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Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me - Romance (2) - Nairaland

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Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 10:24am On Jul 31, 2015
Dygeasy:
Think beyond the sex, think beyond his looks. First steps to freeing yourself.

Tbh if it was just sex or looks I would have been moved on a long time ago. He might not treat me well in the sense of our relationship but there is so much more to him. Things that I admire and that's why I've been reluctant to let go. It pains my heart that so many think that it must be the sex. I'm not that shallow.

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Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 10:31am On Jul 31, 2015
Adaeze003:
I can't shake off the feeling that it's the sex that's making you crazy undecided undecided

Well I usually let people make their mistakes and learn but since you've been making the same mistake for 5 years, I do wonder when you'll learn.

I think he's also a bad boy coz what those bad niggerz do to you girl's brain ehn, I can't understand.

Well I'm just gonna say... Use your head, make a conscious step to end all communication with him. Delete him from your list in all social media and don't call or text him. If he calls pick up but don't go out with him or let him visit.

You mustn't jump into another man's bed to get over this one. Find a hubby to engage in or something.

I know you'll think he has or will change buh uhm... he didn't change for 5 years so... don't kid yourself.

Experience remains the best teacher but it mustn't be your own... wink

I'm learning and experience is a harsh teacher but this time around I'm not making the same mistakes. Your advice helped. Thanks!
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 10:33am On Jul 31, 2015
khassy:
the guy took your name to EDO angryangry

Edo winches can explain better


oya Wheesin come and explain una activities

I don't understand
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 10:36am On Jul 31, 2015
BluStreak:
Sweetheart, I've walked down this road before. You sure can get over him but you need to start the process. It starts from loosing him is all your social media accounts, phone contact, his pictures and even avoid his friends.

It's when you have done all these will your reset module begin to run.

You will get over his hold in no time.

I've done all of that before. Maybe need to change my number. He knows how to contact me.

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Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 10:38am On Jul 31, 2015
Walexz02:
Babe may be you don't know that it is not all does who meet that'll stay in your life for ever... You have to realise that no matter how good some things are, you just have to let them go for good... Without this one may not grow in mind... So, decide whether you still wanna be with this guys, stay with him without any regrets or move out of the relationship... Get your ass off the fence you have nothing to gain sitting for too long on a fence..cheers!

Thanks. I do need to get off the fence and make a sound decision that benefits me.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 10:41am On Jul 31, 2015
peedeeasobie:
you don't need any advice at all.

you need your heart to be scattered and completely broken then your brain will reset.

Right now, foolishness is working in you and it won't stop until this guy has completely ruined your life!

That's harsh but probably needed to be said. Thanks anyway. I won't allow him ruin me. The other people that gave me sound advice have really help open my eyes to the problem.


pls come back after he has ruined you then we may be able to console you!
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Nobody: 10:58am On Jul 31, 2015
SunshineNYC:


I agree with so much of what you said. You may be just a teen but you express yourself with wisdom. Hoping for the best but being prepared for the worse will probably save me a lot of future heartache. I'm not going to barricade my heart though because that can cause you to shut good people out unless by "barricade" you mean being more vigilant about who I let in an when. If so that's solid advice. Thanks.

looking at this statement shows you are a wise lady.get that guy of your mind.he is a bad guy like me and bad guys like me get responsible when they see the lady that we play with anyhow is already making head waves and moving on.hope you get my meaning
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Nobody: 11:21am On Jul 31, 2015
SunshineNYC:
I'm in this terrible situation and don't know how to drag myself out of it. I met this guy 5 years ago and we've dated off and on since then. He's always a bit detached and distant in the relationship and I'll admit he's done some pretty messed up things to me. This relationship causes me a lot of anxiety, frustration and heartaches but still I love him.Our last break up was a year ago and it was the worst of all. I don't want to make this too long so I won't go in to detail but it was so bad that for months I hated him, pure hatred and swore I would never speak to him again but he has a hold on me that I can't explain and here I am pining away for him again knowing fully well if I give in I'd be making a fool of myself.

What is this grip that he has on my heart? It's just not natural how much I love this idiot that keeps mistreating me. I've tried to date another guy but couldn't make it work because I'm still stuck on my ex. I never thought I'd be in this situation and usually I'm a very level headed and rational person. I'm usually very careful about not accepting any form of abuse from anyone but when it comes to him, all good sense goes out the door. I need some big sis and big bro advice from you guys. How do I shake this stupidity aka love off?

Hallmarks of a situation you need to get out of thankfully you know this man is bad for your health you just don't know how to leave him. You've spent five years of your life investing your time and emotions in this pain because this looks like pain to me not love its time to move on to better and healthier things you can't get back time although you can learn a lot from the experience and move on, grow up, heal whatever but you have to do this.

The only way out is to love yourself more because you are the one hurting you. Your heart is in pain, your brain is saying get out yet you are holding on to the pain you might like to ask yourself why? There is a whole world of good out there yet you hold on to pain and interpret it as love why do you think its love that is keeping you not some sort of attraction to pain? What does love look like to you? why and how can you you love a man who mistreats you? Make this all about you because you are the one mistreating yourself if you continue in this relationship.

So what does love look like to you so you can start really loving yourself.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by chomytex(f): 1:18pm On Jul 31, 2015
I'm in a similar suituation...I wanna learn too
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Nobody: 1:29pm On Jul 31, 2015
tpiander:
girl I wanna shake you down, I can gi' you all the lovin' you need. . . . ..



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uc8wmLul3uw
whoa, the nostalgia smiley
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by ndrule: 1:34pm On Jul 31, 2015
I have heard similar story...I just want to ask some few questions before I give an advice to this, cos I'm not a fan of a one-sided story so here it is.."When u broke up then#about a year ago#, did u accept him back n why did you?". Secondly, "Has he ever shown SINCERE/GENUINE remorse to his flaws?"...This questions would go a lot helping if you answer honestly.Thanks
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by wheesin(m): 2:21pm On Jul 31, 2015
SunshineNYC:


I don't understand

what do you want to understand ? activities of witches in edo abi ? undecided
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 2:34pm On Jul 31, 2015
andromida:


Hallmarks of a situation you need to get out of thankfully you know this man is bad for your health you just don't know how to leave him. You've spent five years of your life investing your time and emotions in this pain because this looks like pain to me not love its time to move on to better and healthier things you can't get back time although you can learn a lot from the experience and move on, grow up, heal whatever but you have to do this.

The only way out is to love yourself more because you are the one hurting you. Your heart is in pain, your brain is saying get out yet you are holding on to the pain you might like to ask yourself why? There is a whole world of good out there yet you hold on to pain and interpret it as love why do you think its love that is keeping you not some sort of attraction to pain? What does love look like to you? why and how can you you love a man who mistreats you? Make this all about you because you are the one mistreating yourself if you continue in this relationship.

So what does love look like to you so you can start really loving yourself.

Serious questions that I need to sit down and ask myself. I have to start putting myself first. Thank you so much.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 2:35pm On Jul 31, 2015
hbpeze:


looking at this statement shows you are a wise lady.get that guy of your mind.he is a bad guy like me and bad guys like me get responsible when they see the lady that we play with anyhow is already making head waves and moving on.hope you get my meaning

I understand. Thanks.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 2:40pm On Jul 31, 2015
ndrule:
I have heard similar story...I just want to ask some few questions before I give an advice to this, cos I'm not a fan of a one-sided story so here it is.."When u broke up then#about a year ago#, did u accept him back n why did you?". Secondly, "Has he ever shown SINCERE/GENUINE remorse to his flaws?"...This questions would go a lot helping if you answer honestly.Thanks

We have not gotten back together since that break up but we did speak and he said how sorry he was and that he wishes to make up for what he did wrong. I have not responded yet and since reading all the good advice and encouraging words here I will not respond. I'm moving on.

He has shown remorse for the stuff he did. He begs and apologized profusely then turns around and messes up again. I it always seems genuine when he's saying sorry but I don't think it really was. If genuine, he wouldn't keep hurting me. I believe that firmly now.

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Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by ndrule: 3:07pm On Jul 31, 2015
SunshineNYC:


We have not gotten back together since that break up but we did speak and he said how sorry he was and that he wishes to make up for what he did wrong. I have not responded yet and since reading all the good advice and encouraging words here I will not respond. I'm moving on.

He has shown remorse for the stuff he did. He begs and apologized profusely then turns around and messes up again. I it always seems genuine when he's saying sorry but I don't think it really was. If genuine, he wouldn't keep hurting me. I believe that firmly now.
Well this is a lot to say but I would want you to understand something, it's not just about moving on in words, trust me it's easier to say it but extremely something else#cant describe it in words# to act it. First you need to recollect what you ever wanted from him, if it's a future with him you would have to learn to seek somewhere else. Be honest with yourself "WHAT DO U REALLY WANT?" once you can be sincere to yourself about that question without involving emotions then you would find a path to what direction you should go.
And one last thing, tho its for him, Does he really understands how he hurts you. He might have told you a million "I'M SORRY", but trust me in a thousands of it he doesn't even know why he's sorry. I hate to see or read about broken relationships of a lot of years involved in, but the truth is always the truth we can't just run away from it "If a relationship is sinking you get out of it n reflect on what's wrong with either you or your partner "which absolutely involves time..I hope this helps.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by SunshineNYC(f): 4:03pm On Jul 31, 2015
ndrule:
Well this is a lot to say but I would want you to understand something, it's not just about moving on in words, trust me it's easier to say it but extremely something else#cant describe it in words# to act it. First you need to recollect what you ever wanted from him, if it's a future with him you would have to learn to seek somewhere else. Be honest with yourself "WHAT DO U REALLY WANT?" once you can be sincere to yourself about that question without involving emotions then you would find a path to what direction you should go.
And one last thing, tho its for him, Does he really understands how he hurts you. He might have told you a million "I'M SORRY", but trust me in a thousands of it he doesn't even know why he's sorry. I hate to see or read about broken relationships of a lot of years involved in, but the truth is always the truth we can't just run away from it "If a relationship is sinking you get out of it n reflect on what's wrong with either you or your partner "which absolutely involves time..I hope this helps.

You're right I did want a future with him. He's a Christian, hard working, very family oriented, doesn't drink or do drugs, doesn't party or keep too much company. He's never harsh with his words and respectful to others. I saw so many qualities in him that I wanted in my future husband and I was sold on him in the beginning stages of our relationship. He just does not know how to be in a relationship, I get hurt a lot by his actions, coldness and withdrawn attitude when it comes to our relationship. He has been hurt in the past and It felt like I was paying for whoever hurt him. He just refuses to open his heart to another woman and I need to realize that I can't change him.

You're right he doesn't seem to fully understand how much his actions hurt me but it's my duty to protect myself and stop this from continuing. Thanks for your encouraging words.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Nobody: 4:52pm On Jul 31, 2015
Hmm...
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by steppin: 4:58pm On Jul 31, 2015
SunshineNYC:
I'm in this terrible situation and don't know how to drag myself out of it. I met this guy 5 years ago and we've dated off and on since then. He's always a bit detached and distant in the relationship and I'll admit he's done some pretty messed up things to me. This relationship causes me a lot of anxiety, frustration and heartaches but still I love him.Our last break up was a year ago and it was the worst of all. I don't want to make this too long so I won't go in to detail but it was so bad that for months I hated him, pure hatred and swore I would never speak to him again but he has a hold on me that I can't explain and here I am pining away for him again knowing fully well if I give in I'd be making a fool of myself.

What is this grip that he has on my heart? It's just not natural how much I love this idiot that keeps mistreating me. I've tried to date another guy but couldn't make it work because I'm still stuck on my ex. I never thought I'd be in this situation and usually I'm a very level headed and rational person. I'm usually very careful about not accepting any form of abuse from anyone but when it comes to him, all good sense goes out the door. I need some big sis and big bro advice from you guys. How do I shake this stupidity aka love off?
Good for you.
As you're a complaining right now, a sucker is in the same shoes in the hands of a woman, without knowing he's being used.
You're lucky at least, you know your problem.
It is called equilibrium balance.
Endure it till he loses interest finally in you.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by martyns303(m): 6:09pm On Jul 31, 2015
Adaeze003:
I can't shake off the feeling that it's the sex that's making you crazy undecided undecided

Well I usually let people make their mistakes and learn but since you've been making the same mistake for 5 years, I do wonder when you'll learn.

I think he's also a bad boy coz what those bad niggerz do to you girl's brain ehn, I can't understand.

Well I'm just gonna say... Use your head, make a conscious step to end all communication with him. Delete him from your list in all social media and don't call or text him. If he calls pick up but don't go out with him or let him visit.

You mustn't jump into another man's bed to get over this one. Find a hubby to engage in or something.

I know you'll think he has or will change buh uhm... he didn't change for 5 years so... don't kid yourself.

Experience remains the best teacher but it mustn't be your own... wink

Hi, I just sent u a request to share a conversation, please I am not trying to get at you or anything like that. I really need ur advice on something a bit personal, I would really appreciate the gesture.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by DJ2HOT(m): 6:54pm On Jul 31, 2015
BTDT
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Adaeze003(f): 7:09pm On Jul 31, 2015
martyns303:


Hi, I just sent u a request to share a conversation, please I am not trying to get at you or anything like that. I really need ur advice on something a bit personal, I would really appreciate the gesture.

Follow me so I can send you a pm of my personal email. The nl email is kinda unreachable.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Anka(m): 7:19pm On Jul 31, 2015
Sorry I have to be blunt, how old are u, that you are living your life like it depends on one that does not have your interest at heart. The earlier you leave that guy in d name of love the better for you. There are good guys out there that all appreciate you and give you more. You better wake up and start a new life rather than decieving yourself. That guy will marry and leave you behind if you are not carefull. You can't even have a successful marriage with his type. There is a man out there God has for you. Wake up please.

1 Like

Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by martyns303(m): 7:51pm On Jul 31, 2015
Adaeze003:


Follow me so I can send you a pm of my personal email. The nl email is kinda unreachable.

Following, and also sent you a mail.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Nobody: 8:03pm On Jul 31, 2015
sorry op
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Tundeiab(m): 8:36pm On Jul 31, 2015
0luwatope:
Issokay, i stand to be corrected because am only a teen but this is what i do before i go into any relationship. I baricade my heart and create a love limit for my partner, i hope for the best and always expect the worst. People change and so do their feelings. Someone that means everything to you today may be totally useless tommorow. Why let that inner foolishness of love control you in the first place? Am sorry you might not be able to forget it because memories last forever but what might help u is to stop being alone, move with your funny friends, crazy friends, when you are alone, u get depressed so try to be with a crazy or stubborn friend for sometime....
So, teenagers now go into relationships?
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by tpiander: 10:33pm On Jul 31, 2015
why are teenagers many like this on nairaland, is it because of jamb?

or are folks lying about their ages.
Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by DeeMain(m): 1:51am On Aug 01, 2015
The guy is broken. He's been through some trauma in life: childhood or later in his life. You are not a therapist. You can't fix him. Run for your life now. If you don't, this relationship will kill you. A stressful relationship leads to stressed emotions, which causes dis-ease in the body, which eventually leads to a disease, which might eventually kill.

Run. If you feel powerless to run, get a therapist yourself. Save yourself now.

You are intelligent and have got potentials, use that brain to save your own life now.

Count what counts!

1 Like

Re: Talk Some Sense Into My Head.... This Guy Is No Good For Me by Cavenchy(m): 11:51am On Aug 03, 2015
Your last post explains volumes of the situation. You are yearning for his love, but he seems withdrawn. Well newsflash, he has been through this before... You see, you don't love this dude the way you claim to do, your competitive spirit to conquer keeps you welded to this unyielding heart of his. The minute he lets himself go and loves you with his whole heart... You have won and you would no longer have the need for him. He knows this perfectly and because of this he is stuck in the vicious cycle of trying not to be had.

Enough of the accusations. This is what's going on in his head, maybe you can see through that and focus on what you need to do:

Find your purpose in life. Your man is more likely to open up to you if he finds that you are dedicated to something. A lot of men don't even know this but it exists in every man (especially those with soft tissued hearts). Men are more likely to trust that you would remain committed in the relationship if you have demonstrated your commitment elsewhere. It might be a business or career path. If you are quick to change decisions about your life's course(I.e it appears you don't know what you want out of life), the man who's been hurt before is likely to believe in his subconscious you would leave easily and this hardens their heart more.

So here you have it. What to do lies in your hands.

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