₦airaland Forum

pickabeau1:
Explain what u mean by insanely silly

No need to, I am sure you have already seen people who behave insanely silly.

Tallesty1:
A lot of them brother, the problem is most times from us.

We lack the qualities of a good leader.

Every woman stepping into the home of her husband comes in with some fear and good measure of respect. But the trash them quickly because the men act below the expectations.

A good leader is first of a all a servant.

Once you see yourself reminding your wife every ten minutes that you are the head of the home then you have completely failed already.

To lead a woman, you should first of all assure her in your doings that your are the leader but yet she's an equal partner.

When she's bout to do something you can say "hold it there" and explain to her the risks involved in what she's about to do and provide a better alternative. If you are gentle, she will listen to you.

Call her in, table what you plan to do before her and seek her opinion, she will definitely have something to add, combine them with yours and do it.

If it works, thank her mightily for her contribution and if it fails, don't let feel her feel like she's the one that ruined it.

It takes gradual process to build.

When she comes to you with a plan, suggest a better alternative if you have and is sure that it is better otherwise tell her that she should go ahead that you trust her judgements.

Those little things means a lot to them and a woman would hardly let go of a man she can rely on.

Waoh! You write with so much wisdom, tallesty1. Where have you been?

Mindfulness:
No need to, I am sure you have already seen people who behave insanely silly.

ok

Kimoni:
Waoh! You write with so much wisdom, tallesty1. Where have you been?

Thanks, I am learning.



I have been around oo, just busy working on my blog.

Aitee1:
So lala na Igbo

Noted!

lol... for future reference abi?

Qualer:
lol... for future reference abi?

Don't know what you're talking about oh

Aitee1:
Don't know what you're talking about oh

mmmhhhh, i dey come!

Qualer:
mmmhhhh, i dey come!

Fast abeg

Aitee1:
Fast abeg

touch me in the right place to make it fast

NashvilleTN:
Good topic,

I think some men need to understand the difference between leadership and being the boss. In fact, leadership is not the same with being the boss. Leadership is about service and being able to give direction.

As the leader in the home, you do not have to make all the decisions, in fact, a good leader should delegate some stuff and focus on the bigger issues. A good leader is also about communication - effective communication skills are very key in marriage. Most of the time, the way people respond to a message is dependent on how the message if sent. How you speak to your wife goes along way in determining how she responds to you. Now I am not saying you should beg and cajole your wife all the time, what I am saying is speak to her as a fellow mature person and with dignity.

Now on the issue of wives respecting their Pastor more than their husband - I will say a wife should respect her Pastor but her husband is still the head of the home and not any Pastor. By respect, I want to assume you mean the wife listens more to the advice of her pastor than her husband's advice. Only a foolish wife will place her pastor above her husband. I don't blame husbands for that, I actually blame the gullible wives and some scammers in the name of Pastor. No Pastor should get in between a husband and wife - it is wrong. If your wife is more spiritual than you, it is not a sin, spiritually does not necessarily give you leadership skills. They are completely different.

And as a leader you need to be firm sometime. Sometimes you may even take an unpopular decision that your wife and even kids may not like; as long as you have a good reason for doing it and you explain to them.

all ur wailings happens only in Nigeria. When u go outside the country its another issue entirely

So, Tallesty1, atheists should forget about respe t from their Christian and spiritual wives? The pastor is more deserving of that respect since he's more of a
spiritual leader?

Hi Tallesty,

I'm going to have to call you out on this one - it's somewhere between deeply flawed and utter tosh !

All you've done is blame men for womens behaviour . Helping no one, and at best and ascribing women with reduced responsibility, that is, you've infantalised them.

I wouldn't have been so concerned, but you are stressing the spiritual - Christian - element. The bible is clear, that a husbands failings do not give the wife recourse to disobedience or otherwise being antagonistic.

And although leaders serve, they are not servants in the sense that that is the whole of their remit. Another classic error knowingly or unknowingly promulgated by many which is coloured by feminism - in and out of church sadly.

There's more to debunk in your post, but I'll stop there. Happy to provide more depth on any of the points.


Consulting pastor over and above, or and without your husbands leave, is rebelliousness. Any pastor that tries that with me better lace up
What would my wife even be thinking?

TV

Tallesty1:
So I created this thread about The Married Women That Respect Their Spiritual Leaders More Than Their Husbands and many of us didn't waste time to type down our frustrations.

Well, it is good because the women won't know how we feel about the ish if we don't speak out the way we did but have we taken out time to find out why it is so?


Well I tried, and I traced the fault back to us.

So I called us here to look for solution on how to end the virus before it eats too deep into our marriages.

#My_Opinion.


As a man, you are the head of your home.

Being the head of your home also means you're the leader.

And your responsibilities goes far beyond providing food and shelter for your wife and kids, giving her money and getting her pregnant etc.

Leadership means responsibility of service to others – the people who follow you. A good leader is also a servant.

That been said............

The problems facing many families today is the lack of leadership by the husband. (Quote me anywhere) we can blame the wife all we want but the problem is somehow our fault.

We all know that women are emotional creatures and they love attention, they love to be listened to and this is where most of us fall hand.

We are just too negligent of our responsiblity and thus we sell our worth and respect out.

Do You Know Why Your Wife Respects Her Spiritual Leader More Than You?

I Will Tell You...........

1: You are not leading her spiritually. Leading our wives spiritually is an important area where we fall hand greatly. It is a man's responsibility to disciple his wife and serve in her sanctification. Women are more spiritual than men and they don't joke with religion. So if you are not doing anything to lead in this area, you need a plan towards leading, otherwise your pastor will take over.

Lead her spiritually, pray with your wife. It’s tragic how many husbands never do. Rise early and call out to God for your own growth and then for wisdom in how to serve your wife in her growth.

2. You Don't Listen To Her, Talk To Her Or Encourage her When Necessary. Women love to be listened to and talked to especially when they are down emotionally. Pastors are aware of this so they always present themselves as those who are always ready to listen and advice.

Do you know who she called/ran to that morning she asked for few minutes of your time and your said later? That night you came home and went to bed straight without touching her food, saying a word to her or asking her how she spent her day? That day you slapped stars out her eyes? That day she was sick and you couldn't call from office/shop to check on her? That day she was emotionally down but you were busy with work and didn't even notice? And other times you messed up?.

Obviously her Pastor or Church member, and they listened to her, prayed for her and assured her that all will be fine.

So who should she respect more?

If you want to enjoy all the respect of your woman alone then you must be her leader in all ramifications.

Fortune is a woman; if you neglect her today do not expect to regain her tomorrow.

I am Out.

Tallesty1:
If you don't lead her spiritually then you ain't getting all her respect, unless she's an atheist.

Then she's a foolish woman who's carrying a bible she knows nothing about asides the fact she has poor decision-making skills. Doesn't the bible she's carrying tell her to submit to her husband, or deal with neighbours according to wisdom? h
How is carrying her husband's respect and giving it to the pastor any sign of wisdom or virtue or even spirituality gan self?

TV01:
Hi Tallesty,

I'm going to have to call you out on this one - it's somewhere between deeply flawed and utter tosh !

All you've done is blame men for womens behaviour . Helping no one, and at best and ascribing women with reduced responsibility, that is, you've infantalised them.

I wouldn't have been so concerned, but you are stressing the spiritual - Christian - element. The bible is clear, that a husbands failings do not give the wife recourse to disobedience or otherwise being antagonistic.

And although leaders serve, they are not servants in the sense that that is the whole of their remit. Another classic error knowingly or unknowingly promulgated by many which is coloured by feminist - in and out of church sadly.

There's more to debunk in your post, but I'll stop there. Happy to provide more depth on any of the points.


Consulting pastor over and above, or and without your husbands leave, is rebelliousness. Any pastor that tries that with me better lace up
What would my wife even be thinking?

TV

TV, If the OP has blamed husbands for their wifes' behavior, it's because a lot of responsibility, expectations and accountability comes with leadership. The man clearly has to lead aright. But in all, OP has been very detailed in explaining his reasons.

Now compare to this thread-

https://www.nairaland.com/2661461/tips-saving-drowning-marriage-woman

TV01:
Hi Tallesty,

I'm going to have to call you out on this one - it's somewhere between deeply flawed and utter tosh !

All you've done is blame men for womens behaviour . Helping no one, and at best and ascribing women with reduced responsibility, that is, you've infantalised them.

I wouldn't have been so concerned, but you are stressing the spiritual - Christian - element. The bible is clear, that a husbands failings do not give the wife recourse to disobedience or otherwise being antagonistic.

And although leaders serve, they are not servants in the sense that that is the whole of their remit. Another classic error knowingly or unknowingly promulgated by many which is coloured by feminist - in and out of church sadly.

There's more to debunk in your post, but I'll stop there. Happy to provide more depth on any of the points.


Consulting pastor over and above, or and without your husbands leave, is rebelliousness. Any pastor that tries that with me better lace up
What would my wife even be thinking?

TV

I think You will understand me better after you go through the thread that compelled me this one.

Timbuktou:
So, Tallesty1, atheists should forget about respe t from their Christian and spiritual wives? The pastor is more deserving of that respect since he's more of a
spiritual leader?

Bro, the comments on my first thread, The Married Women That Respect Their Spiritual Leaders More Than Their Husbands, if your wife is an atheist then.....


You get?


The post is not bout respect in totality, it is just the little ones your pastor is taking from your wife

Timbuktou:
Then she's a woman who's carrying a bible she knows nothing about asides the fact she has poor decision-making skills. Doesn't the bible she's carrying tell her to submit to her husband, or deal with neighbours according to wisdom? h
How is carrying her husband's respect and giving it to the pastor any sign of wisdom or virtue or even spirituality gan self?

Most Christians are like that@Emboldened.........

Kimoni:
TV, If the OP has blamed husbands for their wifes' behavior, it's because a lot of responsibility, expectations and accountability comes with leadership. The man clearly has to lead aright. But in all, OP has been very detailed in explaining his reasons.

So, if a man does not lead perfectly, or as his wife deems "perfect", she has leave to misbehave? The thread infantilises women and paints them as lacking agency or a sense or responsibility outside being well led. It is flawed - or fine if you think women are akin to children !

It's also the same toxic feminist inspired reading of scripture that justifies wifely rebellion and even divorce if "the husband is not leading correctly/perfectly" - all decided on by the wife (possibly in conjunction with rogue pastor)

1 Peter 3:1 KJV - Likewise, you wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conduct of the wives;

Kimoni:
Now compare to this thread- https://www.nairaland.com/2661461/tips-saving-drowning-marriage-woman

I may not agree with some of the detail here, but in terms of telling wives to take responsibility and "own" the success of their unions, it's spot on.


TV

Tallesty1:
I think You will understand me better after you go through the thread that compelled me this one.

I did and I don't - your premise here is flawed.


TV

TV01:
I did and I don't - your premise here is flawed.


TV

Ok

Tallesty1:
Most Christians are like that@Emboldened.........

And that's an indictment on the wife, not the husband. You want to blame the husband for a "spiritual" wife who doesn't even know the teachings of the religion she espouses? Bros, let's call a spade a spade. A woman who knows her bible will not respect her pastor above her husband or give any part of hrr husband's respect to the pastor. You have failed to prove how a lack of "spiritual" leadership on the part of the husband excuses foolish behaviour from the wife.

Timbuktou:
And that's an indictment on the wife, not the husband. You want to blame the husband for a "spiritual" wife who doesn't even know the teachings of the religion she espouses? Bros, let's call a spade a spade. A woman who knows her bible will not respect her pastor above her husband or give any part of hrr husband's respect to the pastor. You have failed to prove how a lack of "spiritual" leadership on the part of the husband excuses foolish behaviour from the wife.

Ok