₦airaland Forum

Dear oyiza, I hardly comment on this forum. 1. Did you guys court for long and during those period did you notice any act of violent from him?
Well let me be sincere with you, your husband will continue hitting you, and he will keep apologizing after every turn. He is taking advantage of you because he knows your background and your fears. He knows you would not leave him no matter what because you would not want a repeat of what happened to your mum.
My dear, your life is more important than any marriage considerations. U must not treat domestic violence with kid glove. U must involve a third party.
Does he have anyone he respect in your family or in his family, if no, then your church pastor will be ideal. Get across to them and let them caution him.
Men who beat their wife need a counter superior power before than can stop. A friend whose sister was being beaten by the husband just called the man and threaten to beat him up the same he beat his sister, and from that day on the husband never lay his hand on her again.

MzzTega:
Family Pattern.

Exactly!!
dats generational pattern/curse. Serious deliverance prayer is needed to stop dt frm continuing among d kids.

im a victim too

Be submissive but do not turn yourself to his slave. Know that you have a say and your opinion must be respected. Some men like women that will measure up to them not a kind of inferior partner and do not over protective of your marriage because u might end up a looser. You need to inform his parents If d abuse continue.
By the way, do you starve him of sex? Are you romantic as before? Do you dress up good at home or go around in one dirty wrapper all in the name of house chore?

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but he didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

would love to hear from ur husband too before saying anything....

preciousMI1:
pick up your broken piece and go to God in prayer because he instituted the school "MARRIAGE "


Go to a bookshop pick up these books "POWER OF A PRAYING WIFE" & "THE POWER OF PRAYER TO CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE" BY "STORMIE OMARTIAN"


Channel your time of crying and thinking to prayers and start foreseeing a loving home


above all

be submissive...

nag not...

be soft spoken....

be positive and encourage him...

forgive him...

best of luck...

As I read through your counsel, all I saw was a very beautiful damsel right from the tune of your beautiful heart to your soft spoken voice, if at all all these came out from a sincere heart. This generation must be proud to have a woman like you.
Your comment made my day

mutter:
You are a wounded child and that is why the scars from your childhood are being reopened. But this man is not your father and you are not your mother. Marriage does not make anyone wiser or more mature overnight it is a process.
The first thing you need to do is give your husband a clean slate.You need to wipe out your parents story from his slate
The next thing you need to learn is not to take marriage so serious. Today the only reason people live together is becauuthey want to. If love and hamony is gone. What is left? CERTAINLY marriage is a divine contract and worth giving sacrifice for but it does not work out if you are so tied up and serious. Please learn to ignore some things and laugh over others it helps more than the most logical arguments. Men are like children when you pamper them and remain calm you get more results. When the atmosphere is tense call him or send him a message that you love him and can't wait for him to come home. Pet him when he is angry don't always try to iron things out.Sometimes it is better to laugh things out.or let them just fly over.nd even when angry and mad always show him respect and ask for forgiveness when you have wronged him.

Wow! What a great counsel. You have said it all. I like it. Are you a counsellor?

Cutehector:
communication what is key... Can't u sense wife battery in this situation?

What do u expect from some1 whose only interest is to be FTC on posts without even reading what the OP posted?

Lady F and Introvert are obviously jobless.

ModiKen:
What do u expect from some1 whose only interest is to be FTC on posts without even reading what the OP posted?

Lady F and Introvert are obviously jobless.

dnt mind dem.... Ftc is all what makes their day complete... If they aren't ftc, dey won't rest

Hello Oyiza,

I think I know exactly what is happening.

Deep inside you, you nursed these fears of what happened during your childhood.

With time these fears became so real that it became deep rooted, so much in fact that you think too much about it and you practically accepted it as your reality.

You need to STOP! You are not your mum and you do not have to share the same fate as your mum.

You have a different life and your path in life is the same.

Bible says as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. Another translations says your thoughts control your life!

Whatever you think more or often becomes the primary controlling force of your life.

You have accepted your mum's fate.

It is time to actively REJECT it!

How, by thinking positively, about how you want your life to be.

Buy a journal, start writing down your desired married life, be very specific, the kind of husband, children, jobs, wealth, success.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Start sowing positive thoughts.

NEVER allow negative thoughts in again ever.

Truth is no matter how much you pray, if you heart do not agree with your prayers it won't become a reality!

Thoughts are actually words spoken within our hearts. Bible says you are ensared with the words of your mouth.

So, start today, buy a journal, start planning and prayerfully designing your married life in agreement with the words of God.

Wish you favor and a wonderful married life ahead. It starts now

Orkpekyandega:
As I read through your counsel, all I saw was a very beautiful damsel right from the tune of your beautiful heart to your soft spoken voice, if at all all these came out from a sincere heart. This generation must be proud to have a woman like you.
Your comment made my day

thanks for admiring my write-up... sincerely if it's not from a sincere heart I won't bother typing... those books I mentions I've known them from childhood in my mum's study table and she gave them to me when I weded... so if one reads it and act on it, it would help a lot... do hv a nice weekend

preciousMI1:
thanks for admiring my write-up... sincerely if it's not from a sincere heart I won't bother typing... those books I mentions I've known them from childhood in my mum's study table and she gave them to me when I weded... so if one reads it and act on it, it would help a lot... do hv a nice weekend

I will buy them right away for my Sister who got married last year. I will also read same.

Reporting u to a third party no be my wahala na dat beating be my wahala.
I hate men who hit their wives. My dear wise up,i got married to mummy's boy an only child dat anytime we ve a quarel he runs to her,i had to stp it thanks also to one of his frnd dat asked him if d mum was living in anoda country will he alwaz pay transport to tell her each time we quarel?my dear talk to her if anyone tries to interfare tell them ur stand,let dem stay clear frm ur marriage,i hate pple poke nosing in my matter.jeez

Orkpekyandega:
I will buy them right away for my Sister who got married last year. I will also read same.

best book... she'd love it... As a man you'll go with power of a praying husband

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but he didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

madam I am not married yet but I am reading some books on it, I think one of things u should do is to try and understand ur husband very well, u know him more than me. ask yourself this question.
1. why is he behaving this way?
2. does he feels that I am not given him the repect he deserves?
3. was he abused as child or did he grow up watching his father abusing the mother?

instead of saying hubby I want us to talk, because this will make him to be on the defensive side, u can say HUBBY I WANT TO LISTEN TO U ON HOW I CAN BE A BETTER WIFE, this will only make him to say his mind and tru that u can understand him better. I will advise u to read books on temperament cause it will make u to understand ur own weakness as well as ur own strength and that of ur husband too.
Don't worry everything is going to get better, try not to focus on the negative but the positive. every family have one thing or the other that they are not proud of.

preciousMI1:
best book... she'd love it... As a man you'll go with power of a praying husband

To be sincere I had glanced through books like this during my service days, but procastination couldn't allow me read them. I must read the both this time around.

Orkpekyandega:
To be sincere I had glanced through books like this during my service days, but procastination couldn't allow me read them. I must read the both this time around.

Lol...please do read dem with keen interest too

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

The solution to a violent marriage is DIVORCE

No skirting around it to type words pleasant to the ears but that don't solve the problem.

Don't be a statistic.
You can chose to fast and pray about it.
Or you can chose to leave with your life and body parts in tact.

It's your life and your choice.

DDeliverer:
AUNTY, I WANT TO TELL YOU SOME TRUTHS...........I KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE THEM BUT IT IS THE TRUTH..

1. YOUR HUSBAND WILL BEAT YOU SOME MORE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
2. HE WILL KEEP TELLING HIS FRIENDS ABOUT EVERY 'SILLY' MISTAKE OF YOURS AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
3.YOU WILL KEEP CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM AND THE GOOD WIFE AND THERE IS NOTHING NLDERS CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

DOES YOU HUBBY COME HOME AND START INSULTING YOU WITHOUT YOU PROMPTING HIM TO?
SOMEHOW YOU CLEVERLY OMITTED THE THINGS YOU DO THAT MAKES HIM ANGRY, TRYING TO PLAY THE VICTIM...WHY?

BEHAVE RIGHT! IF HE WANTS ANYTHING GIVE HIM...BE SUBMISSIVE! COOK GOOD FOOD! MAKE HIM HAPPY!
......AND I PROMISE YOU EXCEPT HE IS MAD, HE WILL SING YOUR PRAISE TO ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS.

There is no perfect marriage anywhere.
No matter how careful or committed u are, dr will still be fracas.
The only solution is to accept that issues will come up, and to deal with them as dy come up.
In marriage, the woman needs to have a lot of patience and tolerance because at d end of d day the man is still the head of the house.
Above all, couples need the grace of God to have a successful marriage.

oyizaoyiza:
hello my fellow nairalanders,

My name is oyiza, I am from kogi state in nigeria, An event happened to me in the course of growing up as a child that is still ever fresh in my memory and something similar is happening in my marriage presently.

My dad was from kogi state kabba precisely, My mum is from idoma but she lived in lagos and understands yoruba to a fault. My mum is a primary school teacher, My dad was a civil servant in one of the ministries in lagos then.

As a young teenager i knew that my uncles and my aunties where always coming to our house to resolve issues between my dad and my mum ,My father was the one always telling his siblings about how USELESS and disobidient my mother was.

Eventually the issue of my dad letting his families into there marriage became a very BIG ISSUE as every one tagged my mother as the BAD WIFE.

It was a tug of war that lasted for years,Eventually my dad sisters came to our house and threw my mum loads out of the house.

My mum pleaded to come back into the suffering as my mum was always been beating in our presence frequently by my dad.

My mum left and my dads relative had oppurtunity to take over all what my dad and mum had built over the years. Eventually my dad became responsible for the payment of his siblings children school bill at the detriment of his childrens education.

*Me and my folks had to pick up sales girl and sales boy job to further our education with support from the tiny salary mummy was getting.

His business that was booming went into demurage ,he started begging from hand to mouth his sisters and brother abandonded him for that period,i was almost graduadting from school when this strange ailment came upon him, we took him from different hospital to another, Doctors took different tests but nothing was found in his body, we took him to three different churches and we were told that its a spiritual attack that was placed on him by one of his family members that asked for money from him but he didn't give.Fast

forwarded my Dad died 2months to my wedding day. My dad and mum had the best of marriage but trouble started when my dad was always labelling my mum as Evil to his siblings.The most painful thing is that all they laboured for got wiped away in there very eyes as my mum dare not talk where my aunties and uncles are simply because of the way my dad had spoken of her in there presence.

Hence i need help, I have been married for just 3yrs ,we have fought in our marriage but my husband had reported me to his friends and parents more than 3 times his friends call me to now find out what transpired between us.To me i feel so ridiculed as i sincerely hate people putting there mouth in my home affairs, except COUNSELLORS if need should be.

My husband had beaten me before without mentioning it to a single soul. But if its him he wont hesitate to feed his friend and siblings,The first time it happened we talked about it but it happened again 5 days ago,I love my Husband But i dont TRUST HIM AGAIN.I

felt Betrayed by my husband,i dont want what happened to my dad and mum to happen to me as this was the exact way there issues started way back then before it eventually resulted in divorce and then my father died mysteriously just two months to my day of joy.

Please no insult, Advise on how to resolve this is all i need.

*Note that i have been praying too*.constructive ideas,What are the consequences of Bringing Third parties into marriages, please share your experiences.

...So sorry for this But their are #3 questions I would like to ask...#1. What kind of marriage did you do? #2. Do you know anyone your Husband respects so much while you were courting? #3. Is your husband a worker in your Church? Don't be offended by this questions but if you did the following type of marriage 'church traditional and very important Court then i think you wont be cheated as your Mom was cheated #2. If you know any also report him to that Person since he reports you also. #3 If he is a worker report him to your Church pastor cos I think your husband needs councelling then find the right time and narrate how this kind of occurrence divided your Mom and Dad if his awear tell Him you don't want such to surface in your marriage. Then you also need deliverance from Generational course...

DDeliverer:
AUNTY, I WANT TO TELL YOU SOME TRUTHS...........I KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE THEM BUT IT IS THE TRUTH..

1. YOUR HUSBAND WILL BEAT YOU SOME MORE AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
2. HE WILL KEEP TELLING HIS FRIENDS ABOUT EVERY 'SILLY' MISTAKE OF YOURS AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
3.YOU WILL KEEP CONVINCING YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM AND THE GOOD WIFE AND THERE IS NOTHING NLDERS CAN DO ABOUT THAT.

DOES YOU HUBBY COME HOME AND START INSULTING YOU WITHOUT YOU PROMPTING HIM TO?
SOMEHOW YOU CLEVERLY OMITTED THE THINGS YOU DO THAT MAKES HIM ANGRY, TRYING TO PLAY THE VICTIM...WHY?

BEHAVE RIGHT! IF HE WANTS ANYTHING GIVE HIM...BE SUBMISSIVE! COOK GOOD FOOD! MAKE HIM HAPPY!
......AND I PROMISE YOU EXCEPT HE IS MAD, HE WILL SING YOUR PRAISE TO ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY MEMBERS.

What if, just what if he is mad. Some mrn after being ridiculed by their superiors outside after all the stress try to make themselves feel "manly" again by beating their wives. Nothing she does or does not do usually prompts it. What then does such a wife do?

mutter:
You are a wounded child and that is why the scars from your childhood are being reopened. But this man is not your father and you are not your mother. Marriage does not make anyone wiser or more mature overnight it is a process.
The first thing you need to do is give your husband a clean slate.You need to wipe out your parents story from his slate
The next thing you need to learn is not to take marriage so serious. Today the only reason people live together is becauuthey want to. If love and hamony is gone. What is left? CERTAINLY marriage is a divine contract and worth giving sacrifice for but it does not work out if you are so tied up and serious. Please learn to ignore some things and laugh over others it helps more than the most logical arguments. Men are like children when you pamper them and remain calm you get more results. When the atmosphere is tense call him or send him a message that you love him and can't wait for him to come home. Pet him when he is angry don't always try to iron things out.Sometimes it is better to laugh things out.or let them just fly over.nd even when angry and mad always show him respect and ask for forgiveness when you have wronged him.

Same old advice,same old things our women have been doing, same old beastly men that these "pampering" has made out of them and same old society which will throw the first stone at the woman for running for her life, calling her a "bad wife" and all what not. Please spare me. After all these if he kills her, he goes free and marries another wife abi "till death do us part" they say.

@Op .This purely spiritual matter ..gene rational curses of marital sorrows!Your mum never enjoy marriage she endures the marriage the same thing manifested in your life within few years .Go for deliverance to break generation curses/inherited evil patterns !Mountain of fire and Miracles Ministries or any deliverance ministries will help you a lot !Talking or pleading with people to beg your husband won't work ...A spiritual problem needs spiritual approach !cheer up .The battle will b won through PRAYERS and BLOOD OF JESUS

Oyizaoyiza, marriage is not easy you must not listen to everything he says about you bc there is a force influcing him.

You need serious and continuous deliverance prayers, there is a force fighting against YOU and your MARRIAGE. Do not blame your Hubby, just try your best to be a good wife to him.

Just go for deliverance often not once like 3 times yearly.
Hand Jesus everything is well

The experience you obtained from your parent's marriage may be exclusive to you.
Your husband may probably never experienced or learn from such.And i will like you to see your husband as such.

i am a man and i once behaved like your husband.i had so many issues with my wife in the years past. i looked for solution outside my home though i was not willing to lose her.

But the cousels i was getting from especially family members was to do away with her.Most of these people thougth they acted and advised in best intrest but it was against the institution of my marriage.

i realised that i would be the one that will bear the grunt of divorce and the cost of reinventing the wheel of taking a new wife.

Eventually, i decided to understand my wife ,became more flexible and we are all happy today.

Find someone with similar experience to guide your husband.He has to learn that act of home grown solutions.

But it all depends on the Nature of the conflict.as long as it has nothing to do with infidelity especially on the part of the female.All can easily resolved.

ALL BECAUSE WE DO NOT CARRY, EVERYTHING TO GOD IN PRAYER.

My bible tells me that the heart of kings are in God's hands, and He turns it to where ever He pleases.

God is yet to fail me... i recommend Him to you.

In my little marital experience, my wife will always paint me black to her family member, it brought serious hatred between us. I told her that they are third parties, that for our home to stand, it takes only God and us and not any other family member.
It took prayers,
it took patience,
it took tolerance,
it took counselling from our pastor, and
it took time.

But today Jesus has made the difference.
Be strong in the Lord... God will see you through.
He never failed me yet.
Also pray for foundational deliverance....

Waiting to hear your testimony.

Joavid:
Offtopic. Oyizaoyiza, how come your dad is kabba and your mum is idoma but your name is Oyiza?

Oyiza is an ebira name.

malikisah:
If your dad is from kabba and your mum is Idoma, you definately cannot be oyiza
! Pls next time check very well the ethnic group yu want to claim

rhymesteey:
I tiya ooo... Kabba that i know doesnt bear oyiza... Firstly madam oyiza u need to be truthful to yourself and realise your mistakes cos all this lies u re sharing daris God ooooo

Yes, that's strange.