₦airaland Forum

Counsellors in the house please what can you say about this?
My girl who is about to round up her university education (same level with me) is pressurising me that we should get married (that its better if that can be done before leaving for the NYSC.
Although she is a nice girl, I am not ready to marry for now as I am still not stable financially, besides she is too desperate (because she is scared of loosing me) thus, I had to tell her that she should not wait for, if she sees someone to marry her, she should proceed.

My worry now is that she introduced me to her Aunty 2years ago as her friend. Recently, her Aunty has some financial challenges and the offered an assistant to her but she said I was the one that gave her the money to give her Aunty. She did not inform me about it until she had given the Aunty the money.
Although I have my immediate financial challenges, I promise to refund the money to her.

My quesions are:
Should I rebuke her for not telling me before doing what she did?
What is she trying to make out of her actions?

Please I need more advice on what to do about it.
(matured advice only even as I know my fellow NLers will insult and abuse me aswell, I still need to share my worries)
Thanks

Try pay when u have the means promise must be redeem or less u are a politician or trying to b . That shows hw u value her too

Op, you are not married to her so it's not your responsibility to meet her family's needs.

What I don't understand is why she gave her aunt money expecting you to refund her. The decision to refund her or not is yours. However, make it clear that you will not be refunding her when she decides to help people.

Her action tells me that she is money minded....she's turning you to her money bag.

Be wise

my friend, from your story is seems that you didn't love the girl from your comment " if you see any man that will marry her that she should go ahead" what's this suppose to mean, an introductions to your parent could have been a first thing in your mind and also to her parent

women is like "mtn pay as you go" even though you have small money you have to start from some where and start paying. I don't be spending on her. Am sure you understand my lyrics here

Its always normsal for men to wana settle way later dan ladies. Bt u sound as though u dnt love her at all, coz here u r telling her to settle wit another guy shud she meet one. U sound as if u think dat u r better dan any other guy she is capable of getting.let her go. Dump her and continue being selfish.just dnt come back crying wen karma plays a game on u n u keep getting whores who only hurt u, and she is somewhere happly married to a guy who values her

I know how a woman's pressure for marriage is. That is why you told her to go ahead and marry anyone who comes asking. But dont push her away. You are still young and unprepared to be rushed into marriage.

And for the money, how much is it ? Tell her you wont take responsibilty for any money spent outside your consent going forward.

400billionman:
I know how a woman's pressure for marriage is. That is why you told her to go ahead and marry anyone who comes asking. But dont push her away. You are still young and unprepared to be rushed into marriage.

And for the money, how much is it ? Tell her you wont take responsibilty for any money spent outside your consent going forward.

You really get my points bro. There is a difference between being ripe for marriage and being ready for marriage, I luv her no doubt but am not ready to settle down because I still have some things to cover up before being responsible to a family of my own. The pressure from her is much and because I luv her, I can't breakup with her. Its just I think the money issue is draw me closer to her family members. Not really about refunding the money is my problem but am thinking if she will continue doing that to build a bond between me and her family members. Because if the pressure persists, I won't hesitate to breakup with her so that I can fix my life the way I want it to be before settling down.

NinaNigeria:
Its always normsal for men to wana settle way later dan ladies. Bt u sound as though u dnt love her at all, coz here u r telling her to settle wit another guy shud she meet one. U sound as if u think dat u r better dan any other guy she is capable of getting.let her go. Dump her and continue being selfish.just dnt come back crying wen karma plays a game on u n u keep getting whores who only hurt u, and she is somewhere happly married to a guy who values her

The thing is some af us don't know how to sweet talk. That he doesn't sound as if he loves her doesn't mean he doesn't.

she wants to get married,u dont.
break up with her so she can be on her way.
why is that so hard to do?

A relationship that will work out will do no matter the pressure, temperature, strain and stress.... only time will tell, so bro be patient with her and help her handle the pressure...

Sabrwahaqqo:
The thing is some af us don't know how to sweet talk. That he doesn't sound as if he loves her doesn't mean he doesn't.

Honey please tell me how can someone who claims to love you, can tell you to move on should you find someone who wants to settle with you? If I value you, why would I find it so easy to hand you over to someone else?

NinaNigeria:
Honey please tell me how can someone who claims to love you, can tell you to move on should you find someone who wants to settle with you? If I value you, why would I find it so easy to hand you over to someone else?

You're right . Mind you we're dealing with a reported speech here . Wherein the publisher af this report might not have painted the picture af the happenings very well. That was my point when I said 'that he sounds like he doesn't love her doesn't mean he doesn't' . U understand now? .... Good!

Now, to answer your question fully

You're not too right cos might just be that events have made me realize that you dont value what we share. In that case , I can decide to swallow the bitter pill and give my love wings! instead af wasting my time trying to put back the pieces af a broken mirror !

Sabrwahaqqo:
You're right . Mind you we're dealing with a reported speech here . Wherein the publisher af this report might not have painted the picture af the happenings very well. That was my point when I said 'that he sounds like he doesn't love her doesn't mean he doesn't' . U understand now? .... Good!

Now, to answer your question fully

You're not too right cos might just be that events have made me realize that you dont value what we share. In that case , I can decide to swallow the bitter pill and give my love wings! instead af wasting my time trying to put back the pieces af a broken mirror !

sweetheart how can the lady in question not value what they have, as she is the one insisting that they get married?

NinaNigeria:
sweetheart how can the lady in question not value what they have, as she is the one insisting that they get married?

When u dont respect the opinion of your partner, it amounts to that.

I feel op. was just curt and straight to the point with his account on this issue. The talks before this conclusion finally cropped up would have been enormous and deep. Op here doesnt seem like he is not anymore interested in the lady I repeat, its that He is bent on attaining a particular standard with his life before hitting the altar . He is like if you cant respect my opinion and see the light in my decision, then am sorry I cant go into marriage and start breeding children into 'poverty'.

Sabrwahaqqo:
When u dont respect the opinion of your partner, it amounts to that.

I feel op. was just curt and straight to the point with his account on this issue. The talks before this conclusion finally cropped up would have been enormous and deep. Op here doesnt seem like he is not anymore interested in the lady I repeat, its that He is bent on attaining a particular standard with his life before hitting the altar . He is like if you cant respect my opinion and see the light in my decision, then am sorry I cant go into marriage and start breeding children into 'poverty'.

Thanks bro. That is my point, while she is pressurising me, she believes that she can cope with any situation dat we find ourselves. I believe that there are things I shud do before I marry. Imagine someone telling u dat its better to marry before going for NYSC (March, 2016) when am not planning of building my life. Now she drawing the attention of her relatives towards me by giving them gift and telling themthat it comes from me, and that's why I created this thread. Am confused, cos am not ready to marry now neither am I hoping of breaking up with her (but I think this is d best option). IMO