damiso:
Kimoni while I agree in part with this statement, its a deeper issue which the right wing press tend to exagerate one aspect of. For every single story of the somali immigrant with 12 children living in a 5 million pound house there are 10 who have been shipped to Bradford because they have been hit by Bedroom tax. And sometimes these are people in work but on min wage.We sha can't all be carrying brief case in London Bridge like tearoses said.I work with these people day in day out so I know.Not everyone is going to be rich/middle class. And even with all the drive we have in Nigeria not everyone will be rich or well to do or educated. It's just the fact.As much as we love education not every Nigerian living in Nigeria will go to university.


Do you know that a large chunk of working age benefits are actually claimed by people in work? The system is very skewed and even though I am not a fan of the David Cameron/George Osborne they are beginning to tackle some of the root causes e.g over the top childcare costs by giving more hours of free childcare to 3 and 4 year olds.

While I agree that there are those who abuse the system the media sometimes tells a single story. If I see one more 'benefits scrounger ish' based reality show on Channel 5 or Channel 4 I will scream.

Hahahhahahahaa, Damiso, if you scream at your TV from today till eternity, it won't hear you oo

I personally consider claims by the working class as BIK. It's just as extension of my pay. At least I am still adding value to the economy. Then whatever goes to the children is really an investment. No country can be faulted for that. South West Nigeria today can claim a large chunk of its development to the free education by Awo as the then Premier of Western Nigeria. I guess our classification is where the opinion differs.

But again, the leakages are quite significant. The loopholes are just too wide. Someone is paying for them right? Check out the articles below but don't scream pls

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3006248/More-100-000-benefits-claimants-UK-handed-100-week-assessed-unable-work-addiction-obesity-stress.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2319355/Workshy-map-Britain-revealed-Thousands-incapacity-benefit-claimants-capable-working.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/5663014/Family-claims-147000-a-year-in-housing-benefit-for-seven-bedroom-home.html

Chaircover, it's not about the person or the disgrace he/she is getting. Honestly, they really don't care about all that and they don't live for tomorrow anyways. But the issue is the effect on the economy and the individuals financing it. I believe part of why the average working British dislikes immigrants passionately is because of the belief that migrants have come to share out of what is rightfully theirs. Check out any pronouncement by Theresa May and the subsequent comments online. It's always a war btw indigenous British and naturalized migrants.

tearoses:
Kimoni well said, but who are the leaders?
Are they not you and I?
Many are even leaving the diaspora and going to Naija to become the so called leaders
What are they achieving?
They have all joined the “if you can’t beat then join them” wagon.

Personally I think it’s the other way
I blame the people
People are people first before they become leaders.

A relative stole from my sister
She sent the relative money and told her to take 75% of the amount and give 25% to someone else. She took all the money for herself.
All she had to do was ask. There was no need to steal.
She was not hungry
She just felt that she can take it.
And that is the mentality of many people. There is no sense of right and wrong
That’s not the leaders fault . . .that is an individual deficiency. If she becomes a leader, she will steal.
I can’t count the number of times I’ve asked someone to do something and they have inflated figures, pocketed the money and done a shoddy job. That’s not the leaders. That’s them.

Go back to the story of Segun Arinzes missing 50K
Read what some Nairalanders wrote and be shocked.
Many misbehave and blame poverty & the leaders
This is not the leaders . . . .this is the people.

We just like to act fast, but for the wrong reasons
Let’s invest that quality in things that really make a positive change.

I hear you ma'am but I'll still say it's from top to bottom and not the other way round. The questions is this - Were Nigerians like this several years ago? Was this our culture back then? I talk of my father as being a great man, Damiso says the same, you say the same. What has changed? My father loved Awo and several other leaders and made me read their books. Can I really ask my kids to read any book by Babangida, Abacha or any of these new generation rogues? No way. So what has changed?

Why does a typical Nigerian who throws thrash from his car while driving in Naija does not do the same in US? Driving one way in Naija was nothing odd in Lagos back in the days but who dares to try it now? Because there is now a system that metes out punishment to you if you do unlike before when you go scott-free.

Of course I see the weird comments on front page NL articles everyday but what system produced these crop of young minds? For a 3 year course in UK, do you know how long they take to complete the same course in Naija? Did you see pictures of some of their lecture halls and hostels? Not even fit for animal habitation. Yet, those are outer citadels of glory. Which type of output are we then expecting from these ones. Garbage in, garbage out. But yet, see how we still do well when we come to school abroad and get the condusive atmosphere?

We shouldn't underestimate the impact of the system on us as individuals. It shapes our thoughts and actions. Our leaders need to provide an enabling atmosphere for her citizens to thrive. Agree with you that we can't place it all on the doors steps of the government, but honestly, a large chunk of the work falls on their laps.

Thank you Salsera,Sagamite,Tearoses.
Much appreciated and will try my best.
Salsera please can you tell me the author of the books and if I can purchase on Amazon?

@ Discussion
North of the border,theres a much higher percentage of benefits claimants compared to the general population.
The SNP are agitating for independence,their people want money to be collected from the rich and dashed to the poor.For some reason the rich are vilified and blamed for every problem,and those lower down the rung continue to stay there,no ambition as long as the benefits keep coming.
They have been promised some sort of utopia by SNP where the well off will be taxed to death and a more equal society will materialise with excess money for benefits.

Unfortunately there's no money to keep all the promises and taxing the rich much higher will only cause them to pack their things and escape.

In 2016 we will now have our own tax rates,people are waiting to see what will happen,whether there will be tax raises to punish the well off or whether things will be left alone as usual.if they want to raise taxes,they must start from the 20% rate so the less better off will still be hit.

An implosion is pending,I don't see any other way.Over tax the higher earners they run,don't raise taxes SNP core voters will feel betrayed.Even the anti-english sentiment on the rise every corner you go.

When the bite begins to set in for real,the main casualties are usually immigrants who will be blamed for taking up the jobs and taking their social housing and taking their benefits

Funny thing they don't know is that any Non Eu immigrant who hasn't settled and is on a work visa CANNOT claim anything. In fact, you are banned from claiming 'public' funds while being taxed so heavily.A £200 pounds/year Nhs fee has now been made compulsory.Is this in the news and publicised? No.The visa fees for settlement increased from 1093 to 1500 without warning.Did anyone hear about it? No. Everyday migrants are slagged off because there needs to be a scapegoat meanwhile pesin dey busy treating them in hospital from morning to night without better pay yet no gratitude.

People are tired of being taxed so much to support people who appear not to want to work.No one wants to handover money for people who sit on their as ses all day.Channel 5 isn't helping with all those programmes.I can't be working myself to death and someone is busy going on hols 24/7 and wearing designers with massive flat screen tv.People are tired and I wonder what the outcome will be.

There are people who are genuinely poor but the echoing sentiment is that people are getting hardened and not so caring anymore.
What these people need is aspiration, if you are poor you musnt stay poor or die poor,you can aspire for your children to do better and leave the cycle of poverty.But for some reason they feel theres no way out.
This is where Africans differ completely we want our kids to do better.We don't believe a poor man must die poor,theres this natural hope we have even when things are bleak.

My children must be better than me abeg that's why I'm asking all these my questions.

@ tearoses, well said.

You get leaders from the people and if the people are bad, the leaders will be bad. Our leaders are just a representation of the people. All this shifting the blame to the leaders is just not it for me. Check around you and you will see how most Nigerians will willingly steal from another person. People complain of lack of employment and how the government is not providing jobs yet when you start up something and hire somebody, the only thing in their mind is how to run the business down. Ask many people in diaspora how much they have sent home trying to set up a business and how much they have lost and you will be shocked. This is a business that if it survived it will not only keep this person in job, it will employ more people. Tell me is it the leader that stole the money? Yet the same person who ran a business down will come and start shouting that the government is not doing anything. We have to change as people and it will start reflecting in our leaders.

moca:
YEs when I look at our nation and people,i sigh.
Our transformer spoiled beyond repair, count nepa out in buying new one so we bought new one.
To my greatest surprise,nepa said we have to pay them for installation.
We paid. Then have money standby for maintenance.
Still we have pay our bills.

D system is getting worst by d day.
And that why I will always blame our religious leaders.

As per competitiveness, we r competitive just to flex,nothing more.

That reminds me, 2 guys(all abroad,i don't know what they do for a living) sent money home for their people to build good duplexes for them. The buildings were completed and people stop by to admire them.
They were close nebors.
Now they came home and of course saw their edifices. One wasn't happy. His reason.
Why will d other one be better looking than his afterall who is that guy sef. A small boy I was feeding b4. Infact, demolish this and start afresh.
Na soo, house was brought down and another built.
Tomorrow, he will come for my hand in marriage and if I say no, my people will invite pastor for deliverance.
Now this is how an average nigerian(especially igbo) reasons though I will say he took his to d extreme.

The scenario you gave plays itself out very often in realty but maybe not to the extreme as you said but you did be surprised how often it happens.

@ sagamite you are very right. How many sectors are Nigerians actually good in honestly? We can make all the excuse we like and try to sugar-coat it but we all know the truth that we are not doing well as a country.

I think many Nigerians are living in denial and refuse to acknowledge how bad things are. If we don't acknowledge it, how are we going to make changes? I think we as a nation have to accept that we are actually not doing well and then look for a way to sort this out and not making excuses or actually try to say we are doing well. We do have our strength but I personally want to see us using our strength to achieve greatness.

Kimoni:



Hahahhahahahaa, Damiso, if you scream at your TV from today till eternity, it won't hear you oo

I personally consider claims by the working class as BIK. It's just as extension of my pay. At least I am still adding value to the economy. Then whatever goes to the children is really an investment. No country can be faulted for that. South West Nigeria today can claim a large chunk of its development to the free education by Awo as the then Premier of Western Nigeria. I guess our classification is where the opinion differs.

But again, the leakages are quite significant. The loopholes are just too wide. Someone is paying for them right? Check out the articles below but don't scream pls

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3006248/More-100-000-benefits-claimants-UK-handed-100-week-assessed-unable-work-addiction-obesity-stress.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2319355/Workshy-map-Britain-revealed-Thousands-incapacity-benefit-claimants-capable-working.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/5663014/Family-claims-147000-a-year-in-housing-benefit-for-seven-bedroom-home.html

Chaircover, it's not about the person or the disgrace he/she is getting. Honestly, they really don't care about all that and they don't live for tomorrow anyways. But the issue is the effect on the economy and the individuals financing it. I believe part of why the average working British dislikes immigrants passionately is because of the belief that migrants have come to share out of what is rightfully theirs. Check out any pronouncement by Theresa May and the subsequent comments online. It's always a war btw indigenous British and naturalized migrants.

It's daily mail naa The daily mail will like you to believe that benefit claimants and immigrants cause all of the of the UK's woes

babygirlfl:
@ tearoses, well said.

You get leaders from the people and if the people are bad, the leaders will be bad. Our leaders are just a representation of the people. All this shifting the blame to the leaders is just not it for me. Check around you and you will see how most Nigerians will willingly steal from another person. People complain of lack of employment and how the government is not providing jobs yet when you start up something and hire somebody, the only thing in their mind is how to run the business down. Ask many people in diaspora how much they have sent home trying to set up a business and how much they have lost and you will be shocked. This is a business that if it survived it will not only keep this person in job, it will employ more people. Tell me is it the leader that stole the money? Yet the same person who ran a business down will come and start shouting that the government is not doing anything. We have to change as people and it will start reflecting in our leaders.

Preach it o!
We r wacked. Low mentality and very materialistic. Right now we r still d world's number one consumer yet zero producer.
Why was I born here

Kimoni:


I hear you ma'am but I'll still say it's from top to bottom and not the other way round. The questions is this - Were Nigerians like this several years ago? Was this our culture back then? I talk of my father as being a great man, Damiso says the same, you say the same. What has changed? My father loved Awo and several other leaders and made me read their books. Can I really ask my kids to read any book by Babangida, Abacha or any of these new generation rogues? No way. So what has changed?

Why does a typical Nigerian who throws thrash from his car while driving in Naija does not do the same in US? Driving one way in Naija was nothing odd in Lagos back in the days but who dares to try it now? Because there is now a system that metes out punishment to you if you do unlike before when you go scott-free.

Of course I see the weird comments on front page NL articles everyday but what system produced these crop of young minds? For a 3 year course in UK, do you know how long they take to complete the same course in Naija? Did you see pictures of some of their lecture halls and hostels? Not even fit for animal habitation. Yet, those are outer citadels of glory. Which type of output are we then expecting from these ones. Garbage in, garbage out. But yet, see how we still do well when we come to school abroad and get the condusive atmosphere?

We shouldn't underestimate the impact of the system on us as individuals. It shapes our thoughts and actions. Our leaders need to provide an enabling atmosphere for her citizens to thrive. Agree with you that we can't place it all on the doors steps of the government, but honestly, a large chunk of the work falls on their laps.

I think a major re orientation is needed. One of my dads mentors was Alhaji Lateef Jakande and I remember thinking that his house was just like a normal comfortable house and not what you would expect from a former governors residence. Am sure even ordinary local govt chairmen live in much more opulence.

Now I know not all his policies were spot on e.g taking away the running of missionary schools from churches. But those people in that era were out to create a legacy and change for their people. A lot of People could were able to get housing from his low cost housing estates .

Sadly I don't think even today's so called 'Progressives ' have that drive.


Most of us don't have a 'serving people 'or 'impacting and changing the world for the better' drive it's more a ' how can I gain power wealth and all the perks that come with it ' drive. Sadly even our religious leaders don't have/ encourage that 'serving' drive. I listen to some sermons sometimes and I just SMH.

Jahblessme:
Thank you Salsera,Sagamite,Tearoses.
Much appreciated and will try my best.
Salsera please can you tell me the author of the books and if I can buy on Amazon.





In 2016 we will now have our own tax rates,people are waiting to see what will happen,whether there will be tax raises to punish the well off or whether things will be left alone as usual.if they want to raise taxes,they must start from the 20% rate so the less better off will still be hit.

An implosion is pending,I don't see any other way.Over tax the higher earners they run,don't raise taxes SNP core voters will feel betrayed.Even the anti-english sentiment on the rise every corner you go.

When the bite begins to set in for real,the main casualties are usually immigrants who will be blamed for taking up the jobs and taking their social housing and taking their benefits

Funny thing they don't know is that any Non Eu immigrant who hasn't settled and is on a work visa CANNOT claim anything. In fact, you are banned from claiming 'public' funds while being taxed so heavily.A £200 pounds/year Nhs fee has now been made compulsory.Is this in the news and publicised? No.The visa fees for settlement increased from 1093 to 1500 without warning.Did anyone hear about it? No. Everyday migrants are slagged off because there needs to be a scapegoat meanwhile pesin dey busy treating them in hospital from morning to night without better pay yet no gratitude.

People are tired of being taxed so much to support people who appear not to want to work.No one wants to handover money for people who sit on their as ses all day.Channel 5 isn't helping with all those programmes.I can't be working myself to death and someone is busy going on hols 24/7 and wearing designers with massive flat screen tv.People are tired and I wonder what the outcome will be.

There are people who are genuinely poor but the echoing sentiment is that people are getting hardened and not so caring anymore.
What these people need is aspiration, if you are poor you musnt stay poor or die poor,you can aspire for your children to do better and leave the cycle of poverty.But for some reason they feel theres no way out.
This is where Africans differ completely we want our kids to do better.We don't believe a poor man must die poor,theres this natural hope we have even when things are bleak.

My children must be better than me abeg that's why I'm asking all these my questions.

http://www.amazon.com/Kingsley-NWABIA/e/B005Y2W0BG

Name is Kingsley and its available on Kindle. He does sell the book version though cos He autographed a few for my classmates. I need to buy for nieces so I'll ask him how to get books.

Another example of the institutional connections I was talking about.

Here is a woman that is allegedly being lined up for the position as CEO of M&S.

Ms Wade-Gery was poached by M&S from Tesco with more than £2.1million in cash and shares in 2011 and is seen by many as the heir apparent to current boss Marc Bolland.

The executive director who overhauled the M&S much-maligned website, will leave to have her baby on September 1 and will return to work in January.

M&S chose to tell the stock exchange today because financial rules demand investors must be told if directors are going away for longer than a typical three-week holiday.

Ms Wade-Gery, who splits her time between a house in north London and a farm in Suffolk, is twice-married and will welcome the child into her family with husband Simon Roberts.

The 50-year-old has a tough reputation in the City and is the daughter of diplomat Sir Robert Wade-Gery, a senior Cabinet Office aide to prime ministers James Callaghan and later Margaret Thatcher.

He also worked in Foreign Office positions all over the world, meaning his daughter grew up in Moscow, Delhi, Spain and even Vietnam, where she was evacuated during the war with America.

The Oxford history graduate and ice hockey Blue went with close friend William Dalrymple on part of Marco Polo's trip from Palestine to China, recorded in Dalrymple's first book, In Xanadu.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3202309/Woman-tipped-boss-Marks-Spencer-announces-s-taking-maternity-leave-age-50-desk-just-four-months.html#ixzz3jBZbfzw6

Robert Lucian Wade-Gery was educated at Winchester College and New College, Oxford, where he achieved a double first class degree.

Robert Wade-Gery was the son of Theodore Wade-Gery who was professor of Ancient History in the University of Oxford.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Wade-Gery

Theodore Wade-Gery was born into a long-established Bedfordshire family, he was educated at Winchester College, a contemporary of Arnold J. Toynbee and R.M.Y. Gleadowe, and at New College, Oxford, which he left with a First in Classical Moderations in 1911.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Theodore_Wade-Gery

Exactly as I stated:

Winchester is one of the schools I named.

https://www.nairaland.com/1579818/girls-night-out-discussions/29#37006573

https://www.nairaland.com/1579818/girls-night-out-discussions/29#37013659

She didn't even bother changing her surname despite being married twice. It must be helping.


By the way Laura Wade-Gery attended Cheltenham Ladies' College for high school.

That is a mere £33K per year in school fees if you were to send your daughter there today.

Last year out of the 125 girls from the school heading to university. 88 were going to a Russell Group University with 10 heading for Oxford and 9 to Cambridge.

9 to Bristol and UCL, 8 to KCL, 6 to LSE, 4 to Durham and 3 to Imperial.

Not bad odds, init? Almost half of them are going to the Top 10 UK universities.

https://www.nairaland.com/141689/rough-guide-best-most-reputable

moca:

Preach it o!
We r wacked. Low mentality and very materialistic. Right now we r still d world's number one consumer yet zero producer.
Why was I born here

Lol @ why were you born here. Funny woman. Tell me about it. We consume so much and can't even manage our produce. We produce tons of tomatoes in Nigeria but still import because we cannot preserve it while it's in season which means many of them go to waste.

tearoses:


The truth is that where they live will rub off on them and there is not much you can do about that.
The only thing you can do is to take them to Nigeria regularly so that they remain in touch with their roots & understand that there is another life apart from the one they are used to.
You will be surprised that they may never even ask you the questions because they wont even notice the difference.
My kids never asked why they were different and when they were old enough to understand, I guess they just put 2 and 2 together.
Kids have a way of mixing and adapting to their enviroment unlike adults.
I wouldnt worry too much.

Nice one.

..

http://www.punchng.com/feature/chinese-have-taken-over-our-businesses-nigerian-furniture-makers-lament/

This exemplifies what I was saying here.

Sagamite:


And the few that do go into business are poor at it.

Instead of being the best they can be, they do poor work, they are looking at how to cheat their customers, are rude to them or are not innovative.

Virtually all black businesses are like that

Some are even "Stunning" and "Stuns".

When others from outside enter market, they do better and eliminate them.

They are now whining after the Chinese have entered the market and do fantastic work with good customer services.

Sagamite:
Another example of the institutional connections I was talking about.

Here is a woman that is allegedly being lined up for the position as CEO of M&S.

Exactly as I stated:

Winchester is one of the schools I named.

https://www.nairaland.com/1579818/girls-night-out-discussions/29#37006573

https://www.nairaland.com/1579818/girls-night-out-discussions/29#37013659

She didn't even bother changing her surname despite being married twice. It must be helping.


By the way Laura Wade-Gery attended Cheltenham Ladies' College for high school.

That is a mere £33K per year in school fees if you were to send your daughter there today.

Last year out of the 125 girls from the school heading to university. 88 were going to a Russell Group University with 10 heading for Oxford and 9 to Cambridge.

9 to Bristol and UCL, 8 to KCL, 6 to LSE, 4 to Durham and 3 to Imperial.

Not bad odds, init? Almost half of them are going to the Top 10 UK universities.

https://www.nairaland.com/141689/rough-guide-best-most-reputable

Saga, you are fast becoming a conspiracy theorist oo

I read the links and of greater interest to me is the dailymail write up on her person. I want to throw up a lot of issues from it but I have some strict deadlines ahead. In my list of to-do.

Sagamite:
http://www.punchng.com/feature/chinese-have-taken-over-our-businesses-nigerian-furniture-makers-lament/

This exemplifies what I was saying here.



They are now whining after the Chinese have entered the market and do fantastic work with good customer services.

The most frustrating set of Nigerians are clearly the artisans. If you carry their matter for head, they are sure to kill one before time. No doubt about that. But again, have people really found a better solution in the Chinese?? I am actually surprised Punch said their workers are all Chinese. I know they don't roll like that. I need more witness to that.

The Nigerians will ruin your pocket, ruin your day; the Chinese will ruin your economy

Saga, have you read any material on the Chinese economic strategy? Esp in Africa? Pls do if you have not. I think there are some couple of videos on YouTube too.

From a bird's eye view of this problem you highlighted and the solutions adopted, do you think we are on the right path? What do you propose?

Sagamite:


I never get this opportunity for intellectual debate on NL anymore.

Don't worry, I would soon find a platform to be a regular columnist soon so you can read more.

https://www.nairaland.com/2504462/advice-needed-please-selling-equity#36954512

Thanks to EfemenaXY for inviting me to discuss something sensible than "See the tattoo on Seyi Shay" on FP.











Notyourb1tch.

lol you this guy

Sagamite:
http://www.punchng.com/feature/chinese-have-taken-over-our-businesses-nigerian-furniture-makers-lament/

This exemplifies what I was saying here.
They are now whining after the Chinese have entered the market and do fantastic work with good customer services.

“But I can tell you that Chinese products don’t last as you would have to replace them in just a few years’ time. You cannot compare their products with ours. Ours last longer.

I would rather replace after 3 years than develop high blood pressure and a croaky voice from shouting.

You pay them upfront in full thinking that it will motivate them to do a good job . . . .but it doesnt work

The other day I saw the Chinese people walking around in Trade fair like they were in Bejing.
Sorry but it just serves us right.
Too bad we had to learn the hard way.
Soon Chinese will be sewing aso ebi & that will be the end of my relationship with that my tailor

I asked my closest friend this question
" if you had an opportunity to do it over ,will you marry this same husband"
She loves her husband greatly and they look good together but her answer was very interesting and had some truths in it.
She said to me without thinking

" Nne you know I love CY with all my heart,that man is good to me but if I had an opportunity now to marry again and he were one of the choices,I wouldn't pick him.
I was thrown aback by that answer
She continued
I don marry am nau,never cheated on him and no plans of doing so ,we have children together and I consider myself happy but if I had another opportunity why will I remarry him ?,I will try someone else and see how that one will be
I thought that answer made great sense
She is not saying her man is bad,she would just like to sample another person for variety if there was an opportunity to stay or pick another.
Would you pick the same spouse if given the choice of him/ her and others

This is supposed to be a fun thread let your hairs down ladies girls night out
Share the stories you tell in the company of the girls

Hey dolls why don't we limit our girls night out gist and form a blackberry group chat its more convenient to get involved in!!! What do yall think? So

Now here is another example of the Institutional Connections I was talking about.

Tell me how most black guys and WHITE average guys can compete with this guy, Tom Attenborough, for a job in his field:

He is the son of theatre director Michael Attenborough and the grandson of the late film actor and director Richard Attenborough.

Tom attended St Paul's School. He then went to Trinity College, Cambridge to study English Literature. He graduated in 2009 and became Artistic Director of Rhapsody of Words Productions in 2010

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Attenborough

He was able to set up his theater production company one year after graduation. That goes on his CV obviously and gives him more gloss as if Cambridge was not enough.

Okay.

You thought that was it.

Father? Then grand-father?

Okay, check out his great-grandfather:

Federick Attenborough: In 1915 he went to Emmanuel College, Cambridge as a Foundation Scholar and Choral Exhibitioner, and gained a first class degree in the Modern and Medieval Languages Tripos.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frederick_Attenborough

Now don't let me talk about his grand-uncles. One of which I can bet my life you have all watched his wonderful animal documentaries and the other a top auto-industry executive.

That is 4 generations of power.

How many of una papa and mama get wikipedia entry?

He also attended St Pauls which sends 60-70 (over 30%) of its 180 annual school leavers to Oxbridge every year. Roughly another 25-30 of these head to Ivy League schools in the US.

Calm down, that is not the end.

St Pauls has an underschool called Colet Court. This is like the primary school of the secondary school.

To attend both, you will be spending roughly £33K per year per child if they are in boarding School. So imagine how much it cost to send a child to these 2 schools from 7 to 18.

Most of the Colet School kids move on to St Pauls for high school. And about 30% now move on to Oxbridge.

If they don't move from Colet to St Pauls together, they will meet again at Oxbridge.

So effectively, these people would have known each other, studied together and partied together since the age of 7. So how the fck do you expect to compete for top level roles with them?

If you are interested in Theatre and you apply for a job and Tom applies for the same job. How you wan compete?

The person making the decision is probably his friend or a friend of a friend, and Tom has an impressive CV where he has "shown entrepreneurial skills".

Oh oooo!

Na only you waka come?

You were not informed 2?

Kontinu!

No problem.

Let me tell you some other people that attended Colet:

Dominic Grieve - Former Attorney General and Shadow Front Bencher.

Eddie Redmayne - Oscar Best Actor winner (He left Colet for Eton before going to Cambridge and his great-grandfather was a famous engineer who was knighted: "Sir" )

Ed Vaizey - Current Minister of Culture, Communications and Creativity (Who is the son of a Life Labour Peer)

George Osborne - Chancellor of the Exchequer (Second in command in the UK, who's father was also a "Sir" and also attended Oxford)

Nathaniel Rothschild - Chairman of Hedge Fund and a heir of the Famous billionaire Rothschild family (He was also in the Bullingdon Club at Oxford with his primary school friend, George Osborne above)

Abeg, no try go into the family line of Rothschild and Osborne o. You go faint.

Who are the type of people that go and see Theatre shows? Is it not people with Tom's background?

Even, as you can see above, one of Tom's fellow alumni is in charge of funding the industry as the "Minister". So when the Director is require to go and convince the government to increase or direct the budget for Arts a certain way, who would be best placed to do this? You or Tom?

So as I said from the beginning, these top posts have been shared out since the age of 7.

Chai! Chai! Chai!

The jobs they are sharing.

Dairisgod o!

Dairisgod ooooo!

It is Institutional Connnections. They don't hate you, dem just no know you.

Sagamite:
Now here is another example of the Institutional Connections I was talking about.

Tell me how most black guys and WHITE average guys can compete with this guy, Tom Attenborough, for a job in his field:



He was able to set up his theater production company one year after graduation. That goes on his CV obviously and gives him more gloss as if Cambridge was not enough.

Okay.

You thought that was it.

Father? Then grand-father?

Okay, check out his great-grandfather:



Now don't let me talk about his grand-uncles. One of which I can bet my life you have all watched his wonderful animal documentaries and the other a top auto-industry executive.

That is 4 generations of power.

How many of una papa and mama get wikipedia entry?

He also attended St Pauls which sends 60-70 (over 30%) of its 180 annual school leavers to Oxbridge every year. Roughly another 25-30 of these head to Ivy League schools in the US.

Calm down, that is not the end.

St Pauls has an underschool called Colet Court. This is like the primary school of the secondary school.

To attend both, you will be spending roughly £33K per year per child if they are in boarding School. So imagine how much it cost to send a child to these 2 schools from 7 to 18.

Most of the Colet School kids move on to St Pauls for high school. And about 30% now move on to Oxbridge.

If they don't move from Colet to St Pauls together, they will meet again at Oxbridge.

So effectively, these people would have known each other, studied together and partied together since the age of 7. So how the fck do you expect to compete for top level roles with them?

If you are interested in Theatre and you apply for a job and Tom applies for the same job. How you wan compete?

The person making the decision is probably his friend or a friend of a friend, and Tom has an impressive CV where he has "shown entrepreneurial skills".

Oh oooo!

Na only you waka come?

You were not informed 2?

Kontinu!

No problem.

Let me tell you some other people that attended Colet:

Dominic Grieve - Former Attorney General and Shadow Front Bencher.

Eddie Redmayne - Oscar Best Acto winner (He left Colet for Eton before going to Cambridge and his great-grandfather was a famous engineer who was knighted: "Sir" )

Ed Vaizey - Current Minister of Culture, Communications and Creativity (Who is the son of a Life Labour Peer)

George Osborne - Chancellor of the Exchequer (Second in command in the UK, who's father was also a "Sir" and also attended Oxford)

Nathaniel Rothschild - Chairman of Hedge Fund and a heir of the Famous billionaire Rothschild family (He was also in the Bullingdon Club at Oxford with his primary school friend, George Osborne above)

Abeg, no try go into the family line of Rothschild and Osborne o. You go faint.

Who are the type of people that go and see Theatre shows? Is it not people with Tom's background?

Even, as you can see above, one of Tom's fellow alumni is in charge of funding the industry as the "Minister". So when the Director goes to convince the government to increase or direct the budget for Arts a certain way, who would be best placed to do this? You or Tom?

So as I said from the beginning, these top posts have been shared out since the age of 7.

Chai! Chai! Chai!

The jobs they are sharing.

Dairisgod o!

Dairisgod ooooo!

It is Institutional Connnections. They don't hate you, dem just no know you.

I cant remember who said all these public school boys e.g Eddie Redmayne, Benedict Cumberbatch, Robert Pattinson even joker Jake Whitehall,Eddie Sheeran etc have taken over British Entertainment and they wanted to chop off his head. But its true naa. why dem go con dey vex for th etruth naa LOL

I just laugh when people think most Western countries are 'Equal' societies. Yes there is legislation.There is a limit to which equality can be legislated. Even America that everyone touts as the 'home of the American dream' should not have people like the Rothschilds still wielding so much economic power.


I have done some courses on Equality and Diversity at an academic level and its such a in exhaustive complex topic. Studies have shown that social mobility is now at an all time low compared to the 50's,60's and 70's and I think that is so true even for emerging countries like Nigeria.

Studies have said that this is an argument for bringing back grammar schools in Britain as the times when we had a greater mix of children of the working/middle classes was when their products stated gaining prominence in both political /economic settings examples are people like Margaret Thatcher. Me I personally want them back for people in all boroughs for some of us who might not be able to afford private school > I will try to help my kids pass 11 + but will still support them even if they don't . After all I did not get the required score ( I can never foget 500 out of 600 and I scored 478) to get into QC back then LOL . I cried like sege ehn but my parents still loved me. We eventually found out that people whose fathers were federal perm secs got in with far less but no be dem say make my papa no be perm sec. LOL

This is also true in Nigeria as well cos I know most of the people who are prominent in Nigeria from that generation were not necessarily children of the rich. My dad told me that he went to school with the children of rich men back then even though he came from a poor background based on his academic prowess. My papa na real effiko and he said back then education was the ticket out of poverty. he said he would see people speaking English like opeere and he thought to himself that University I must go and do better for my own children.

Don't think that can happen now cos I don't see how any child from my fathers background can got to Green Springs or British International School.

That said all these are not excuses not to aim higher even if you don't have the background.Its just highlighting that these people already have an advantage.

damiso:


I cant remember who said all these public school boys e.g Eddie Redmayne, Benedict Cumberbatch, Robert Pattinson even joker Jake Whitehall,Eddie Sheeran etc have taken over British Entertainment and they wanted to chop off his head. But its true naa. why dem go con dey vex for th etruth naa LOL

I just laugh when people think most Western countries are 'Equal' societies. Yes there is legislation.There is a limit to which equality can be legislated. Even America that everyone touts as the 'home of the American dream' should not have people like the Rothschilds still wielding so much economic power.


I have done some courses on Equality and Diversity at an academic level and its such a in exhaustive complex topic. Studies have shown that social mobility is now at an all time low compared to the 50's,60's and 70's and I think that is so true even for emerging countries like Nigeria.

Studies have said that this is an argument for bringing back grammar schools in Britain as the times when we had a greater mix of children of the working/middle classes was when their products stated gaining prominence in both political /economic settings examples are people like Margaret Thatcher. Me I personally want them back for people in all boroughs for some of us who might not be able to afford private school > I will try to help my kids pass 11 + but will still support them even if they don't . After all I did not get the required score ( I can never foget 500 out of 600 and I scored 478) to get into QC back then LOL . I cried like sege ehn but my parents still loved me. We eventually found out that people whose fathers were federal perm secs got in with far less but no be dem say make my papa no be perm sec. LOL

This is also true in Nigeria as well cos I know most of the people who are prominent in Nigeria from that generation were not necessarily children of the rich. My dad told me that he went to school with the children of rich men back then even though he came from a poor background based on his academic prowess. My papa na real effiko and he said back then education was the ticket out of poverty. he said he would see people speaking English like opeere and he thought to himself that University I must go and do better for my own children.

Don't think that can happen now cos I don't see how any child from my fathers background can got to Green Springs or British International School.

That said all these are not excuses not to aim higher even if you don't have the background.Its just highlighting that these people already have an advantage.

What most people don't know is that the UK has always been aristocratic in its history.

It is a place you need to know your place.

Its history is based on a class system which is still cultural but less in your face.

People don't know that for over 600 years, the British aristocrats effectively did not allow any university to be built in England after Oxford and Cambridge.

Note: Some were built in Scotland to satisfy a different people.

Cambridge and Oxford were universities that only accepted the kids of the upper class. Worse still, not only did they have to be upper class, they had to be protestants (because the aristocrats believed only them served the right God). Catholics and other christian dominations were not normally accepted. And obviously Jews too.

That is for about 600+ years.

So after the country became a bit more civilised, i.e. they were not chopping heads off like before and created a law to ban suppressing Catholics, some non-protestants minority religions (Catholics & Jews) surmoned up the courage and funds to open a new university.

This was when UCL was established in 1827 in London as a secular university that takes anyone.

Note, 1827! After Oxford and Cambridge were fully established by the 1200s.

This establishment of UCL by the "Godless" people pissed off the arsitocrats and they decided not to give it a Royal Charter and to establish their own university in London to rival it. That is how KCL came about in 1829 (The "K" stands for "King's", so it had the full blessing of the King, the leader of aristocrats).

Later, Durham was allowed to be established in 1832.

Those were the 3 universities that came after only 2 universities were educating the aristocrats of England for over 600 years.

The aristocrats wanted monopoly on knowledge and the privilege of leading the nation. They were setting up advantage for their children and descendants over others.

It even took like another 40 years after these 3 universities before more universities came and more lower class people could have a degree.

Sagamite:


What most people don't know is that the UK has always been aristocratic in its history.

It is a place you need to know your place.

Its history is based on a class system which is still cultural but less in your face.

People don't know that for over 600 years, the British aristocrats effectively did not allow any university to be built in England after Oxford and Cambridge.

Note: Some were built in Scotland to satisfy a different people.

Cambridge and Oxford were universities that only accepted the kids of the upper class. Worse still, not only did they have to be upper class, they had to be protestants (because the aristocrats believed only them served the right God). Catholics and other christian dominations were not normally accepted. And obviously Jews too.

That is for about 600+ years.

So after the country became a bit more civilised, i.e. they were not chopping heads off like before and created a law to ban suppressing Catholics, some non-protestants minority religions (Catholics & Jews) surmoned up the courage and funds to open a new university.

This was when UCL was established in 1827 in London as a secular university that takes anyone.

Note, 1827! After Oxford and Cambridge were fully established by the 1200s.

This establishment of UCL by the "Godless" people pissed off the arsitocrats and they decided not to give it a Royal Charter and to establish their own university in London to rival it. That is how KCL came about in 1829 (The "K" stands for "King's", so it had the full blessing of the King, the leader of aristocrats).

Later, Durham was allowed to be established in 1832.

Those were the 3 universities that came after only 2 universities were educating the aristocrats of England for over 600 years.

The aristocrats wanted monopoly on knowledge and the privilege of leading the nation. They were setting up advantage for their children and descendants over others.

It even took like another 40 years after these 3 universities before more universities came and more lower class people could have a degree.

I actually thought that most people knew that the UK was a very class-ridden society, at least the ones who live there or those who have some certain level of education.

Your account is right but incomplete though.

What you have not considered so far is in what way your family background affects your performance at school and later at university.
It is true that class affiliation opens or closes doors for people, in other words the access to education and later to career opportunities but it is not as one-dimensional as described in your posts. It works on different levels.


First of all, it is true that it is easier for people to access some institutions because they KNOW people BUT it is also true that kids from families with parents who have a certain level of education have advantages in school because their upbringing is different, which in the long run makes them smarter. They are not smarter by nature but their upbringing very much affects the way their brains develop.

Take a working-class mother / father and an upper-class or mother / father for instance. How will an ordinary day in the life of their children look like.
I will, consciously, work with stereotypes now.

A child from a working-class family will be raised in an environment that is very different from the environment of a child whose parents have a university degree. His or her parents will speak a different language, pay more attention to the way the child speaks and thus encourage a development that is crucial to how the child performs at school. Both families will discuss different topics at the dining table, with the upper-class child having parents who are interested in different topics and discussing them in a more sophisticated way (Note that I am working with stereotypes now for the purpose of illustration).

A child who grows up in an upper-class environment will take piano lessons instead of spending too much time in front of the TV. The positive effects of music lessons on brain development are huge.

Parents with a certain level of education will put more emphasis on a holistic approach to education, which encourages the child to develop interest in languages, natural sciences, Arts, humanities and so on.

They will also teach their children different values.

It goes without saying that such an environment brings about a different set of individuals, who have an advantage over children whose parents did not support such a development.

Therefore, more often than not kids from upper-class or upper middle class families end up being smarter even though they were not born this way.

Therefore, what parents pass on onto their children is not merely access to institutions but also abilities and knowledge. Their shape their kids' brains in a totally different way.

It is important to consider it if we want to help people give their kids more opportunities.
I read on this thread and some others how parents are pushing their kids because they want them to do better later in life.

From my observation, I can comfortably say, that this is not the way in which kids from educated and wealthy families grow up.
They are not pushed, they are encouraged because they know that children have a natural curiosity and motivation to learn. And they know how to best make use of it.

Sagamite spot on analysis of the UK system especially about the privileged aristocrats trying to hoard knowledge so they can hold on to power.

Mindfulness I also like your post on how more enlightened parents subtly encourage their children to do better based on their environment , conversations etc.

If you don't mind me asking mindfulness as seems you have some knowledge on this, how do you do this without seemingly being pushy? Seems pushy (or maybe push is the wrong word to use )middle class parents tend to get those academic results with their children. I know I probably would have been below average academically if my parents were not pushing me to do well.I had to have extra lessons and teachers for subjects I was struggling in and failing or passing exams in our household was like the end of the world.I remember I was ill immediately I finished my WASSCE exams. It was a bit of a pressure pot environment though so I want to strike a balance while still expecting high academic achievements.

Naijababe had a similar thread where people talked about engaging children in activities that inspire creativity and logical thinking.

Mindfulness:


I actually thought that most people knew that the UK was a very class-ridden society, at least the ones who live there or those who have some certain level of education.

Your account is right but incomplete though.

What you have not considered so far is in what way your family background affects your performance at school and later at university.
It is true that class affiliation opens or closes doors for people, in other words the access to education and later to career opportunities but it is not as one-dimensional as described in your posts. It works on different levels.


First of all, it is true that it is easier for people to access some institutions because they KNOW people BUT it is also true that kids from families with parents who have a certain level of education have advantages in school because their upbringing is different, which in the long run makes them smarter. They are not smarter by nature but their upbringing very much affects the way their brains develop.

Take a working-class mother / father and an upper-class or mother / father for instance. How will an ordinary day in the life of their children look like.
I will, consciously, work with stereotypes now.

A child from a working-class family will be raised in an environment that is very different from the environment of a child whose parents have a university degree. His or her parents will speak a different language, pay more attention to the way the child speaks and thus encourage a development that is crucial to how the child performs at school. Both families will discuss different topics at the dining table, with the upper-class child having parents who are interested in different topics and discussing them in a more sophisticated way (Note that I am working with stereotypes now for the purpose of illustration).

A child who grows up in an upper-class environment will take piano lessons instead of spending too much time in front of the TV. The positive effects of music lessons on brain development are huge.

Parents with a certain level of education will put more emphasis on a holistic approach to education, which encourages the child to develop interest in languages, natural sciences, Arts, humanities and so on.

They will also teach their children different values.

It goes without saying that such an environment brings about a different set of individuals, who have an advantage over children whose parents did not support such a development.

Therefore, more often than not kids from upper-class or upper middle class families end up being smarter even though they were not born this way.

Therefore, what parents pass on onto their children is not merely access to institutions but also abilities and knowledge. Their shape their kids' brains in a totally different way.

It is important to consider it if we want to help people give their kids more opportunities.
I read on this thread and some others how parents are pushing their kids because they want them to do better later in life.

From my observation, I can comfortably say, that this is not the way in which kids from educated and wealthy families grow up.
They are not pushed, they are encouraged because they know that children have a natural curiosity and motivation to learn. And they know how to best make use of it.

Agrees with your points. I never meant any different.

That said, my argument is that:

1) even if a child within this circles underachieves academically, they would still have a good shot in life and

2) if one is equally as smart and capable as these kids, these kids would still have an advantage in the UK because of their backgrounds

There are many Oxford and Cambridge graduates who got there through the hard route (i.e. not posh private high schools), some even from public schools in places like Nigeria, who don't have as much opportunities as those with the privileged background.

Those are situations of equal intelligence but not as networked.

Also, no one can tell me that being from a privileged background can enhance intelligence so much that only Oxbridge students are eligible to take the post of Prime Minister.

In like 50 years, only John Major and Gordon Brown have been the PM who did not attend Oxbridge or Royal Military College, Sandhurst (another posh environment).

That is not even logically explanable. And Brown did not become Prime Minister by being voted in, only Major was.

That is like saying no one in the USA for 50 years was qualified to be President of the US except they attended HYP or West Point.

That is not saying such people should not form the majority of people that rule but for it to be as exclusive as it is in the UK is just ridiculous.

Sagamite:


Agrees with your points. I never meant any different.

That said, my argument is that:

1) even if a child within this circles underachieves academically, they would still have a good shot in life and

2) if one is equally as smart and capable as these kids, these kids would still have an advantage in the UK because of their backgrounds

Very true and your arguments can be easily proven.

There are many Oxford and Cambridge graduates who got there through the hard route (i.e. not posh private high schools), some even from public schools in places like Nigeria, who don't have as much opportunities as those with the privileged background.

Why are private high schools an easy route?

Those are situations of equal intelligence but not as networked.
Also, no one can tell me that being from a privileged background can enhance intelligence so much that only Oxbridge students are eligible to take the post of Prime Minister.

Politics is where the power and influence of the British aristocracy becomes most visible.

In like 50 years, only John Major and Gordon Brown have been the PM who did not attend Oxbridge or Royal Military College, Sandhurst (another posh environment).

I didn't know it, quite interesting.

That is not even logically explanable. And Brown did not become Prime Minister by being voted in, only Major was.

It is surprising that even most of the leaders of the Labour Party, a party whose supporters are traditionally from the working class, graduated from Oxbridge.

That is like saying no one in the USA for 50 years was qualified to be President of the US except they attended HYP or West Point.

Mindfulness:

Why are private high schools an easy route?

Because of the things I said earlier and what you said.

1) They get the good education from there to attain their, or close to their, potential.

2) That is where the network and sharing of jobs begin.

3) It gives them a gloss and familiarity with people.

Mindfulness:

Politics is where the power and influence of the British aristocracy becomes most visible.

I didn't know it, quite interesting.

It is surprising that even most of the leaders of the Labour Party, a party whose supporters are traditionally from the working class, graduated from Oxbridge.

So much for that nonsense I hear about Labour being a "working class" party.

Royal Military College, Sandhurst is not only posh, it is extremely aristocratic.

It is where not only the less academic members of the Royal family (like Prince Harry) and aristocrats go, many royalties from around the world also attend it, especially from the Middle East.

So while you are there, not only are you going to mix with British aristocracy you are already establishing your international diplomatic career/credentials.

Your friends are future Barons, Earls, Dukes, Princes and Emirs or their brothers (some of whom are billionaires by virtue of luck with their birth).

Sagamite:

Because of the things I said earlier and what you said.

1) They get the good education from there to attain their, or close to their, potential.

2) That is where the network and sharing of jobs begin.

3) It gives them a gloss and familiarity with people.

Ok. Money makes the world go round.

This is interesting too:

The awkward fact is that the proportion of students from state school backgrounds at Oxbridge is still nowhere near in line with the proportions in the general population. In May, the Guardian reported that although only 7% of British children attend fee-paying schools, students from private schools make up 39% of Cambridge undergraduates (at Oxford, the figure is 43.2%). And state school admissions to Cambridge dropped by nearly two percentage points this year.

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/nov/24/oxford-cambridge-colleges-exclusively-state-school-pupils

So much for that nonsense I hear about Labour being a "working class" party.

Royal Military College, Sandhurst is not only posh, it is extremely aristocratic.

It is where not only the less academic members of the Royal family (like Prince Harry) and aristocrats go, many royalties from around the world also attend it, especially from the Middle East.

So while you are there, not only are you going to mix with British aristocracy you are already establishing your international diplomatic career/credentials.

Well, they have been implementing policies that serve the working class. So it is not utter nonsense.
You can belong to the meritocracy and still support the working class in order to maintain the system that favors you.
History has shown that you need to provide a certain level of comfort to all in order to avoid any revolution that will make heads roll, the heads of the meritocracy.

Now I am painting a conspiracy theory.

Anyone that says the Uk is a classless society is living in denial. It has always been and will always be. In addition to all those other classes mentioned, there is also what is known as the underclass

There is also a reason why the who's who of Elite Britain keep on sending their wards to prep schools like cheam, Ludgrove,cottesmore, caldicott , Elstree etc. Then these very set then move on to schools like Harrow, Eton, Charterhouse,winchester and Gordonstoun. The network or contacts students amase at these aforementioned schools is not to be sniffed at all. And Unless you are extremely dumb, it will set you up for life.

To the individual that said we need more Grammar schools, I 100% agree. This is a clear difference in the quality of students Grammar schools produces when compared to their state counterparts. A few years back, a Very intelligent child(currently a year 2 student at LSE) of a family friend tried getting into Eton as a King's Scholar but unfortunately did not make it. He ended up going to a Grammar school instead. I remember thinking no way would Harry had gotten into Eton with their list of requirements(in addition to your Academic brillance, you also had to be musically good. The more instruments you played the better. Being gifted at a sport or another also comes in Handy) had He not been born into the Royal Family.

I asked my closest friend this question
" if you had an opportunity to do it over ,will you marry this same husband"
She loves her husband greatly and they look good together but her answer was very interesting and had some truths in it.
She said to me without thinking

" Nne you know I love CY with all my heart,that man is good to me but if I had an opportunity now to marry again and he were one of the choices,I wouldn't pick him.
I was thrown aback by that answer
She continued
I don marry am nau,never cheated on him and no plans of doing so ,we have children together and I consider myself happy but if I had another opportunity why will I remarry him ?,I will try someone else and see how that one will be
I thought that answer made great sense
She is not saying her man is bad,she would just like to sample another person for variety if there was an opportunity to stay or pick another.
Would you pick the same spouse if given the choice of him/ her and others

This is supposed to be a fun thread let your hairs down ladies girls night out
Share the stories you tell in the company of the girls

I thought this was a girls night out discussion which one be all this politics talk now abeg I get headache

I asked my closest friend this question
" if you had an opportunity to do it over ,will you marry this same husband"
She loves her husband greatly and they look good together but her answer was very interesting and had some truths in it.
She said to me without thinking

" Nne you know I love CY with all my heart,that man is good to me but if I had an opportunity now to marry again and he were one of the choices,I wouldn't pick him.
I was thrown aback by that answer
She continued
I don marry am nau,never cheated on him and no plans of doing so ,we have children together and I consider myself happy but if I had another opportunity why will I remarry him ?,I will try someone else and see how that one will be
I thought that answer made great sense
She is not saying her man is bad,she would just like to sample another person for variety if there was an opportunity to stay or pick another.
Would you pick the same spouse if given the choice of him/ her and others

This is supposed to be a fun thread let your hairs down ladies girls night out
Share the stories you tell in the company of the girls

I have always said repeatedly on NL that this was the case.

All these yeye claim of "happily married", "the only jam in my donut" etc is a pure scam.

Marriage is an institution of "Settling", "Compromise" and "Endurance" in virtually all cases.

All these stewpid claim of love pisses me off as I can see through it.

As for the friend's claim that she is "happy", BS!

She is "content". She has settled for him, will compromise to be in a marriage with him and will endure the marriage.

Just like a vast majority of married men and women.