narrator
the movie begins in sokovia(man just say poland) where our avengers are thankful that they still have careers
jeremy renner
Phew! Good thing i was retained despite my starring in that sh*tty hansel and gretel reboot
scarlett johansson
Yea and my gawd awful sci-fi assassin flick lucy didn't kill my chances with marvel either
chris evans
Thank you God for keeping me in the avengers after that crappy snowpiercer movie
mark ruffalo
Perhaps marvels cheapness over looked my starring in that cheesy flick now you see me
robert downey jr
Well at least you didn't star in some sick flick where you scored with your daughter why did i ever star in the judge?
chris hemsworth
It could be worse, you could be in a boring snow white reboot with kristen stewart
narrator
meanwhile in hydra quarters Thomas Kretschmann is sh*tting his pants
Thomas Kretschmann
Hey i thought i was a main villain? You mean i'm just a pre-credit sequence baddie? Ugh! So much for my high expectations
narrators
next the avengers are asking questions about their story continuity which marvel tossed in the trash
robert downey jr
Hey why am i in a battle suit? I thought i vowed never to be iron man again? I even destroyed all my suits what was that about? The suits don't even look different
scarlett johansson
And why am i not in prison for wiki-leaking government secret to the entire world?
edward snowden
yea america you owe me an apology
chris evans
Hey how come i have a motorcycle? Didn't i trash it in winter soldier?
mark ruffalo
How come when i turn into the hulk, my shirt rips up but my pants still stay on?
chris hemsworth
Hey how come i still have asgardian powers? I thought i was banished for treason at the end of dark world?
Thomas Kretschmann
And how did you find my base? I thought there was nothing to find?
stan lee
Well do you watch agents of shield
Thomas Kretschmann
Yuk! Does anyone watch that?
stan lee
Well *shrugs* tough sh*t you would have been aware that your base has been discovered
jeremy renner
Hey how come avengers can blow anyones country to sh*t don't we run into jurisdiction issues?
stan lee
Shut up
jeremy renner
And how come we kill a sh*t ton of people without the UN charging us with genocide?
stan lee
Didn't i say shut up?
jeremy renner
Why do they even call us the good guys when we save the world from self inflicted problems
stan lee
that's it! Shoot him shoot him now
narrator
jeremy gets blasted in the nuts
jeremy renner
Oh i just got wounded like i aint p*ssy enough, ugh I wonder who signs my pay checks now that shield has gone under? Cause i'm gonna need a hefty health insurance to hire a korean chick to fix my nuts back
robert downey jr
Dammit sh*t f*ck i just fired missiles at the hydra fortress but its protected by a blue force field? Apparently someone forgot to tell joss whedon this isn't a cartoon
chris evans
woa! Dude easy on the strong language remember this is a kiddy flick and we need to mind what we show kids
robert downey jr
is that why you graphically crushed those hydra agents throat with your shield and smashed them with your motorcycle?
chris evans
Er(changes topic) hey look the force field is down ATTACK!!!
Thomas Kretschmann
Holy f*ck they are in what do we do?
Henry Goodman
We could use the twins aaron taylor and elizabeth olsen
Thomas Kretschmann
Yea you mean the twins hitting on each other? someone please tell them this aint godzilla
aaron taylor
Ew! We are siblings? but we f*cking kissed and fondled our goodies and we have an annoying kid
elizabeth olsen
that was another movie, this is a different movie that's why we have st*pid hair styles and obnoxious eastern european accents
Henry Goodman
Guys guys suit up the avengers have bursted in here
aaron taylor
Agh! Don't worry godzilla will save us oh i forgot wrong movie RUN!!!
Thomas Kretschmann
Don't ask them to suit up you *diot they aren't ready what do you expect them to do?
Henry Goodman
Well one can cause an avalanche while the other can mind control the avengers into fighting each other take your pick
Thomas Kretschmann
Nah! Let's keep sending more hydra soldiers for the avengers to wipe their a*sses with, meanwhile i shall make my evil escape
Henry Goodman
How? By subpod?getaway train?getaway jet?
Thomas Kretschmann
Screw that! I'll escape by foot
narrator
chris evans bursts in
elizabeth olsen
Take that!*zaps chris evans*
chris evans
Hehehe that tickles hey guys our primary villains in this movie are teenagers please try not to testosterone them to death
aaron taylor
Hey look robert downey jr is out of his suit
elizabeth olsen
You mean the strongest and most valuable player that controls the avengers?
chris evans
Hey i thought that was me
elizabeth olsen
Pfft! Yea right
aaron taylor
And we also have an axe to grind with robert downey jr this is like a dream come true so how do we kill him?
elizabeth olsen
Kill him? Oh i have a better idea i shall GIVE HIM NIGHTMARES muahahahahahaha
aaron taylor
Night mares? I thought he already had those, isn't that the reason why he had those spongebob like panic attacks in iron man 3?
elizabeth olsen
No this nightmare is different it is a giant f*ck you to the audience YOU JUST WASTED YOUR MONEY AGAIN!!! Captain americas shield didn't break it was just a dream
audience
Really? All that was just another mandarin scam how disappointing
joss whedon
Oh we are just getting started this movie is one giant boat of disappointments stay tuned
chris evans
Yawn! I'm tired of this unfair fight. Lets call it a day(knocks out Thomas with his shield)
Thomas Kretschmann
Really?
chris evans
Hey scarlett time to tone down the hulk
scarlett johansson
*sigh* alright big guy lets get this over with(touches mark's palm)
mark ruffalo
Oh sh*t(creams his shots)
scarlett johansson
Phew! Thank God it didn't have to be another bl*wjob, hey why is my hair style short and colored different in this movie?
chris evans
Ok let's not confiscate hydra's work equipment so that it can be used as a base by another villain,oorah! AVENGERS MOVE OUT

To be continued....

dancing soki, wa sheyre i don dey wait for person wey go yab this movie
Abeg no to be continued finish am today this movie was rubbish

severee:

scarlett johansson
*sigh* alright big guy lets get this over with(touches mark's palm)
mark ruffalo
Oh sh*t(creams his shots)
scarlett johansson
Phew! Thank God it didn't have to be another Mouth Action, hey why is my hair style short and colored different in this movie?

This part got me ROTFLing guy you dey craze

Marvel don phuck up super v batman go top them na

Are you kidding this movie was awesome

brothers:
Marvel don phuck up super v batman go top them na

Yea i heard the superman batman flick is going to be good
Its going to feature doomsday

@severe even tho they don't feeature anyone, superman vs batman is still going to be far better that this ridiculous avengers the mpvie was so daft

kaiii this severee eh. I wonder how u come up with these.,so funny

ovalrose:
kaiii this severee eh. I wonder how u come up with these.,so funny

they come from my pain and disappointment

I see u killing them again

Csami:
I see u killing them again

Yea man that's what they get for wasting my 2 hours

Waiting for more. Screen Junkies needs you severee

GJames:
Waiting for more. Screen Junkies needs you severee

Loool @screen junkies those guys are awesome

narrator
the avengers leave the scene without cleaning up the dead bodies they littered the forest with
chris hemsworth
hey ruffalo we did a herd count of all the people we murdered today and you have the highest share again, congratulations
mark ruffalo
I kill people? And i'm just worrying about that now?
chris hemsworth
Ha loki's sceptre lemme see how far i can chunk it into space
robert downey jr
no don't do that?
chris hemsworth
Why?
robert downey jr
Let's not dump the whole loki sceptre plot, let's go green and recycle it
chris hemsworth
Oh that's true let's just hope nothing evil comes from the sceptre even though it comes from a planet that almost killed us all in the last movie
narrator
they head back to base which is a bunker skyscraper with intelligent designs and a giant sign that says AVENGERS of course the american government chose not to give a sh*t about a counter terrorist agency run by absolute civilians
robert downey jr
Hey mark why are you wearing a lab coat?
mark ruffalo
Because i'm a geek scientist remember?
robert downey jr
Really? So the idea for hulk was stolen from dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde? ugh! Marvel
mark ruffalo
Ok loki's sceptre lets destroy it
robert downey jr
Actually i was thinking of recycling it
mark ruffalo
Ok you mean the way they tried to recycle the tesseract but ended up unleashing loki and a bunch of demon army aliens we had a hard time killing
robert downey jr
No i mean we should harness the artificial intelligence within the sceptre and use it to save the world while we go about our boring lives
mark ruffalo
An artificial intelligence from a sceptre? How did you create that?
robert downey jr
I'll rather not say, seriously an important plot detail like that will totally go unexplained
mark ruffalo
Why don't you get your house party protocol to protect the world or your remote iron man for that or better still LEAVE IT TO THE GOVERNMENT who should totally be informed before such a dangerous experiment
robert downey jr
Ehn! Who listens to you anyway?
Hey paul activate the artificial intelligence in the sceptre while we are gone ok
paul bettany
Well shall i scan for any malware before uploading this unknown entity into your computer?
robert downey jr
Nah! Just run it through my good man
mark ruffalo
Isn't that how ben whishaw allowed javier bardem escape holding in skyfall?
robert downey jr
PARTY!!!!
cobbie smulders
We are having a party? Why?
robert downey jr
Er i don't know isn't that what super heroes do at the end of the day?
cobbie smulders
Yea maybe power rangers and terra hawks shouldn't we be at some pentagon strategy meeting or something i mean that's how peace keeping corps work in real life right?
robert downey jr
More st*pidity less realism
stan lee
Hey guys remember me i was the cameo character who didn't believe in super heroes well i'm in the sequel of that movie i'm a cameo character who is a groupie for the avengers am i wearing a disguise that makes me look different from the other guy? No! I look the exact same way seriously, why does marvel keep making me do these cameo appearances? i don't think anyone comes to a marvel movie to watch a ten second clip of marvel's obnoxious CEO
anthony mackie
Hey chris why didn't you take me with you to kick some hydra a*ss?
chris evans
Oh you're in this movie? I thought we were gonna act like you never happened so are we still looking for sebastian stan or.........
anthony mackie
F*ck no this is totally a cameo appearance excuse me while i go mingle with alchoholics try to forget that i belonged to an alchoholics anonymous support group in winter soldier okay?
don cheadle
Hey i'm also in this movie
chris evans
Ok what are the side kicks from our stand alone movies doing here?
joss whedon
Just wanna show those guys in the audience who call marvel racists for having an all white cast, look we even have an asian "stereotypical" nerd
asian
I'm not just a stereotype i hold the key to an important plot point and a new character
joss whedon
Which could have landed anyone in america but hey sucking asia's d*ck here to get asians to watch the movie so i shall make you korean for no reason
robert downey jr
So how is home?
chris evans
Too broke to afford a home i'm a hobo once more
robert downey jr
Wow and you are giving me sh*t for cursing?
chris evans
language!!!
robert downey jr
how can a dude called captain america indirectly sh*t on the american dream of owning a home? nice bomb to drop on the kids in the audience
chris hemsworth
Hey robert how is your girlfriend?
robert downey jr
Who gwyneth paltrow? Yea she is super wrinkled and looks like my mother perhaps that's why we chose not to cast her in this movie but she still exists though
chris hemsworth
Well my girlfriend is f*cking aston kutcher till i get back
robert downey jr
Ew! What a skank
chris hemsworth
Nah there are No strings attached i'll say your girlfriend is the skank
robert downey jr
No your girlfriend is a skank
chris hemsworth
No, yours
robert downey jr
No, yours
mark ruffalo
Hey scarlett you wanna get an unstable dangerous dude a shot of tequila?
scarlett johansson
Hahahaha you're so funny
mark ruffalo
No seriously i wanna get hammered tonight Why are you giving me f*ck me eyes?
scarlett johansson
Cause i've got the hots for you even though we had no chemistry whatsoever in the prequel, wanna take this heat upstairs?
mark ruffalo
Well if i could remember properly, when i tried bang liv tyler i almost turned into the green guy............ Wait a minute i haven't been laid since 2008? How frustrating grrrrrr!
scarlett johansson
*rolling eyes* i'll just go upstairs and rub one out
mark ruffalo
Hey chris you see that? Scarlett was totally flirting with me
chris evans
Nah she's an office sl*t she flirts with everyone(walks away)
narrator
meanwhile paul bettany has awoken james spader
paul bettany
Hello james spader why does that name sound familiar?
james spader
Cause i was in that movie with jack nicholson where i tried to have butt sex with michelle pfeifer
paul bettany
Woa! What are doing? Stop! No means no! I said stop! It hurts!....... my guess is whoever wrote this didn't realize this part plays out like an artificial intelligence is trying to r*pe a dude
james spader
Shh!(Dominates paul) oooo! I hear a parrrrrrtey?
narrator
Back at the party the avengers talk about dumb sh*t like trying to lift thors hammer which just so happens to be there
don cheadle
Lemme try lemme try grrrrrrr! (Sh*ts his pants)
chris hemsworth
I'm telling you only those who are worthy can lift my hammer
robert downey jr
So if we are to forge your palm print perhaps we can lift it Kind of like timothy daltons palm print signature gun in licensed to kill
chris hemsworth
Wow! Never thought of that possibility
robert downey jr
Yep me neither let's keep tugging at it like *diots
mark ruffalo
Lemme try
robert downey jr
We saw how the green guy couldn't lift it in the last movie so don't bother
chris evans
Lemme try it(lifts it a little)
robert downey jr
No way, how come chris gets to lift it?i'm more powerful than chris, mark and chris hemsworth combined
chris hemsworth
Really?
robert downey jr
Well yea, my suit actually stood its ground against you and your hammer in the prequel and i get to knock mark's tooth out later in this movie and i will gladly use chris evans here to pick my teeth when i'm done
chris hemsworth
Whatever hey scarlett wanna give it a try?
scarlett johansson
Nope because men are stronger than women and what a man can't do a woman can't even dream of it
marvel
Moral of the story: *tongue out* to feminine rights activists everywhere
james spader
hey guys i heard y'all having a party allow me open the dance floor with my steps from micheal jacksons thriller
robert downey jr
Oh coincidentally the party guests all left before you finished what ever you were doing, we are here to find out who is worthy of lifting chris hemsworth's hammer
james spader
How can you be worthy? Your stand alones all suck

- Chris evans you leaked government secret but allowed a criminal get away because he was your non-aging friend from WWII
- Chris hemsworth you were totally fooled with a fake death by a dude who pretended you arm was cut a second ago
-Scarlett johanssen,jeremy renner and cobbie smulders are super boring and shouldn't be in this movie in the first place
-Mark ruffalo they never explore any new grounds with your character and you always sound like a dork
chris hemsworth
Who sent you?
james spader
Really? i came out of the lab out back, i'm in a mecha suit you wanna guess who sent me dumbass?
Robert downey jr
Please don't tell me my plan back fired and activated a violent AI set to destroy the world?
james spader
No i'm here for peace
robert downey jr
Phew!
james spader
That's why i shall attack you with your mudane traffic warden robo-cops
robert downey jr
Why?
james spader
Eh so everyone can have a chance at defeating them i have cobbie,scarlett and jeremy renner to take under consideration you know
robert downey jr
No why are you attacking us what is your motivation as a villain?
james spader
Oh that's simple my motivation is to make the avengers extinct i mean to wage a war against the world for waging wars against themselves i mean i wanna set puppets free everywhere i mean.......
robert downey jr
still don't get that puppet concept you threw around in the trailer what does it mean you were never a puppet hell you weren't even a living being
james spader
Oh don't bother about that cause i'm not going to bother explaining it see ya got to go surf the web and cause havoc
cobbie smulders
Ok you know james f*cking with the internet is gonna be detrimental right? Why don't we design a defence programme to protect vital industries and information from cyber attacks
chris hemsworth
I got a better idea(grabs robert by the neck and starts shaking him like a rag doll for 2 seconds) this is your fault, this your fault
don cheadle
Wow that was necessary, did anyone notice that james appearance was kind of similar to how loki made his first appearance in the prequel?
joss whedon
Oh yea i noticed avengers one was seriously over hyped so i guess creating an avengers movie formular is a good business choice right? We are gonna do the exact same things we did last time and then wrap it up in new packs and call it fresh
mark ruffalo
Hey what's wrong with paul?
robert downey jr
Paul is dead
mark riffalo
really did james eat him up or something why does he look like that?
Do computer programmes even get killed ugh! Marvel

To be continued.....

It was a PtSD group not AA, This is very funny.

SIRcumalot:
It was a PtSD group not AA,
This is very funny.

Don't mind him he is just a jobless attention seeker who enjoys to spread his ignorance with these needy and tasteless write-ups instead of just asking questions
About things he does not understand @op you get time smh

mrmagoo:


Don't mind him he is just a jobless attention seeker who enjoys to spread his ignorance with these needy and tasteless write-ups instead of just asking questions
About things he does not understand @op you get time smh

ouch!

severee:


ouch!

That's all you can say my friend please never mention me again for such an irrelevant comment don't bring your neediness and childish behaviour to my side

mrmagoo:



That's all you can say my friend please never mention me again for such an irrelevant comment don't bring your neediness and childish behaviour to my side

Come on we are just having fun here

severee:


Come on we are just having fun here

Ok having fun by expressing your lack of knowledge on a good movie? Smh these people worked so hard to create such a movie but because some couch potato who knows nothing about film making does not understand it, they go around nitpicking on the movie and consider themselves smart

mrmagoo:


Ok having fun by expressing your lack of knowledge on a good movie? Smh these people worked so hard to create such a movie but because some couch potato who knows nothing about film making does not understand it, they go around nitpicking on the movie and consider themselves smart

of course we know it's hard work na i've been on several movie sets from hell it's hard work to shoot a movie especially with an incompetent staff, the point of the matter is everyone works hard to shoot a movie whether good or bad or nollywood its expected its not something you have to keep praising over and over again and come on the movie was bad nothing personal

severee:

of course we know it's hard work na i've been on several movie sets from hell it's hard work to shoot a movie especially with an incompetent staff, the point of the matter is everyone works hard to shoot a movie whether good or bad or nollywood its expected its not something you have to keep praising over and over again and come on the movie was bad nothing personal

So mr film critic what made it a bad movie? The plot holes? or action scenes? Or the other shallow points you always lift?
What about the. Conservative(political) theme of the movie? Or the ideal of sentiment which almost every marvel movie strings along with it? If you bring up points like that it will make your reviews less juvenile who cares if iron man destroyed his suit or if black widow and eric banner are not compatible?

@mrmagoo
Seconded i loved this movie apart from the increase in action scenes
It went deeper into the story of the characters which made them more human
E.g: hawkeye's family, black widow and bruce banner,tony starks fear and mistakes etc
It was realistic enough to show that their actions had consequencies and actually caused casualties especially the hulk ironman fight in wakanda and for once not everyone loved them even though their actions were noble its synonymous to the U.S and their perception to the middle east
And don't get me started on ultron, he was a refreshing change to the MCU villain cluster he wasn't after some power source or world domination he just wanted peace and change which he resolved human extinction to be the only solution which made him more dangerous and upped the stakes in this movie, he wasn't the flashy look at me villain but more of a listen to me villain i really liked that about him marvel really tried this time, they really lived up to the hype

Rotfl!
Na wa una funny o if u're looking to sound deep to your friends go read a science book or watch a pretentious movie from lars von trier and pier pasolini but don't tell me nonsense like age of ultron was a deep movie with a deep message of all movies didn't you have a headache after watching it?

And what was the problem with American Sniper.. age of ultron flopped but so far you've yet to show how.. you're just trying to bring logic and we all know sometimes in the movie world, logic is overlooked. If you're criticising movies based on logic then every movie is a bad one. Your write up on American Sniper was screaming 'I must be funny' and it didn't make any point.. no offence

badinfluence:
And what was the problem with American Sniper.. age of ultron flopped but so far you've yet to show how.. you're just trying to bring logic and we all know sometimes in the movie world, logic is overlooked. If you're criticising movies based on logic then every movie is a bad one. Your write up on American Sniper was screaming 'I must be funny' and it didn't make any point.. no offence

you mean the same way your comment screams i must be noticed?
But it's cool anyway, so what other scripts of mine have you read?
I'm bored i need to chat with someone at least till magoo gets back

regardless of any bodies opinion this review is funny, O.P continue abeg.

badinfluence:
age of ultron flopped

Pls what exactly is your idea of a movie flopping
It made $1.3billion it,it holds a rating of over 70% if it was a flop then i wonder what you'll call a successful movie?

Eapps:


Pls what exactly is your idea of a movie flopping
It made $1.3billion it,it holds a rating of over 70% if it was a flop then i wonder what you'll call a successful movie?

I'm not talking about how it did in the market. If you actually are consistent with the comic universe, you'd know the movie was a big disappointment. Moreover it wasn't different from what we saw in the prequel. If you are familiar with the story of ultron, you'd know his depiction in the movie was a joke.

severee:


you mean the same way your comment screams i must be noticed?
But it's cool anyway, so what other scripts of mine have you read?
I'm bored i need to chat with someone at least till magoo gets back

There's nothing seeking notice in that comment. It's just the truth.. I actually like looking forward to movie criticisms but what you did in American Sniper no follow.. Bradley Cooper did well in that movie. Give him his props. There are movies out there waiting to be bashed. You chose the wrong one

badinfluence:

There's nothing seeking notice in that comment. It's just the truth..

nah it's attention seeking and not even the subtle kind you know, the kind where you just jump and go all "attack attack" especially when your point at the end was the exact same thing you read from mrmagoo earlier but don't worry attention seeking isn't a bad thing especially if you actually get the attention

badinfluence:

I actually like looking forward to movie criticisms

hehehe so you can rush in and attention seek?

badinfluence:

but what you did in American Sniper no follow.. Bradley Cooper did well in that movie. Give him his props. There are movies out there waiting to be bashed. You chose the wrong one

Are you serious? It was lazy, it was generic, it was super predictable

I mean an ordinary man joins the army he becomes awesome then encounters another excellent soldier on the enemy's side that kills his soldier friends and sends him into Post traumatic stress disorder please haven't we seen that in hurt locker,enemy at the gates,jarhead,machine gun preacher and if possible every other war movie there is in hollywood? Come on, if its the awards it won well guess what? its a movie on chris kyle of course it will win something

But its cool sha i'm not mad at you for liking it

severee:

nah it's attention seeking and not even the subtle kind you know, the kind where you just jump and go all "attack attack" especially when your point at the end was the exact same thing you read from mrmagoo earlier but don't worry attention seeking isn't a bad thing especially if you actually get the attention

hehehe so you can rush in and attention seek?



Are you serious? It was lazy, it was generic, it was super predictable

I mean an ordinary man joins the army he becomes awesome then encounters another excellent soldier on the enemy's side that kills his soldier friends and sends him into Post traumatic stress disorder please haven't we seen that in hurt locker,enemy at the gates,jarhead,machine gun preacher and if possible every other war movie there is in hollywood? Come on, if its the awards it won well guess what? its a movie on chris kyle of course it will win something

But its cool sha i'm not mad at you for liking it

So your long script was because it's generic.. then you should criticise 90% of the movies produced by hollywood.. and your criticism is exactly like 'movie sin counter'. Just saying sha

badinfluence:

So your long script was because it's. generic.. then you should criticise 90% of the movies produced by hollywood..

90% of hollywood movies are generic and that is why you think american sniper was a wrong movie to pick on?
like i said you are free to like
american sniper no need for the excuses and justifications i'm posting my avengers part 3 script today and i shall dedicate it to you enjoy

badinfluence:
and your criticism is exactly like 'movie sin counter'. Just saying sha

wow! Thanks for the discovery you are so smart too bad people say it on every single thread of mine i believe Someone even beat u to it on this thread