₦airaland Forum

Krystalxxx:
Abi oh, see all these people talking without thinking of the woman. It's her honeymoon and marriage for God's sake! Didn't the mother enjoy her own? Why must she stake her claims at the time she knows the couple ought to be enjoying their lives together. If she was truly kind and unselfish, what stops her from demanding money from her son and taking herself to a hospital? That's how all these old folks are, they like to make themselves liabilities to their children , sake of say, I trained you up to this point. Go abroad, old people even prefer to stay in an old people's home than to cause burden to their children in their happy times. It's only in naija that parents love acting like this . I have a mother and I intend to keep her well fed and healthy but I know my mother wouldn't deliberately ruin a honeymoon, the one and only honeymoon for her daughter in law just because of a childish selfish urge to take her son back.

Believe me, my own mom has suffered a lot from my dad's mom, there is nothing she didn't do to please the woman but grandma wanted by all means a woman that will be her absolute puppet and so she keeps trying to destroy my parents union. All my dad's brothers, she disrupted their marriages, saying they're her sons and she's lonely and nobody can take them from her. Even the one abroad, she put a spell on him, he came back to Nigeria , to the airport without shoes and dressed anyhow, it was after a while that he found out he was living with mommy and had abandoned his actual white wife. So pls nobody should form anything, we know such women , selfish wicked women that don't want the women to taste the honey in their marriage, when we see them.

Hmmmmm

kaboninc:
Hmmmmm

hi kaboninc

MrsDoctor:
I was friend with my mother in-law until I and my husband got married. My husband lost his father when he was 5 years old, it has been the mom that takes care of him and the other sibling since then. It all started when she insisted on moving close to where her son lived and my husband couldn't say a thing cause she has always been in charge. We got married and she kept calling to complain about body ache and all that. My husband canceled our honey moon just to make his mom happy, when i complained, he said all matter of things to me, saying i hate his mom and i am a bad person. We flew back home to uyo and found her in our home, cooking and roaming about in her night gown. I wasn't shocked but i was heartbroken and devastated, she gave me a very bad look and later went to her house that night. I call and visit her sometimes but she lies to my husband that i never called or visit her. I couldn't believe my husband believed her over me, all he will say is “you hate my mother and you don't want to see my people”. When i try to be close to my mother in-law again, she would call my husband and tell him a different thing. I am keeping my distance so that she can have her son and not destroy me more than she already have. I am beginning to believe the story about all this evil mother in-law. Does it mean i am into such marriage myself? I have uncles and my grandmother never behaved unruly to their wives, why is mine different, why cant i ever find love. I am shattered help me!

This is the continuation of my story please read
https://www.nairaland.com/2630071/kind-mother-inlaw-2

Krystalxxx:
hi kaboninc

Hi Crystal

How are you today?

kaboninc:
Hi Crystal
How are you today?

just ok n u

MarvellousGod:
Forget about the call she put through during your honeymoon, could be she was really ill..Don't judge with the fact that she could go to d market, just let that go please... you've the rest of your lives to stay together and 'honeymoons' would be countless. ..

Your husband is the only one that can call his mum to order, trying that yourself would bring resentments or disagreements as the woman will take it as a challenge. . Just talk to your husband and he in turn will talk to his mum...Don't expect his mum to be totally out of his life though, he just needs to set some boundaries, he has his own family now, he should be in charge of his home and not his mum...

Then, on your own side, make sure you treat the woman right, she deserves it.... Calling her evil doesn't make sense, even tells alot about you and how you treat her.. Remember she brought the love of your life into this world..

Read on
https://www.nairaland.com/2630071/kind-mother-inlaw-2

Krystalxxx:
just ok n u

Doing great too...

Trying to write some poems

kaboninc:
Doing great too...
Trying to write some poems

That's good, that's creative

Kabonic and krystal do you two have to flirt here
How juvenile smh

Miami11:
Kabonic and krystal do you two have to flirt here
How juvenile smh

Please please and please, don't you start with me on here, someone said hi, I replied, we did normal greetings and passed and you are talking about flirting. Just mind yourself, I am not flirting with anybody here, ok?

Also do us a favour, comment or simply face the topic at hand. At least I've made my contributions

Hahahaha ... I dodged a bullet like this a few years ago.
Its like I needed to take permission from her before I breathe. Dumped his behind ASAP!

Gbam

EOD!


THIS IS THE ANSWER. THREAD CLOSED!

Enoquin:
Sweerie, your MIL aint evil. She is just behaving like most old women do. They crave attention. When you came abruptly back from your honeymoon and met her in the kitchen, did you go to her and ask gently how she was feeling? Or even be pleasantly surprise by her presence?

The best way to handle these kind of women, allow any annoying thing they say pass over your head and try to always remain cheerful in their presence. Turn any jabs to a self mockery in a light hearted way and then change the subject.

For example:
Mama: You don't visit me, my son used to visit me more before he married you.

You: Mama! (Chuckle) Am I not visiting you now? You know your son is now taking care of two women...mama, what have you eaten? OR mama, let me check the kitchen... OR mama, how is your body

It is emotional intelligence and it is the way most men handle their women. So, treat her complaints like you would want your husband to treat yours.

get evidences of visits. take pix, video, voice recording without Ur mother in law's knowledge. gather at least 5 different times before you tender it in an argument. pix should be more, remember to put off Ur flash, she could see u as a spy or something and take offense. be nice and real. no pretense whatsoever.

bellong:
Why is it that only the females always have issues with mother-in-law?

They keep complaining of mother-in-law when they will become one someday.

Yes, there are bad people but most times it boil down to individual's reactions and perceptions of the in-laws. Even the devil can be cohabited with in peace if you understand his weak spots.

The effort and energy most of you females expend in fighting or keeping grudges with mother-in-laws are enough to win them to your side completely if directed positively.

Search yourself first before complaining about mother-in-law.

I wish it were that simple

Most MILs would never treat their daughters or their daughters' husbands How they treat their DILs

The MILs know What they are doing .

bukatyne:
I wish it were that simple

Most MILs would never treat their daughters or their daughters' husbands How they treat their DILs

The MILs know What they are doing .

The MILs were once young wives who complained about their MILs. It is a vicious cycle restricted to the females.

Yes, it is not that simple but it is the basic to be done. Many female prior to meeting their MIL already formed a negative/evil opinion about her. I know many cases where the wives are actually the bad ones but they painted their MILs as evil to people who have no idea of the settings.

The wives who hate MILs for no reason also know what they are doing.

You know your MIL is evil, yet you went ahead to marry her son, you should blame yourself for your bad decision.

bellong:
1. The MILs were once young wives who complained about their MILs. It is a vicious cycle restricted to the females.

2. Yes, it is not that simple but it is the basic to be done. Many female prior to meeting their MIL already formed a negative/evil opinion about her. I know many cases where the wives are actually the bad ones but they painted their MILs as evil to people who have no idea of the settings.

3. The wives who hate MILs for no reason also know what they are doing.

4. You know your MIL is evil, yet you went ahead to marry her son, you should blame yourself for your bad decision.

1. Yes, and the cycle will continue as long as women keep staying in bitter marriages because of their children and in-laws do not know their boundary in their son's home. I still maintain that the magically know How to comport themselves when they get to their daughter's home.

2. Yes, we have some wives prepared for war before marriage; we have some terrible wives after marriage. That doesn't negate bad MILs

3. True

4. A lot of men would not be married

Niyeal:
Pray very well. She wil do herself. You self behave like Ruth in the bible.

Behave like Ruth in the Bible?
The fvck does that even mean?

Venom104:
Hope you aren't one of those 'me and my husband' type of wife. Its kindah strange that straight on your honeymoon your husband already feels you hate his mother and that you are bad person, as they say, there is no smoke without fire. Check yourself

Be compassionate and understand the woman, don't see her are as just your MIL but as a second mum, treat her as you would yours. Surely if your husband is a rational man, he will see your efforts and believe you.

The bond between sons and mothers is quite strong especially one without the father in the picture. Help foster that bond and include yourself in it instead of trying to make him believe you over her.

No normal mother will recall his son home, from the honeymoon.
Most mothers would not bother, even if they arr dying. They would want the new couple to enjoy their first few days together.

The bond in this case is weird, I have seen mothers whose husbands passed away and single handedly raised their son from when they were just few months old, yet they knew when they had to let go.

Look at the way they are complaining as if they won't do worse when they become MILs as well.

LadyFiona:
I think you believed the evil mother in law stories before even getting married. You portrayed the attitude or showed an intent towards that for your husband to make that comments on your honeymoon.
From your complaints, I honestly do not see anything wrong from what the mother in law did except she is trying to help out, but your already biased mind won't see the good deeds in her actions.

How do you define evil eye? Remember that actions and reactions are always equal and opposite. You don't show disrespect to an elder and expect love in return.
Allow the mother in law sometime to realise that her son is married and well taken care of for her to back out. If you keep on exchanging evil eye, Mum will win because it seems son is more attached to her than the obvious emotional bond that binds you both.

Dude. You clearly have a problem with comprehension.

DollyParton1:
Dude. You clearly have a problem with comprehension.

I see what I wanted to see and write whatever I want. Deal with it, DUDE

MrsDoctor:
This is the best thing to do most of the time is, they don't see you, they don't see what you have don't wrong. My friend had an experience similar to yours, the inlaws left all the plates for just her to wash, she washed till outsiders thought she was a servant. it was that bad.

I find this very funny, even if it isn't. Please where was the husband in all of this? I don't blame the in-laws, it is the husband I blame, as he has allowed them to turn his beloved wife to a slave.

bellong:
Why is it that only the females always have issues with mother-in-law?

They keep complaining of mother-in-law when they will become one someday.

Yes, there are bad people but most times it boil down to individual's reactions and perceptions of the in-laws. Even the devil can be cohabited with in peace if you understand his weak spots.

The effort and energy most of you females expend in fighting or keeping grudges with mother-in-laws are enough to win them to your side completely if directed positively.

Search yourself first before complaining about mother-in-law.

The thing is: women have this huge territorial power in them. They want to be in control of things and anyone who invades their territory will have them to battle with.

ferhyntorlah:
The thing is: women have this huge territorial power in them. They want to be in control of things and anyone who invades their territory will have them to battle with.

Oh.. Alright. It means the battle can never end.

you are growing too. now you are seeing how challenging being a mother could be. mama is natural too. you need to learn to live with the situation.
help your husband to increase his care for mama. help him to plan minimum pocket money he should be giving mama without scolding him if he gives more.
schedule join visit with your husband. dont go there alone. dont be upset if ur husband frequent his visit. spend wkend with mama and treat as your mum and not mother in law.
pray for God intervention so that u can be more accomodating, and that mama should be more understanding.
be patient. the situation will change for better when her daughter also get married.
wishing u happy married life

DollyParton1:
No normal mother will recall his son home, from the honeymoon.
Most mothers would not bother, even if they arr dying. They would want the new couple to enjoy their first few days together.

The bond in this case is weird, I have seen mothers whose husbands passed away and single handedly raised their son from when they were just few months old, yet they knew when they had to let go.

Well, this thread has made it more apparent to me the animosity most wives/to-be wives have towards their MIL. You failed to pick up on the subtle clues that this DIL has her own issues, isn't it strange that smack on their honeymoon the husband already thinks she hates his mom and a wicked person? and she said they were friends before the marriage.

I dont see how the MIL seems over attached to her son and wont let go from what the op wrote. The OP was more concerned about her honeymoon than the well being of her MIL, would she if it was her own Mum?.

Venom104:
Well, this thread has made it more apparent to me the animosity most wives/to-be wives have towards their MIL. You failed to pick up on the subtle clues that this DIL has her own issues, isn't it strange that smack on their honeymoon the husband already thinks she hates his mom and a wicked person? and she said they were friends before the marriage.

I dont see how the MIL seems over attached to her son and wont let go from what the op wrote. The OP was more concerned about her honeymoon than the well being of her MIL, would she if it was her own Mum?.

Did u miss the part where they came back from the honeymoon and met the MIL cooking up storm.
Someone who is that that sick to the extent of recalling people home from honeymoon should not be at home but in the hospital, but if they are at home, they should be in bed.
It is called being considerate. Normal parents don't bug their children on honeymoon if they are sick. They look for someone else to take care of them.

Before you judge and castigate, listen to both sides of the story.
I live with my MiL and many times I have wronged her and so has she too. Sometimes when she tells me my offence( most times she doesnt, she just gives me bad eye) I will be so surprised cos I may not even be aware of it as being offensive. I apologise when necessary and I give my reasons for my actions when necessary.
How are we sure that you are not the one to blame? Afterall all we hear is your side of the story.

DollyParton1:
Did u miss the part where they came back from the honeymoon and met the MIL cooking up storm.
Someone who is that that sick to the extent of recalling people home from honeymoon should not be at home but in the hospital, but if they are at home, they should be in bed.
It is called being considerate. Normal parents don't bug their children on honeymoon if they are sick. They look for someone else to take care of them.

Don't mind that Venom104 of a guy.
The motherinLaw doesn't have other relatives, it's only the ones that went on honeymoon that were fit to come treat her illness mtcheww

As a girlfriend - no respect , no boundaries , no exceptions or respect.

As a best friend : no respect , no boundaries , no exceptions or respect

Side chick : Same

Sacrificial lamb : Same

WIFE : Still the same dar.n thing and even worse. Here you get to be his mom's puppet and just as he has never protected you or listened to you before, you get the same treatment full time. And worse, hehe. His mom treating you bad is all your fault for her not liking you and your bad choice' of marrying him is still your fault.

zaynie:
Before you judge and castigate, listen to both sides of the story.
I live with my MiL and many times I have wronged her and so has she too. Sometimes when she tells me my offence( most times she doesnt, she just gives me bad eye) I will be so surprised cos I may not even be aware of it as being offensive. I apologise when necessary and I give my reasons for my actions when necessary.
How are we sure that you are not the one to blame? Afterall all we hear is your side of the story.

These folks here don't like MILs.. Their prejudice has clouded their ability to be rational.

yougosee:
Don't mind that Venom104 of a guy.
The motherinLaw doesn't have other relatives, it's only the ones that went on honeymoon that were fit to come treat her illness mtcheww

Do you have a monster in law of your own? You don't have to agree with me anyway.. Just sharing my own opinion