₦airaland Forum

My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist.

After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness.

She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is.

I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception.

Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work.

I need matured and sincere advice please!

What she did was wrong.
Tell me the main crime she committed? Aside from her age.
FTC for the second time in two consecutive days.
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Booking that space for the next Abobaku
#Hehe

U dey chop age?
my guy if e dey pain u divorce am
make we hear word....

Chai dis one worse pass football age scam

Its [size=20pt]LadyF[/size] again

Op should stop crying over spilt milk and move on to try and impregnate a younger damsel....There are a lot of them these days who are ready to be baby mamas for the right price .... ask Olamide, Davido, Wizkid, etc

This is one of the few situations where Cheating is not only advisable but absolutely necessary..... A woman who can hide such a sensitive matter isn't worthy of being faithful to ..... op might as well divorce the woman and marry some younger blood if his conscience is too soft to allow him cheat


And for all those acting here all 'mature' and shitt , Being 'mature' by forgiving his wife isn't going to give him kids or undo the lie .... That marriage is irretrievably doomed because the dude will even start questioning the woman's 'Good Morning', and the woman will always feel guilty and victimized if any argument comes up in the house. ... THE PASTOR ISN'T GOING TO BE THERE WHEN ALL THE BAD BLOOD STARTS COMING OUT AFTER THE 'FORGIVENESS' ...... A WOMAN WHO CAN LIE LIKE DAT CAN EVEN KILL, AND DOESN'T DESERVE FORGIVENESS OR ANY SOFT LANDING OF ANY KIND

If girl do me dah kyn tin eh, gosh. D animal in me will resurrect frm d dead...

Listen to your pastor. As you can already see, there is a dearth of matured comments on here, and it's not going to get better with time. You'll do well to post this in the family section.

ladyF:
Chai dis one worse pass football age scam

Shuuuuu wetin do "It's LadyF again " ??

Let's hear her own side of the story before we talk our own side of the story.

Like some body once said yo for "catholic" solution

xertyy:
KILL HER

ur ineptitude is baffling, is this the most sound advice to come out of ur brain?? Kinda wonder wah kind of peeps make up this forum..

Kill ha na
As age don turn food wey u dey chop
Nonsense
No pray make God give u pikin soon

If you love her as you said stick with her.
Forgive her from the dept of your heart and show this to her so that she will be relaxed. Due to her age she doesn't need to be under any tension so she can conceive and give birth without any issue.
She is obviously a wife material and I am confident she will make a good mother too. Just make her relaxed and put the past behind.
Wish you the best

The marriage is founded on lies, deception and dissimulation and should be dissolved on the grounds of misleading and distortion of vital information that could make or mar it subsistency.

As a grown up man, a bachelor, you must have dreamt of having your own child, someone that would sustain your bloodline and not adoption. You embarked on marriage with the anticipation, expectation and delightment of having your own child, harbouring the thought of what junior and ada would look like only to realize that the to-be mother of your unborn kids played a fast one on you even as she was aware that menopause is lurking around her thereby dashing your hopes, dreams and aspirations of a father away in a twinkle of an eye. That to me is heartless, cruel and unpardonable. I'd move on if I were you.

Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist. After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness. She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is. I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception. Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work. I need matured and sincere advice please!

You need only one advice:

Have faith miracles still exist.

Get urself another woman, but if u agreed with adoption then stay with her

Woman heart is so deep and narrow, u only see what they want u 2 see or hear what they want u 2 hear, men can beat them in d game of lies.

They are master of secret keeper

I carry yansh 4 una ooo woman

F

I dey come

OP, Please overlook immature comments here. We have so much kids on nairaland who doesn't know what life entails.
A man in question love who they trust and once such trust is lost, the love will disappear or better still not be as it use to be due to the diminished trust.

OP i know it's hard to bear but just forgive her but let her know she has more work in regaining back the trust.

*modified*
nairalanders are hypocrites. Most of them above me were all insulting the OP and that was the reason for my comment above. But now the topic is on frontpage, i came back and was shocked with what i see - all badmouthing now modified to meaningful contribution just for cheap likes. Seun please remove the likes on NL let's know when people are real in their comments or just campaigning for cheap likes. SMH for u all

Dannyabu:
My Wife Lied About Her Age

Four years ago at 35, I married my wife, who I thought was 35. We both wanted children, but unfortunately, she had miscarriage in the second year and stillbirth in the third year. We began consulting a fertility specialist. After she started asking questions, my wife admitted she is actually eight years older than she had led me to believe. She's 47 years old! She's cried and cried, begging for my forgiveness. She's gone to try fertility treatments to get pregnant, but I don't want her to continue that for health reasons. I have forgiven her but as an African man; I'm NOT willing to consider the adoption option. She says, of course, that she feared I would walk away if I knew the truth, but she must have known it would come out sometime, somehow. I think I still love her, she is really a wife material, respectful, lovable and very industrious lady but I feel so betrayed! Letting a husband believe you're years younger than you are with all the implications for child-bearing, is a grotesque deception. Sometimes, I'm always wondering if some things she says are the truth. Moreover, after all the wahala and years in-between, her beauty has really waned. She now looks old! We have become butts of joke from neighbours and even strangers when they see us walking together. I look way younger than she is. I think of getting another wife, but that has not been my person. I think of divorce, but where do I start? Have I wasted 4 years of my life just like that? We still have faith that miracles do happen. Our pastor has asked me to forgive her and move on, that my ability to forgive her will make her more loyal and obedient to me. She is a naturally good person, but for this act of deception. Maybe if my wife had been honest with me from the beginning, knowing her age I would have adjusted my planning and expectations for children. But she lied. Should I prove her right in her assumption that when I found out the truth, I would walk away? Any thoughts on helping us get through this? I have given all my resources to make this marriage work. I need matured and sincere advice please!

Sorry but thats soo wrong what she did.. Be ause of her lies u might not get to have a chil within dat marriage
She kied about her age because who would marry her knowing due to her age chances of having a baby is low .. So on dat note .. U are still young dont let her tie u down
Yes age is not a number but 8 years a bit much .. She should have given u d chance to decide from d start ...

I personally would break up , if she can lie like dat omo fear her, but if u truly love her n willing to afopt den forgive her .. My opinion oh

xertyy:
KILL HER

Why?

Just try the fertility test first...if it doesn't work then both of can have a plan B...don't ever hurt the people u love....

Eleyi gidigan

That marriage should be rendered null and void. It was built on lies and was already dead on arrival. I'd sue her if I were you and claim damages. She doesn't love you, don't be deceived; she used you/took advantage of you to get married.

most women lie about their age,atmost with I or 2 years,but 8? thats too much,but u love her,thats what counts, love conquers all, if u can handle a second wife, maybe u should consider that, but let her not turn to be witch in future against ur to be new wife, but if u can also handle adoption, that could be nice too, I don't wish to be u now, because this is a very difficult situation especially if she earns more than u do, am not a prophet,but am matured, just think it through my guy

Hmmmm...where do I start from?

Thats deception at its peak. Forgive her and have kids outside. Shikena.

If the tables were turned and you were the one needing forgiveness and a listening ear, would you ask these questions? You r not the first man with an older wife in Africa! Don't subject your wife to mockery for nothing. Be kind!

Please in this situation, childbearing could b risky, adoption remains d option. Some biological kids turned out to murder their parents, while some adopted became d cornerstone of the parents. I wish you all d best in your decision.

I feel ur pains,but how beautiful was she when you married her ,wasnt she aging.well age is just a number,forgive her and Forge ahead.put it in prayer.

Why has people refused to see the real life here?

This marriage was built on lies from the onset. And nothing built on lies can last.

How could she?

Pastor or no pastor, oga abeg find one pino pino sharp bae and knack her better belle.

If ur wife can lie to u all these while, then she should be ready to live with the consequences of her actions.


8yrs no be 8hrs bro, abi she no reason am say she gats bear kids for u?