that day because i was treated like a fool.Very painful.I went back to the spot i met him where i see his fellow 'accomplice' whom even threaten to hit me if i didnt get a life.I was left with no choice than to use my military power.I went to ikeja cantonment to inform my colleague.Two soldiers followed me back to computer village where i arrested those guys that do the same business like them.After much torture at the barrack,they confess to know those guys who dupe me but vow to pay me up.I collected the money back from them.One thing in army is sweet,and that is blanket Job.You buy job,another man can serve the jon for you.Or only one person can buy job for a whole group of people.That how i collected my money back from their friend while i tell them to held those one on the run for accoutable for their loss.

Bro, I envy you! Chai! Things like this make me wanna join the military! Them buy better job! lol

[color=#006600][/color]STRANGE BUT TRUE

Dem full iyana iba na, one late evening like dis, I was abt entering d bus, 4 guys from nowhere began pushing in a manner dat luk as if dey demselves wanna enter d bus but I was blocking, b4 I kud say jack, dey took my wallet and my phone, I just sat in the bus wishing it won't stop till it gets to forever land, wot got me angry was d fact dat I don jonze...... But it changed my orientation for life abt walking in lagos, dis days my countenance alone wen walking scares even d devil himself....

All I can say is that the OP is an excellent writer.
You got me read the epistle.

I stay in ikd,n ma mum warn us al to walk so fast n @alert weneva itz 7pm n we ar around ikd garage.dat way.no 1 wld approach u easily nt 2 talk of assessing u.if I hit sum1,i just say sori while stil walkin.

blake777:

Fact or fiction who knows? But one thing is certain ur a good writer bruv keep it up!

so na it u quote dat long post,nawaoh.

k

Sirlancelot:
Well mine was not theft but a day light duping at computer village ikeja.I was on Pass from work far from Kaduna in 2013.It all started when a street guy approached me to buy his Bold 5 for 20k.Knowing fully well that the price at that time was llke 30k upward,i quickly jumped at the offer but tried to bargained the price to 18k which he obliged.I thoroughly check the phone which was perfectly ok.Then i made way to the nearest ATm to get some money to settle him.After collecting the phone as i made payment,i began my journey back to my destination having pocketed the phone.But this guy kept following me as if he was escorting me as such.i was amazed when he started asking me irrelevant question like where i am going and some useless question like that.When i reached Awo roundabout in ikeja,a guy approach us.Before i know what was happening, he started punching the phone seller,telling him not to sell phone at road side again.'Mufu i don warn u nt to sell phone for road side again'exclaimed the supposed new guy.All this was accompanied with new punch and slap.I was dumb-founded if not confuse as i stand there watching the drama.The new guy ask me authoritatively to return the phone back to him and collect my money,which i did.That is the beginning of my problem.As soon as i handed the phone back to him,i didnt even care to check the money he return back to me.I still remember that moment with fond memory.After he gave me the money,he disapeared with the new guy .!I was left confused.Well i later regained my sense back to check what was given to me,alas it was a one thousand note wrap with remaining once being a white paper cut-sized to rhyme with the 1k note.I check my back which was a shop,people where laughing secretly,apparrently they know what had had happened but choose to be an on-looker. That was not my first time in lagos,i was born and bred in lagos before mooving to Kaduna in 2013 due to my work.I am a trained soldier.I complained to Police attached to the village but nothing was done.I feel like killling someone that day because i was treated like a fool.Very painful.I went back to the spot i met him where i see his fellow 'accomplice' whom even threaten to hit me if i didnt get a life.I was left with no choice than to use my military power.I went to ikeja cantonment to inform my colleague.Two soldiers followed me back to computer village where i arrested those guys that do the same business like them.After much torture at the barrack,they confess to know those guys who dupe me but vow to pay me up.I collected the money back from them.One thing in army is sweet,and that is blanket Job.You buy job,another man can serve the jon for you.Or only one person can buy job for a whole group of people.That how i collected my money back from their friend while i tell them to held those one on the run for accoutable for their loss.

Thank God for d likes of u, if not I wud av been duped on two occasions, but d recent one ws at underbridge wia I went to buy a fone only for it to stop connecting to d server d next day, I went to slot to c if anytin can b done much to.my dismay even slot kudnt help, immediately I swung into action two of my navy guys and d rest is now history

blake777:

Okay you quoted me for quoting the whole post baa?? Then you went through your phone looking for a pic to advertise your business again abi??...who really needs help here ??

The both of u need serious help.

Seun ur attention is needed here.

komek:


The both of u need serious help.

Seun ur attention is needed here.

Lol

@ Op u mumu Eehn, u deh there deh do like girl, nah small remain fellow guy for guy you.

All those touts where deh do dat shit deh observe face shaah.

them no born pickpocketer fine to come act such script with me, E for be for such, cos I 4 confirm the bullshit live and direct.

Base on no joy things.

Its everywhere, I experienced one at ilorin. It wasn't funny. Just like magic

Infomizer:
Yes o! Na only me waka come!!!

It might sound unbelievable but it happened and I wouldn’t have written it (cause it sounded unbelievable) if not that it nearly happened again. Elsewhere!

Place: Ikorodu
Time: 20:00-21:00 Hrs ish

I had just alighted from the bus with other passengers who were busy spewing all forms of expletives at the bus driver and his conductor. Their crime? They had decided to discharge all passengers almost 1km to the bus stop and made a u-turn due to the notorious ‘rush-hour’ gridlock. Knowing that nothing I said (or did) would prevent them from repeating the same actions the next day, under the same circumstances, I just kept my cool and decided to use the strolling time to reply some pending pings on my phone. I had nothing to worry about after all - it was a busy place and I was partly aware of my surroundings since I still had to look up intermittently. I had in my possession, three phones (2 in the front left pocket of my jean pants and one in my hands) and my wallet (in the back right pocket of my jean pants).

Some seconds into my journey towards the Oga Roundabout, one guy walked past me (on my right side) and almost immediately slowed down and gave me this look indicative that I had just brushed him accidentally. I knew fully well that I didn’t brush him, and not wanting any tracasserie, I mindlessly apologized and continued chatting on my phone. He then engaged me in a chat that went somewhat like this:

Dude: “I think say you no go talk sorry, I for show you”.
Me: “No vex jare”.
Dude: “You be correct guy joor” (he extends his hand in an handshake gesture)
Me: (Giving him a girlish handshake - y’all know this type) “No lele”

Note: none of us stopped walking, and he was slightly ahead of me, so he was quite close to me.

Dude: “If no be say you talk sorry ehn, I for punch you like this (he feigns a punch clearly not directed at me so I didn’t mind) or make I gbege you like this” (he then grips my jean pants by the waist on the left side and made as if to lift me).
Me: “Oga wetin dey worry you nao? Free me joor” (I pushed him away and wasn’t in anyway aggressive mainly because a highly concentrated waft of an alcoholic nature oozed from his mouth and nose [joking], and partly because I am not aggressive in nature).

Dude: “I just say make I tell you ni”

I checked my back pocket for my wallet and thankfully it was still there, only for the guy to be like:

Dude: “Find something for your boy nao”
Me: “Oga, nothing dey o! Next time abeg” (My default response to Lagos Beggars)
Dude: “No wahala bros” (He then extends his hand to give me another handshake which I took hurriedly and continued tapping away on my phone).
Dude: “Baba, which side you dey go?” (To be sincere, I was attributing this emergency paddy paddy to his inebriated state so I answered him)
Me: “I dey go that Agbowa-Imota side” (kinda false)
Dude: “Me I dey stay that side” (he points towards the direction I was headed from, though on the other side of the road). “If e just reach that side, ask of Taiwo” (I paused for a second to acknowledge his last statement with a nod and then I was like
Me: “No lele baba, nice meeting you”

And for the umpteenth time, I faced my work phone and headed towards my destination. But I could notice from my peripheral vision that he was fixated on the phone I held in my hands (some bigass screen phone - bout 4.7” display). Then he was like:

Dude: “Bros, you suppose hide your phone for pocket o. The police for this Ikorodu dey para gan. Dem fit think say you be Yahoo boy o”
Me: “Nothing dey happen joor, sebi na person wey be yahoo boy go dey fear”

I was wearing a T-shirt, Jean pants and kicks and carrying a back pack containing my laptop so I don’t understand the “Yahoo boy” tag” but I still obliged and pocketed the phone (in the left pocket where the other 2 phones were), though mainly because I now wanted to really get out of this drunkard’s sight if he wouldn’t get out of mine.

Dude: “No talk so o! Dem go just come gbege you, drag you like this”
(So he grabs me in the same ‘demonstrative’ manner he first did and this time around, I shoved him off a bit aggressively)
Me: “Guy, free me nao!! Wetin be all this one?”

He releases his grip, stops in his tracks, and I go my way...but not without stealing one last look at him. Then I noticed that he tried to pull off his shirt, changes his mind, and wears it back. That was when I decided to check for my wallet again - and phones. I then discovered almost immediately that there were only 2 phones in my left pocket instead of 3, and upon closer scrutiny, it was the one I pocketed last that was missing. All this happened in less than 3 seconds! Immediately, I went back to him and was like:

Me: “Bros, I take God beg you, wey my phone?”
Dude: (Raising his hands) “If e search me, e no see am, wetin make I do you?”
Me: “Bros, I no want make we shout, I go find you something (I meant it), just give me back my phone”

At this point, I was already frisking him, but to my surprise, the phone wasn’t on him. I swear down, that realization scared the bejesus out of me!

Dude: “I say If e search me, and e no dey, wetin make I do you?”

Then a ‘Good Samaritan’ stopped by and asked:

G.S: “Wetin happen?”

Sensing that there had to be an accomplice since the phone wasn’t on him, and this G.S had to be that accomplice, I immediately started frisking the G.S while my eyes were still fixated on my number 1 suspect.

Me: (While frisking the G.S) “This guy (referring to the first suspect with a head gesture) carry my phone and him dey deny”
Dude: “Abi eleyi siere ni?” (Is this one mad), and he landed a punch on my face.

Note: Passers-by were still passing by and no one paid attention to our little 'ménage à trois'. Yet.

I first held my cheek bone where he hit, felt an excrescence immediately. The transition from 'drunk' to 'Mayweather' within 2 seconds got me going like WTF! I wanted to hit back but decided against it, but instead went for his collars - oppa women's-you-go-kill-me-today style, grabbed ‘em with all the strength I’ve got and shouted “Ole! Ole!! Ole!!!” at the top of my voice.

Since it was a busy place, some passers-by had stopped and had began to confront him while I held him. So I continued my verbal assault and was like: “He’s a thief! A pick pocket! He picked my pocket and stole my phone!!”.

Before I could say Jack Robinson, the G.S tapped me and was like: “No be your phone be this?”.

Y’all shoulda seen the wave of relief I felt when my phone touched my hand (My Precious!!!). I then released my grip completely and was explaining to one of the roadside sellers that the phone had surfaced o! Meanwhile, the baga was now sober and was apologizing to the elderly men that were tongue-lashing him. The G.S disappeared immediately and the roadside sellers were urging me to wait until the matter was completely resolved so the matter won’t escalate. For a second, I was considering doing just that. But in a matter of seconds, some thugs had arrived the scene and were shouting “Ki lon happen?” (What’s happening) and were attacking the small crowd that had formed with slaps and blows (apparently in a bid to disperse the forming crowd and get the pick pocket to fade out). I was even on the receiving end of one hot ‘sapa’ on my ‘ogo’ and upon receiving this, I left the scene shaperly, went into the nearby Addidae store, cooled off, and headed home - with my swollen face as a voucher to the invaluable lesson I just learnt, and my phone in my pocket.

Fast forward a few weeks later...Last Sunday to be precise

Place: CMS
Time: 17:30-18:00 Hrs ish

So I boarded a bus from Alausa to CMS and upon alighting at the last bus stop (close to Tantalizers), an impoverished-looking fella approached me and was begging for money. I ignored him and was walking towards Marina from Tantalizers and this guy was following me and was even specific in demand when he said: “Brother, please even if na 50 naira to buy Gala”. I didn’t even bat an eyelid (I detest Lagos Beggars!!!!!!) and continued in the direction I was headed. Just as the beggar was about to give up and probably look for a better prospect, I ‘ran into’ someone from behind and actually hit his leg with mine unknowingly while I was walking past him. I quickly apologized and was sincere in my demeanor when he said (yea you guessed right!!): “If to say you no talk sorry ehn, I for land you better punch”. Whilst he uttered this statement, he was actually trying to catch up with my brisk pace. I then remembered my Ikorodu episode and went Ben Johnson on him...

Then it dawned on me..there is a pattern! It’s a working modus operandi. They accuse you of brushing them, and whether you apologize or not, they try to confront you physically and empty your pocket.

In the second scenario, maybe if I had given the 'beggar' guy some money, the thief would have hinged on the fact that I just returned my wallet to my pocket, and as such, might be briefly distracted from there (after all, I had just put it back). I don't know what would've happened, but I'm glad I didn't wait to find out.

But before these recent encounters, earlier in the year, I boarded a Shuttle from Festac to Second Rainbow and when the shuttle discharged some passengers at Apple Junction, one weird looking plus-sized guy boarded and sat close to me. I was with a friend who sat close to the window and we were engrossed in our convo when this new passenger started sneezing at a rate of 20SPM (Sneezes per minute) or Once in 3 seconds. The distance between Apple Junction and Second Rainbow isn’t up to a minute on a good day and this guy sneezed all through. When we got to Second Rainbow, this guy paid, collected his balance and alighted, then a woman from the back seat wanted to alight so I allowed her (them shuttles only have two seat rows behind the driver). Immediately she stepped out, she bent and picked a phone from the floor (just by the front right tyre) and was like, “who get this phone?”. You can imagine how I felt when I realized that the phone that she held in her hands was mine. It was in my right pocket the last time I checked and I could only think of two explanations as to how it could’ve left my pocket.
1. The phone had a mind of its own and decided to leave my pocket in search of greener pastures...clandestinely.
2. The ‘sneezer’ distracted me with his sneezing bout and picked my pocket successfully, but he was unable to effectively hide it without drawing my attention so he was careless with it and it fell off while he tried to alight.

I might be wrong and completely paranoid, especially in the CMS scenario, but I think these pick-pockets have gone Nollywood on us all! They are street-trained psychologists/mentalists and have mastered the art of misdirection à la Apollo Robbins. You just need to have a default mindset that any stranger, that gets too close either knowingly or not, and whether s/he is acting un/necessarily friendly or not is a pick-pocket. That's how to be safe from their subtle overriding of your brain's mechanism of alert.

All these happened this year and after the third NTE case (I call it the Near-Theft-Experience), I began to think about appeasing the god of pick-pockets. I must’ve done something wrong at one point in my life and the Adjustment Bureau had selected 2015 as my year. I’ve survived all three attempts made at my pockets so far and I feel I owe my duty to everybody out there that commutes the streets of Lagos (or any metropolis). Learn from my gullibility o (I know ALL that I did wrong by in retrospect)! Bois are not smiling!!!

People, why not share your experiences be it NTE or not? Let's learn o!

This is one de reasons why I go out with my back pack....all my properties, ooyyah!!! Inside my bag. Only bring them when de need arises

I hate Lagos beggars with passion they are all fake

khalebzy:
Shey yours was pick pockets?

Mine was a group of guys, they just stormed on me like i stole something, started beating me up then later robbed me of my stuffs.Thank God i made away with my Tablet and My life.Horrible experience
Amen!

So, OP and anyone else here who might know about these things, what is the best way to handle this situation if, God forbid, one finds himself in such?

This looks like a really dangerous situation to be in. Being careful wouldn't help in this context, so what should one do?

I love your write-up, you got me glued.....Lagos rule is "stay sharp".

Had an experience years ago in P.H. Was walking in a crowded path, with two pieces of N20 notes in my left breast-pocket. Having never being a victim, I was a bit careless. Shock griped me minutes later, when, one smart guy coming in front of me, perfectly removed the notes in pocket without stopping or saying a single word to me. However, I was lucky that day. My eyes were in proper place and time. Caught his hand, he immediately dropped the notes and mingled in the crowd. I smiled, picked them up and left.

Same thing happend to me. But i gave the guy the beating of his life, i was left with a broken screen.

Very clear and well-written experience. Lengthy but captivating enough to keep me glued to the end. Hilarious too . Thanks for sharing. Definitely and eye-opener to help people to always be at alert for such criminals. You didn't lose any valuables-good for you. Many aren't so lucky.

Same way it happened to me. Funny thing was it happened twice at two different times & locations. The second guy succeded. It was after this incident I understood it was a pattern.

Thanks for putting the word out informizer so people won't fall victim.

I have the same experience just 2 weeks ago at Surulere.

komek:
*@OP,if not that u mentioned where this thing happened, I would have asked if it happened at Ikeja. Exactly same way they picked my 2k on a sunday morning. I felt intimidated cos the guy waz someone I could take on comfortably

Fast forward, 2 months later this same guy did same thing to me at another bus stop within same ikeja and it was very late in the night. The slap I gave to him on thAt day, I don't think I have ever given it to any human being in my life. I was able to take the earphone I saw on him, I seized the dirty footwear he was putting on. Before I said jack, the guy took to his heels and was shouting "Azeez o, Azeez o. O boy na so me run towards another direction with the seized items.
Most times they operate individually and they look so unkempt
Those guys seem to be everywhere in Lagos and they have same modus operandi.

The trick is actually quite old. I experienced something similar in 2007. I just bough a Sagem my X7 not more than a month ago. I went to Computer village to transfer some music and pornoo vids on it....maybe na why God punish me be that. I left afterwards for Oshodi.
While at Oshodi, I mistakenly knocked down a precariously hanged cloth from a roadside stall. Next thing, a tout just came and hugged me that I must pick the cloth. I just pushed him off, picked the cloth and walked on.
I don cross the pedestrian bridge before I realized my phone was gone.
In public places, I get paranoid AF these days.

Nice one OP.
I had such experience twice.
The most common method dis pick pocket ter use is to feign that they know u, would mention any strange name and start joking with u And while u are trying to remember those naMe..immediately they wud perform their enterprise.
The second time another person tried to use it on me at IKORODU I just gave him#100 immediately and ask him to go abeg..e don tey wey yansh dey back jare..I tell am say bros na we we o, I know as e dey go but just manage this 10 fibre(meaning 100naira)

LASGIDI..the city of hustlers..a land where d weak becomes strong..a land where d dumb becomes wise.and d wise become wiser.

Mine happened few years ago, I was on my way to Victoria island and I needed to board a bus. As a cool guy, I had my earpiece on, listening to "successful" by drake,trey song. Suddenly, a guy approached me and was like "guy ow far" came really close and gav me a hug. I tried to look at his face but he was on the short side (height) and also did a pretty good job by avoiding a facial contact for some seconds. At that point, the cool song I was listening to began to stutter, that was when it dawned on me that the guy was a pickpocket. Immediately he realised that I had known he quickly crossed over, met his accomplice and they zoomed off via their bike...
my left hand quickly went to my dick and my right hand to my phone. Having realised they were all intact I nodded my head side ways with a smile.

ogaprime:


This is one de reasons why I go out with my back pack....all my properties, ooyyah!!! Inside my bag. Only bring them when de need arises

Back pack is the worse if you encounter the really smart ones, I had an experience at Ketu with my back pack, see me searching for my phone like a mad lady. Since then, its front pack (if you understand what I mean).

hedonistic:


So, OP and anyone else here who might know about these things, what is the best way to handle this situation if, God forbid, one finds himself in such?

This looks like a really dangerous situation to be in. Being careful wouldn't help in this context, so what should one do?

Methinks one needs to be as vocal as possible, that's if the place isn't an isolated place. Or on the other hand, whilst calling for help, hold on to one of your assailants and don't release the grip no matter what. As in, NO MATTER WHAT! But Lagos lookers might even ignore your cries sef! Whatever the case is, don't act the victim!

blake777:

Fact or fiction who knows? But one thing is certain ur a good writer bruv keep it up!

Fact o. My phone was moved inside maruwa by these sneezing types

donem:
@ Op u mumu Eehn, u deh there deh do like girl, nah small remain fellow guy for guy you.

All those touts where deh do dat shit deh observe face shaah.

them no born pickpocketer fine to come act such script with me, E for be for such, cos I 4 confirm the bullshit live and direct.

Base on no joy things.

Nwanem, no be every body be Jet Li nao. I thought I mentioned that I wasn't the aggressive type. Belligerence ain't my style...Na last resort, if at all!

Had similar experience in Onitsha.....

fm7070:
@OP
You really deserve to earn that beautiful slap @ Ikorodu. How can you be so relaxed to exchange 2 statements with unknown person in Lagos. Are you a learner? Thank God that Oshodi has been renovated and refurbished.
Until God will provide your own car, watch and shadow in Lagos ooooooooo, else you yourself fit disappear (God forbid)
Lagos is a jungle, no padi for jungle

Agreed! I no blame d guy at all. I don wise-up sha!